User talk:ChiefjusticeDS/Archive 5

RAAAAAAAAPE

Sorry, you just left yourself wide open for it. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 00:55, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Congrats!

On your nice clean page that no-one has messed up by adding any SCROTUM random garbage. Nominally Humane! some time 01:01, 4/03/2010

Got beaten to it... dang! Nominally Humane! some time 01:01, 4/03/2010

Local

Alright! Alright! VFH judges ARE cool too!

This is an article with the most fucked up attitude. And REAL. Its so fucked up that (I think it's funny). The bad attitude IS the joke. Anyway...Pee away, I can take it. Did you see my Uncyclopedia Expose on UnNews today? Anyone who passes the Uncyclopedia Success Initiation hazing, they laugh at Army Ranger Special Forces for being wimps! Cheers--Funnybony 11:59, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

On another note, would you like me to block the guy who reserved the review but did not bother to do it, or are you happy to just give him a very stern talking to Chief? I thought you had to review it straight away, or not at all these days. Holding it for 24-48 hours is not on anyway let alone not actually then doing it. Up to you though Chief. MrN 12:04, Mar 4

I think a stern talking to will do, he has been blocked before for being unreliable and this is the first time since then. I know it is frustrating to be kept waiting for a review, but equally I know that things can come up; that doesn't excuse not doing the review but I think should mean that we put him on his very last warning before a longer ban than last time. I'm probably being a bit lenient, but I think some well chosen words may reach him better than a clout with the banstick. Cheers for giving me the option though, I appreciate it. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:33, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Cool. I do think we need to be strict with the "do in now or don't book it" thing. Really the "booking" thing is just to stop an edit conflict where someone else might be doing it at exactly the same time, and ending up with two reviews on the one article is probably not as good as if the reviewer had done a different article which had not been reviewed yet. Obviously it's fine for people to review an article twice, but that's kinda more the reason we allow people to reserve reviews. It's not so that they can prevent others getting their first. It's all good though, up to you. Make em STERN WORDS! MrN 12:39, Mar 4

Hi Chief! Much thanks for the wise guidance. I think I got it now. Would you mind to take a quick look at my post-pee editing of Local - It would be very helpful. Thanks and cheers!--Funnybony    20:47, Mar 4

Hi Funnybony, sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. I think you have made some excellent additions to the article and that the new tone works pretty well. I would just recommend that you carefully read through once more and make sure that the tone is without error, there were a couple of questionable moments from what I could see. Other than that I was pretty pleased with the slower pace especially in the intro, though you do speed up a bit later on, however this is still a pretty minor problem, good work on the improvements, just a couple of rough edges to sort and you will be done. Hope this helps. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:26, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Hello

Please dont delete my work thank you. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Ironic Youth (talk • contribs)

Hi, I'm not deleting your work, all I did was reverse an edit which removed practically everything from an article. Please use the edit summary to explain what you are doing so that similar things do not happen in future. I apologise for deleting edits that were made in good faith, just make sure you explain what you are doing if you remove a lot of text from an article and add very little. Also, sign your posts on talk pages with four tildes, like this: ~~~~. --ChiefjusticeDS 13:54, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Ok thankyou and sorry, that rant was more out of frustration as I had not saved it on word and a edit conflict arose. And with the edit summary I did not know they were watched, thanks for pointing that out --Ironic Youth 13:59, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

No problem, good luck with the article. --ChiefjusticeDS 14:00, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Dylan Thomas

Thanks for the Pee Review. Because the basic structure and thrust of this article isn't mine, I was a bit reluctant in removing stuff (like the fledgling joke) so that was trying to maintain the spirit of the original author and extend it. However I will now consider the changes you have suggested. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:58, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Glad to help. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:40, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review/Mortal Sin

I notice on Cajek's list you said "I suppose so" when reviewing my latest pee. I'll admit it did feel rushed when I posted it but I wasn't sure why. Anything I should know for next time? Sorry to nag. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 22:24, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Ah yes, my gut feeling was that it was slightly less in-depth than some of your previous ones, and a couple of sections did feel rather rushed. I would have put borderline yes, but I was feeling rather blue due to the better half being away for a couple of weeks so I was feeling rather melancholy at the time. All I would say is don't be afraid of taking a bit more time for your reviews in future, there is no rush remember, if you are working and you need more time, feel free to post a quick message detailing why just so the author knows. Hope that makes things a bit clearer. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:35, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Aw poor Chief. It's weird to think of you living a normal life with a Mrs. Chief. I always imagined you lived in a sort of bat-cave. Watching over the rest of us... --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 00:08, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Oh and thanks for the tip. Damn edit conflict made me forget what I was saying. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 00:11, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Yup... Holy normal boring life Batman!! Also it's no problem, good to see you reviewing. --ChiefjusticeDS 00:17, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry By Him again The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time. Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused By UU Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected. And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages! Heh - poopy Haven't we been here before? Hang on - writing articles? There's an idea... From our logs: 02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.) 14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt) 19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.) 18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.) Biopic of the Week Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though. Old-school featured article of the month Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's. Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us." Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:06, Mar 6

Lateral thinking puzzle

Let me know what you think of the changes. I don't understand why you wanted the 9/11 reference in there, but nevertheless... Nominally Humane! some time 06:10, 7/03/2010

Much better, the article feels more logical now and I really like some of the new puzzle answers. The article seems to be much more balanced between the prose leading to the examples and the examples themselves. The fixes you have made have vastly improved the article. I like the changes you have made to the opening too, the article is now justifying why we should be against these puzzles rather than just stating that we should be. From the look I just had you have done some excellent work improving this one, if I were going to be picky I'd say that the context at the start is still a bit weak, as you introduce the whole thing with about 3 lines, it isn't difficult to work out what is going, but if you are looking for something to consider I would suggest looking at that, also where you say "As a result, these types of puzzles can lead to events similar to 9/11" I think it would sound better if you said something like "As a result one may conclude that Lateral Thinking puzzles caused 9/11" for me that sounds a bit better and would have more impact as it exemplifies the article's dislike for lateral thinking puzzles as well as including that 9/11 reference I love so much. Hope this helps. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:37, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

The "Naruto"" thing

Just to let you know, there already is a Naruto article, so I don't really think it needs to stay. What do you think?

Oh and also, I saw the reprimand you gave Iwillkillyou, am I in trouble for this? (By the way, I'm working on it at the moment)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 18:00, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Well I QVFD'd the new Naruto article thinking exactly that, but then I read it through and a couple of the things in it made me smile, so I thought we may as well let the IP have a go until tomorrow, and then if nothing comes of it I'll merge some of the changes I like from his article into the Naruto article and it can still be QVFD'd. Of course if an admin spies it in the interim something else may happen to it, but this is the start of my be kind to IP's week so I thought I'd leave them to try.

As to the Star of David thing, no you are not. You would have been in the same amount of bother as Iwillkillyou was had you failed to explain why it was taking you so long. I checked up on yours a couple of days ago and thought it was OK, but what I would rather you did in future is explicitly state that anyone else can pick up the review instead of you, just in case someone isn't certain. But I'm pretty pleased with the work you are currently doing on Pee, keep it up. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:39, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

That last comment made me smile, good to hear I'm being useful :)

Be kind to IP's? Blasphemy!

And yeah, I should do that. I only have internet about 20 minutes per day here at my grandparent's house, so there lies the problem I'm having. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:11, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Thank You Sir!

McDonland: Yeah, I think I tried to run quickly through the storyline and not get bogged-down & lengthy but obviously some padding and development are in order. That could make room for another good pic. I guess I was way too subtle about who was being spoken to - The intent was a potential new hire. I suppose I was trying too hard to not make it a replica of California Highway Patrol formula, so I was afraid to focus on touting the advantages of employment as much as telling the loosely-based-on-reality "burger war" mob story. Good thoughts and suggestions. I really SCRAPED a story out of this. I had been staring at some funny Ronald McDonald statue pictures for awhile and couldn't think of anything. I made the first picture and just went from there.--    13:47, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

OK, well I'm glad it gave you something to think about. I'd be happy to take a look at any future revisions when you get round to them. I did notice some similarity to California Highway Patrol as far as style went, but thought I was imagining things. --ChiefjusticeDS 13:52, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

K, did some tweaking. I'm going to stare at it another day or two and see if there's any potential jokes I'm missing or potty mouth that can be reworded. I wanted to leave the person being spoken to unknown but I think I've conveyed that it's a potential new thug and that the McDon is taking a minute to boast to the kid before giving him a job. Kind of an indoctrination speech if you will. I want the reader to be able to perceive this while leaving plenty of room for imagination. Whereas CHP was a "brochure" for attracting people to organized crime, I wanted this to be more like a one-sided conversation with the McDon.--    17:27, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I've totally tweaked McDonland to the point that anything else is going to be minor. Whaddya think?--    11:55, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I think that the new context is well done, the caption on the first image is particularly good. The minor alterations to the text work a lot better now too. My main concern is that I looked at the image first because I noticed it had moved, I am uncertain whether others would do the same and would thus miss the caption that starts the article. You could mitigate this slightly if you make the image slightly smaller thus bringing the caption closer to the top of the page. The article does just stop at the end, I would rather you considered a way to finish it in a slightly less sudden manner. This is up to you and I am bearing in mind what you said above about the indoctrination speech idea. But generally I think the improvements have done a lot for the article, the context was my major gripe. I would just suggest a couple of references to the reader's character being asked to do tasks, for instance something like "When you are working for me" or "When you are doing work for McD, you should etc etc." Just to cement what the reader's characters' role is. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:39, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Hmmmm, I like the "when you're working for me" angle. That's good for another quality paragraph that has a solid basis to build upon. Excellent idea. I tried to make the extra effort of throwing in the ............to signify the photo caption as the actual beginning of the story. I guess that's only a fail safe and there's a chance that the reader might not figure it out immediately but I'm confident that it'll be conveyed quickly enough. I'm running on the premise that most people will want to look at the picture first (then subsequently the caption) and putting it big-high-left will force that. I'll try to get some feedback from people who haven't looked at it already to confirm my suspicions. Thanks for all the good input! like I said before, this was a "scrape something out of nothing" style project that evolved on the fly. I just knew that I'd need some help with it and your assistance has been quite useful and appreciated. Thanks!--    13:02, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Really, what shoul be done?

The queue is empty again...do we need to start forcing people to ask for pee reviews or something? —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 17:30, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I suggest free cider and medals for all. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:01, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

You have been saved from destruction and condemnation from the Chiefjustice in Heaven

The Godly People at Imperial Colonization thank you for voting for Creationism (rightly featured 8 March 2010), and thus supporting America as The Rightful World Power. May God George God and George bless you!

On behalf of IC, I thank you for voting your conscience. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:51, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

'lo Chief

Uncyclopedia:Ten Commandments, rule No.4 (re. the ICU on Alexander Ovechkin). I think it's pretty much an ignorable policy these days and as a known and trusted user I can't imagine anyone will have too much of a problem with you ignoring it, but I got banned for it about three and a half years ago (Zombiebaron was in a bad mood), so it might be worth knowing about assuming you don't already. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:16, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

I did know about it, I should have been paying more attention to what I was doing. I must have gotten its history mixed up with another article's. I'm not having a great month am I? --ChiefjusticeDS 10:21, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

That's more or less what happened to me on the occasion above - I knew the rule, but completely forgot to check the history that one time. You're quite right, however, that article needs major surgery. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:27, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Upsilon Sigma Sigma

Hey Chief, I'm just going around trying to drum up support for a new group I'm trying to get going. I've been sitting here, thinking to myself, "gee, Uncyclopedia has a lot of stuff, a legal department, a political party, and an assortment of other great things, but it doesn't have a fraternity." I also noticed that the top 50 wanted articles list hasn't changed in over a year. Soooooo, I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to join me and potentially others in the 1st Uncyclopedia fraternity, ΥΣΣ, Upsilon Sigma Sigma, a collaborative an independent organization with the aim of writing exclusively requested articles. Pop on by the page, if it's something you're interested in, just let me know.

I know you contribute here mostly in ways other than writing articles, and you do a damn fine bit of work, but I thought it would be rude of me not to formally invite you. Cheers! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 17:02 9 Mar, 2010

RE:Shape up

After coming back from my short vacation and I read your note on my talk page. Kinda screwed up didn't I? Well It was a personal issue that keep me form completeing that review, but now I'll be sure to make sure I do these reviews. I took up that 12 hour thing you mentioned. I even book one review and did another in 30 Minutes (it was short). By the way, is it ok to say to someone you can or maybe do it tomarrow. Thanks--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:05, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

By the way was my review really that harsh?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:08, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

My current feeling is that you can say you will do a review the next day, but you should not be too annoyed should somebody else turn up and do it before you even start, the point of booking, as I said on your talk page is to ensure that nobody edit conflicts you when you have started your review. If you are going to say that you will maybe do it the next day don't bother, do it if you have time and it is available but don't stop other people reviewing it first, and if you can't do a review, always explain why and apologise.

As to the Wurm Online review my feeling was that you raised good points and that your advice was sound, but that you need to try to be more friendly and encouraging towards writers, assume that they want to make the effort to improve their work and have come to you for help, saying "Well it turns out the game is real, but I was right about the random stupid stuff part." and "That’s another thing people don’t like as they might think this was written by a four year old", could be utterly demoralising for a new writer who was sincere in their efforts. My policy is to review with the authors feelings in mind, try to consider how you would feel were it your work. I learned this lesson the hard way.

It is fine to say "This isn't great, here is why I think so, try this instead" but saying "It is crap and not funny, delete it and rewrite" is less so. Try using what I use for my reviews; the patented Chief PES system (Point, Explanation, Suggestion). I hope this makes things clearer. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:39, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Template

Sorry, the templates irony was supposed to be that it's written in Cherokee, a language which less than 1 million can read and the joke was supposed to be that if you move it over the highlighted nparts it leads to native americans, america and rape. Connect the concepts between them and you'll get it. Therefore it was supposed to be in a wierd language on purpose. It's only on two articles. United States of America and colonization. They seemed like appropriate places to put it because they have something to do with why it's funny. Unregistered user 10:37, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

OK, my only complaint is that the joke is quite difficult to get, especially when one sees the template for the first time, if you could come up with a way of simplifying the text, so that there is less of it and that the joke is far easier to get then I think it would be absolutely fine to add to an article. The big thing to bear in mind is that the joke needs to be simple, as it is a template the joke should be quickly attainable to provide a laugh in the build up to the article. I hope this makes things clearer, I'm not out to stop you adding it, I'm just trying to consider how it will effect readers of those articles. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:43, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

I have a second complaint, as noted in the edit comments: no userspace templates in mainspace, and that template showed as nothing more than gibberish to me, so it's basically a large, ugly box at the top of the article that next to no-one is going to understand. If you can do something about that, then we can mainspace the template and add it, perhaps to the bottom of the article. But as it stands: no thanks. --UU - natter 10:50, Mar 10

What does that mean?

What does that mean on your userpage that you're watching my house? --Nad331 20:08, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

That I am secreted in the bushes, with a very long ethernet cable. Unofficially it means that I am using this: {{USERNAME}} to produce the username of whoever views my page. If you are unsure of something round here, click on the edit button to see whether or not it is cunning template usage, the username thing gets loads of people. I hope this makes things clearer. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:11, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Do you ever sleep?

Just curious. I'm not gay. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 22:18, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

No, since as this guy is fond of pointing out, I am a robot. I just have occasional downtime. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:24, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Thatcher

Delete that bit about blowjobs and face-slapping if you want - it seems vaguely amusing to me but I have no great attachment to it and only replaced it as a result of rollbacking some other crap. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:49, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

It's okay, I have no great need to remove it, if you think it is vaguely funny then it is fine to keep, I just didn't think it was brilliant so removed it. --ChiefjusticeDS 16:53, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

If we removed anything that isn't "brilliant" from Uncyclopedia, we'd use about 2k of Wikimedia's server space! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:55, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Your least favorite vote whore strikes again!

Hi Chief. When you get the time, d'you mind voting on my article please? Try and keep your racist prejudices aside in the decision-making though. --Matfen 19:08, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

I don't mind at all, I shall do it now. I will do my best not to be racist, as long as no black people are voting. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:13, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

You are too kind sir! I would send my sister your way if I knew where you lived... and if I had a sister. --Matfen 19:17, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

I am always open to whoring, not that I would ever do such a thing myself... --ChiefjusticeDS 19:20, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

/me adds name to list... MrN 19:23, Mar 11

What on earth do you mean MrN? I was simply making him aware of the vote, the fact that I am in it is purely collateral. ;-) --ChiefjusticeDS 19:28, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, so you are carefully watching the page then, and you did already know you were on it? I wonder why... /me gets out highlighter pen and makes a special mark next to Chief's name on the list... MrN 19:33, Mar 11

As a random passer-by who just happened to have this page on his watchlist, I thought I would mention that I would totally vote for ChiefjusticeDS. Why? I'll have you know it is not because of a certain favour he may have performed several minutes ago, but because I believe he is a man who, under the right circumstances, would lend me his handheld gaming device in my greatest hour of boredom, and is also the kind of guy who would only abuse your imaginary sister on your say-so. --Matfen 19:39, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

If there were such a thing as "The Cabal" it would have noted these things. Especially the bit about the lending of said gaming console... MrN 19:41, Mar 11

Exactly, I also don't watch any pages on this wiki, I just monitor them closely for changes. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:48, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Don't let Chief be admin, he'll ban everyone who tries to get more pee reviews than him! AAAAAAAAA!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:28, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

You butthead.

I keep trying to revert vandalism and you always beat me to it! Now I look less cool! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:46, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Many apologies, good to see someone else working recent changes though. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:52, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, as soon as I started, I was amazed at how dumb IPs are. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:20, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  10:58, Mar 12

Hey you

I posted this on Necropaxx's talk page, before I realized today is the sabbath and I won't be seeing him today. So...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 16:30, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.

Get it? Get it? That's a line from popular movie Fight Club but different because I found it in a porno. Called Fuck Club. It was amazing in every way. I encourage you to watch it. I'd link you but I can't remember what site it was on now. :(

On a less vulgar note, what's been going on in the land of uncyc? You need to to fill me right in.    Orian57    Talk   16:46 14 March 2010

Nothing, nothing ever happens at Uncyc, because Uncyc isn't real. We simply use our imagination to create a mental humor Wiki.

Also, I would have expected you to say the title of this header to Puppy...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 16:57, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

VFS has opened, people are like voting and being serious and stuff, I wouldn't go there were I you. Otherwise lots and lots of boring stuff, there is hardly ever anything on the Pee queue these days so I have nothing to do but sit on recent changes and occasionally vandalise talk pages and articles with my particular brand of humour facism. I was also named internet alpha male by an anonymous judge and am thus waiting for the relevant awards/flowers/sexual proposals to come flooding in. How about you? When are you coming back and writing more articles for me to read and propose to in high scoring reviews? --ChiefjusticeDS 18:39, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I should add, Orian, that Puppy is now ahead of you on the HoS and Mnbvcxz and Hyperbole are close to passing you on the Top-10 reviewers list. Your manhood is at stake.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:15, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

What manhood? —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 19:28, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

I would give you a link to a picture, but Wikia's terms of use say I mustn't. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:30, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Wikia. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 19:38, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Um, Im having trouble

Ya all gay in dis place, ya ask my opinion. Anysways, thanks for da vote to put my mug on the fleature page dere. Appreciated. While I was over deres I met some people I used ta know, some of da guys who run New York, dose guys. Ok, I', outta here. Fadda Murphy and his lackey secretary Al de'chain

The article I'm reviewing, Your Gay? is giving me some trouble. I don't really know what to say, so can you help me out with this one--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 18:28, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

By all means, I can give you some indicators of things I would investigate further. The first thing I would consider is the narrative voice of the article, to me it seemed to be all over the place, I wasn't really sure how I was supposed to respond to it. My recommendation on that score would be that he take a look at his context a bit further, do you not agree that if we had a narrator for the article presenting these viewpoints to the reader they would come off better? Look at it this way, the article opens with the "Common Reactions to Admitted Homosexuality within Social Groups" section, there is no preamble so the reader is very much launched straight into the narrative, we don't know why we are being given this information or who is giving it. I would suggest you look at these in a bit more detail, try to think of a good way that the author could achieve the above. For example: one way they could achieve the context part and lend a bit more impact to their jokes is if the article where moved into the HowTo series, that would give the article a reason to provide the information as well as some scope for more jokes. You could also consider mentioning your own take on the article's humour, I would mention along with this that some people may not appreciate simply gay jokes and the author could consider looking to include some more from other sources, obviously I realise the article is called You're Gay?!?! but some minor variation may be desirable.

As to the concept look at the tone, it does vary a lot as he changes voices, do you find the changing tone jarring or distracting, or was the article quite easy to read? Mention your take on it. You could also mention that a couple of the section headings don't reveal as much as the author may have wished about the prose that follow them, since very little is related in these prose then maybe making these clearer with links or simply rewording may be desirable. Remember that your own opinion of the article is as good as anything else as a critique, you as an uncyclopedian read articles and if you didn't enjoy it then chances are someone else won't either, equally if you did enjoy it tell the author but remember to try to look for reasons others might not like it. I hope this gives you something to think about, feel free to let me know if you have any more questions. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:53, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks man, really helps alot--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 19:26, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

Matfen thanks you for your vote! His article could not have been featured without you...

I see whoring does have its uses after all. --Matfen 11:39, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

The problem

It looks like he's removing offensive content. It looks a lot like vandalism...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:05, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Aye it looks like vandalism, but on reading it I thought that he looks to be editing out some of the rubbish that is breaking the tone of the article, I know it looks like vandalism and I went racing in plunger raised when I saw it in the first instance and was forced to leave empty handed, let's try and encourage people who may well be trying with all sincerity to do some good work around the wiki. Also, let's face it, he can hardly make the article worse. What do you think? --ChiefjusticeDS 21:09, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

I think it's just two things: 1) He's an IP, 2) the article's featured. I jumped the gun, but I'm still sort of a noob, forgive my failures. :-)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:12, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

It's no problem, I made all the same mistakes myself. Just remember that lots of people, including myself, start off editing as an IP before editing full time, just because some are mental it doesn't mean they all are. Also with features, you can view the featured version of the article using the template at the bottom, that way you can gauge whether or not they are removing featured content. Keep up the generally good work. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:19, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for fixing my goof....

In vote counting. I temporarily forgot about that admin-votes-count-double-for-some-things thing. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:45, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

I tried to fix it, but Chief edit-conflicted me. *Folds arms*—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:46, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

It's no problem, if I had known that HELPME was fixing it I would have let him, as I'm remaining aloof of VFS at the moment. But I'm really flattered and appreciative of the support you have both given me in this attempt to become much more hate filled and cynical. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:50, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, so now that you've graduated from AAN, you think that gives you the right to correct Daddy's mistakes, huh? (Seriously, I like my goofs like that fixed ASAP, so thanks to both of you). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:51, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

We both RUSH to fix your mistakes Why. It makes us look better than you.

And Chief, consider your frequent help of me a good reason I voted for you. And reverting vandalism and QVFD'ing QVFD'ables. Oh, and of course your Pee work. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:54, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

I need someone with rollback now

HowTo:Kill Yourself With A Brick. You made a good edit after an IP made multiple vandalism edits and undo isn't working, so...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:30, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Oops!

Remove your most recent entry on cajek's list. That was already checked, it's just in recent changes because the IP decided to respond.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:56, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Oh feck. --ChiefjusticeDS 23:57, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

About an award

I have done ove 27 pee reviews, dont I get an reward for getting as many as 25 pee reviews or more? If not what do I need to do to get it?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:20, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Also, what are some tips to get an Uncyclopedian of the Month Award? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Iwillkillyou333 (talk • contribs)

Do what Chief does. Revert vandalism, put stuff on QVFD, help noobs, and mess with Pee. (VFD could help, too!)

Also, I think only ones counted as in-depth count towards awards.

And finally, hi Chief. I like butting into your business. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:38, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Also Chiefy, can you review giant panda again? link here--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 05:23, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

HELPME is correct, you have only got 13 in-depth reviews if memory serves correctly. He is also right about stuff for UotM, just make yourself useful and stuff will happen. As to the review, I will do when I can, I'm taking a brief break from reviews right now as I'm rather busy with life, but I will pick it up as soon as possible. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:00, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Oh and also Iwillkillyou, get your vote in on VFS, you are a pretty active user and your contribution would be valued. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:30, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

You dirty whore!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:38, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

That wasn't even whoring, this is whoring. I was just suggesting that he vote for someone. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:42, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Re-review

Non indepth review. Can I redo it and get you to recheck. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 06:08, Mar 16 2010 UTC

By all means, make sure the author knows what is going on though. --ChiefjusticeDS 07:54, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Done, as is Orian's. I'd appreciate you having another look. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 11:10, Mar 16 2010 UTC

Will do. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:13, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

I hate you

MY GOD I HATE YOU DO YOU SPEND LIKE 24/7 ON THIS SITE JUST WAITING TO UNDO MY EDIT :'( 202.46.138.86 09:42, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

You've no idea how much effort it took not to revert your edit there. It'd've hillarious.    Orian57    Talk   09:51 16 March 2010

Yes I am teh uber n00b. But besides that you need to try and edit in accordance with our humour policies. I'm not here to stamp out your creativity, I'm just here to try to stop our articles descending into fights and vandalism. Your edits were just inviting someone from said school to come along and vandalise the article and I would really rather avoid that. Please, read HTBFANJS then use your judgement to decide what you should add to the article, I promise reading the above will do a great deal towards making sure that nobody undoes your future edits. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:53, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review 101

I made this new project to help out new Pee reiviewers and reviewers who suck dick at reviews called Pee Review 101. I'm the principle (because I made the project), and since you a pro at it, I'll let you be vice principle if you like. Seriously, think of all the user we can help.

Also, Since your good at fixing article and stuff around uncyclopedia, you should join the U.F.B.I.. We defiantly need people like you to help out with our cause.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:29, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Don't we already have a review project - called PEE review? Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 21:55, Mar 16 2010 UTC

Yeah but thats to help out people with their articles. This, however, is to help out with new reviewers and people who suck at reviewing. This is like Adopt a Noob, but helps with Peeing instead--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:01, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

I think your intentions are admirable, certainly but needs some more thought. I have taken a look at your effort and I think it is faced with a couple of problems. The very first is that I see no real reason for a user to join the group, as a new user I completed my first review as well as I could, and I will confess, without reading the guidelines, it was accepted as good so I carried on, I decided wanted to join PEEING and so worked for that, if a user is sincere about doing reviews and working hard then looking at the guidelines and reviews by existing members of PEEING should be sufficient. Indeed my own demonstration of how to review came from Saberwolf, who reviewed my first article. The point is most people who want to commit to doing reviews long term will learn how to do them correctly or be bombarded with increasingly polite messages suggesting they learn before I am forced to rouse UU from his slumber. The materials to learn to Pee properly are all readily available and I think the time a full and detailed review requires is what encourages poor quality rather than ignorance of how to review correctly.

My second issue is the assumption that there are hundreds of low quality reviews, we have some but by no means a huge numbers, most users who get no's for their reviews understand what is necessary for a good review but haven't got the time or energy to spend on one. I don't think we have anyone running loose on Pee review doing consistently poor work who would benefit from such teaching except maybe on a one off basis, it just serves to make submitting a review a far more intimidating a difficult process for new users. This is just my feeling, how would you respond to this? --ChiefjusticeDS 22:02, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

I agree with you that someone can get better by reading the guidlines. Althoug in some cases a struggle can happen with a user. For example, I did a good review on my first try by learning from the works of saberwolf and tagstit. Yet over th cousre I struggled with some, as you can see half my reviews are indepth, which is a problem becuse I have alot of non indepth articles. Second, remember that article I had trouble on and had ask for help and you gave me good advice. I learnt so much form that ex--ChiefjusticeDS 10:44, March 17, 2010 (UTC)pereince. I think thats what we can do with a user who has the same situation as I did.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:15, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Could we not achieve such a response by editing the guidelines to provide such information? I think there is a danger in over-formalising the system, by all means have a system by which users can be pointed towards users they can ask for help, but not one where they have to do various things to prove they know how to review, I don't want to stop people submitting work. Essentially someone can look at an article, decide they don't know what to say, come and ask for help, be given some pointers and do the review, that is fine, as it was with you. My enduring feeling is that the main reason people don't submit high quality reviews all the time is not down to ignorance, but rather not wanting to spend ages on the review and I don't think we should put systems in place to deal with that. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:28, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Thats a good idea, I didn't know you can edit the guidelines. But yeah, I totally agree with you. So I guess my plan is obsolete before it even got started.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:33, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

SO what should happen to the project now? Do something else with it? AN d I still think you should join UFBI ( I think this will be better than Pee Review 101, cause it has a great cause to it)

Try and think of something else to do with it, if nothing springs immediately to mind then put it to one side and work with what exists, that is how many of our best users get started and get recognized. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:57, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Alright, I shall do that--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 23:23, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

I don't think we need a whole usergroup, but I think members could help those with pee who need it. They are around, and the helpers could show examples of good reviews and monitor the student's progress, but let them go after that. Less like AAN, more like people helping those without a whole program.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:45, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

The first step is to admit you are powerless over the PEE queue, and that your life has become unmanageable. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 03:01, Mar 17 2010 UTC

One comment I have to make, being me and everything: it would have been "principal" and "vice-principal". Principle = "a rule or standard, especially of good behavior". Principal = "the educator who has executive authority for a school". The difference is subtle, but important. Other than that, as Chief says, technically PEEING is there to help people improve their reviewing, and hopefully that should be enough - we don't want to get things unnecessarily involved or complicated around here! --UU - natter 10:42, Mar 17

Ah UU, what would we do without you? --ChiefjusticeDS 10:44, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

I dunno, have a party? --UU - natter 11:05, Mar 17

We could, while you stay at home and have commitments, responsibility and all those other trendy things, but I don't like parties, I'd much rather do some proofreading. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:08, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

So that's why you're such an exciting individual. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:44, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Droids

Should I replace WIP, or just add Stuck. --O God Wat Happen

Replace the WIP with the stuck one, that will add it to the relevant category. Hope this helps. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:21, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Borderline yes?

What does that mean? P.S. Three indepth reviews in a row, I might even beat you chiefy--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:57, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

It means that I was very close to saying no, but decided you just tipped the balance in the right direction. As to the being defeated, I'm on a brief Pee hiatus, I will probably pick one up at some point this month, but I'm not going at my usual pace. Good to see you improving, remember it's about helping authors not having more reviews than someone else. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:14, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Chief! Could you please break your hiatus with this? • FreddThe Redd • • • 08:43 • Thursday, 18-03-2010

I'll see if I can pick it up later today. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:58, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Alright I get it. As for the removing the article I didnt know you have to be a higher rank to be able to do that. I nearly decicded to review it but remembering the fact you removed it last time it came to my mind this guy didnt change it so I removed without permission. I had doubts but I thought It wouldnt be trouble. I tought wrong, Im a rebel. Being a fresh stain is BORING! you don't get alot of power.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:00, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

It's a hard life being a new uncyclopedian, I appreciate that your intentions were good and I'm glad that you want to take on responsibility, so perhaps a compromise, if you find any more that you think should be removed, remove them and then tell me just so that I can make sure you know what to do and when to do it, after that I'd be happy for you do it unsupervised. What do you think? --ChiefjusticeDS 21:07, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

I think that'll be a great idea. I accept your compromise--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:15, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Skinfan seems to be missing in action recently as well, so you may have a chance!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:25, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:43, Mar 18

A new idea for Pee review 101

How about I makeit into a FAQ list? Great Idea huh?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:22, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

If you write something down that you can show to me I'd be happy to consider it. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:23, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

Question

What is VFS all about--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:35, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Vote for sysops, to promote regular users to sysops when we need. Essentially, we're doing this now because of UU's baby absence and RAHB's and Rc's disappearances. And the recent increase of vandalism. I love responding to everything said on Chief's talk page. It makes me feel important. And Chief feel small. Haha Chief you're tiny!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:54, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Cool, is a sysop an admin--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:55, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Yes.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:57, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

So we are gettin new admins? Awesome! I hope they don't suck. I wish I was nominated, but I'm kinda still a noob for such a important task, so I'll stay as I am for now. Chiefy, however, has what it takes.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:01, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Your problem child

I noticed one again a certain user promised to do a review and didn't, as you can see here. Ironically, it came to my attention because that very user asked if I was still doing Pee Reviews, and did so by ignoring the directions I had posted with the word IMPORTANT as can be seen there. So I checked what was up for Pee Review, and noticed the above. Then when I posted a note on a Pee Review request that I didn't see the article (I'm assuming it's probably in user space or something and the link didn't come out right, so I posted a message so the requester could see it), the request was invalidated by that same certain user putting in zeros as can be seen over there. I thought you'd like to know. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  "Some people you have to kick in the head several times, and hard, before they'll pay attention." 03:12, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Thats wrong, I havent finished the review, I'm currenly taking a break from it. And I thought you were deleting the page and didnt do it right so I added zeros. It was a mistake, I'll fix it. I aint the same reviewer as I once was.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:18, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

What part of this did I misunderstand?

This ones mine--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:18, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

 Read it, but I'm very tired tonight, will get to it tomarrow--
 DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:01, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:28, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

And that thing he is talking about abouting posting on a IMPORTANT page was a mistake too, don't ask why--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:53, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

OK it seems to me there was something of a misunderstanding here, Iwillkillyou, please finish the review soon and don't worry about deleting stuff just remember that we tend to know what we are doing, always best to leave things if you aren't sure what is going on. Have a lovely day now y'all! --ChiefjusticeDS 09:29, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, stop being so diplomatic. I wanna see blood! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:02, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

And no, I will never, ever change these templates up at all, just in case you were wondering.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:00, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

---

Clean Up

I'm cleaning up IRC. I already got out all the red links, what else should be cleaned on here.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 18:14, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Use HTBFANJS and prune out a lot of the listcruft, it's boring and a lot of the humour is pretty poor. Rather than just deleting try rewriting some of the worse parts so they are at least vaguely amusing. Keep an eye out for things like cyberbullying too. Common sense is a big part of tidying up an article, so just do what you can, and feel free to ask about any particular issues. Remember HTBFANJS is really useful for making bad things better so do make use of it if you are having trouble. I hope this helps. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:18, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks bud. Also I cleaned up these two articles in the past for Der Unwehr. I was wondering if I did a good job or not. They may have changed over time.

• Howard the Duck (film) (older version)
• Blondi (older version)

--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:02, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

I just found this award and I can't believe you don't have it yet

Supergrass

This Stool Pigeon User is hereby cited for sterling work on Ban Patrol and/or QVFD.

---

—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:35, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

ummm...hi

Thanks 4 teh message Makes me feel a lot better. Feels more confident Thanks Ynis 14:14, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

No problem, feel free to ask if you have any problems or questions. --ChiefjusticeDS 14:15, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

How u make template pix stuff, br0n, complaints, pages br0n? Ynis 14:18, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Very first thing for you to do is to read through this and then have a look around the help pages and related forum, almost all these questions have been asked and answered already there. Take a look. --ChiefjusticeDS 14:19, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

I read over it and made n article, and failed miserably. br0n I put in a Pee Review for the new Bron. I think it was u who fixed it but not sure. thx Could u review it? it would make me an nonnoob :-)(am i being a noob now) thx. Ynis 15:30, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

I'm taking a brief break from Pee reviewing right now, but there are lots of other people out there who will have a look for you, you will just have to be patient. From the brief look I have had I'd say you need to put a lot more work into it, for an example of how a completed article would look browse through some of these. I'm not condemning your effort but simply saying that it is likely to score quite poorly, don't be discouraged if it does, when someone reviews it they should be constructive about it (I'll be very unhappy if they are not), pay attention to what they say and work at it. I'll grab it for you if nobody picks it up in the next few days. Remember, be patient, use the time to take a look around and familiarise yourself with how everything works, then go back to your article. If you are intending to stick around here you may also want to check out adopt-a-noob so a more experienced editor can keep an eye on you as you learn how everything works. --ChiefjusticeDS 15:38, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

About Pee Review

Ok, I was sick today so I had to stay home from school. I reviewed Bron and when I was going to review the other article I promised to do, I saw your message. After reading it I want to ask you questions and point some stuff out to you. I'm not trying to start anything that would result in something that should'nt, I just think is is important to say

1) What's wrong with reserving a review to do tomarrow? I said that because when I find a review and can't do it at the moment, I reserve it for later, for the fear it won't be there when I get back, and even though there are plenty of other reviews to do, some of those require information about it in real life, and I hate doing those because that means I have to look it up from Wikipedia or something like that, and that could take a longer time than usually (I have done so in the past, and I despised to do so today.) And plus it means that I will do it, just not at that moment because it could be late at night or I don't have enough time to do it. I did fullfilled such a promise when I did the review for Bron.

2) Is there truly a problem with doing two reviews at once. Even though the review line is shorter nowadays, Its not like I'm claiming all these articles for myself, I let other people do other articles. I know I am not the only Pee Reviewer on Uncyclopedia, but that doesnt mean I don't necessarly have to do one at a time. Besides, doing the review for Bron was short for me (even though the review is longer than expected) meaning a can devote most of my reviewing time on another article. I only do two at a time when one article is shorter and easier than the other article (or if both of those articles are short) I don't do two long and difficult articles because that is too much.

3) I reliezed the fact your getting tired of my antics on reviewing. I'm sorry if I aint doing like any other reviewer should be doing. I just want you to know that I try to follow the rules of Pee Reviewing, and avoid doing stuff I should'nt. I'm not trying to be a rulebreaker, I'm just trying to do what I can to help people out on Uncyclopedia who needs it, and I do that with Pee reviewing as well other things like Der Unwerh and U.F.B.I.

4) Know that I do not enjoy delaying or not doing the review on time. I get as pissed off as you and UU do. There are some things I cannot control, like doing a review and all of sudden something comes up that causes me to do such things (bad internet connection, computre messing up, plans reserved for later, mother wants me to do something during that time) I'm doing my best to try and not to do those things. I hate not doing a review on time, so know that I get upset as well.

Anyways, I thought that was important to waste a few minutes of my time. I'm trying to be a better reviewer, and sometimes thats difficult, but I'm trying. I will do the review that I said I'll do today (I may be sick, but I'm not that sick to be sick in the head), and I will do it at this point, it well get it done in 5 hours or less.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 13:54, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Hi Iwillkillyou, I understand the points you are making and I can see why you have the questions you do, so I will do my best to answer your questions.

1) The main issue that I have about reserving reviews to do the next day is that the review booking function is not being used as it is intended to be used. The general idea is that a review may be booked when somebody begins writing it in order that nobody else then commences writing it and one person receives an edit conflict on their entire review. What the function is currently being used for is to prevent someone else coming and doing the review that you fancy doing at some point in the near future, this is not what it is there for. When people book reviews ahead of time they generally have no idea whether they will be able to make the commitment the next day, and this is why we end up with writers not getting reviews done on time. The idea is that if someone wants to do a review there should always be at least one, if you know lots about a subject and don't have time to put them in a review and then when you get back someone else has reviewed the article, you can always use the article's talk page or the authors talk page to get your points across, reviews aren't the only way, so that is why. Second of all on this one, you have a 12 hour limit for your reviews due to past unreliability, and whether it was your fault or not you have still not done what you have agreed to do.

2) There is a problem with doing two reviews at once for the same reason, it discourages new reviewers from contributing, especially when people have plastered their intention to review work all over the page and then not done anything.

3) The only reason I am becoming frustrated with you is that I am having to reiterate this to you more than I am to others, all you need to do is book reviews when you start them and then write them carefully and effectively, doing this will guarantee you won't be bothered by me or anyone else over the way you are doing your reviews.

4) Again, if you book when you start the review and then if you think it is likely a problem will prevent you from completing the review you leave a message for the writer and other reviewers explaining this. I know that we all have lives and these occasionally intrude on our activities here, but you need to try and appreciate that you should try to minimise the issues for everyone else caused by you not being on the site. I'm not here to get on your back for having a real life and not always being here, but I do have to look after pee review, and that includes making sure new people will feel confident helping out. I hope this makes things clearer. --ChiefjusticeDS 15:59, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Alright, I understand everything you said. I promise to book reivews when I'm doing them and stick with one at a time, as well trying to do them on time under my 12 hour limit. I thought when you said "I won't blow my stack if you take a little longer because you are making an effort" I thought I was free from my limit, guess I made a misconception. By the way when are you returning to your Reviewing schedule?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:18, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Probably sometime next month, I felt that the time was right for me to step back from Peeing for a while this month but I will be returning at some point in the next month, depends how much work I have to do in real life. --ChiefjusticeDS 16:22, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

An Award

I've had done such a good job at pee reviewing lately (I've done three good ones today) I think I should earn somekind of award for being a good reviewer.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:38, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well, you certainly won't get ROTM this month, Skinfan is dominating it. And that's the only real one.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:45, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

There's next month. I would probaly dominate without competetion--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:50, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Meh, I was thining of nominating BF11 next month, so you might!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:52, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Who's BF11?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:56, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

User:Black flamingo11, a user who writes only a few reviews per month, but all are high quality.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:58, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Oh yeah, why hasn't she won yet. Thats just BULLSHIT!--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:59, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

In January, 'he went up against Necro, then HH, then Skinfan this month.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:01, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, that just sounded like a girls name, because it has hugs and kisses on his signature. Anyways, thats a big shame.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:21, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

HOMOPHOBE!!!    Orian57    Talk   17:27 23 March 2010

Don't worry Orian, you'll get hugs and kisses too. Just not from people you know.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:58, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

HOMOPHOBE!!! Brandishing around crass stereotypes, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I sleep with reams of strangers in dirt public bathrooms. You Dick!    Orian57    Talk   00:45 24 March 2010

Of course, the reason you sleep with reams of strangers in dirty public bathrooms is because you choose to! I like doing that in schools better, but whatever floats your boat.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:49, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I have a more masculine version if anyone's interested. -Black_Flamingo 18:03, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

HOMOPHOBE!!!    Orian57    Talk   18:07 24 March 2010

I'd reply to you, but since I apparently have an irrational fear of homosexuals, I'm going to scream and run away instead. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 19:02, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Also

I also want to get involved in the Adopt a Noob Program, as an Adopter. I promise I won't eat any of my adoptees. Instead, I can turned them into profesional dictators users.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:56, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

You can find all the information necessary here. Add yourself to the list and await a new user. Make sure you know all about uncyclopedia's policies, rules and that you know how to do all the basics. You should also not have any recent (6 months) serious blocks to be an adopter, I know you have the reviewing one so just be aware of that if you add yourself to the list. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

That block I got would'nt be considered serious, would it?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 17:01, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I doubt it would be considered serious, just bear it in mind when you add your name to the list. If an admin takes exception to it then be aware of the issue. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:06, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

ME2

So, what was your ending like? unless you got the perfect ending in which case i don't want to know.    Orian57    Talk   17:25 23 March 2010

I was perfect in every way, you should have already been aware of this. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:07, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Why? Its just when you said "nothing like" I imagined Ship death, half your team gone, tali's dried corpse in the air vents, grunt leading his squad to destruction, et all.    Orian57    Talk   18:09 23 March 2010

The first time I was brilliant and angelic etc etc, the second time Shepard unfortunately fell to his doom attempting to escape and we all died on what was an aptly named suicide mission. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:59, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Top Five for March

I did two Pee Reviews this month and I'm not even listed in the top five? That would have gotten a reviewer in the top five every month I've been here! What the hell is going on? (Seriously, that's cool. Remember back in the day when you and I combined did over 40 reviews in a month and were barely caught up?). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:41, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I do remember back in the day, I remember even further back in the day when I was churning out 3 reviews a day there were only four of us tackling the queue with UU peering over our shoulders. Ah how time flies. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:57, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, I don't want to hear about what things were like "back in the day" unless it was my day. Also I did a third review, so hopefully I'll be in the top five this month. I miss my spot. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:42, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Seriously?

I have a concern about an article I did. Its this one. Now I tried to be as indepth as I possibly can, but this was too well made to be criticized majorly, so are you sure this wouldn't be considered to be indepth?. Besides, I think I can relate this one to this review. (Sorry for snooping around you pee list, I'm interested in peoples things)--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:07, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Take a look at User:HELPME/PEE Reviews, and scroll down to Ipad (Number 5). I loved the article, so the review was short, but Chief still brutally said no. That night, I had three pounds of whiskey and hung myself. Or maybe I had a sandwich.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:53, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, I don't think that was even short, something like this would be considered short.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:08, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

I think that was my worst review as well as on of the shortest (mainly because it was bad and short).--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:11, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

That's what I like to call "Review punishable by castration"—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:41, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

To weigh in, and I usually don't join conversations on other people's talk pages, but here's what I've observed about your reviews IWKU (and I've been reading all manner of completed reviews in the last two years to prepare myself for judging reviews in the near future). You may be fulfilling the length guidelines for the most part for your reviews, but you aren't giving much good pointed advice, your advice comes in very generic or sweeping terms. Giving pointed advice is very helpful to authors, since people usually don't submit stuff to pee for the score, they're doing it to look for pointed suggestions to improve their work. You've improved a bit from previously (that's why I went ahead and voted for you for ROTM, as incentive to keep on improving), but you've kind of faltered on taking the next step. My advice to you would be to start giving more pointed advice and more specific suggestions for article improvement. Regards, --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 04:01 EST 25 Mar, 2010

Skinfan has hit the nail on the head, which is useful as it means I have to type less. I try to please everyone when it comes to judging reviews but it is difficult at times, my past reviews were relatively short but I feel there is a danger of coupling short with poor, the two aren't definite indications of the other. I also tend to go easier on new reviewers than I do on established reviewers, and once you are in PEEING and contesting for RotM I'm going to come down hard on work that I know falls below your usual standard. I try and look at everyone's work in it's own merits; if you are demonstrating visible improvement I will attempt to encourage it and I will do my best to discourage a decline in standards. As to reviewing work you personally enjoy, I realise it is a challenge, but you have to try and look for flaws in the work, that you enjoy it is an excellent sign, but a review of all 10's doesn't help improve the article, remember that very few articles pass VFH with no against votes, so try and look for things that you might not see as a problem, but others might. I hope this makes things clearer. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:24, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 22:38, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS is a big fat nigger-jew

I saw that. You're not even an admin yet and you're already getting fans! What an honour. (I even took the liberty of spelling it in "Correct English" for you) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 00:35, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

Say, if you become an admin, does that mean we have to kiss your ass? Not that I'd mind that. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:07, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

He isn't the first, as you can see here. I hope when Socky and Rabbi become admins I will still attract so many adoring fans. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:09, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Favor?

Hey Chief. First of all, good luck in your admin quest--it's a shame they can't sysop all three of you guys. Secondly, my rewrite of John Milton has been sitting idle on the Pee queue for two weeks now, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind reviewing it. If you're too busy, it's totally cool, I'm just looking for some feedback on it sooner rather than later so I can revise that before the tidal wave of end-of-semester work hits me, ya know? Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:50, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Nevermind, HH seems like she's going to do it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:46, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

I simply reached out with my mind and lo the review is picked up, on the serious side my apologies for not doing it myself, I'm on a self-imposed zen journey to discover the true meaning of Pee, crossing mountains and rivers and crawling through caves; by the end of the month I hope to reach the temple of Pee where OEJ will be waiting. Now I must go or the Nazi's will beat me there. --ChiefjusticeDS 16:55, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Didn't I see this in a movie? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:31, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

KOOK INVASION

Bro! I just found this unregistered KOOK pissing all over themselves. Please delete this crap and this crapper.

ChiefjusticeDS is a gigantic pussy-face

ChiefjusticeDC needs to shut his nigger-jew mouth up

92.1.167.136 (Talk) <---KOOK TO BAN

Dude! Hope you're doing well--Funnybony    15:20, Mar 27

Both done by Modus and RDB respectively. Also, I have been nominated to wield the admin sabre and shield but the vote is not finished, and regardless it looks as though the powers will go to the more deserving Socky and Rabbi. Thanks for taking notice of the problems though. --ChiefjusticeDS 15:25, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Preteens Pee Review

Thought you'd like to know I posted a note about it here. I also let my Mommy know about it. I love her and respect her, but when she gets to drinking her temper can flare up (hopefully she'll see this). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:56, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

You did it again...

Ski jumping was reviewed in February...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:49, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Who edited it to knock it to the front of the list?? I need to change that system, it bugs me something chronic. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:51, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

I think Eoguy made a spelling correction to HH's review.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:53, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

WHAT THE HELL??? /breathes/ An unnecessary and completely pointless exercise. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:58, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Timestamps are there for a reason, you know :P

All jokes aside, it appears that everyone has an obsession with making you screw up there...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:00, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

I'm screwing up all the time, just normally nobody notices before I do. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:05, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I love noticing people's mistakes. That's why I corrected UU's spelling and pointed that fact out to him!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:31, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Don't do it to UU, y'know the admin of unspeakable power, for he will strike down upon you with great vengeance and fury... and stuff. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:43, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

I iz baed speelur... butt iznt furthest und farthest teh saem? ~ 14:23, Mar 28, 2010

Pease pudding

Hi, I have made the suggested improvements (reduce redlinks & add images) to the article and added other stuff (Quotations, British humour banner, See also, Tasty template, the Wikipedia box and a couple of new sections). The article only has 3 redlinks now, I will do the Kendal Mint Cake article soon and Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne is almost as close as you can get to living satire, a man who really deserves an article here. I hope you see fit to remove the threat of deletion following these improvements. Cheers English peasant 11:03, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Hi, it's yours to remove if you are satisfied that you have met the criteria I mentioned, you have done exactly what I hoped you would do when I placed the ICU and worked swiftly to sort the problems, I am impressed. From my look at the article I would say you can go ahead and remove the tag, just mention that you have worked on the article before doing so in the edit summary, so nobody reverts you. Well done on making the changes, I hope to see you round the wiki more in future. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:08, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

I've been keeping an eye on the article too - it had obvious potential to begin with so it's good to see you paid attention to Chief's suggestions and it's looking very good as a result. Nice work! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:13, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Proofreading

I saw that you are in the proofreading serivce. If your not too busy do you mind proofreading this?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 23:53, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Sure thing, I'll get to it at some point today. --ChiefjusticeDS 05:54, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Done for you now, sorry for some of my spelling corrections, I de-Americanised the spellings, so I hope you don't feel to strongly about that. --ChiefjusticeDS 15:21, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Pssh, you damn Brits, changing our spelling...Why I oughta...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 16:49, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Gee thanks, and no I don't mind--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 20:57, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Earthmelon

I think that this qualifies for a speedy deletion. Can you do something about it?Loopygrumpkins 23:17, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Done. Call again soon! --ChiefjusticeDS 23:20, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

CONGRATULATIONS!

I expect great things from you as an admin, you wonderful man you. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 23:19, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

Stop sucking up to him. You have bigger fish to fry. ~ 23:20, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, what he said GRRR! Thank you very much --ChiefjusticeDS 23:22, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Ahaha!

I'm honored to be your first joke ban :)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:37, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

I thought long and hard and decided you wanted it the most. I will get everyone else when the time is ripe. --ChiefjusticeDS 23:40, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

I'm sure my father is quite disappointed. :) (Serious moment:Congratulations on becoming admin, you deserve it. And now, you don't need QVFD and BP anymore, so I won't get edit conflicted while trying to do maintenence anymore :) )—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, I'm not disappointed as long as it was in the family. Congrats, Chiefster! Now I have to practice some serious ass-kissing. Ahem. Oh Chiefster, you are the most magnificent magnificence of all magnificence! Everything you do is, er, magnificent! (I hope that's enough. I'm making myself ill). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:43, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Congrats

Now that your one of the big time leaders, now you can begin your wonderful reign as a dictator and destroy democracy help out alot on Uncyclopedia. Now can we celebrate and have some cake? I love cake.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:31, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Steel Kidney and PEEING

So, barring something catastrophic happening in the next day or so, I will become a Steel Kidney. I was wondering if I had your blessing to add myself to the PEEING maintenance list at the proper time and to judge pee reviews in the future? --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 21:37 EST 30 Mar, 2010

Remember being a steel kidney is all well and good but updating that list is a real chore. My recommendation is that on becoming a steel kidney you focus on your reviews for a month and familiarise yourself with the process that review checking follows (give this a read), then the next month, give me a shout when you want to start and I will make sure you are doing things right. My main reason for suggesting this is that checking the list and still reviewing is a real chore and I want you, as one of our best reviewers, to focus on that for another month. I would love more help checking the list and everything, but I am concious it may stop you reviewing and I want to avoid that. What do you think? --ChiefjusticeDS 05:43, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I think I can keep up a good pace of reviews per month and look after the list at the same time. Then again, I am saying this without ever having messed with the code. As I understand it, you have new admin duties on top of PEEING now, so I wouldn't mind chipping in a little every now and again. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 01:48 EST 31 Mar, 2010

Feel free to disregard since I'm not even a steel kidney. Well, I have wild dreams and think I want to update that list eventually. What I was thinking of doing was just adding things for the first month or so as a steel kidney, and not judging them. This is because it will give me some practice without having to do all of the inconvenient stuff like updating. Maybe you could try that. Just an idea, though.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:51, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

The help would be appreciated, if you think you can still keep up go ahead and get competing with me and Necropaxx to get it done. I'll be away next week anyway, so somebody else will have to fill in for me. Have a go at the start of next month, but make sure you read the guide that I attempted to link to up there, which you can find on the list page. As for what HELPME says adding to the list is exceedingly simple in comparison to learning the rest, so it would be best to get all the know-how as soon as possible if he intends to make it a regular thing. --ChiefjusticeDS 05:56, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I'll give it a go as soon as April 1st comes around. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 02:10 EST 31 Mar, 2010

Your mother sucks lollipops in hell

Or some other phrase that will get me banned.    Orian57    Talk   08:08 31 March 2010

Happy to help. --ChiefjusticeDS 08:11, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

YOUR MOTHER IS A BIG FAT NIGGER JEW. Or something. I don't know, I'm just a bad imitation of Orian.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:33, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

No, I'm the big fat nigger jew. Honestly... --ChiefjusticeDS 08:38, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Is your mother the anorexic gay Atheist whitey? Or is that Orian?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:06, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Still means your mum was jewish.    Orian57    Talk   09:07 31 March 2010

No, dearist, that's me.    Orian57    Talk   09:07 31 March 2010

When I read your message I'm sure my name wasn't mentioned... Oh well.    Orian57    Talk   09:08 31 March 2010

"Dearist"= "A person who commits Dear." Once again, I must laugh at your spelling.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:17, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Laugh away, I'll just cry and cry and cry.    Orian57    Talk   09:18 31 March 2010

Can't you read? My userpage says not to cry about that, you awful person!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 09:22, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

And where are we??    Orian57    Talk   11:32 31 March 2010

Huge Congrats

You're actually the one that I wanted opped the most. Did I mention that I never got banned? ~ 12:54, Mar 31, 2010

There you are, a horrible stain on your permanent record, and I couldn't be happier. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:09, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Even Huger Congrats

I heard you gone legit. That's awesome bro. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 16:07, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

The Taunton Blanking of 31/3

Hi Chief, Do you have a position on the events surrounding the blanking of the Taunton article? There are a growing number of users who are not willing to accept the official line of random IP vandalism. mAttlobster. (hello) 21:08, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Well I could tell you a story about a disgruntled member of the cabal doing it for many political reasons, but since there is no cabal... It was random IP vandalism, please return to your home. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:12, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Hugest congrats EVAR

Congratulations on being opped, yo. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 21:32, Mar 31 2010

Thank you very much --ChiefjusticeDS 21:35, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Absolute power...

08:57 . . ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year (I had not blocked you yet, now I have, this cheers me up immensely.)

07:56 . . ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Why do I need to provide this? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute (Felt like it)

00:07 . . ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Hiatus Hernia (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 35 seconds (Having a spotless record)

Can I rethink my nom? Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 22:17, Mar 31 2010 UTC

EVERYBODY RUN! CHIEF'S MAD WITH POWER!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:41, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Too late--he got you first. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:47, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

The next block he gives will be infinite, he already have someone a year!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:48, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

"Already have someone a year?" —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 22:50, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

Already gave is what I meant. I'm working on a different keyboard than usual, and the keys have a different height than my usual ones do.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:52, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

What if I don't believe you? —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 22:53, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

If you don't, Chief will block you. Right Chief? ....Chief?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:54, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

HELPME, I know what you mean. I'm working on a different harem than usual, and my partners have a different height than my usual ones do. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:56, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

You people and your innuendo... —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 23:04, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

In-your-end-o. Had to be done. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 23:53, Mar 31 2010 UTC

I havent been banned yet, I'm too cool and too badass for that, mother fuckers! HA HA--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:41, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

No rethinking of noms allowed, no thinking either if we can possibly manage it. --ChiefjusticeDS 05:53, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

It's okay - I obviously wasn't thinking when I nommed you to begin with... Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 06:21, Apr 1 2010 UTC

hai

u mst b kewl. U kno ho sux? Tht HELPME gy. He prob mks sckpuppts! he suxPLZHELPME 02:58, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, Chiefy. It's your first sockpuppeting case! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:04, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

u shud kll HELPME hes a sckpupeterPLZHELPME 03:05, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Wait. You're going to assume this is true because of some random noob?!?!?!?! What the hell!!!!?!?!?!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:07, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

The topic starter is a sock of HELPME. I know, shocking! HELPME@ur mum (talk)

Megabyte

Could you hack-up Megabyte and drop it into my userspace? Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 06:14, Apr 1 2010 UTC

There you go. --ChiefjusticeDS 06:26, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Quote pls kthxbai

As we at the ideas-starved UnSignpost are about to run with our 4th VFS story in as many weeks, can I please have a quote from you on your new status and your intentions as far as rampant power abuse and destroying the system from within goes? --UU - natter 09:50, Apr 1

Certainly, ahem... Commitment and wisdom are two things that uncyclopedia needs and thus I was rather surprised when I came in second on VFS, as far as my new powers go I would like to announce that I will be submitting a request at the next non-existent cabal meeting that all thinking be banned on uncyclopedia, in order that nobody questions me. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:27, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Even if that doesn't go in the UnSignpost it is my mission statement for the rest of this year. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:27, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

:P

Ahaha! Back! It was torture watching recent changes and seeing vandalism and not reverting it. :) I was just April foolin'. I'm not mad or anything, I kind of deserved it, to be honest. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:42, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Glad to hear it, because then I would have to ban you for longer, it solves everything! --ChiefjusticeDS 20:10, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review

Since you said you return to pee reviewing next month(or actually now this month), mind reviewing this or this. No one has done them yet.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 19:55, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for the welcome - though I suck at actual comedy so I dunno how well I'll do editting.. anyways thanks again --Uncyclopedia-Is-The-Worst 21:54, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

No problem at all. Comedy isn't necessary there are loads of ways to make yourself useful round here; if you are looking for a guiding hand then you should check out adopt-a-noob. I hope to see you around the wiki in future. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:57, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Hey

Can you unblock me please? I'm Pelargonium

I've unblocked you, in future can you please provide a reason or explanation, as I'm not comfortable overriding the other admins for seemingly no reason. --ChiefjusticeDS 06:00, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I owe you one. And yeah, I'll take note of that in the future. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 09:49, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

Heh heh, looks like some people really like AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 17:48, April 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:49, Apr 2 2010 UTC

Gay Pubs

Noel Coward would like to buy you a pint

'Ello, Noel Coward 'ere. You voted for my article on gay pubs in VFH, and in my estimation
that means I owe yer a pint.
You may be wonderin' why I ain't buyin' yer some naff cocktail wiv a funny name - troof is, I can't stand the
poxy fings. You may also be wonderin' why I'm talkin' like this - well my son, I'll tell yer. I just put that posh-nosh
gayboy stuff on fer the public, yer see. A man's gotta make a living.
Nah, let's get dahn the boozer and get pissed.

From "Big" Noel Coward.

---

Thanks

Thank you for your vote on HowTo:Blow a dog, written from true experiences in my life and in the life of my family. Dogs love to be blown, and I should really make a video. Again, appreciated. Al en'chain 12:25 2 4 mmx

I'm disappointed

I thought you were going to be Famine 2.0 ...sigh... Abuse your power, man! • FreddThe Redd • • • 12:11 • Saturday, 3-04-2010

*Sigh*

Hey Chief. I miss you. And the WhyGuy. --BlueSpiritGuy 20:05, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Say, we miss you do! WhyGuy 21:41, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

I also am of the missing way that I find you without to do. —Pelozurian (talk) 06:18, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

I have to go on vandalism patrol all on my own...=( Get over here, now. --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:53, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

What are you talking about? I've been patrolling recent changes since before you were even born. —Pelozurian (talk) 02:56, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

I've made about 300 vandalism reverts in two months. I think me > you.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:58, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

What I'm saying is...you're not alone! —Pelozurian (talk) 03:01, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:14, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Afternoon Chief

Good to have you back, hope you had a nice holiday. Now get to work! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:49, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Happy Birthday

Wish me one would you? It'd me feel like someone cared.    Orian57    Talk   14:32 10 April 2010

Happy birthday Orian, would you like a brief, but caring ban in celebration? --ChiefjusticeDS 14:34, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Aw, I thought it was Chiefy's birthday; but no, it's just Orian's. :P —Pelozurian (talk) 19:22, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Since you are the PEEING guy...

I kind of want to change the example good review in UN:PRG because I think it may be misleading people. New reviewers may think that's a wonderful review-it probably would barely be a yes now. I want some super-reviewer noobs that shoot pee everywhere. I kind of want to make the example review more pointed, and longer. Are you alright with this?--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:17, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Since the majority of noobs don't bother reading the guidelines let alone the example, it may be a slightly futile exercise. The point of the example is mostly just to demonstrate the sort of vein the comments should be in, I don't think it is really necessary to expand it. I don't want everyone to feel that they have to produce reviews that match the length of BF11's as they are somewhat intimidating and most people who don't do reviews well do so out of laziness rather than poor understanding, saying "Do this" and presenting potential reviewers with a huge review will not encourage the majority people who have been directly pointed to the guidelines to start following them. We want to encourage people to be constructive and do what they want to do with their reviews; remember the guidelines part of Pee review guidelines, we are just showing people the way. Perhaps what would be more apt would be to add a couple of excellent reviews to the bottom in the form of links, so that potential reviewers can see what others are doing and use that to compliment what they learned from the guidelines. What do you think? --ChiefjusticeDS 12:58, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations, you outsmart me again. I'm all for it.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 14:24, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

OK, at some point I shall trawl through and find a few. Feel free to point out any you think might be useful. --ChiefjusticeDS 14:31, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Really, I just think you should take a review or two from yourself, HH, BF11, Why, or Skinfan.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 14:53, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Question?

I used to edit the Geologist entry on Uncyclopedia. The page has been locked indefinitely. May I make one edit on it? Dytiscidae 01:48, March 26, 2010 (UTC)Dytiscidae

EMERGENCY!!!

Aleister in Chains (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser has never been blocked before!!! A chance to abuse your power!!!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:31, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

No ban me for another 200 seconds I just can't get enough...!!!!! —Pelozurian (talk) 23:20, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

This is probably not important enough to deserve it's own header, or for that matter a header of such a significant length, however this topic does need to be created, so ergo I've created it. Enjoy!

You do love me! Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 02:59, Apr 13 2010 UTC

Of course I do! --ChiefjusticeDS 07:29, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

I saw that block

:P DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 19:21, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 20:34, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Nice to meet you

I used to live and breathe around here, before you were even born (born, I say!), and then I left for a while. Now I intend to come back, so I wanted to introduce myself as the guy who just banned you for no reason. Nice to meet you indeed.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 20:35, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Likewise, banning me forever is like giving flowers to me. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:38, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

I hate being new. All of the people who banned for no reason left before I came. --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 20:49, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

You're that admin who left right when I was getting started...I remember Bad Shroom was being kinda stupid and you had to block him or something waaaay back in like August. Anyway, welcome back! —Pelozurian (talk) 20:55, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

You're the admin who I remember when you weren't an admin but just another user like me who was around in the glory days. Difference is, I manage to avoid ever becoming an admin by leaving before VFS. So suck my amazingness. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:21, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

I don't know who Ljlego is but I've arbitrarily decided that he sucks amazingnesses. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 21:26, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Fine, but I won't swallow anything.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 21:32, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Here's another name I just saw on recent changes, who's in the AU/SK pee place. What's happening?--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:21, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Ummm, the Ancient Ones hath awakened? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 02:41, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Can I (or you)

Move already featured articles on the pee queue into "reviewed"? To review them be kind of be a waste of time, plus, it makes me feel better psychologically about the length of the pee queue. Also, do you think it would be unethical if I make shorter reviews, so that I can review more? ~ 09:10, Apr 17, 2010

Yes you can remove featured articles from the queue, it is a rather fun way to pass the long summer hours. As for doing shorter reviews, I don't really feel it is necessary, the queue isn't that bad and tends to ebb and flow anyway. The very best thing you can do is review to your usual standard as often as possible, remain steadfast, reinforcements will be with you soon. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:26, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Ok, yay. I suppose you've seen worse queues, then. That means I'll be back to my usual pace of 1 review per week. ~ 09:30, Apr 17, 2010

Worse queues? You betcha! I remember back in the day when Chiefster did 22 reviews and I did 21, and that was in a mere 24 hours! It was actually a month, but you know how memories grow things. Yep, them was the days. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:07, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Double Redirects

Thanks for fixing it for me and I'm sorry about the problem. I honestly checked Special:DoubleRedirects after I redirected Batman to Bruce Wayne because I was concerned that might happen, and the only one it listed was the Redirect page. Have any idea why I didn't see more? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:56, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, I almost forgot. Grovel, Grovel, Grovel. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:57, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

The reason you didn't see the ones you created was because the redirects that are shown on the double redirects page are only updated at certain times, observe where it says a variation of "The following data is cached, and was last updated 05:18, April 18, 2010". It just hadn't been updated when you checked, use the "What links here" link in future. I don't mind fixing them for you, it is after all one of the things I'm supposed to be doing, besides joke banning.... Speaking of which. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

I'm glad you got Why instead of me. You're going so fast I can't even update my block count in time! Or am I just lazy?--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:17, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

That explains it, then; hopefully I'll remember to try "What links here" next time. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:10, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hair of the dog

Let's get this straight. The highlight -- the eclipse -- the Promethian zenith -- of your Uncyclopedia career thus far is Uncyclopedian of the Month.

Oh, really?

Surely it is removing the Hair of the dog entry in Uncyclopedia.

What a fulsome decision. What turpitude you showed. True wilfulness.

Errrrr...

NOT.

) Peter

Is there some way I can assist you or is this just some more stuff for me to add to my awesome book of me? If you are complaining about the deletion then please come up with a more coherent way to do so and possibly a list of demands, so that I may fully understand your thought process and be as helpful to you as possible. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:36, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

I'm really fishing for feedback on what made that page un-Uncyclopedic; feel free to add it on my talk page. I realise that this site is not Wikipedia (at which I am a regular contributor) and sought to begin my career here with some suitably "off-the-wall" pages. Obviously my brand of humour was not, at least in part (Hair of the dog), going to need a great deal of explanation to people who know that "morning after" feeling; especially if I did not think that it needed me to parody the en.wikipedia page. I simply ran out of inspiration for my quiet brand of humour's expression of what the term means. Quite obviously, this site needs 'outrageous' (as opposed to 'stupid') humour , which I thought might had been dealt with enough with the exploding head GIF. I suppose I could have quoted Oscar Wilde (eg Work is the curse of the drinking classes.) or used repetition (two exploding heads)... but that would not have been my humour, which was obvious not sufficiently 'appealing'. Peter Brindafella 20:19, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I didn't delete your work because I thought it was shit, if I was allowed to do that for every article I come across we would probably lose quite a few articles more than we do, I deleted it because it was abandoned as far as I could tell, that is to say longer than 7 days without an edit and still with a construction tag on it. If you wish to continue to work on the article you need only ask me politely for it and I will drop it into your userspace exactly as it was before deletion, there you may work on it at your leisure, what do you say? --ChiefjusticeDS 20:28, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, please; drop it into my My sandbox. Yet, suffering through gritted teeth the need for repetition... "I'm really fishing for feedback on what made that page un-Uncyclopedic..." since "my brand of humour was not, at least in part (Hair of the dog), going to need a great deal of explanation". So what could you suggest that I DO/supplement/add/amend/change/alter/etc that would stand the scrutiny of another attempt to rise above the Sandbox? :) Peter Brindafella 20:52, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Again, I did not delete it because it was "Un-uncyclopedic" I deleted it because it was unedited for 7 days with a construction tag, and was still pretty short. Take a look at some of our featured articles if you want to see what a finished article will look like. As for the article I will restore it to its own page in your userspace and drop a link to it on your sandbox page then you can work on it at your leisure. Make sure you read this so you understand how things work, you may also want to check out Adopt-a-noob so that you can have a more experienced editor help you out more closely. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:03, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Constructive feedback - It's too short, but shows some promise. The exploding head is a meme that is somewhat of a tired joke, even though it is used well. Trying to avoid memes is usually a good idea - that definitely includes the use of intro quotes. If you want more feedback then put it into Pee Review, but first give it a bit of length. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 21:59, Apr 18 2010 UTC

Pee yet to come

Hello Chief. Discordianism, the recent colonization, is up for pee and HelpMe at first wanted it and then had to let it go. Could you do it? You're the go-to guy for good head, I mean review, and getting you to take it would be a win for the page. Thanks for considering. Aleister in Chains 11:03 20 4 MMX

I suppose I can do, it will have to be tomorrow though, so I hope you don't mind waiting until then. --ChiefjusticeDS 13:09, April 20, 2010 (UTC)