User talk:Verto
Welcome![edit source]
Hello, Verto, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
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At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Verto/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.
If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out!
If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!
If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk)
So...[edit source]
How many people did you leave that adopt-me message for? 
Don 
Puttano cHeDDs 
02:51,11June,2009
Just you[edit source]
Am I supposed to leave it for more?
- Really? Just me? Hm... No, it just seemed like something that could be copy/pasted onto multiple adopter pages, but you didn't which is good. Word to the wise, don't start a new section every time you talk, if it's the same subject.
- So you're looking for adoption?
Don Puttano cHeDDs 
02:54,11June,2009
Yep[edit source]
Yeah, if you don't want to that's fine, if you can just reccomend someone who will. But really your the only person I've asked, just check my contributions.--Verto 02:57, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- I did check your contributions, and once again, you don't need new section with every response. Avoid the = unless it's a completely different subject. === ones are rarely used on talk pages, see? I'd be happy to show you around, but do know, this isn't Wikipedia. Us humble Uncycies aren't too fond of Wikipedia. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:01,11June,2009
- Don't worry, I've moved on. I want to become a full time uncyclopedian. Is there some sort of initiation I have to go through or something? --Verto 03:06, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
Yes, pay me money. Um... no specific initiation, but there are things to know.
- Important things to know about me:
- I'm Italian (also leading the Italian Uncyclopedian movement, though I'm the only member)
- I've been banned twice, which isn't that much in Uncyc terms (see Cajek)
- I like whoring, and I think it's a wonderful part of Uncyc.
- I've had 1 adoptee and he is becoming a successful member of the community
- I have 1 feature and 1 article on VFH.
- Yes, I am willing to adopt you
Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:10,11June,2009
- Sweet, I'll ask about formatting as I go along. One question though, what is whoring?
- Okay, you are now my official adoptee. Ah, whoring. Whoring is basically telling people to check out your articles, especially if they are on VFH. I like whoring, I think it helps to get things out, but many don't like it, so avoid it most of the time. Whoring is something to be done in close circles of friends. I got in a bit of trouble for whoring before, but that's over. I now whore to maybe 3 or 4 people. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:28,11June,2009
- Okay, you are now my official adoptee. Ah, whoring. Whoring is basically telling people to check out your articles, especially if they are on VFH. I like whoring, I think it helps to get things out, but many don't like it, so avoid it most of the time. Whoring is something to be done in close circles of friends. I got in a bit of trouble for whoring before, but that's over. I now whore to maybe 3 or 4 people.
Now, to get you started.[edit source]
Important Things:
Friends- Admins
- Mainspace Vs. Classified Articles
- Sigs
- VFH/VFP
- Pee Review
- Potatochopping
- Writing/Re-Writing
- ___ of the Month/year
FriendsChoose one and I'll explain the importance. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:32,11June,2009
- Hmmm, I'll take Admins for 500 Alex. --Verto 03:34, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- AHAHAHA!!! A Jeopardy reference! that's funny! To see all of the admins, go here. Those are the admins. Some of the most important are Mordillo. Mordillo had been deemed as "the Jew that controls everything." I think that is self-explanatory. Under user basically controls the Pee Review. Admins are the only ones with banning powers, are they are more than willing to use them. Some admins are nice, some are less nice. Don't piss off admins, but do take advice they give you. Try not to argue with them like I did, which resulted in Zim ulator giving me my 2nd ban. That's as much as I'm gonna go over for tonight, it's almost midnight here, and I'm getting tired. See ya tomorrow. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:43,11June,2009
- AHAHAHA!!! A Jeopardy reference! that's funny! To see all of the admins, go here. Those are the admins. Some of the most important are Mordillo. Mordillo had been deemed as "the Jew that controls everything." I think that is self-explanatory. Under user basically controls the Pee Review. Admins are the only ones with banning powers, are they are more than willing to use them. Some admins are nice, some are less nice. Don't piss off admins, but do take advice they give you. Try not to argue with them like I did, which resulted in Zim ulator giving me my 2nd ban. That's as much as I'm gonna go over for tonight, it's almost midnight here, and I'm getting tired. See ya tomorrow.
- Haha, the jew that controls everything. Anyway, I'll keep that in mind, I'm gonna brainstorm some article ideas and get started tomorrow, see you later, thanks for everything --Verto 03:49, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
~
09:32, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
Hi, verto![edit source]
I am Mahm00shA, your older adoption brother now. Say hi. Ok, whatever. Here is what you need to know about this place (pt. 2):
I am better than CheddsChedds sucks- I am Egyptian
- I am 18
- I have one featured article (Like Chedds, which means we are still relatively new, knowing that some guys here have 30. But hey, we are going to be friends, which is more fun than being adopted by one of them, hardass adoption fathers)
- You need to know Modusoperandi, he's an admin, he's Canadian, and he's really one of the nicest and funniest guys here. (He won the Writer of The Year award, the highest award we have here at Uncyc.)
- I'm your unoffical adopter, I'll be glad to help you with whatever you want.
Cheers! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 
07:57 June 11 '09
An admin has noticed you, but not in a bad way[edit source]
A couple of small points. Uncyclopedians do not hate Wikipedians (I don't know if CheddarBBQ was kidding about this); many of us are also Wikipedians, and most of us who aren't have a great relationship with them and their ilk... or elk, if you prefer. Those folks do some solid, meaningful work. Secondly, there are no more or less important admins; we all do what we can to help keep Uncyc running along. We're from all over, different ages, genders, whatever, and we manage to get along with just about anybody. If you do get a ban for some reason, it will probably be short, and meant as a warning about something stupid you did. Don't take it personally, but do take it as instructive. I do UnNews stuff, primarily, and since I'm here, I'll drop this informative welcome to UnNews template here too. Cheers! 
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 08:30, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
WELCOME TO UNNEWS
|
On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! |
Welcome to UnNews, Verto, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.
You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
- This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) - I was kidding about the Wikipedian thing (pretty much). I too have an account on Wikipedia, even though I never use it. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:01,11June,2009
- Cool. Nice work, adopting a noob. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:49, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- Cool. Nice work, adopting a noob. Cheers!
Got another to choose?[edit source]
Okay I'll choose for you Mainspace articles are basically articles with a simple title, such as Elmo or Green Day or Uncyclopedia Brown. They don't have anything in front of the basic title. There is also Why?s, HowTos, UnScripts, UnTunes, UnBooks, UnNews, and UnPoetia. Why?s are basically discussions on why something is one way or another. Why?:Make your first Why? is a good place to start. HowTos are explanations on how to do something, such as building or skydiving or getting over Jenny (that placement of my article is know as subtle whoring). See HowTo:Make your first HowTo for specific details, but HowTos aren't especially difficult to do, but it is cautioned that you avoid the basic Step 1 Step 2 thing when you can, or at least do it in a creative way. UnScripts are just basically writing plays, with stage directions, characters, and dialog. UnTunes are songs, but I'm not particularly fond of most UnTunes, so I do not too much about just how they work. UnBooks are books, shortened of course. I have yet to write an UnBook, but see Guildensternenstein, he's a cool guy and he's good at UnBooks. UnPoetia is like UnBooks, but they're poems. It seems mty good friend Zim just went over the UnNews, and he's pretty much the king of that, so I'd check out with him to get more in depth with UnNews. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:18,11June,2009
- Also, articles in mainspace or any of the titles listed are able to be featured on the front page through VFH Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:17,11June,2009
Friends[edit source]
It's always good to have a nice circle of friends to help you out when you need it. Some good people to get to know:
- Mahm00shA my last adoson, he's a great guy and very funny
- Guildensternenstein he got here maybe two months ago, and he puts most of us to shame, good guy though
- Sonje My loyal follower, one of the prominent females of Uncyc, and an expert photoshopper
- Sockpuppet of an unregistered user Extrememly helpful to everyone, but has yet to get an article featured
- Docile hippopotamus I don't see him around a whole lot, but when I do, he's nice and helpful
- Saberwolf116 Expert pee reviewer, and funny guy
- Orian57 Our resident gay
- Staircase another n00b, but he's had good contributions
- Tagstit somewhat good guy, when he doesn't want to kill me
- Projectmayhem666 Good guy when he's actually around
There are a lot more people to get to know, but those are the 1st ones that come to my head. Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:26,11June,2009
Too much stuff to read[edit source]
Wow, I didn't know this place was like grade 12 physics. There's a help article for everything! But I promise to memorize every last word of every last help article.
As well, Chedder, can you elaborate to me how you all get fancy names? I think it's the 'sigs' you mentioned. Thanks --Verto 20:07, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- Ah, the sigs for 500 I'm assuming. Or maybe if it's too hard, we can step down to 400. You don't have to have as complicated a sig as I have, and most people don't, but many people have more than the boring blue name-only sigs they allow at Wikipedia. Under my preferences in the top left of the screen, it will have a custom sig box. Check it. Above the box, it will have a rectangle. Type {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Verto/sig}}. Your new sig will be whatever you put at User:Verto/sig. There are many things you can do with sigs, so look around at some people's and give me an idea of how you want your's to be so I can help you make it. It should include a link to your page and your talk page, and whateverelse you want, within reason. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:15,11June,2009
- And physics was a bitch, especially if you're like me and took AP. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:15,11June,2009
- Alright then, how about "Verto" written in 'steelblue' and it links to my user page, then something beside it that says my talk page, that links to my talk page written in some sort of silver or grey. Put a cool picture between the 'verto' and the 'my talk' as well. I know it's kind of genral but I'm not too picky. Thanks --VERTO
my talk 20:26, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- Sweet, thanks for pimpin' mah sig.
I'm just reading over some of the help and how to pages. I have to leave soon but I'll be back in a few hours. Thanks, --VERTO 
my talk 21:10, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- okay, I'll give you more stuff to read when you get back, but probably not as much Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:40,11June,2009
- Alright, Bring on the textbooks --VERTO my talk 00:34, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- Take that Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
00:39 June 12 '09
- Take that Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- Alright, Bring on the textbooks --VERTO
- Haha! Amazing work Mahm00shA, I love it. --VERTO my talk 00:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- It aint mine, but I like it. This, however, is mine :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 01:08 June 12 '09
- Just click on the Featured content linky, in that Navigation box on the upper left hand side of any page. Top quality articles and real funny stuff there, you know.. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 01:13 June 12 '09
- It aint mine, but I like it. This, however, is mine :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- Haha! Amazing work Mahm00shA, I love it. --VERTO
More Words[edit source]
VFH and VFP. VFH is Vote For Highlight, and is one of the most important parts of Uncyc. After getting articles reviewed, articles can be put onto VFH. Here, people vote for or against articles. If at the end of the day, whatever article has the most points (for points - against points) will be featured on the front page, and the writer will get a nifty template w/ Mr. Potato Head. Featured articles is an honor here, and most of Uncyc revolves around them. After a month, all features of a month will be voted on, and the top 3 will be the Top 3 of the month. The top 3 of each month will be put into a big vote for the 10 best of the year, which is a real big honor. So get out and vote, and if one of my articles is up, vote for (that's vague whoring, since no specific articles were actually mentioned) Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:54,12June,2009
- Oh, almost forgot VFP, it's like VFH, but you vote for pics. Not a feature every day, no best of the month/year, just general voting on pics to be featured or fail. Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:56,12June,2009
Pee Review[edit source]
Ugh, I'm getting tired of typing. Being a parent is hard. Um... Pee review is basically having your article reviewed by other Uncyclopedians. After you write an article, put it into Pee Review, and when someone reviews it, take their advice to improve the article. Your articles need to be reviewed at least once before you nom them for VFH, and they can be reviewed as many times as you (or the reviewers) want. Each of my articles has been up on Pee Review three times, but that's a bit much for most people. You can also review as much as you want, which is helpful to other writers. Just make sure the reviews or in-depth, or else people will get annoyed rather than helped. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:07,12June,2009
Potatochopping[edit source]
Slang for Photoshopping. I don't know if you can 'shop, but if you can, photoshopping creates funny pictures for articles, which in many cases help articles. If you have articles in need of funny pictures, place the requests here or just ask my loyal follower. She's real nice, an excellent photoshopper, and she loves me. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:11,12June,2009
Writing Vs. Re-Writing.[edit source]
This ones pretty simple. You can write your own articles, based on your own original ideas. You can also re-write articles that are already written, but only if they're crap. They will usually have some sort of template on them, saying to rewrite or fix them or whatever. Don't rewrite a good article just for the hell of it. You can also make minor edits to other people's articles, unless they're a Work In Progress. However, edits to spelling and grammar are always welcome. If you want to have your writes and rewrites recorded and documented, join the Der Unwehr. It was started by Guildy, and I made all the templates for it. It uses writing red-linked articles and re-writing crap articles to create a better Uncyc. (Good Cause whoring, whoring to help everyone). Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:19,12June,2009
Finally[edit source]
There are a lot of awards to be won, such as WotM, UotM, PotM, WotY, and so on. Go here. I'm not gonna require you to read all that, but you can. Scroll to the bottom and look at the template. It lists all of the major official awards that you can vote on, nominate others for, or be nominated for by others. You can also give some awards, such as Ninjastars to others. Any Questions? Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:23,12June,2009
I think I'm good on questions, I'll begin writting and get you to look over anything I write. I already have a few good ideas. You've given me more advice than I could ever imagine. Ah, my head is spinning. Thanks for everything and I'll talk to ya tomorrow. --VERTO my talk 03:28, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
Fat Camp[edit source]
I love the article. It's hilarious. The only thing I suggest is to add one or two more pics, maybe a little bit bigger. Also, add some more links to other articles, but get rid of the red-link. Then just stick it into the Pee review and wait... (or write other articles while it's there, like a responsible Uncyclopedian, and unlike me) Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:39,13June,2009
Plagiarism?[edit source]
Hi Verto! It wasn't that long ago when I was new, just like you, and mistakes made by new users are common. However, I did notice something that we don't exactly tolerate here at Uncyclopedia. Your space camp article (as you likely know) is nearly identical to something The Onion did less than a week ago. Please don't steal their material and act as if its your own.--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 13:23, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well,it's all gone now. I'd like to think this is an honest mistake. ~ 14:18, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
Where are you?[edit source]
And what are you up to? Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:24,15June,2009
- I was at my grandmothers for the day, innocently enough. Yeah the guy who wrote the article originaly is a friend of my cousins, and I have met him. Corey Manis, and I guess I should have asked him to copy it but I'm not the one to judge there. It would be hard though since he lives in Colorado. Anyway, how've you been chedder? --VERTO my talk 01:55, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Anyways, back to the thing about the Onion. Plaigarism is an extremely hated thing here. Anything you write has to be something you came up with. If that happens again, they've promised a ban of at least a week. You're also not allowed to run for N00b of the Month. I'd suggest you look here to see all the things you are absolutely not allowed to do, and what the minimum punishments are if you do them. I have been banned before, twice actually, though not for extremely long periods of time. The 1st was for a month, later shortened to a day when I pleaded my case, and the 2nd was a mere 2 hours during a disagreement. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:36,16June,2009
- Hey, where have you been? Haven't seen you 'round here for a few days now. Don Puttano cHeDDs 14:29,19June,2009
- Sorry, im still here, I had exams and I've been studying like mad. It's the weekend so I have a bit of a break but back to studying on sunday. --VERTO my talk 23:27, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
- Studying? Hahaha. Not to be a bad influence or anything, but I never study. I am a genius though, so studying isn't really necessary for me. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:45,19June,2009
- Studying? Hahaha. Not to be a bad influence or anything, but I never study. I am a genius though, so studying isn't really necessary for me.
- Sorry, im still here, I had exams and I've been studying like mad. It's the weekend so I have a bit of a break but back to studying on sunday. --VERTO
Your UnScript[edit source]
Because you haven't edited it for a week, the WiP tag on it expired. So I moved it here in your userspace. You can finish it there at your leisure, without fear of deletion. --UU - natter 
12:29, Jun 22
You're Not Here Anymore?[edit source]
I can only assume you gave up. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:00,8July,2009