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35,345 articles in Canadian, eh?
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Today's featured article
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Giant Novelty Foam Hands! Giant Novelty Foam Hands!! GIANT NOVELTY FOAM HANDS!!! WOW! Can you believe it? No you can't! Wanna know why? Because it's unbelievable! It's a miracle! I mean you have to see this deal we have going on! All for only $999.99!!!!! I mean, this is just a solid golden platinum deal if I've ever heard one. You don't just see giant novelty foam hands of this kind of quality for a price like this. We really should be charging more, but since my superiors and I here at Giant Novelty Foam Hands Incorporated value a quality product more than the bottom line, we slashed our prices like an angry teenage girl slashes her wrists, which judging from the outcries of my daughter, is quite a lot!
What's in it for you? What's in it for YOU? I'll tell you what's in it for you. Social status. Political power. Omnipotence. Laughter in the office. Foam is also good for the environment. In this day and age, it's important not to get left behind with the times. What with the economy the way it is, and political turmoil all over the place, you need a secret weapon. You need something that can turn everything around for you. Whether you own a business or are stuck competing in the rat race with Machiavellian coworkers, you need something that can grind your competitors into gravel, that can mercilessly crush them, leaving you sole victor over all the spoils of victory. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
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In the news
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On this day...
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August 21: International "Look over there!" Day
- 4002 BCE - Adam and Eve become aware of their nakedness; Eve asks Adam why he is staring at her breasts. Adam shouts "Look over there!" and runs away, thus inventing The Oldest Trick in the Book.
- 3998 BCE - Adam tells Eve her shoelaces are untied and flicks her in the nose, thus inventing The Second-Oldest Trick in the Book.
- 27 - Jesus says he sees a giant killer land shark, uses the distraction to grab many loaves and fishes from his wagon.
- 1458 - A small child in London shouts "Look, a duck!" whilst pointing in the air to buy himself enough time to rob the city while the population is staring pointlessly at the sky.
- 1831 - While picking cotton, Nat Turner shouts "Look at all those abolitionists!" and runs away, successfully escaping slavery.
- 1832 - Nat Turner hanged.
- 1911 - Louvre employee remarks "My stars, what is that," steals Mona Lisa.
- 1940 - Leon Trotsky is killed with a pickaxe in Mexico. His last name reminds me of a horse.
- 1959 - President Dwight D. Eisenhower exclaims "That woman is topless!", signs Hawaii into statehood while everyone is distracted.
- 1967 - Carrie-Anne Moss distracts mother long enough to escape from uterus.
- 1976 - Korean War: Operation Paul Bunyan takes place. An American invasion force is distracted when North Koreans yell "Look at that giant tree," causing angry Marines to forget their mission and focus on chopping it down.
- 1995 - Monica Lewinsky screams "Oh no, a vast right-wing conspiracy," fellates Bill Clinton while he's looking around exclaiming "Where? Where?"
- 2003 - Edna Turnington of Gloucestershire purchases seven pounds of ground beef.
- 2010 - HOLY CRAP THERE'S A GIANT SPIDER ON THE WALL BEHIND YOU!
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Prime Minister and Canuck of the Month
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Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon.
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Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear.
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Vote for Prime Minister of the Month | Vote for Canuck of the Month | Vote for Moose of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006
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