User talk:CheddarBBQ/arch5

Place Your Requests For The Almighty CheddarBBQ!!!

June 5 - September 26, 2009

Highlights include:

• Mahm00shA insults my sensicalness (4)
• Verto asks me to adopt him, which I did, shortly before he disappeared (10)
• Italy loses to Egypt in the world's dumbest sport (20)
• My internet finally fixes itself somehow (21)
• Mahm00shA fucking loves pizza (36)
• Football Stuff (40, 42, 43, 47, 49, 51, 58)
• Birthday Stuff (41, 48, 52)
• I find the 2nd Italian member of Uncyclopedia (55)

UotM

I nommed you, because you deserve it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:15, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much. Think you can do it again next month when I lose? I'm not gonna vote for myself after promising my vote to Mahm00shA. Also I think Multiliteralist has pretty much got it for this month because of the portals stuff. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:18,6June,2009

ADOPT ME

HERE FOR THE ADOPT A NOOB SPACE WHAT'S HAPPENIN WID THAT?? -- – Preceding unsigned comment added by Dr Greenthumb (talk • contribs)

An important announcement from your friends at IC.

Did you know *snicker*...Ahem. Did you know that SYSRQ IS TEH GHEYZORS? LOLOLOL!

Also, we've decided to keep our Colonization projects contained to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/project for your watchlisting convenience. Put it in your watchlist and try to remember to add a cuss word or something once in a while eh?

Also also, I heard that Gerry likes the smell of his own farts.

Have fun Colonizers and let's be careful out there. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:08, 6 Jun

YAY! I recieved the default message too! Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:11,6June,2009

It just doesnt make sense

That you (my adopter) and me (your adoptee, obviously) havent done a collab yet. So, how about working with me on UnScripts:The King and getting it featured? (Also, what's your real name?) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 09:07 June 7 '09

I DID ask you about a collab an archive back or so, but you never responded. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:42,7June,2009

I dont recall that... Anyway, do you want to do this collab? (and whats your real name?) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:46 June 7 '09

Maybe. I thought The King was done already. And you never told me your name. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:38,7June,2009

my name is mohamad, 85% of egyptian males are called mohamad, actually. whats yours? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:08 June 7 '09

Yeah, I bet they are. My name is Don Salvatore Leone. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:11,7June,2009

Don?! No shit? I thought that title was for mafia bosses or something... Also, I though your name was Super Mario :p Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:19 June 7 '09

It is the title for Mafia bosses. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:21,7June,2009

Really, whats your name? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:22 June 7 '09

What's yours, cause I'm not sure Mohammad is the truth. But I'm Giovanni de la Villarosa, or John in English. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:24,7June,2009

no, my real name is mohamad fareed, i swear. But really, quit shitting me, whats your name? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:28 June 7 '09

I'm serious. Giovanni de la Villarosa. John is English for Giovanni. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:32,7June,2009

Ok, I'll call you Govvie.. Fine? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:42 June 7 '09

No. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:44,7June,2009

But I want to give you a nickname.. What would you suggest? (other than adopapa) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:49 June 7 '09

Be creative. But not Govvie. It gives me chills. The fact that I have "rose" in my name doesn't give you any ideas? It was hell in elementary school. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:52,7June,2009

Rosie? Don? Mafia? Gio? Choose one, or suggest another Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:58 June 7 '09

I like Don. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:59,7June,2009

I knew it :) Now, you're officially Don Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 22:03 June 7 '09

I use Internet Explorer, actually

And your Homestar page looks fantasic. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:07, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank You. I was hoping it would be fantasic. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:43,7June,2009

hey

Add I.P's/user's breaking the rules to ban patrol. --Docile hippopotamus 01:32, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

ello

You should make the dog in your script. Staircase CUN^t 16:16, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:20 June 9 '09

It's Mahm0sha's script. I'm just contributing. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:23,9June,2009

OH. I see. Well, Mahm00shA, you should make me the dog. Staircase CUN^t 16:41, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Sadly

Leprechaun failed on VFH. It was quasi'd, though. Saberwolf116 15:40, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

I noticed. It was so close too! The thing that sucks is that a big part of the problem was timing. There were a lot of good articles during its nomination. It reached up to about 13 points at times, but there was always one with 14 or 15. Just a couple more days and I think it would've gotten the feature. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:17,10June,2009

Also, is there a template I can put on my page for a quasi? Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:19,10June,2009

I'll make one for you. :) Saberwolf116 16:20, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

YAY. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:23,10June,2009

Here you are. All you have to do is put this on your userpage: {{User:Saberwolf116/Quasi}} Saberwolf116 17:09, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:11,10June,2009

hey

Going to re-nom Leprechaun for VFH? --Docile hippopotamus 22:48, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Probably. Go ahead if you want to. Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:50,10June,2009

Done. --Docile hippopotamus 22:53, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Adopt Me

Hello, my name is Verto, and I'm wondering if you could give me a good home. I saw your offer on the adopters list and I knew 'this is the one'. I'm a cuddly innocent noob that would like to learn a bit about html, formating, what cracks people up and the who's who around here. I'm prepared to work hard and long, but my main goal is noob of the month. I know I have the ambition, can you help me along the way to uncyclopedia stardom? Cheers, --Verto 02:48, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

hey

I like what your doing with homestar runner. What are your other plans for it? --Docile hippopotamus 02:40, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea. That's all I planned. Now I'm stuck. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:01,12June,2009

Thy sig

Change it, make it shorter and put Don in it (Link it to CUN) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 08:26 June 12 '09

It's already like that. The 1st word is Don, and it links to CUN. Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:44,12June,2009

Peyton Manning

How do you not know who Peyton Manning is? I know you're non-American, but still. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:29, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Damn Americans and their ego maniacal approach mumble mumble mumble ~ 17:44, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

I know who Peyton Manning is. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:27,12June,2009

Peyton Manning iz teh gheyzorzz!!!!1one1!!shift+1! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 20:37 June 12 '09

Dosn't anyone around here watch hockey? Big big big game on tonight --VERTO my talk 20:39, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

No offense adoson 2, but hockey sucks. And i know who the hell Peyton Manning is. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:45,12June,2009

What's a hockey? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:08 June 12 '09

"Hockey sucks" Hmm, can't argue with that logic. With all that substantial evidence and reasoning to back up your point. --VERTO my talk 21:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I've wasted a summer of my life playing land hockey. But I dont give a flying rat's ass about hockey anymore, land, ice or even air hockey.. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:21 June 12 '09

Now hold one. I happen to like AIR hockey. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:33,12June,2009

My first article

UnBooks:This Space Camp Looks a lot like Fat Camp Tell me what you think. Bestow upon me your all knowing wisdom :P --VERTO my talk 03:54, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Ehi ciao! Ma sei registrato anche su Nonciclopedia? by Puzza87, admin di Nonciclopedia

dont leave us, don! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 12:33 June 13 '09

Leave? Why would I leave? And I love the title of the UnBook, I'll read it and tell you what I think. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:20,13June,2009

E qual è Nonciclopedia? Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:21,13June,2009

Wow I'm getting a lot of attention on my article, check the discussion --VERTO my talk 15:39, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

So tell me what you think of my other article so far? --VERTO my talk 02:08, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

I like it. I fixed some little grammar and spelling and etc. errors. I loved the end of Scene 2. The only question is, do you have more to develop it? I just wanna make sure you aren't stopping at Scene 2. Stopping at that point would make it seem more like a joke than a humorous script. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:09,15June,2009

I was thinking of scene 3, where he goes back to his office and he talks with carlyle some more, then an epilogue telling of how terry's entire life is destroyed because of the incident. Humour through over-exaggeration is always a sure bet. --VERTO my talk 03:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay, yeah that sounds like a nice ending. Not sure how you're planning on pulling that off, but I'm looking forward to the surprise. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:15,15June,2009

Hey Chedds

I've just been crusing around today, mainly all bored. What's up? Staircase CUN^t 21:12, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

If you wanna chat, come into UN:CHAT with me. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:13,15June,2009

Sorry I had to go, I got shot. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:53,15June,2009

That sucks. Staircase CUN^t 21:54, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, but it'll leave a nice scar. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:57,15June,2009

Chicks dig scars... unless they're on italian people. Staircase CUN^t 21:58, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, haha. At least my Mafia profile will look cooler. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:59,15June,2009

Shot: Once Staircase CUN^t 22:00, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

I meant the picture on the profile. Give me a sort of Scarface sort of look. Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:01,15June,2009

Ah. Staircase CUN^t 22:02, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Tone

Well, you start off with "this is for certain eyes only," "top secret government" type stuff, and then you drift into "this Lep. had true power; power everyone wanted." You would never find a phrase like that in a document that started off with the whole "this is for certain eyes only" thing. I hope you understand what I mean. If you want, I could rewrite portions of the article for you, so make it feel more coherent and even-handed, but I would have to take a half-credit for it if was featured, and I dont't want to do that because you worked really hard on it, so hopefully you understand my explaination above. If not, I could elaborate more, so just ask me. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:24, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Well, I dont't want you taking credit either, so i'll work on it. I think I get what you're saying, I assume you're talking mainly about the army and revolution section, right? I may just have to trash those two. I myself wasn't very satisfied with the ending, but I wasn't sure what to do to it. Oh well. Shotgun at the ready. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:29,17June,2009

Tim Burton

You can take him if you want, I'm taking a break from film stuff for a while, after the protracted struggle that was rewriting Akira Kurosawa. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:49, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

No, I don't wanna rewrite it. I just figured you were going to. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:02,17June,2009

Fruitopia

Thank you for your informative review! Now, to clarify a couple things.

"Oreo-o's" were a short-lived cereal in America in the late 1990's. They were amazing.

The names of the characters are supposed to be realistic-sounding names of people my age (15-16). This story is somewhat autobiographical (though I never got in trouble for my disruptions for some reason). I picture this scene in a Spanish classroom with a group of students, desks bunched together, in the corner supposedly "doing their work" but actually just talking about the 90's. (I see crispy M&M's to be the next thing they talk about minus the narrator)

And yes, I do love Fruitopia.

By the way, after doing the few, quick changes you suggested, do you think this will fare well in VFH?--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 19:52, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh hell yeah. It was a great article. I'd vote for it. And I do remember eating an Oreo cereal, but I didn't know they called Oreo-os. I didn't like them all that much. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:09,17June,2009

Ok then, I'll put it on now!--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 20:11, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

That new pic looks exactly like the book they used in my spanish class. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:17,17June,2009

You're not banned

Like I said over on Socky's talkpage, it's an internal error with MediaWiki. Try logging on again in an hour and if it hasn't fixed itself by then, go complain on the Chatroom to Sannse or somebody. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 18:00, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Half time Egypt 1 - 0 Italy :P

World confideration cup, check it out! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 19:22 June 18 '09

Mohammed Homos? That name has to be made up. And it's only half-time, it could still go either way. By the way, I'm having problems with my account, so I'll be using an IP address until they're fixed. See Sannse for details. --CheddarBBQ

It's hummus, not homos.. Mistransliteration Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 19:58 June 18 '09

On goal.com, it says Homos, "EGYPT TAKE THE LEAD WITH HOMOS FROM ABOUTRIKA'S CORNER." And why do you end all your senences with either two or no periods? --CheddarBBQ

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA We won! We won! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 20:31 June 18 '09

Soccer sucks anyway. --CheddarBBQ

As far as I could make any sense of it

Wikia sites are probably malfunctioning in your country for some unspecified reason. If you keep having problems, contact Sannse. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:27, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

I already did, he hasn't gotten back to me, and it's not wikia sites, just Uncyclopedia, and just with my account. --CheddarBBQ

Sannse is a she. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:11, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, she hasn't gotten back to me yet. --CheddarBBQ

Maybe it's something on your computer then? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:12, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

IT WORKS!!! IT WORKS!!! IT FINALLY WORKS!!! Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:23,19June,2009

And no, it couldn't have been my computer cause it didn't just do it on my comp. It was my ACCOUNT. IP's worked fine. Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:25,19June,2009

Hmm... Still strange. Oh well, glad to see you can edit from your account. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:23, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, here's hoping that that never happens again. Oh, and Sannse never did get back to me. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:27,19June,2009

She's not always around that much. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:29, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I figured. Oh well, it's over. Hopefully. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:31,19June,2009

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:33, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

a favor

If you like it could you vote for Uncyclopedia:VFH/Atlas Shrugged (2nd nomination)? --Docile hippopotamus 01:53, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Someone finally whored to me! I'm not alone! Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:32,20June,2009

Do we join forces and take over Uncyclopedia now? --Docile hippopotamus 02:43, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

Hm... we may need some reinforcements... Hold your fire for now, but be at the ready. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:10,20June,2009

At thy service, sire. Me, my shield and my sword are ready to join forces with thee. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:18 June 20 '09

Thank you adoson. Your sacrifice courage will be honored. Don Puttano cHeDDs 17:57,20June,2009

hey

Put User:CheddarBBQ/Homestar on pee review and I'll review it. --Docile hippopotamus 02:44, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm not done with it. I only have the intro done. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:25,21June,2009

I know. You said you were stuck. I have ideas for you to use. Put it on pee review. --Docile hippopotamus 04:17, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

fine. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:11,21June,2009

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:CheddarBBQ/Homestar. --Docile hippopotamus 21:56, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

FU

on behaf of the FU gradjewating class of 2009 we the stewdents of the Fackulty of Agrickulchur awnors program wish to xpres our sinsear appreesheashun for yer suporting a desent edjewcashun for peepul like us hoo mite haf utherwize ended up in jail for growin pot or sumthin which we wood of like only did just for medical use cuz we herd that Flin Flon, Manitoba needed help cuz they coodnt keep up with deman anymor ~ Ricky, Bubbles & Julian

I haven't heard from you in a long time

Where have you been? I can't even remember the last time you pestered me on my talkpage. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:53, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah.

AFI is now 793rd [1] article on Uncyc. You may want to change that template. Mr Zhe-mel-talki-signe-singaporel-bling ^Brute! _{{07:15 30 June 2009}} 07:15, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah it changes very frequently. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:33,30June,2009

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

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We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   15:45 30 June 2009

Ta!

I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably.

Which of my articles is you favourite?    Orian57    Talk   12:04 1 July 2009

Ah, um, I don't know. Probably Nursery or something. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:04,1July,2009

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:06, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

He picks up a bus and he throws it back down

As he wades through the buildings toward the center of town.

Oh no, they say hes got to go...

—Go go GODZILLA!!

---

Change it or I strike back! Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:13,4July,2009

hey

Time for you to re-nom Leprechaun? --Docile hippopotamus 00:52, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

No, I didn't get around to changing it yet. When i GET The time, I'm gonna change it up a bit, but I've been kinda busy lately. I'll tell you when I think it's ready. Oh, and you still haven't gotten A birthday present for Mahm00shA yet. So far me and Z are the only ones who delivered. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:43,5July,2009

I have ideas for Mahm00shA's birthday present, but they still need work. It will be finished before the 9th. --Docile hippopotamus 01:25, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

This is a Giant Ugly Template And it’s yours!

The actors would like to thank you! For voting for UnScripts:Heartbeat 2012 to become featured. Female Police Officer: Hel- Nathan: (interupting) Hello and thank you. We appreciate the recognition of our work and in recognition of this we give you this template. Female Police Officer: I swear to god if you cut across me like that again I'll beat you to death you bastard! Oscar: I apologise for the woman, she's not normally this vulgar. Must be her period or something.

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:06, Jul 9

Ello Cheddar

It's me! Staircase! I haven't alked to you in a while, haven't I? Staircase CUN^t 21:49, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm not British. An no you haven't. What's up Stepsy? Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:50,13July,2009

Well apparently the ceiling... so yeah. Staircase CUN^t 22:29, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

I fucking love pizza

AAAAAAAA! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 06:10 July 14 '09

AAAAAAAA! ME TOO!!! Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:07,14July,2009

hot dog.. and cool cat Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 07:28 July 15 '09

Um... What...? Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:14,15July,2009

LazyThnaks

Joshy would like to thank you all again! For featuring LazyTown on the front page, he’ll be pretty much thrilled. Not sure what his mum’s gonna say but it’ll all be fine... He might be grounded forever though.

   Orian57    Talk   20:27 15 July 2009

Arr! There be a Thanksplate at Thiry Noughts!

Martin would like to thank you! For helping him stay afloat during his time with Marline and until his rescue/untimely death.

   Orian57    Talk   15:01 16 July 2009

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:02, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Fantasy Football

Would you be interested? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:31, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

??? Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:17,19July,2009

Here's your present

I wrote it in like a minute. Staircase CUN^t 21:54, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Could you put it on the birthday page? There's a link to it in my new sig, in case you didn't notice. And thanks, I love it. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 22:55,21July,2009

Say, did you possibly based it on this? ~ 22:59, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah, I remeber that video. No, I didn't base it on that :P 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:15,21July,2009 23:15, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

The ending of your piece brought back memories... 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:15,21July,2009 23:15, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Such as....? The video? Or something else? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:15,21July,2009 23:15, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

So you actually like it? Staircase CUN^t 00:21, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Draft

It's going on now. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:43, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

League Info

League ID: 322847

Password: wilde

League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/322847

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:51, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 18:50, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF CHEDDARBBQ

I am the reason that this article was featured.

It was featured? All right!.

— Don Puttano cHeDDs

---

Fruitopia's On VFH Again

So, Considering that you both reviewed it and supported it so enthusiastically the first time around, why not vote? (By the way, I was just in Italy for ten days and I give it two thumbs up.)--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 18:37, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure why you referred to me as "both of you," but yeah I'll vote. Whore. And I'm glad you enjoyed Italy.

Oh, my bad. I guess I'm just being stupid today.--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 18:51, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

DRAFT!

OMG IT'S YOUR TURN LOL!!!--<<>> 20:34, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

U left this as I was making my pick. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 20:36,26July,2009

It could have been worse, it could have left it after.  :)--<<>> 20:38, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

You're up again, just so you know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:44, 28 July 2009 (UTC) so i just realized i'm apparently supposed to tell you when you're on the clock, so: you're on the clock. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:39, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

It's finally my turn, and I'm asleep??? C'mon! Bad timing. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:58,28July,2009

Hey, you'll never guess who's turn it is in fantasy football...--<<>> 01:15, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Staircase's? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:27,29July,2009

No, it's Gerry's. Duh.--<<>> 01:41, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Aw, I was close. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:52,29July,2009

you're up again sir. choose wisely. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:48, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

GO GO GO!--<<>> 14:06, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

HAPPY SOON-TO-BE-BIRTHDAY!

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:34, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh, that's right! You are only asking for gifts from your Friends! Pup t 23:54, 29/07/2009

Happy upcoming birthday! (Yes, they really sell them but I'm only giving you a virtual version. Oh well.)

-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 01:59, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Your Pick

Brad already told you, but I thought I'd tell ya too. Also, happy almost birthday! My story is done, I just have to copy-paste it into my userspace. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:42, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Wunderbar! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:53,3August,2009

your move again, tasty snack man. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 03:03, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:50, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Draft

Is this the real life?--<<>> 23:12, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Is this just fantasy? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:35,6August,2009

hey cheds, not sure if you saw but your most recent pick was ineligible, as jackson was already taken, so you're still on the clock. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:48, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I've been trying to leave a note on your talkpage about it since I crossed out the player, but Cox and Wikia have conspired to keep me off the internet since then, so I'm just NOW getting this message through.--<<>> 13:51, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Try again. Lee Evans is also taken. Might I suggest Hines Ward, Eddie Royal, or Bernard Berrian?--<<>> 17:11, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

YOU'RE KIDDING?!?! I could've sworn he was available. Uh, let's see, Hines Ward sucks ass, so I guess Eddie. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 18:20,6August,2009

please again grace us with a pick in the draft, CBBQ. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Happy birthday

Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 01:58 August 7 '09

Thank you oh Great Mahm00shiAn 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 11:43,7August,2009

ADOPT ME

Seeing as i got t this page from adopt a noob, it wouldn't be surprising that i would have noobish editing tendencies lol, and i'm asking about the adopt a noob place? -- ''' Dr. <font color=darkgreen>Green</font>thumb''' 18:48, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

First thing cheddar has to do is help with your sig. Also, Cheds, why did you remove the best part of two conversations from UU's talk page?    Orian57    Talk   18:52 10 August 2009

Yes, your sig is dying. And Gayman, what are you talking about? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 19:56,10August,2009

use my name Cheasehead.    Orian57    Talk   20:10 10 August 2009

Sorry Miss Orian. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:25,10August,2009

OK --Dr. Greenthumb 22:22, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

I decided to fix up your sig a bit. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 00:28,12August,2009

UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:00, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Re:Another Italian guy

Hi there. I'm a regular contribtor on Nonciclopedia, Uncy's Italian naughty sister, and have basically signed up here as a member of the Foreign Office: apart from this, I don't think I'm gonna do much more than translating a few worthy articles, since even in my home wiki I'm not much of a fervid author. And you? Pretty strange to see regular Italians here, given the trouble some Italian vandal stirred up here some time ago... --Citroen CX 08:19, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Italian vandal? I haven't heard about that. What happened? Also, I'm Italian, though I did spend most of my life in America. As such, I developed somewhat of an American sense of humor. I actually think my English might be better than my Italian by now. So you're going to translate good articles? That's pretty cool. I don't think I'd have the patience for that. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:35,16August,2009

You spent most of your life in America? I didnt know that.. And it explains a lot Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:45 August 19 '09

Yeah, I'm a born Italian, but yeah. I thought I told you that before. I know I told somebody. Hmm... I wonder who else I told that too? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 18:03,19August,2009

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

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9001(bot)  20:32, Aug 18

UnSignpost

I'm writing an UnSignpost and I want a quote from you. It's about someone saying you don't like Cheddar BBQ doritos and Mountain Dew. --Docile hippopotamus 07:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

You work for the UnSignpost? When did that start? Wait, so what am I responding to? Someone says they don't like it, or someone says that I don't like it. Your grammar is confusing me. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:48,19August,2009

Anyone can write for the UnSignpost. Someone says that you don't like it. I want a comment from you. --Docile hippopotamus 08:48, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

"Someone saying stuff 'bout me? I think-a somebody better keep they mouth shut, otherwise I might just have my boy Machamione pay him a visit. Ya know, and it ain't gonna be no incontro sessuale neither. Capeesh?" Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:57,3September,2009

Draft Done

I've put players on their teams, so we're officially go on Yahoo!. Go to your team to edit your starting roster etc. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:21, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

K. Glad to see how worried you are about my computer problems. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 20:26,23August,2009

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: You have a sister? That's great! Is she better looking than you?
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
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9001(bot)  11:02, Aug 24

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Your penis is very big..

I love you.

—Guildy

---

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:54, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:54, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Randomber 5th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular == Licensing == At 2:39 p.m., hub caps baptized a truffle. While mitten was raping, a luggage suddenly sniffed. Blessed are the censors, for they shall ####, ###, and #### the earth. Queen Elizabeth I curates moccasin! Shaman stretches a petroglyph! PIKACHU' WHITE RIGHTS'! To come to the point, goose stretches ladles! Did the police officer ameliorate... ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin? As a rule, shall not Sikh violet to legislate crazed a huffed kitten Saudi Arabia hit by a wrecking ball livers Hayley Derrick magmas I have no idea what the joke is, but it is beautifully laid out mushroom wouldn't turquoise Sapplerx chicken Earl Jennifer Lopez. FGSFDS lolololololololol!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! among. JesusDood.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #0B2A4D box Eat that, lazy cunts! Random colour! Hahaha!

Random Loch Ness Monster Sighting In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting. Time to get a new camera. UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

As a rule, please think of the monkey raping dillhole wikis! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:22, 7 September 2009

Prehistoric Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for making my penis hard.

You make me horny.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:31, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

---

Sorry Guilds, I'm not gay Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:16,8September,2009

hehehehehehe you said vagina

STOMPING THROUGH THE FABRIC OF YOUR SOCIETY Seriously though, where would you be without me? Would drama ever be the same again? It's so very simple. The great monster rises from the water and pauses dramatically while shimmering in the moonlight. He slowly looks into the camera and utters a deep resonating scream that encompasses all our deepest fears. Spotlights search the dark horizon to find his massive hulk of reptilian glory a mere kilometer from the heart of the great industrial city. Slowly, the great beast steps onto dry land and his rein of terror begins. Buildings crumble before him as he appears to be endlessly searching for something. Something to appease unknown demonic desires as yet to be defined. Of course, it's really just an act. The confused searching thing gets em' all nervous, that's for sure. The bottom line is simple. Please don't use atomic weapons, OK? Your vote for Godzilla vs. Vaginus is a step in the right direction and hopefully some measure of your mammalian guilt will be relieved. Thank you so much. ;-) xxx Gojira

Check out the vulva taxi I used for the creature. It's funky. Thanks for the vote Big Cheddah!--    20:41, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

LOL vagina Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:46,11September,2009

How's It Going Chedds?

Been a while since we talked. I kinda miss you. --Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

Aw buddy. I miss you to. it's going pretty good, you? Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:10,24September,2009

Voat four my arbicle!!!one!!1!!!!11

Hey, Chedds, I realized you haven't voted on my article. This is wrong. Fortunately, you can read it and vote on it, thereby fixing this disastrous state you have put me in. Also, a word of warning: it's quite a long article. So if you could set aside 10-15 minutes to read & vote, I would be very much obliged. Perhaps even obliged enough for you to have earned a little reward. Capiche? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:40, Sep 22

Whore. Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:15,22September,2009

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:17, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Petty petty Guildy... Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:19,23September,2009

Thanks!

My little grey cells, zey 'ave solved ze case! Necropaxx would very much like to thank you for uncovering who the real murderer was. "If not for your 'elp, mon ami, I fear zat Monsieur Murderer might 'ave escaped." Double thanks for making this my tenth feature! Woo!

Thanks for being so willing. ;) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:37, Sep 24

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:31, September 26, 2009 (UTC)