User talk:RabbiTechnoArchive13
How am I supposed to blank your talkpage now?[edit source]
I mean, really... there's nothing here! Must you ruin everything? ~ 
19:06, 18 January 2011
- Maybe you could spend the night typing in War and Peace - and then blank it? Rabbi Techno
kvetch 
Contribs 
FOXES 19:11, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- But that'd be the same problem as with blanking Chief's userpage. Just ain't the same if I put the content there in the first place... ~
19:15, 18 January 2011
- You can blank my talkpage if you want. --
19:19, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Can I too? --~
19:22, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- If it'll make you happy, the yes. -- 19:25, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Without getting banned? --~ 19:28, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- I think if I give you permission you can't get banned... -- 19:30, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Yay! --~ 19:33, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Whoopie! -- 19:33, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Whoopie! --
- Yay! --~
- I think if I give you permission you can't get banned... --
- Without getting banned? --~
- If it'll make you happy, the yes. --
- Can I too? --~
- You can blank my talkpage if you want. --
- But that'd be the same problem as with blanking Chief's userpage. Just ain't the same if I put the content there in the first place... ~
Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.[edit source]
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?
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PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery!
 Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day
 Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive. |
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~ 08:14, 20 January 2011
Where are the balloons?[edit source]
Congratulations!!? Almost two years after you've earned it, you have been promoted to GUN and listed on the GUN list. Why?:Haven't you been listed there before. I dunno. Aleister 00:42 22-1-'11
- And one more thang. Your Miley page, no comments until it's up, but too hilarious for words. On the one-in-a-hundred chance you've missed it - a right in front of your nose but not seeing it thing (which I do often with my dozens of spelling errors per page) - thought I'd put on one of those big clown fingers and point to the name in the first pic needing fixin'. Aleister 14:18 23-1-'11
- Nope, had missed it entirely so many thanks for highlighting it. I'll get right to it, sir. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:10, January 24, 2011 (UTC)
- You're welcome. I just realized I didn't answer your note of yesterday. The page has a concept which has such potential. As of now it needs polishing, proofing, and doing the work of making the spork fade into the background (I tried my first spork with Todd Palin, outside of Funnybony and my Jack Dempsey page, and realized that lots and lots of work is needed to fade out much of the spork and bring out the uncy article). What you have here is a very clever handle on dwelving deep into the roots of modern music, and this may be one of those pages where weeks or months of work carve out a masterpiece. I like it a lot. Aleister 14:27 25-1-'11
- In some ways, I quite like the obvious-with-subtle-changes spork simply because it keeps the feel of a Wikipedia article. We may have left the Wikipedia parody style behind and moved on to a distinctive Uncyclopedia style, but I think articles that appear at first very straight and factual can work well - especially if somebody stumbles upon them from Google. Nevertheless, in all my years here I've never truly finished an article and every single one I've written gets further additions, adjustments and tinkerings; so chances are I'll change it further. Anyway, it's been a long day at work so I'm going to look for people to ban. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:45, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
- I like the distinction, thanks for the explanation. The page is so spot-on as a satire that it works. There are proofreading things, commas and such. I, too, usually work on my pages at length and long after they are written. There's one, Warm piss water, I still tamper with on a semi-regular basis. As for working on a page, the amazing "History of Great Britain" is under constant work too. Good talking to you about all this stuff, and much of my socializing with people the last few days is a way of continuing my procrastination of my Poo lit article, which I'll have to hunker down with and hermitize myself to finish. Avoiding that like some plague I haven't had yet. Now I will go procrastinate further. Aleister 1:14 26-1-'11
- Ah, now missing commas I had missed - and shall correct. I still make occasional adjustments to Rough Pubs, which I wrote very nearly four years ago. Who'd have thought penning the odd amateur attempt at humour would be such an endless task? ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:15, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, now missing commas I had missed - and shall correct. I still make occasional adjustments to Rough Pubs, which I wrote very nearly four years ago. Who'd have thought penning the odd amateur attempt at humour would be such an endless task? ;-) Rabbi Techno
- I like the distinction, thanks for the explanation. The page is so spot-on as a satire that it works. There are proofreading things, commas and such. I, too, usually work on my pages at length and long after they are written. There's one, Warm piss water, I still tamper with on a semi-regular basis. As for working on a page, the amazing "History of Great Britain" is under constant work too. Good talking to you about all this stuff, and much of my socializing with people the last few days is a way of continuing my procrastination of my Poo lit article, which I'll have to hunker down with and hermitize myself to finish. Avoiding that like some plague I haven't had yet. Now I will go procrastinate further. Aleister 1:14 26-1-'11
- In some ways, I quite like the obvious-with-subtle-changes spork simply because it keeps the feel of a Wikipedia article. We may have left the Wikipedia parody style behind and moved on to a distinctive Uncyclopedia style, but I think articles that appear at first very straight and factual can work well - especially if somebody stumbles upon them from Google. Nevertheless, in all my years here I've never truly finished an article and every single one I've written gets further additions, adjustments and tinkerings; so chances are I'll change it further. Anyway, it's been a long day at work so I'm going to look for people to ban. :-) Rabbi Techno
- You're welcome. I just realized I didn't answer your note of yesterday. The page has a concept which has such potential. As of now it needs polishing, proofing, and doing the work of making the spork fade into the background (I tried my first spork with Todd Palin, outside of Funnybony and my Jack Dempsey page, and realized that lots and lots of work is needed to fade out much of the spork and bring out the uncy article). What you have here is a very clever handle on dwelving deep into the roots of modern music, and this may be one of those pages where weeks or months of work carve out a masterpiece. I like it a lot. Aleister 14:27 25-1-'11
- Nope, had missed it entirely so many thanks for highlighting it. I'll get right to it, sir. ;-) Rabbi Techno
2nd Pee Review (re-review) for Fisher Price (company)[edit source]
Would you kindly re-review my Fisher-Price (company) article? My reasons are here: Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Fisher-Price_(company)_(re-review) Thanks so much. DJ Mixerr 18:03, January 23, 2011 (UTC) User:DJ Mixerr/sig
UnSignpost! Wheeee![edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!
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Awards and Voting Update
 As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish
 It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an |
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~ 04:41, 27 January 2011
Why'd you delete Captain Communist?[edit source]
I created Captain Communist a week ago, but you deleted it. Why? I finished it, I didn't abandon it.
- When you first created the article, you left it unfinished - this immediately makes any article a candidate for deletion because each week hundreds of articles are created and left unfinished. If we didn't delete them, there'd be millions of them by now cluttering up Wikia's servers. So, we have the {{construction}}tag which guarantees an article safety from deletion for one week. If a week passes by without any edits being made to the article, it is assumed abandoned and deleted - as you didn't remove the tag, we have no way of knowing that the article was finished and it was deleted. However, all is not lost because we can recreate articles as well delete them, so as soon as I've finished writing this I'll recreate yours. Oh, and by the way - in future, when you leave a message on talkpages and/or forums, make sure you leave a signature by typing ~~~~. It makes it a lot easier for us to work out who it is. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:30, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't know that I was supposed to delete the construction tag. Thanks for putting it back up, though. Happy Hanukkah! ~~~~ -Flarehunter76
- Try the four tildes without the <nowiki>/</nowiki> bit. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:21, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
A present[edit source]
Cheers! 
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:03, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Just the thing I need this evening to accompany my delicious prawns boiled in milk! Toda! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:06, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
Yo![edit source]
You're funny. I like you. --~ 
18:14, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
- You appear to be a gestalt entity. That's a good thing in my books too. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:16, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
- What's a gestalt entity? Something like a ghost? --~
18:20, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
- A gestalt entity is a physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of elements, so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a simple summation of its parts] - because you are both Mimo and Maxus, y'see? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:28, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
- A gestalt entity is a physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of elements, so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a simple summation of its parts] - because you are both Mimo and Maxus, y'see? :-) Rabbi Techno
- What's a gestalt entity? Something like a ghost? --~
Would you kindly give me a Pee Review?[edit source]
I know I've asked this once already. So would you kindly give me a Pee Review for my Fisher-Price (company) article? I have improved my article since the last time you reviewed it. My Pee Review : Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Fisher-Price_(company)_(re-review) hasn't been reviewed in a week. I was wondering if you would take some in doing so please? Thank you once again. DJ Mixerr 18:34, January 30, 2011 (UTC) User:DJ Mixerr/sig
- Oh, OK then - I don't usually do reviews because they're so mind-numbingly tedious. However, since you asked so nicely, I'll do it this time. It'll have to wait until tomorrow though as I'm going to cook dinner and have a shower very shortly. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:35, January 30, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for your vote, but more for your kind words. I'm almost speechless from the praise, and I'm really glad you liked Snow angels. DJMixerr, Socky, and you seem to have got it, and there's nothing better than someone really enjoying a piece of your writing. I wish we could have had a three way tie, or at least two, and I didn't expect a solo win or even a win at all. So it hasn't sunk in yet. Thanks again, and very appreciated. Aleister 1:02 2-1-'11
- And I do believe that Sog and I have tied for the award, meaning your vote was doubly imp-ortant, and so you deserve doubly (is that even a word?) thanks. With some cherries on top. Aleister 12:09 3-2-'11
- I'm particularly fond of Islay single malts, should you wish to prove that you're really thankful. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:15, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
- I would like nothing better than to partake in one of those malted milks with you, but we are thousands of miles separated, as I am now in Egypt fighting the uprising against our great ruler, Uncle Mulbarek, may his tomb rise higher than the other pyramids. And you deserve more than a single malted milk, at least a refill, in one of those big cold silver cups. Aleister 12:27 3-2-'11
- Malted milk...? Blerrrgh! I'm talking about this wondrous fluid! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:34, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Whiskey? Since when have spirit manufacturers stolen the name of malted from their milked brethern? It does look fine though, esp. the 18 year old bottle that Prince Charles seems to have inadvertently endorsed. I have a friend who drinks nothing but Woodford Reserve whiskey, and another who sticks to Early Times. Compared to your reccomendation, those two seem like American Budweiser compaged to any good dark ale. Aleister 12:42 3-2-'11
- That's the case with any whiskey (with an e) in my opinion. Whisky (without an e) only comes from Scotland and is entirely superior to any other type (though I will admit the Irish and Japanese make some decent ones - but nothing to even begin comparing with the likes of Laphroaig). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:48, February 3, 2011 (UTC)
- That's the case with any whiskey (with an e) in my opinion. Whisky (without an e) only comes from Scotland and is entirely superior to any other type (though I will admit the Irish and Japanese make some decent ones - but nothing to even begin comparing with the likes of Laphroaig). Rabbi Techno
- Whiskey? Since when have spirit manufacturers stolen the name of malted from their milked brethern? It does look fine though, esp. the 18 year old bottle that Prince Charles seems to have inadvertently endorsed. I have a friend who drinks nothing but Woodford Reserve whiskey, and another who sticks to Early Times. Compared to your reccomendation, those two seem like American Budweiser compaged to any good dark ale. Aleister 12:42 3-2-'11
- Malted milk...? Blerrrgh! I'm talking about this wondrous fluid! Rabbi Techno
- I would like nothing better than to partake in one of those malted milks with you, but we are thousands of miles separated, as I am now in Egypt fighting the uprising against our great ruler, Uncle Mulbarek, may his tomb rise higher than the other pyramids. And you deserve more than a single malted milk, at least a refill, in one of those big cold silver cups. Aleister 12:27 3-2-'11
- I'm particularly fond of Islay single malts, should you wish to prove that you're really thankful. ;-) Rabbi Techno
Apparently you're friendly.[edit source]
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World's Best Friend January 2011 |
Congratulations or something. ~ 04:56, 1 February 2011
The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.[edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?
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Awards and the winners thereof
 Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England. Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to  Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does. In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him. The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page. With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again. UnNews update
 After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait. UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel. |
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~ 02:33, 3 February 2011
UnNews:World distracted, Israel reverts to scheming[edit source]
I'll give this the 1-Spot...tomorrow, after the Super Bowl is over.
But that is no headline, that is a bleepin' Oath of Office! Spıke ¬ 19:31 6-Feb-11
In fact, "World distracted, Israel reverts to scheming" would get it done--May I shorten it? Spıke ¬ 01:24 7-Feb-11 Now done, hope that's okay. Spıke ¬ 12:02 7-Feb-11
- Go for it. I'd have probably changed the title myself, only I forgot. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:15, February 7, 2011 (UTC)
This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...[edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page
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Surprise!
 Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism. The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy.The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners. Big News!
 First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today. Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2! So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied. |
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~ 02:25, 10 February 2011
Richard Manley James[edit source]
The article is fictional for dramatic purposes. We are using it in a play to look a bit like a real Wikipedia article. Perhaps a little too much attention to detail, though.
- OK, this is how I think we'd best proceed. First of all, the article has no humour value and as such is in dire danger of being deleted by the next admin who spots it. However, since I'm in a good mood and appreciate theatre, I'd like to let it remain temporarily until you have no further use for it - so, I've moved it onto a userspace page where, unless I hear otherwise from the site bureaucrats, it can remain unmolested. It'd be much appreciated if you could let either myself or another admin know when you've finished with it and it can be deleted by adding it to QVFD, though. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:33, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
- You are in a good mood. This article--the author's only contribution here--is alternate-universe history with utterly no interest in humor, humor being what we do. And I'm skeptical that "a play" needs authentically Wikipedia-ish screen shots. Author should be told how eager Wikia, Inc. is to let him create his own wiki. Spıke ¬ 14:45 13-Feb-11
- It's these new drugs - they're great. You have a point re. creating his own wiki - I think I'll suggest it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:15, February 13, 2011 (UTC)
- It's these new drugs - they're great. You have a point re. creating his own wiki - I think I'll suggest it. :-) Rabbi Techno
- You are in a good mood. This article--the author's only contribution here--is alternate-universe history with utterly no interest in humor, humor being what we do. And I'm skeptical that "a play" needs authentically Wikipedia-ish screen shots. Author should be told how eager Wikia, Inc. is to let him create his own wiki. Spıke ¬ 14:45 13-Feb-11
World distracted[edit source]
Just a few ideas, I like the article and so I wouldnt write anything if I didnt think it feature worthy and that you were receptive. First, maybe pick a couple more known (who are shagging). I dont know really who they are. Minoan civilization might be replaced by say Phonecian, Roman or even Judite? not important but a thought. Colum filler could be slow news day solution? You refer to the Syrian republic as though its the people in power rather than a nation of people, but then talks about supressing its own people which doesnt make sense. Better to refer to Syria as a country of people or a republic terrorised by its dictator. "Insists" (in free election) could be replaced with many funny alternatives. You can replace them in "we know it was them" with an insulting alternative "Zionist Tricksters" or something much funnier and propaganda like. Points out to its own record isnt gramatically correct (not that my sentences are and my spelling is worse). In the part "that it was Israeli sand" could be followed by "deliberately planted by Israeli Yakud spies in a deep and complicated plot to sabotage Saudi Arabian sand and at the same time steal Saudi Arabian State secrets, not that we have any" or something even funnier, as its not clear to me what the sand has to do with sabotage. "on the polished surface" can be followed by, "some militants...I mean Israeli mercenary spies bombed the Ikea yesterday and I wont be able to replace this coffee table for moths". Besides, ofcourse it was the irsealis, everyone knows they drink coffee. They steal everyones coffe when you arent watching" Or soemthing even more paranoid sounding. These suggestions may ruin the flow of your story too so anyhoo, i wont be bothers if you ignore this. the last sentence is really funny, but kind of stands out and could use another sentence. Again, just ideas okay, and in the end i gave you way more suggestinos for other stuff than the couple things i didnt get. Verry funny though. --Shabidoo 02:46, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- In Europe - and in Britain in particular - Jordan and Peter Andre are as well known as the Royal Family. Not a day goes by without their faces appearing on at least one of the national papers and the celebrity magazines talk of little else. I think that even if the rest of the world has been fortunate enough to escape awareness of their existence, they're enough of a stereotype for anyone of average intelligence to understand. The Phoenician, Roman and ancient Jewish civilisations didn't vanish beneath the Mediterranean Sea as did the Minoan - so, since the sentence reads "vanished like the Minoan civilisation beneath the warm, blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea" it seems best to stick with them. I think that the slightly ambiguous grammar in the paragraph on Syria leads quite comfortably into the section on Syrians only being able to vote for one person which, without the preceding section as it is, loses any comedic value and might as well be omitted. A small joke it may be, but it's the first instance of subtle humour in the article and sets the tone for the remainder. "Zionist tricksters" at first seems a better alternative and I did consider changing it - but, given further thought, it would detract from the overall feel of the article which is that Israel is not the terrible thing many Middle Easterners portray it to be and that, when faced with the possibility of a real threat posed by the only factor that can permanently end the status quo and end a government in any nation - that nation's own people - they shit themselves and forget about the scapegoat. The sand works better in my opinion if it naturally drifted into Saudi Arabia because this section has two hidden points - one is that, like Syria, Saudi is talking crap rather than admit that Israel isn't a hostile power and the second is that it's a reference to a real news story from a couple of weeks ago when Saudi authorities arrested and interviewed a vulture caught in the desert after they noticed it had a tracking device attached to its leg by Israeli naturalists. The sand, of course, has nothing to do with sabotage - the point here is using absurdity to point out the absurdity of Saudi's vulture arrest and, of course, Egypt's accusation that Mossad deliberately placed a trained shark in the Red Sea to attack tourists and thus damage the Egyptian economy (also a real news story - if you missed it, look it up. It's hilarious). I think you've misread "points to its own impeccable human rights record," which does make grammatical sense. The section with the coffee is again intended to suggest that other Middle Eastern states have forgotten all about the supposed Israeli threat now that they're faced by a greater one. The intended tone is that Elias Murr isn't really thinking about the question due to having far greater worries and as such has said something ridiculous without thinking about his statement. Finally, I'm not entirely happy with the final sentence either; but I haven't been able to come up with a more succint conclusion.
Thanks for the suggestions - sincere as they are, I'd most certainly not have ignored them (and I solicited them anyway). Right - now I'm off to see if any vandals need to be banned, it's a great way to relax and relieve stress after a day at work. :-) Rabbi Techno 
kvetch 
Contribs 
FOXES 17:14, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Shabidoo on VFH mentions non-funny parts, but any UnNews that is so based on reality does the average reader a favor when it slows down and recaps what happened in reality. A couple months ago I edited a Romartus poke at Sarah Palin by inserting a non-funny paragraph. It helped the humor by turning the article from a seemingly out-of-the-blue attack into a playful spin on a gaffe she really did make.
- The reason I'm not happy either with the final sentence is that it states a thesis, which a "news reporter" doesn't do. Young writers of UnNews also often have to end their stories with a scolding or cheerleading. The endings I like best are those that turn the story in a completely different direction; though they might not take the reader all the way there, they say, "And imagine how crazy it could have gotten if we had talked about this instead!" Separately, the particular thesis is that newspaper readers were briefly fascinated, as with a shiny object, but then something caught their attention. This dovetails with the "World distracted" theme, but is sort of generic. Spıke ¬ 18:00 16-Feb-11
- My thoughts exactly - so, if either of you have any ideas for improvements to the final sentence, do share them. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:06, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- A few nibbles of food for thought. I read el pais, le monde and el mundo everyday, read the english news on the BBC and CBC online and nope still havent heard of those guys, Still dont know who they are. I guess im just not of the least intelegence ;) A bigger piece of food for thought, while I understand what your references were now with sand, coffee the elections, they should come through to the audience without having to explain them in the discussion? In the end though, the only thing I think you should run through again is the Syrian government sentence, it doesnt make sense grammatically no matter how I read it even though its clear what you want to say. Again, in my own humble opinion. --Shabidoo 23:22, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Not having heard of Jordan/Katie Price and Peter Andre is really no indication of lack of intelligence, so I shouldn't worry about that - in fact, it's a thing to be envied. However, I still suspect the majority of people will either know who they are or recognise the stereotype. I'm afraid I can't see why you find the Syrian sentence non-grammatical - it makes perfect sense to me. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:16, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Not having heard of Jordan/Katie Price and Peter Andre is really no indication of lack of intelligence, so I shouldn't worry about that - in fact, it's a thing to be envied. However, I still suspect the majority of people will either know who they are or recognise the stereotype. I'm afraid I can't see why you find the Syrian sentence non-grammatical - it makes perfect sense to me. Rabbi Techno
- It's pretty common practice to refer to a government of a country as just the country - it speaks for the country, and all that - as far as international relations are concerned, it effectively is the country. 128.138.65.158 23:56, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- It begins by refering to the syrian republic as an entity which criticises Israel (but not saying if its the government or the people), but then it is now something that persecutes its own people (so it is now some entity probably government with a population which it treats badly) then becomes the Baathparty (which the entity who persecutes its own people wants them to vote for) and then becomes the Syrian government (which insists that elections are fair). The subject of the paragraph is 4 different things (of which any would be fine on its own, or even only just two of them, including previous comment by mystery sock puppet). --Shabidoo 00:09, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- I think the IP (it being an IP rather than a sockpuppet ;-) ) is right - I've used a number of different ways of referring to the Syrian government, but to me it seems obvious that they all refer to the same entity. If I replaced each with "the Syrian government" the paragraph would be repetitive and ugly. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:19, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Hahaha, okay we will call it mystery IP non-sockpupet sockpupet guy. Its not a question of being obvious or not or understandable or not, its about clear writing (i.e. there is not reason to change the title of your sentence and its better without it, in my humble opinion as there are ways to do this without even having to mention the subject so many times). I found it clumsy the first time and I still do, as one would with four different ways to label a subject in one sentence. Your call. Anyhoo, nice article, Im glad it will be featured. :) --Shabidoo 12:27, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Might not be yet - six votes in five days isn't a spectacular VFH performance. Nevertheless, only time will tell. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:30, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Might not be yet - six votes in five days isn't a spectacular VFH performance. Nevertheless, only time will tell. Rabbi Techno
- Hahaha, okay we will call it mystery IP non-sockpupet sockpupet guy. Its not a question of being obvious or not or understandable or not, its about clear writing (i.e. there is not reason to change the title of your sentence and its better without it, in my humble opinion as there are ways to do this without even having to mention the subject so many times). I found it clumsy the first time and I still do, as one would with four different ways to label a subject in one sentence. Your call. Anyhoo, nice article, Im glad it will be featured. :) --Shabidoo 12:27, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- I think the IP (it being an IP rather than a sockpuppet ;-) ) is right - I've used a number of different ways of referring to the Syrian government, but to me it seems obvious that they all refer to the same entity. If I replaced each with "the Syrian government" the paragraph would be repetitive and ugly. Rabbi Techno
- It begins by refering to the syrian republic as an entity which criticises Israel (but not saying if its the government or the people), but then it is now something that persecutes its own people (so it is now some entity probably government with a population which it treats badly) then becomes the Baathparty (which the entity who persecutes its own people wants them to vote for) and then becomes the Syrian government (which insists that elections are fair). The subject of the paragraph is 4 different things (of which any would be fine on its own, or even only just two of them, including previous comment by mystery sock puppet). --Shabidoo 00:09, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- A few nibbles of food for thought. I read el pais, le monde and el mundo everyday, read the english news on the BBC and CBC online and nope still havent heard of those guys, Still dont know who they are. I guess im just not of the least intelegence ;) A bigger piece of food for thought, while I understand what your references were now with sand, coffee the elections, they should come through to the audience without having to explain them in the discussion? In the end though, the only thing I think you should run through again is the Syrian government sentence, it doesnt make sense grammatically no matter how I read it even though its clear what you want to say. Again, in my own humble opinion. --Shabidoo 23:22, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- My thoughts exactly - so, if either of you have any ideas for improvements to the final sentence, do share them. Rabbi Techno
PS--I have not heard of Price and Andre either, but their function in the lead sentence was crystal clear and it was funny. Shabidoo, you realize that author can only address your need for more context by inserting stuff that will further separate the "funny parts" you mentioned on VFH? Personifying a country, rather than identifying the individuals expressing an opinion, is an imprecision to be avoided in news--but not if it disturbs the flow of the UnNews. The point of this article is that Israel's neighbors continue to ply trite and fanciful grievances against Israel, and it is of minor importance and major distraction to me which persons are doing so. Spıke ¬ 12:56 17-Feb-11
- I really need to move to wherever it is you live - a life free of Katie, Peter and the various people they've been shagging/not been shagging/possibly been shagging over the last couple of years sounds positively Utopian. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:01, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Read about it. Spıke ¬ 13:04 17-Feb-11
- Like Vermont only right-side up, and with 85% fewer hippies? That's at least a million percent fewer hippies than Cambridge - I'll be on the next flight out! (Actually, New Hampshire is on my list of "the very few places in the USA I probably wouldn't hate all that much" along with San Francisco, Seattle and... er... Canada). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:08, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes, im happy with life without Katie and Peter, and happier not knowing who they are. Spike, I dont really get what you refer to on VHF, nor what it is exactly what you are trying to say. I just find the sentence awkward (I dont care if its about gov, people, votors but its simply akkkkkward) regardles of what it is trying to say, says or may say or could say. And in the end, it doesnt matter does it, cause I seem to be the only one who does find it akward. I must be akward. Ill write an article on akwardness. --Shabidoo 20:07, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Like Vermont only right-side up, and with 85% fewer hippies? That's at least a million percent fewer hippies than Cambridge - I'll be on the next flight out! (Actually, New Hampshire is on my list of "the very few places in the USA I probably wouldn't hate all that much" along with San Francisco, Seattle and... er... Canada). Rabbi Techno
- Read about it. Spıke ¬ 13:04 17-Feb-11
Lurg luuurg unsignpost luuuuurg[edit source]
The Uncyclopedia UnSignpostSmiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
Feb 17th, 2011 • Issue 108 • The newspaper that won't be interrupted by some kind of nocturnal omniv-
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Who are these people?
 That's right, this week, Uncyclopedia has seen several old people reappear and start editing with the best of us. The first to appear was Codeine, who appeared on the wiki after previously dropping by only every few weeks to revert the anniversary pages and bemoan the general state of things; our forecasters are currently unsure whether we will see a full resurgence of Codeine, but they are hopeful that levels will continue to rise until everyone is crushed beneath Codeine's massive... mixed metaphor. Rcmurphy has also joined the wiki and can be sighted wandering around on recent changes, asking silly questions and trying and failing to create articles; we asked our forecasters what they thought about Rcmurphy and the chances of him staying here, but apparently they don't care about "some noob".  Anyone who has not had a chance to speak to either Codeine or Rcmurphy should head to their talk pages right now and ask about their Mum and offer to adopt them, respectively. Be gentle with these two aged Uncyclopedians; remember, everything was far simpler in their day. When they were your age, all of this was fields, Mordillo was happy, the servers frolicked in a Wikia free wonderland and you were still a glint in your Mother's eye. We were lucky enough not to sit down with Codeine, but can predict with frightening accuracy that he would have said "Would you like a mint imperial?" if we had. You can't actually sit down with Rcmurphy because he has lost his 'sitting down and giving quotes to the UnSignpost' glasses, so we don't have a proper quote from him either. We can live with this and so can you. Remember, if you edit hard and eat your greens, you too could be just like Codeine and Rcmurphy in a few short years; how awesome would that be?! Suddenly News!
 So it was, with a mixture of relief and apathy, that the top 10 extravaganza drew to a close and it was revealed to everyone with no knowledge of the chronology of numbers which article claimed the top spot. Suddenly, Raccoons joins Dragon Warrior, AAAAAAAAA!, Captain Obvious, You Are Dead and the awkward tie from 2008 in the grand cupboard of Uncyclopedia where it shall remain as an example of how to write an Uncyclopedia article. The UnSignpost refuses to congratulate Hyperbole for writing Uncyclopedia's favorite article three years running, since doing so would run contrary to our aim of ultimately crushing him with the futility of his own existence. Hyperbole: You suck. In other news, the PLS scores have been added up; anybody who has been peeking at the results page while it was being created should report to Uncyclopedia HQ for the customary 15 lashes of the cat (the same punishment for reading this periodical before it is delivered), but should also be aware that ties in the PLS are unacceptable - don't ask why; they just are - and any ties have been broken with the help of the A quick word on the forums: Poo. That was fun wasn't it? The final item of news for you this week is that Zombiebaron, everybody's favourite flesh-devouring chocolate flavoured |
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~ 06:13, 17 February 2011
UnSignnull pointer exception[edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!
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Poo Aftermath
We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing
this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for It's all going to end in tears
 Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where  Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that. |
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~ 07:43, 24 February 2011
All the UnSignpost you ever wanted[edit source]
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!
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Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer
 Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff!  We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff
Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current. |
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~ 16:09, 3 March 2011
So Why Did Yhuu Now Go Did iTell Yhuu iDidnt Have Credit p 44[edit source]
I'm 99% sure that's a spambot, and just an attempt to get an external link many places on the Internet in order to boost a Google ranking. I deleted about two of those articles yesterday; someone moved on into his userspace for some reason, so I just deleted the link. 
pillow talk 16:02, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm unsure - there are sections that suggest a rudimentary understanding of and attempt at humour. I think the best course of action is to continue deleting them until he or she reveals themself as human and makes their case. If that doesn't happen then we'll just have to get busy with the old bansticks. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:07, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- It's spam, it's been going on cross-wiki (not just wikia, either) for about a month from several IP ranges and it's getting rather tiresome. I finally snapped this morning and started banning them with all of the most idiotic default reasons ?pedia has to offer, though, and strangely, I feel so much better now. But Uncyclopedia's defaults, by comparison, kind of suck. There isn't even a 'GAYTANK!' What's with that? ~ 18:18, 5 March 2011
- Oh well. We'll just have to keep huffing then. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:24, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh well. We'll just have to keep huffing then. Rabbi Techno
- It's spam, it's been going on cross-wiki (not just wikia, either) for about a month from several IP ranges and it's getting rather tiresome. I finally snapped this morning and started banning them with all of the most idiotic default reasons ?pedia has to offer, though, and strangely, I feel so much better now. But Uncyclopedia's defaults, by comparison, kind of suck. There isn't even a 'GAYTANK!' What's with that? ~
UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011[edit source]
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!
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Temporary admins and temporary brains
 It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer.  PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns
The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:09, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
A buck[edit source]
This token of appreciation has been given to
Rabbit Echo
for
Voting Local grandmother finally uses printer for VFH
That Bucker ~ 04:27, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
You caused a problem[edit source]
You made a link to a malicious website; you shouldn't be pleased. - 
LOL vandalz
- Details, please? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:44, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
on Forum:How do you imagine other users? (Fifth year anniversary) you added an image from an external link, and my Antivirus (McAfee) said the webpage was infected with Virus. for more see Forum:Malware has been detected on Uncyclopedia!! - LOL vandalz
- I'm going to guess there that it could have been due to someone hacking the site in question, possibly a while ago, whether than the site in question being a malicious site in itself. --Mn-z 16:05, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- If you look closely you'll notice that both of the images I added - Colin AYB and DA - are in fact both still there, and that Mimo was making a pseudo-antisemitic job along the lines of Jews wanting to destroy Uncyclopedia. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:09, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- If you look closely you'll notice that both of the images I added - Colin AYB and DA - are in fact both still there, and that Mimo was making a pseudo-antisemitic job along the lines of Jews wanting to destroy Uncyclopedia. Rabbi Techno
I do not agree with mimo&maxus on his comment, I just wanted to inform you of this issue. - LOL vandalz
- I WAS KIDDING! LOL! --~ 16:18, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- I think you've misunderstood what I said. The image causing the problem had nothing to do with me, and the two images I added to the page are still there. It's also subsequently been removed, and therefore is not an issue. Secondly, Mimo's comment was intended as humour, humourous antisemitism being a bit of an injoke around here and a valuable way in which real antisemites can be shown for the fools they are (I've certainly made my fair share of what at first appear to be antisemitic jokes over the years on this site) - so agreeing or disagreeing with it doesn't come into it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:23, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Did he just said I'm a fool? --~ 16:24, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Only if you really think Jews did WTC. Not to say that they didn't, of course. ;) —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:29, 11 March 2011 - Hush, you. Remember what Mossad did to the last person to go blabbing about that? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:34, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Only if you really think Jews did WTC. Not to say that they didn't, of course. ;) —Sir Socky
- Did he just said I'm a fool? --~
- I think you've misunderstood what I said. The image causing the problem had nothing to do with me, and the two images I added to the page are still there. It's also subsequently been removed, and therefore is not an issue. Secondly, Mimo's comment was intended as humour, humourous antisemitism being a bit of an injoke around here and a valuable way in which real antisemites can be shown for the fools they are (I've certainly made my fair share of what at first appear to be antisemitic jokes over the years on this site) - so agreeing or disagreeing with it doesn't come into it. :-) Rabbi Techno
I AM ON TOP. I AM NOT HAPPY AT THIS DISCUSSION AS IT IS HURTING THIS CONVERSATION. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I JUST SAID.
- LOL vandalz
- Nice taste in art - always liked Fuseli. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:30, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
Pretty sure this is something having to do with Wikia's ads, not the rabbi. But I, too, am unsure. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:11 Mar 12, 2011
- Or that cathyscamera.net image that anti-virus software doesn't like. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:43, March 12, 2011 (UTC)
Ronald[edit source]
Ah, you or some admin may want to take a look at the user page of RONALD MCDONALD JR. He seems to have made it into a feature page, complete with template. Better if an admin reams him out than if a user comes up and kicks his ass, either or. Aleister 16:02 12-3-'11
- Thanks - I didn't spot that. Let me know if he replaces it once I'm not paying attention again. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:11, March 12, 2011 (UTC)
- What? You didn't spot it? And here I thought you were all seeing/all knowing. You've ruined my image of you forever, who am I to believe in now? Aleister 16:15 12-3-'11
- Only had two cups of coffee today - my powers are diminished as a result. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:17, March 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Only had two cups of coffee today - my powers are diminished as a result. :-) Rabbi Techno
- What? You didn't spot it? And here I thought you were all seeing/all knowing. You've ruined my image of you forever, who am I to believe in now? Aleister 16:15 12-3-'11
Mike Tyson thanks yo’ sorry ass[edit source]
Sir Mike
Do I edit below this red line?[edit source]
I saved your images! Feel free to add {{notorphan}} to them if you don't want them to be deleted in the next unused images holocaust. ;) —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:51, 16 March 2011
Don't Go[edit source]
You were the first one that believed in me! You helped me with The Simpsteins. Why? --
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 16:55, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I liked the article, that was all the reason I needed. However, after five years of this
shitwonderful community, a break is welcome and I'll probably like it a lot more when I return. Also, it's going to be so much fun watching Recent Changes next time there's a serious vandal outbreak and it'll be all ChiefJusticeDS's problem. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:00, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
- You're leaving? Nooooooooo! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:11, 16 March 2011
- No, not really - I just wanted to see if people would react like you have or say "Good - and stay away you wanker!" Actually, no - I really am having a sabbatical. I'll be back, though, I have nothing else to fill the days. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:18, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Good. And don't be one of those users who dosen't keep their promise and dosen't come back for 2 years, and stays 2 days to check on things, then leaves again. --
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 17:46, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Good. And don't be one of those users who dosen't keep their promise and dosen't come back for 2 years, and stays 2 days to check on things, then leaves again. --
- No, not really - I just wanted to see if people would react like you have or say "Good - and stay away you wanker!" Actually, no - I really am having a sabbatical. I'll be back, though, I have nothing else to fill the days. Rabbi Techno
- You're leaving? Nooooooooo! —Sir Socky
Goodbye. Come back again one day (´；ω；`) . - くそったれ Talk contrib 18:04, March 16, 2011 (UTC)
It's been a pleasure! You recently said you admired my part of the world, along with a handful of other U.S. destinations. In the case that your sabbatical is because of a trans-Atlantic vacation, I should point out that my state actually has nothing in common with any of those cosmopolitan places, so my best guess is that you would hate it. And, although I'd take you out for an evening of drinking, I no longer know where the Best Places are, since I started coming here. Shalom. Spıke ¬ 23:13 16-Mar-11
AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost[edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!
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General news round-up
It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey!
 The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately. |
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~ 05:10, 17 March 2011
UnSignpostOnTheDelivery[edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
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The Apocalypse will be televised
 Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial
 The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks  Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse. |
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~ 10:13, 24 March 2011
Once upon a time[edit source]
A 90 years old Jewish lady hobbles into a NY Travel Agency and asks for a Ticket to Tibet. The staff is a bit shocked and suggests she travel first to London, and then see how she feels. So she flies to London and goes straight into a UK Travel Agency and asks for a ticket to Tibet. The staff is a bit shocked and suggests she travel first to India, and then see how she feels. So she flies to Delhi and goes straight into an Indian Travel Agency and asks for a ticket to Tibet. The staff is a bit shocked and suggests she travel first to Nepal, and then see how she feels. So she flies to Kathmandu and goes straight into a Nepalese Travel Agency and asks for a ticket to Tibet. The staff is a bit shocked and asks where she’s going in Tibet. She replies, “I’m going to Rinpoche Monastery in a cave on a Himalayan Mountain. The staff is a bit shocked and suggests she travel first to Tibet, and then see how she feels. So she flies to Lahasa and goes straight into a trekking agency and asks for a guide to Rinpoche Monastery Cave. They are shocked and tell her, “Madam! That is high above the snow line, it is very dangerous mountain climbing!” But she insists, so they get her going with a couple Sherpa. She traverses sheer cliffs and risky ledges and finally reaches the cave monetary. When she enters the cave she is stopped by some monks who ask what she wants? She says, “I want to meet the Guru!” They reply, “Oh, no one can meet the Guru, very sorry!” But she insists, saying, “I will only say THREE WORDS to the Guru, please allow me to meet.” The monks relent and take the old lady into the cave monastery and up to the highest chamber, where the Guru sits majestically with long hair and beard. The monks inform the Guru about the old ladies request and he agrees to hear her three words. So the old lady goes near the big Guru and whispers in his ear, “Sammy! Come home!” CHEERS!--Funnybony 
08:58, Mar 28
- I suggest getting a stand-up slot in the Borscht Belt ASAP. My favourite Jewish joke...
A rabbi takes a flight from Tel Aviv to New York, with the flight routed via Rome where a Boman Catholic priest boards the plane and is seated next to the rabbi. Before too long, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, tell me - is it still a requirement of the Jewish faith that you do not eat pork?"
"That is indeed the case," the rabbi replies. "Even though there's no logical reason not to do so, you still don't eat pork?" the priest inquires. "Yes, even though it has never been explained to us why we shouldn't eat pork, we still do not eat it," the rabbi tells him.
The priest falls silent for a few moments. "I really must ask, rabbi," says the priest, "Was there ever a time when you became curious as to what pork might taste like?" "Well," says the rabbi, "I was a young man once and I was curious about the world - yes, I did wonder what pork might taste like."
"And did that curiosity ever get the better of you," the priest asks, "Did you ever actually taste pork?" "There was a time," the rabbi answers, "when that very thing happens. I was a young man, still studying for the rabbinate, and I became so curious that I went to a non-kosher restaurant and I ordered pork. Just that once."
"Ah, I see," says the priest. Both men fall silent for a short time again.
After some time, the rabbi turns to the priest and asks, "Father, now that I have answered your questions, perhaps you would answer mine. Is it still a requirement of your faith that you do not engage in sexual relations, even though there is no logical reason not to do so?"
"That is true," the priest tells him, "We still do not engage in sexual relations." "And did you ever become curious as to what sex might be like?" the rabbi continues. "Since you have been honest with me and we are both men of God, I will answer truthfully," the priest says, "As a young man whuilst studying at theological college, I had a natural curiosity about such things. However, my faith remained strong and I never once weakened so much that I abandoned my celibacy."
"Well," says the rabbi, "I can relieve your curiosity - it beats the hell out of a bacon sandwich."
Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:40, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
*Achoo!*[edit source]
Excuse me. Anyway, it looks to me that you voted for on HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise and were inducted into the brotherhood of disguise masters. Well guess what? It made it into featured queue, which entitles you to the golden Groucho Marx glasses award. Congratulations.
--
15:29, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
Nom[edit source]
I just nommed Miley Davis. So sue me! --Sog1970 20:58, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
- A thousand thankyous. Your camels are forever welcome to graze upon my pastures, inshallah. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:56, April 2, 2011 (UTC)
- You bastard! I was going to write an article to replace the fuck awful gypsies and then found you'd already written Pikeys - Our Friends. In vengeance, I have nommed that too. Let that be a lesson to you! --Sog1970 12:21, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Also, Miley is about to feature. I hope you're able to live with yourself. --Sog1970 13:08, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Blimey - I wrote that one years ago. Funnily enough, I was talking about it to someone I work with the other day. Spooky! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:38, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Pikeys also features! Consider yourself thoroughly punished.--Sog1970 20:53, April 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Blimey - I wrote that one years ago. Funnily enough, I was talking about it to someone I work with the other day. Spooky! Rabbi Techno
- Also, Miley is about to feature. I hope you're able to live with yourself. --Sog1970 13:08, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- You bastard! I was going to write an article to replace the fuck awful gypsies and then found you'd already written Pikeys - Our Friends. In vengeance, I have nommed that too. Let that be a lesson to you! --Sog1970 12:21, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
This is your UnSignpost speaking[edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!
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Farewell
 Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season
 There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:17, 31 March 2011
Terribly creative UnSignpost header[edit source]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?
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April Fool
 As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition
 As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:23, 7 April 2011
HowTo:Not die when eating mushrooms[edit source]
You saw the healine, and now you think I came for complain stuff. But you were wrong.
Really, thanx, dude, I`m really glad what you did on my page. It looks now just so cool. Of course, I`m gonna still edit this page, sooner or later, but dude, thanx. Zzz 
04:53, 11 April, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.[edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.
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Sysops, sysops, and more sysops
It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs.
 Awards and contests everyone forgot about
As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:13, 14 April 2011
A noob writes...[edit source]
Hello! I am brand new here, and I really tried to get it right! I like to THINK that my submitted word "BOAP" (the noun---the verb is coming later) is & was a good one! I know nothing about formatting & so I apple-ol-o-gize. (Another personal word, lol). I also have a touch of A.S. (Asperger's Syndrome) which makes *remembering* (new) rules very difficult, at *first*. But I'm great once someone *shows me how*, and I really get rolling. (I have a GREAT band bio in the works.) So----Could you perhaps just this once (& since it's such a short entry) *format* it FOR me??? I would really appreciate it, and then I can look at the mark-up and see what I got wrong. I think I'd learn a bit too. I've got the "how to be silly intelligently" part down REALLY well. (I should---I'm past 40 years old! LOL) But, again, please let me know. I think the world NEEDS to know how to BOAP, and about BOAP also. Please let me know. Thanks in advance! ~ OOM
[My text was this:]
BOAP [Noun] - A verb which means exactly what it does, although this has hardly yet been proven. Also, the meaning and the usage often tend to change quite a bit. Although this is not mutually unconclusive, it also may be. Although the earliness of this report may render it unspecial, it can hardly be deemed silly, although it is expected to be both dismissed and ridiculed as being either proto-silly or para-silly, in most non-countries and other similar non-situations. The word is often capitalized for no apparent reason, although (according to Baron Von Kirshboom, of Tasmanian red plastic pepper vending fame), the purpose of this may be in order to make the word more silly. (QQV)
HISTORY The word was apparently used at least once in the Roman Empire, circa 3 C.E., by a person or persons unknown. The phrase used was apparently "To boap or not to boap", which, although widely mocked in Greenland, does not clearly define the word. According to severely non-reliable sources, the actual meaning of the original Roman phrase (written on Green-friendly pepper-paper) remains locked in a lead/copper-hybrid safety deposit box seven miles beneath the Vatican. The reason for this remains unknown. – Preceding unsigned comment added by OOMPACHEECHICHOO (talk • contribs)
That UnSignposty thing[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.
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VFS update
As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:19, 21 April 2011
Hey there![edit source]
Sorry to bother you, but Im new to uncylcopedia, and I recently created the Burnt face man page.
I realised you huffed it for being an abandoned page in construction.
I'd just like to ask if you could re-implement it, I was having troubles working out how to remove the construction sign, as I though it was acceptable of being a page, and had to try and find pictures and maybe do a bit more writing when I have more time on my hands.
Thanks. Totalcookie.
- I've restored that for you, risking the vengeful wrath of the Rabbi. He shall repayeth or something. --ChiefjusticePS2 06:08, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011[edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.
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General News Round-up
It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again
 In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. Naruto
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:24, April 28, 2011 (UTC)
UnNews:Customs_agreement_leads_to_mini_big_bang[edit source]
What was the problem with updating a picture on the old copy? I wrote it, it was my decision to put the stupid picture up and for reasons of continuity I even linked to the original version
I explained it all on the talk page. --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:11, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
- You've probably already seen my undo reason, but I'll reiterate here anyway: Either I clicked rollback without realising it or one of the ferrets - all four of whom have been climbing up my legs and all over the computer in an attempt to steal the pretzels I'm eating - managed to do it. Anyway, was entirely unintentional so feel free to continue. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:14, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I did. I have this buffer problem where about any text I click gets copied to clip board and pasted into fields. I have made inadvertent wiki edits when voting and everything. So I understand. I was mostly confused since I had even described my motivation on the talk page. Peace --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:19, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I only have a cat to blame if something rollbacks itself while I'm logged in. Especially after my cat figured out how to play Angry Birds on the iBad, he's been skilled enough with touch-screen applications like interwebz to probably fool one of those "sobriety test" apps into thinking he's a sober hoomin...
- Oh, and to return to my original reason to pop by: Hewwo thar! ^_^ -- DameViktoria
- (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:22, 1 May
- Cats, eh? Ferrets too. Hello! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:33, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I really am being restless... I have to wait for a fortnight to face a total stranger whose job it is to decide whether or not I get to move to another country and marry Mr Luvvy... *sigh* Maybe I need to go to sleep? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:54, 1 May
- Thankfully, love is still seen as a very good reason for a person to be permitted entry to another country - not as much as the ability to make a shitload of cash and pay high taxes, but still a good one. Fingers crossed! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:18, May 2, 2011 (UTC)
- If An UnNamed Perv could have his way, he'd see me do Victoria's Secret modelling for a living and make a shitload of cash... In reality, I'll probably sell my soul to Microsoft or some other such company, translating documents to and from my two native tongues, and make better pay than Mr Luvvy does... I didn't realise it, but being fluent in three or more languages is an asset outside Finland... :P -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:19, 3 May
- If An UnNamed Perv could have his way, he'd see me do Victoria's Secret modelling for a living and make a shitload of cash... In reality, I'll probably sell my soul to Microsoft or some other such company, translating documents to and from my two native tongues, and make better pay than Mr Luvvy does... I didn't realise it, but being fluent in three or more languages is an asset outside Finland... :P -- DameViktoria
- Thankfully, love is still seen as a very good reason for a person to be permitted entry to another country - not as much as the ability to make a shitload of cash and pay high taxes, but still a good one. Fingers crossed! Rabbi Techno
- I really am being restless... I have to wait for a fortnight to face a total stranger whose job it is to decide whether or not I get to move to another country and marry Mr Luvvy... *sigh* Maybe I need to go to sleep? -- DameViktoria
- Cats, eh? Ferrets too. Hello! Rabbi Techno
- I did. I have this buffer problem where about any text I click gets copied to clip board and pasted into fields. I have made inadvertent wiki edits when voting and everything. So I understand. I was mostly confused since I had even described my motivation on the talk page. Peace --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 17:19, May 1, 2011 (UTC)
Signpost Un[edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.
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VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki.
 Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead!  Uncyclopedia's most Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now... |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:19, 5 May 2011
The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens[edit source]
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!
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Uncyclopedia  After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them.  This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:45, 12 May 2011
UnSignpost[edit source]
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!
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Voting Takes a Back Seat
 Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum
 Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:09, 19 May 2011
Nyan_cat[edit source]
LOL, proof I have never read the article. I just went on a formatting spree, with it, but if a person goes through the edits, they'll notice I did little more than wikilink and == some words. I finally after umpteen years got a handle on it's and its, and would have changed them, but I keep waiting for the original author to come back and edit the sucker. I have no idea what the thing is. --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:32, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- To be strictly truthful, you're better off if you can overlook them. Many years ago I set out on a quest to rid Uncyclopedia of all instances of misused it's and its, along with bringing an end to the terrible cruelty inflicted upon innocent apostrophes among these pages. For a month or two, I was valiant in my quest but in time the sheer enormity of my task took its toll and, before too long, I discovered I had gone completely mad (and I mean mad in a proper howling at the moon, masturbating into piles of my own faeces way, not your friendly neighbourhood schizophrenic who picks up cigarette butts in the carpark and says he can talk to aliens). Now, I am forced to spend my days confined to a stone cell in a late 19th Century German lunatic asylum, not unlike the one Renfield lives in in the Bela Lugosi version of Dracula. It sucks, but the spiders don't taste bad. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 22:39, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- With any pet peeve, we are much better off if we can just let them go. Fix if you can, but not let it ruin your day. Some users claim to not be able to read if there are spelling errors or typos. That is too bad. It's a borderline OCD or even possibly BPD, but who am I to judge. But I am happy to have it straight. I do however declare the rule of it's/its is arbitrary and could have just as easily been reversed, and bizarro earth, I am sure it is. (or it's)--KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:44, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- It was my mission to correct every instance of "seperate" that really did me in. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 22:52, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Get someone to program their bot to do it, or get one. No one should have to spend time hunting for aggravating tpyos (sic) --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:54, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Every time a bot is programmed to carry out a menial task, a child starves. I just employ some common people to do it and pay them 50p per day. It's a damn sight better than the fuck-all the government pay the unemployed to live on. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 22:59, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Every time a bot is programmed to carry out a menial task, a child starves. I just employ some common people to do it and pay them 50p per day. It's a damn sight better than the fuck-all the government pay the unemployed to live on. Rabbi Techno
- Get someone to program their bot to do it, or get one. No one should have to spend time hunting for aggravating tpyos (sic) --KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:54, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
- It was my mission to correct every instance of "seperate" that really did me in. Rabbi Techno
- With any pet peeve, we are much better off if we can just let them go. Fix if you can, but not let it ruin your day. Some users claim to not be able to read if there are spelling errors or typos. That is too bad. It's a borderline OCD or even possibly BPD, but who am I to judge. But I am happy to have it straight. I do however declare the rule of it's/its is arbitrary and could have just as easily been reversed, and bizarro earth, I am sure it is. (or it's)--KLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:44, May 19, 2011 (UTC)
Phnerb unsignpost[edit source]
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!
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Weekly update
The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews
UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:16, May 26, 2011 (UTC)