Uews:Chia bas the 14th letter of the Eglish alphabet
Friday, March 2, 2018
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BEIJIG, Chia -- I a upleasatly surprisig move, Chiese presidet Xi Jipig has aouced that he is baig the 14th letter of the Eglish alphabet, the oe betwee "M" ad "O". Whe asked why i the livig hell ayoe would do such a asiie ad beyod uitelliget thig, Jipig gave us this statemet i respose:“This is Chia. I’m Presidet. I ca do whatever I wat ad there’s othig you ca do about it. If you do’t like it, the I suggest you move your scrawy ass to Hog Kog.”
— Xi Jipig, Presidet of Chia
This omissio from the Eglish laguage will appear odd ad uitelligible goig forward. The popular ad legedary video game system will ow be kow i Chia as Itedo. PS will ow be kow as the PlayStatio, which is't as bad as I iitially imagied. Curiously, PlayStatio's paret compay will ow be kow by the much healthier ame of Soy, which is ot too iroic sice Soy is a Japaese compay istead of a Chiese oe. It's eve worse for Paasoic. The Japaese aimatio gere will ow be kow as Aime, which looks like the ame Amy.
Speakig of ames, Jipig's ame cotais the forbidde letter. If that were't iexplicable eough, Jipig has also baed A.A. Mile's popular character (who has sice bee appropriated by Disey) Wiie the Pooh, because he bears (o pu iteded) a strikig resemblace to the Chiese tyrat.
We at Uews (I fuckig hate that ame) will keep you updated o this maiacal headlie as more ifomatio develops.
- Ew York Times "Chia's Cesors Ba Wiie the Pooh ad the Letter "_" After Xi's Power Grab" MS, February 28, 2018
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