User:Gabriel Turner/Libya

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Islamic State of Libya
Flag_of_libya.jpg Coat of Arms of Libya
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: I kill you!
Anthem: Libya, Libya, Libya
CapitalTripoli, previously Monopoli and Dipoli; to be followed by Tetrapoli, Pentapoli
Previous capitalCairo, Baghdad, Istanbul, Rome
Largest cityBenghazi "Rome of Africa"
Official language(s)Arabic (45%), language of Qus Qus (55%), Mute (80%) [most of Libyan people afraid of speaking something in public]
Major exportsDinosaur piss, dinosaur poops, Jihad Mujahedeens, AK47s, sands, turtles, Black Hole sun, Qaddafi Photography, Airplane Security Maintenance, Old Interesting Landmarks (OIL)
Major importsNuke, Russian Weapons, Pot noodles, NATO airstrikes (formerly)
National Hero(es)
 of Independence
1947 to 1951 and 2011-
CurrencyDinaar, sand
ReligionSunni Islam, Sunni Christian, Sunni Jewsomthing, "fuck Shiah Niggah!"
PopulationOfficialy 5 million; excluding 500+ unidentified tribals, 6149 Sudan refugees, 1000 sandy people

"Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad - you know, he's the mad - Dang, what's it called now? I mean Colonel Qaddafi is the Evil Empire of the Middle East. No, wait. That's the Soviet Union. And it's not in the Middle East, either. What I meant to say was that Colonel Qaddafi is the mad - the mad barking animal of the Middle East. Dog! That's it! The mad dog! Where's my pap-pap?"

~President Ronald Reagan on Libya's ex-leader Qaddafi

Why Gaddafi was killed[edit | edit source]

You may not know but dollar wants to rule the world. Saddam was killed for wanting to trade in euros and now this guy. He wants to make dinar a money based on gold to be the big new thing. Unfortunately for him the CIA sends NATO after him and bang goes the dynamite.

The Libyan Oil Producing Islamic State is the country next to Egypt. No, not that one! That is Israel. On the other side. Not that one, either. That country is Sudan. Yes, that's Libya over there!

History[edit | edit source]

Libya was a desert in BC 9000. It was a plenty of sand, sand, sand, sex on the beach, and just porn, porn, porn, sand, and just porn in United Spades of America. No one really tried to live there because of the lack of Water, Women "and men"...shhh, Snow, Mosques, Cities, Homes, Dreams and perhaps many more reasons. But the history changed 180 degrees when the old Italian mafia invaded Libya for some interest in hunting turtles. The Italians found Ancient interesting landmarks (aka OIL) in 1914, thus becoming the greatest evidence of existence of Ancient civilization known as dinosaurs or the Aztecs... or the Aliens, and since then, Libya's biggest import has became dinasour fossils and some retarded ammonite thingies which looked really similar to Pokemon monsters.

Ancient history[edit | edit source]

Libya has a long history of mutual hatred with just about everybody, including Ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire, Italy, and the United States. Italy has never actually been a superpower, so it is funny to classify it as one. The great Egyptian Pharaoh Ramesses II described the Libyan leader Mamaris Khadafis as "the mad jackal with small cowardly penis of the west" in his grand obelisk erected approximately 1260 B.C.

Roman legions conquered Libya in 100 B.C., earning their empire the hatred of the Libyan rebel leader Marius Maximus Fagetus Gadafius, who accused the Roman republic of imperialism. Later, one of his grandchildren, Marius Gayous Maximus Pornoghraphius Retardous Gadhafius, accused Imperial Rome of imperialism. These accusations were ignored, because Imperial Rome was considered to be imperialist by definition. The Romans described the Libyan leaders as "the dogs diagnosed with rabies and sexual drives of the south".

Modern history[edit | edit source]

A couple of centuries after the fall of the Roman Empire, Arab armies conquered Libya, introducing the new habit of Islamic extremism to the country. After this, nothing worth mentioning happened in nine centuries. In the 16th century, Solomon the Magnificent, Sultan of the Turks, conquered all North Africa but Morocco and since then Libya became a safe haven for pirates and anti-imperialist Mujahedeens until the 19th century saw the country being occupied and colonized by Italy. The era of Italian rule left Libya with an improved road network and a tradition of military leaders following the example set by Benito Mussolini. Plus, the Italian colonization also explains why so many Libyan people and places have Italian names, like Khadafi, Tripoli, Benghazi or Ben-Gassy (aka Gassy Ben) etc.

The Green Revolution[edit | edit source]

The Green Coup against Italians boosted their so called self confidence (specially their Colonel's).

After the Second World War, Libya emerged as an independent kingdom led by H.M. King Idris. Colonel Qaddafi, known as "the roughneck hyena of the Arab", and his Colonel colleagues ousted the King in the Green Revolution of 1969. The Libyan people had grewn weary of the despotic King and his tyrannic style of rule and wanted to give a chance to a league of despotic colonels and their tyrannic style of rule. History has shown that Libyans are more fond of a Revolutionary military dictatorship than a Royal military dictatorship.

After the revolution, Libya has been a staunch supporter of Arab nationalism. Because of this, Libya has often been at odds with the Arab world.

In 1985, for example, Libyan terrorists gunned down the greatest musician of our time, Justin Bieber! All he did was steal their plutonium. Thankfully Marty McFly was able to go back in time and reverse these tragic events, so they never really happened. But he almost had to make out with his own mom! Actually, the year 1955 wasn't so bad except for all the manure.

Libya has contributed greatly to the improvement of air travel security after benevolently proving in 1988 just how easy it is - in theory - to smuggle a bomb aboard a passenger jet and to detonate it in mid-air above, say, Scotland, killing everybody on board and a few on the ground. This generous initiative was inspired by the way the United States proved how easy it is to bomb the capital city of an irritating country.

Libyan national flag, adopted in 1977 and designed by Colonel Qaddafi and his colleagues, is a lasting testament to the creativity and genius of the Libyan dictators.

In 2011 Martians moved west from Liberation Square in Aegyptus, they drugged the young folks and gave them guns. Moaeoaommar Gaddafi agreed with the Martians that it was about time he declared war on Earth and the extermination of the human race ensued.

Practices[edit | edit source]

Qaddafi shows respect to US on visit to New York

Libya is known for being one of the largest consumers of nuclear power, because nuking is one the national past-time of Libya. It is generally considered in good taste to bring nuclear-related souvenirs for one's host upon entering their home. If someone says something particularly amusing or agreeable, it is proper not to say "Haha!" or "I concur," but, instead, to launch nuclear satellite to show you rejoice. If one meets a long lost relative or friend in the street, it is considered rude not to show them your portable nuclear Kit and lightsaber and show them respect. It is a common greeting to nuke both parties to show that one is happy for both parties meeting. If a relative dies, friends condole the grieving relatives by strapping a Warhead to the corpse.

A new sport has also been developed For Nucleo Maniacs by the not Great Awesome Oil Producing Significant and Of-which-place-in-the-map-is-Obvious-to-those-having-two-eyes-and-a-nose-and-a-mouth Socialist Fabulous Shiny Socialist Arab-iacly Magnificient Jamaicaharharbiriya, I which a game of "Toss the Warhead" takes place. Due to its Explosive nature, A large number of Fatalities have been reported, nevertheless, the Libyan Fanatic Public consider this a Traditional game. When asked, Is Toss the Warhead dangerous?, they reply, "Of coarse not! Its like football, except it tears you a new hole....HAHA! wait, you American!?". A Quote from the "we are Nuclear" Toss the Warhead team.

Libyans, coincidentally, measure time through a intense nuclear process known as nuclear exhaustion (also used in Weapons), in which every Libyan expels their feces in the Sea through the process of ingesting Radiated Libyan food. This Feces releases a radioactive odor which is then saturated and converted into a green radioactive liquid.

One Warhead is complete on an hour, every hour, basis in the town square After the feces is converted to a weapon, And has a specific completion time. There is one town square in Libya, located in the city of Tripoli, and is a central and cultural gathering area in Libya for Nucleo Maniacs also known as Libyans.

Libya's attainment of Nukular weapons has been speculated, due to a Rumor leading to a case of Project Theft of Super Secret Nukular weapons Developed by Carl Sagan, a so called American astronomer, astrochemist, astrobiologist, astronaut, and astro-enthusiast in general, have been found.

Libya also exercises the sacred practice of sleep, eat, and, unfortunately the male Belly dancing/humping motion in modern wedding dances.