User:TheHumbucker/Talk Page Archive 1

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Hello, TheHumbucker, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

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At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:TheHumbucker/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  -- -- The Zombiebaron 04:45, February 15, 2011 (UTC)

I saw you needed help

So here I am. Anyway, in addition to what ever Zombiebaron tells you, read this and this. For any other help go here. Lastly, you can make any test edits here. If there's anything els you need just ask. -- 02:21, February 16, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks! I'd already read the pages (some sections a couple of times), but I think I might be starting to get the hang of this. I'm a comedy writer, not a computer person; I think that it's my lack of code knowledge that's keeping me back. I created a sub-page so I could have basically my own sandbox to keep code I'll use later, but some of the code I put there (categories, esp.) make it appear in searches, which can't be good. Aside from that, I guess I'm worried of making a mistake in an article that I can't fix. Example: I'm on the Proofread list, doing this article. The caption under the picture at the top right makes me think the author wants it centered. I switched the code from "chevron-center" to "pipe-center" and it worked, but the spacing got all screwed up, so I'm just... going to leave it. What can I do that's minimally invasive, but that lets me be all hands on with the code so I learn? --TheHumbucker 05:15, February 16, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm... Minimally invasive, but that lets you be all hands on with the code so you learn... Well, You could try to design your signature. That usually uses lots of code. You may also want to read this, this and anything listed here. I know it's a lot of reading, but it'll pay off in the end. -- 14:58, February 18, 2011 (UTC)

Adoption

It just so happens that my last noob managed to free himself from the cellar and escape so I have room for one more. If you're still interested, paste the code below on your userpage and move your things in to the cellar. Don't worry about the matress, those stains are probably dry by now. --—John Lydon 14:21, February 16, 2011 (UTC)

Yeth, mathter  

--TheHumbucker 21:56, February 16, 2011 (UTC)

I'm just going to make a section where I answer your questions

1) The license is a tricky one, but I think you did the right thing on your sig. You can also use the unknown license if you're ever in doubt. Uncyc claims a fair use policy so it's not really a matter of law suits or anything, more about giving credit where credit is due. 2) I can't remember for certain, but I'm thinking it takes a few days for your account to get autoconfirmed so you can move pages and qvfd things. In the meantime, if you want something tossed out, you can always hit up an admin and explain that you are still a simple peon and you want something deleted. Alternatively, you can just wait a while and eventually one of the creepy sewer dwelling members will come by and notice that the images are not being used and whisk it away to never be seen again. Totally your call. --—John Lydon 13:17, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

One more thing: Instead of saving all that annoying code in your sandbox, just save this link in your favorites bar. --—John Lydon 13:21, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

Hot damn, that link saves time! Thanks! ~  Talk 17:34, February 17, 2011 (UTC)

Next question: How should I go about editing articles? I came across the Existentialism article and was really disappointed with it, so I rewrote it, but it got changed back to the previous version in like 5 minutes and I felt a bit like an ass, esp. because I dropped the ball providing a summary of my edit (whoops). But I still don't think the article delivers. Someone else suggested a good rewrite on the talk page, but also that his change got reverted, too. Do I get in touch with the author of the article, let the whole situation go and find something else to edit, or get some breakfast? ~  Talk 15:27, February 20, 2011 (UTC)

• Check the history and see who's reverting your edits. In this case it looks to be the work of the infamous Socky. Just drop him a line on his talk page asking why he reverted your changes. In this case, it's pretty obvious. You basically blanked a page. If you want to revise an article, always use your sandbox to build the article and then you can copy and paste into the main space or move it to the main space (when you get that feature.)--—John Lydon 14:08, February 21, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, I've covered editing articles, how about judging them? After I proofread that article for the Comma Brigade I put a "fix" tag on it because it I thought it Wasn't Funny, Just Stupid (section 6). Since then I've run across many other pages that are just like it - full of shit, penis and sex jokes put in for cheap laughs (what I'd call "blue humor") - but none of them had fix tags or anything suggesting a rewrite. Naturally, now I feel insecure about putting the fix tag on an article written by someone being considered for Writer of the Month (kind of like my stupid edit on the article written by the user who's going to win Writer of the Month). I sure know how to make friends fast. ~  Talk 16:50, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

I have found that gradual substitutions raises fewer hackles than wholesale deletions, at least as an initial strategy. For example, tackle that "blue humor" by figuring out what the underlying joke is and trying to replace it with wording that tells the same joke cleverly rather than shockingly. That will show spectators where you're coming from, and they may eventually cede to you custody of the article (which is a very mixed blessing). Spıke ¬ 17:14 22-Feb-11

Or you could tag them all. Seriously. *kitty eyes* I'll try to protect you if people get annoyed, but then again, most people already hate me for doing similar things, so... er... maybe what Spike says really is a better idea. >.< 1234 ~ 17:22, 22 February 2011

I'd suggest just diving right in. If you get reverted, either question it or move on. You may get reverted if you tinker with an already featured article, but so many pages on the wiki are pure wholesale garbage that any improvement is welcome. Penis jokes are common, and you will be sucked into them after awhile, that's the long and short of it, come what may. Good to meet you, and that's a great sig thing. Aleister 18:39 22-2-'11

I think the nuts and bolts of the issue is What would be better for the site? Gradual substitutions and slow takeovers are effective, but would be ridiculously slow with so many articles. Tagging, on the other hand, would raise hackles and generally piss people off, but the blue (can I say bad?) articles would begin disappearing after the tag expired and the article came up for deletion or the author just reverts. Constant tinkering, however, would inevitably get the writer ticked, though. Looking long term, I'd think that we'd see A) People up in arms in the forums about what makes a good article, which would be a tough situation, but probably good for article quality and therefore the site in the long run and B) The people who write generally bad (sorry, couldn't help it) articles would stop writing, which is a good thing? I can be the bad guy if you need one, but if I rock the boat, there will be waves to deal with, and I don't want to really screw things up in my first week here. ~  Talk 17:53, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

Please don't be shy about jumping right in. You may get feedback if you try to take out all the fucks and shits and "Please suck me Virgin Mary" things, but lots of them are, like I said, garbage. The line between funny blue humour and just stupid is different for everyone, and that's where people like Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Joan Rivers, and many more of the oldies had to push the envelope so the rest of us can play in there (and Funnybony had a great description for this site, "a playground for adults", and maybe one of the best such playgrounds on the internet). So meet people, write good stuff, sneak up on someone and set their page on fire, do whatever you think you want to do and the chips will fall down where they may sometimes. It's good you are serious about concerns, yet those concerns can also hinder your happiness and playfulness here. So go to that Virgin Mary page, change anything you want, and don't ever look at it again (because you will be reverted a minute later, but if you don't know that you will be happy for doing so the rest of thou days). Aleister 18:02 22-2-'11

I agree with everything Al just said. And to be fair, the thing you said about WotM, even the best writers write crappy articles from time to time. -- 19:39, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, Someone get me a pair of waders I'll book a dumpster Someone call Mike Rowe Where can I find a Haz-Mat suit? Sign me up for the Witness Protection Program Fuck it I'm going in. Is that a brownie? ~  Talk 20:47, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

Great! 0_o PARTY! CUNT PICKLES!!! There's a French ship off starboard, sir. Has anyone seen my toupee? *Dies* Double rainbow all the way across the sky! MTFBWY -- 21:45, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

What are all you people doing in my basement??!!! As for you Noob, listen to these guys and gals. They don't know what they're talking about but they have friends in high places and some of the best drugs available this side of Amsterdam. Also, those stains are not going to remove themselves from the pits of my American Idol T-Shirt! Get to work!!!! --—John Lydon 13:36, February 23, 2011 (UTC)

So... I just learned from the UnSignPost that I was, apparently, banned 3 days ago. How much else in the UnSignPost tends not to be entirely true? ~  Talk 18:05, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

Ahhh..... the old username template joke. Pretty much anytime you see your name pop up in a random spot, it's the username template at work. --—John Lydon 18:36, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

God damn it. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I've seen it a bunch of places and didn't buy it. Touche. ~  Talk 18:42, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

User:TheHumbucker/University of New Hampshire

A very good start. I did the article on New Hampshire and am watching with interest from fifteen miles away. Spıke ¬ 01:20 20-Feb-11

Most awesome. I'll definitely be making a few references to your article, especially on the later drafts. I'm assuming you've seen the Granite State of Mind video? ~  Talk 05:18, February 20, 2011 (UTC)

PS--"School-cruft" is a hated genre and, if done poorly, there are a dozen authors willing to bring the page to Votes for Deletion for a Final Solution. (I recently resurrected Michigan Tech, whose unique claim to fame is its near-arctic climate.) Be sure that, whatever allure your article has for UNH students, it is also accessible and entertaining to people who don't know anything about UNH, and that it explains (starting early on) why the random bystander should care. Avoid the triteness of saying things about your institution that any student might say about his: Comparing the administration to Nazis or belittling the student body in generic ways. Spıke ¬ 17:19 22-Feb-11

Totally. Right now it's still 1st draft, so I'm just spilling everything that comes to mind onto the page, making it all either personal rantings or random crap. I'm very much in the vein of "Write for yourself, rewrite for others," so it might even a waste of time to check in on the article unless you see a Draft 2 or 3 on the summary page. Thanks for the input, though ~  Talk 17:31, February 22, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Thousands of Egyptians call Gov. Walker "tyrant," flee Wisconsin

So you do UnNewses too?! This is excellent--reads like news, takes two very current stories from the real news and grinds them together in a humor crucible and seasons them with clever writing. It gets the 1-Spot on today's Front Page. Spıke ¬ 01:43 24-Feb-11

Thanks! It was fun - I think I might be hooked. ~  Talk 04:48, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

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Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!

Poo Aftermath By Chief We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best in show article rosette was BabyTV, written by the camera-shy Black flamingo11, who was just ecstatic about the win, we assume. Other winners were a noob for their noob article, and Guildensternenstein, who won the Best Alternate Namespace Article with another article; this no longer merits any congratulation as we have come to expect and demand this of him by now. The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for ruining running the whole thing. It's all going to end in tears By Him again Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of terrorism drama has once again demonstrated that it is impossible to escape and this time our top scientists believe it could be deployed within 15 minutes to effect each and every one of us. The threat is now so real that Mordillo is thought to be, at this moment, appealing to Wikia for emergency powers to deal with the possible uprising! Repent! The end is nigh! Duck and cover! No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where the proles non-admins flit from doorway to doorway on stormy nights to write articles in secret, for they know this is when the administrators are surely distracted by dining lavishly on the finest sweetmeats Wikia can buy, all the while chortling about how much fun it is to have all the power. At least that's what Mhaille told our correspondent that Hyperbole was saying (he assured us he was Hyperbole's best friend). Rallied against change are the embittered power mad administrators who cling to power like limpets, notably among this group of despicable despots is the definitive despicable despot Mordillo and despicable definitive despot Rcmurphy. Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that.

Check out these pages! I have a massive hat! What do you call it? Don't forget this! From our logs: 14:19, February 21, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.71.173 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (God probably has most concern over man's inhumanity to his fellow man than fucking around on a comedy website) 07:40, February 21, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.89.143.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY) 09:27, February 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 63.228.102.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You sound lovely, give me a big manly naked hug to celebrate your undeniable loveliness) 03:52, February 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you are banned, fucker!!!!!!!!!) HowTo of the Week (Courtesy POTR) HowTo:Join the UnSignpost First we need to get police clearance for you. This requires 100 points of ID. Due to recent regulatory changes this means you will need to post original copies of your birth certificate, passport, driver's license, a copy of a recent bank statement, and any pin numbers you have. Also, as you are no doubt aware, our editor in chief has had to flee the country due to persecution by his enemies. As an UnSignpost reporter you have to be resourceful so we are entrusting you to help us get the 40 million USD we have managed to hide from his enemies out of the country. This is a matter of life and death, and we are happy to give you 25% of this sum for your assistance. Please, do not tell anyone about this, as we cannot trust anyone with this secret. Send us your bank account details, and place 2,000 USD in the account immediately to cover banking costs. Oh, and we would like to get an idea of what your health status is, and that of your immediate family. Our doctors are experts in diagnosis via photo recognition, so send us as many photos as possible of yourself and all your family members naked. Welcome to the team! Word of the week, provided by: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user Guffaw Definition: (Noun) A small but highly vicious breed of Ferret "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Jam and released a massive Guffaw" OR (less commonly) (Noun) A boisterous laugh: "Jonathan watched helplessly as the mad Scientist smeared his genitals with Syrup and released a massive Guffaw" Newsroom UnTune of the week Be Gay

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1234 ~ 07:44, 24 February 2011

UnNews:Republicans get behind equine contraception

I shortened the headline on this one, and eliminated the excess capital letters, per our style. (It's in UnNews:Style--also read the note from the Chief. In particular, I saved words by not disclosing your final zinger--that contraception for horses will come at the expense of contraception for women. If you disagree, just add it back, if you can do so tersely. Spıke ¬ 23:52 24-Feb-11

How about taking out the word equine too? Having women in the headline zings it to the Republicans, which should be done thrice daily before getting out of bed. Aleister 23:55 24-2-'11

You will have to excuse our award-winning writer, who is on a personal crusade to prevent the return of slavery and child labor in Wisconsin. He would prefer that the UnNews begin, "Fucking Republicans." As a compromise, we could eliminate all the words. Spıke ¬ 23:59 24-Feb-11

PS--"Congress backs horse pill" is plenty tight. Spıke ¬ 00:00 25-Feb-11

"Congress backs bill for horse contraception" is slightly longer, but still only takes a line of UnNews' Latest News section, so win. Plus, it's anti-government rather than anti-GOP, so jives with my anti-everything-equally tone, doesn't alienate readers with an aggressive tagline, and keeps "contraception" in the title, which is not only fun for everyone, but also draws the reader's eye to the story and instills the always useful "wtf" reaction - though maybe not as well as "condoms." Hmmm... ~  Talk 01:29, February 25, 2011 (UTC) Now onto the Advocacy posting.

As you like. However, a couple days ago, I got Kip the Dip to delete "Ideological" from in front of "civil war," though it stayed on in the VFH vote. "Contraception" is a long word, and one expression of WTF is to simply click on something else. Spıke ¬ 01:33 25-Feb-11

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“Female horses, or mares, should not be subjected to the horrors of a forced pregnancy.”

~ Attributed to Rep. Burton in your UnNews

“I am going to teach [my daughters] first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.”

~ Obama, a real quote harped on by the right

Feel like changing the quote and putting a little Obama in your UnNews? Spıke ¬ 02:43 25-Feb-11

Um, yes please. ~  Talk 03:57, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Forgive me for tweaking this again. Actually quoting Obama saying something he actually said, is the delight of an UnNews that reports the exact truth but just misinterprets it, and allows for the additional interpretation that the UnNews reporter is the only crazy one in the room. Spıke ¬ 12:36 25-Feb-11

Hey

I noticed some of your work, are you interested in joining the grue army? apply here Gen. Fudgem0bile Is playing Urban Terror 04:02, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Sure, I'd be interested. Looking at the squads, I guess I've already done some of the stuff the Twin Suns do, so why not get paid for it? We get paid, don't we? ~  Talk 04:46, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

AND

I nominated you for NotM, go vote for yourself Gen. Fudgem0bile Is playing Urban Terror 04:07, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, thanks. I got some catching up to do. ~  Talk 04:49, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, TheHumbucker, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

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If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Damn, you caught me on my way out of UnNews to try out the rest of the buffet that is Uncyclopedia. I'll be back soon, though ~  Talk 15:55, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Why?

did You put a {{vfd}} template on Gamecruft and not have the Article on VFD? - LOL vandalz

Further, I've read your discussions about categorizing Uncyclopedia pages with a view toward identifying truly crappy ones. You have barely started to contribute; they are fine contributions, but crusading against substandard stuff might be premature. (Insert here your favorite sarcastic joke about what UNH alumni tend to do when they reach the Real World and find it messy and unreformed.) Spıke ¬ 23:55 25-Feb-11

Poop on a stick. Go forth and categorize and find. Do what you want to do. When and if you do something to make someone squawk, that will be the time for this discussion. Wander, explore, but don't go into hentai, for there be dragons. Aleister 00:01 26-2-'22

Aww... must you guys go and ruin my dreams of the utter demolition of Uncyclopedia? Must you?! 1234 ~ 00:42, 26 February 2011

Then again, I thought you meant categorize, not template all up. The best way to uproot crappy articles is to VFD them, and then some of them actually get saved. SPIKE has saved many many many pages, and I saved maybe three. It feels good to uproot, but planting seeds when you do never hurts. Aleister 00:53 26-2-'11

Oh, and if you do tag pages - understand exactly what the templates do. {{VFD}} is for articles which you nominate on VFD (which should be over a week old) - don't use the template unless you add an entry there and visa versa. But if an article is under a week old, then use {{ICU}}, following the directions on the page. Don't use the sub-templates by themselves, though; that's not what they're for, though if a new article is too crappy, just add it to qVFD instead. Then there are the fun ones, which work on any aged articles... {{ugly}} for ones with major formatting issues, or if they just plain look bad, you found {{expand}} and {{fix}}... {{AAP}} for ones that just need pictures... a whole lot of others I don't even know anything about...

...perhaps Spike is right; it is a little soon to get into this, at least as any primary project. Watching what others tag, doing reviews, voting on VFD and seeing how other people vote and what ultimately gets kept and not, writing your own stuff, even eating cake may all prove useful in the long run, both for this and for other endeavours, however. 1234 ~ 02:04, 26 February 2011

Indeed I did not mean to dictate chapter-and-verse to you, on which I am neither an authority nor an expert, but rather how to endear yourself to a new "community"--namely, not by setting out to reform it at the end of your first week. Spıke ¬ 02:08 26-Feb-11

I was driving home earlier this evening and had that sudden and crushing realization that I am being an asshole by thinking I know what's wrong and how to fix it after a week. To quote myself, "Fuck." ~  Talk 03:51, February 26, 2011 (UTC)

Meh, there is hope for you yet, and gorrammit, will this stupid laptop stop not accepting my apostrophes?! GRRR! Ill hurt you, laptop! AAAGH! 1234 ~ 03:55, 26 February 2011

Thanks

For the review Humby! I'm very new here and t'was my 1st review.. I guess I should leave some sort of irreverent image on your page as thanks.. 19:23, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

there ya go! 19:24, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

No prob. I'm also fairly new here and t'was my 1st review. Thanks for the pic of the... uh... cream covered, pompom-topped mushroom hat wearing, sad-eyed, ball of jade? ~  Talk 02:42, March 1, 2011 (UTC)

Jello you have the weirdest penis I've ever seen. (Also, you can change the size of the pic by adding another | then the number of pixels you want the base to be i.e. 150px) (talk) 02:51, March 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, the picture of your penis is too big. Please make it smaller or decrease the number of pixels. ~  Talk 03:41, March 1, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Lohan makes TV debut, handcuffs missing

Good concept and very well-written. Could use a more terse first paragraph or an additional "lead" sentence to make it look more like a news story. Whether or not, it's in the 1-Spot. (Saw it last night and added it to the list on the Uncyclopedia main page, but had just changed the Front Page and thought it could wait until the morning.) Spıke ¬ 13:02 1-Mar-11

UnNews:Pittsburgh Pirates forfeit season

I removed two words from the headline (shown above) (and edited your user page accordingly), minced some words in the text, then recorded an audio version. You are now listed in UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast. If the US flag is not appropriate, please edit your entry. I omitted other stuff from the text in the audio version; you can align the text if it sounds better or leave it as is. Spıke ¬ 03:01 2-Mar-11

PS--Thanks for your vote for interim Admin; but as I have declined the nomination, you are free to reassign it. Spıke ¬ 03:49 2-Mar-11

PPS--Well, now, I see you have denoted this story on your user page as (Front Page). In fact, more than half the stories turn into graphics on the Front Page (statistics at UnNews:Newsroom) and yours didn't yet, though I'll think about the best of the overnight tomorrow morning, and I did enjoy it enough to record it. Funnybony, too, documents the "Front Page" honor and I have teased him about that. Separately, though, in not giving your photo a caption, you missed the chance to tell one more joke. Spıke ¬ 05:02 2-Mar-11

The audio was an unexpected treat, muchos gracias, and made me realize that I tend to be a little wordy. As for editing, do what you want to it - if you step on something that I feel really needs to be there, I'll let you know. And I was literally just asking if the "front page" statistics on UnNews meant being pictured or just there on the Main Page when I got edit conflicted. (And hopefully I'll have a good caption tomorrow. I pulled a blank writing it) ~  Talk 05:08, March 2, 2011 (UTC)

Roger on that undo; Anon appends to the story's funniest line some random extra gallows humor which, if any thing, argues that the season just forfeit would have been a little tolerable. Spıke ¬ 13:16 3-Mar-11

UnNews:Gadhafi blames unrest on Al-Qaeda, global warming, etc.

Can't stay away can you?! This is a veritable index to past UnNewses. Last year, before the Big Format Change, we used to have Specialty Indexes such as UnNews:2010 Oil Spill and a garish Navigation Bar with which to reach them all. Your story, unfortunately, is the third or fourth that blurs Gadhafi with Charlie Sheen. By the way, I bumped you out of the 1-Spot as I was on the computer within 5 minutes of the news on the Supreme Court decision and was enthused to do a rendition of something that just happened, but the Pirates are now back on the Front Page for a while. Spıke ¬ 01:00 3-Mar-11

I noticed I was beaten to the punch by several people (I think the story I cited was from 2.24) but figured I'd try a difference perspective and put it out there anyway. Not my best, though; I'll make up for it with my next "study". ~  Talk 01:09, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

It's in the 5-Spot now, as the picture is fun and the lead didn't need much help. Cheers! Spıke ¬ 02:06 3-Mar-11

All the UnSignpost you ever wanted

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!

Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer By Chief Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff! We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff By Chief Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of plastic bags bans handed out to innocent noobs just trying to help out by power crazed administrators, thus meaning Uncyclopedia is 30% greener! Incidentally, this issue of the UnSignpost is brought to you entirely through the miracle of recycled pixels! Feel free to reuse them later! This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current.

Check out these pages! Roman Dog Bird So many words... More words Jack Phoenix is sexy From our logs: 13:05, March 1, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 172.162.2.75 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Garfield fan + AOL user = epic faggot) 21:14, March 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (if I'm gonna take a month of banning people, I might as well get one last fix. *click* ahhhh yeah - that's the stuff...) 08:13, February 28, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.97.154.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm pretty sure you called yourself a "niggerfaggot" at one point so I'm not sure there is anything I can do to insult you further) 19:13, February 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.149.157.59 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Thank God you're here copy-and-paste-stuff-from-Wikipedia man!) 22:43, February 24, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked ChefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (ohai evil alter ego) 10:28, March 2, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.194.154.216 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (3 days for vandalising Uncyclopedia. 4 days for thinking he was vandalising Wikipedia.) Biopic of the Week What can we say about Mimo&maxus? Not a great deal, since all of our devoted research team is on a fact-finding mission to the Large Hadron Collider at CERN. However the editor demands that we say something, so here it is, all the information this journalist could dredge from his userpage. Mimo&maxus can allegedly potatochop, he likes trees, he likes goats and he was noob of the month back in the heady days of October last year. You can usually find him laughing and otherwise being unproductive, which is not his job; it is ours. So there you go, Mimo, the biopic you always wanted, with a picture of a goat for no extra charge. Word of the week, provided by: Olipro Toepassing Definition: (Noun) A popular dessert in the Netherlands. "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Penguins." OR (less commonly) (Noun) Dutch translation of the word Application: "Because of your splendid Toepassing, I am prepared to overlook the incident with the lorry-load of Clogs." Loser of the week Under user; what does he mean by not being here?

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1234 ~ 16:08, 3 March 2011

UnNews:Study: Blueberries actually just peas holding their breath

I led with this today--as I am looking forward to having it quickly drop down to the 4-Spot and go side-by-side with Pork Chops--but it is missing something. You've got a single clever concept--peas do resemble blueberries--then pulled in all the usual directions: extraterrestrials (a concept that actually contradicts the headline), snappy dialogue, political activism, faction versus faction, then plaintiff versus defendant. It needs something unifying it, perhaps an undercurrent of allegory to something in the real world.

Separately, you are providing interpretation--"In a groundbreaking discovery" "News of this sort has, naturally, made for some interesting stories." (The latter is a double-shot.) You may have read a lot of bad journalism, where the cub reporter leads with his own opinion, but I am hoping for UnNews to be a satire of good journalism, where he doesn't. (This is another Ignorable Policy: If you want to slather it on thick and make an opinionated reporter part of an article's joke, that would be fine.) Spıke ¬ 11:50 5-Mar-11

UnNews:Local grandmother finally uses printer‎

Finally got the two food articles side-by-side. I was working on the Huckabee story at the same time, and give myself the 1-Spot; The Onion is willing to shatter the impression that it is a real news source with "local grandmother" stories, but as Zim ulator so often insists, we ain't The Onion. However, I did nominate your great story for featuring on the Uncyclopedia main page. Spıke ¬ 00:14 7-Mar-11

Wha-bam

I just peed on something you wrote. I apologize profusely for that. I'll attempt to control my bladder in the future. No promises though

What a great article. Blue peas. Hahaha. (talk) 04:39, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I incorporated some of your suggestions like fixing the awkward sentences and making the picture bigger, but left some of the bigger fixes out until I get some more time to do them. My overuse of quotes is something that I've been noticing already, and it really bothers me that I tend to use them in the same places in the story, too, like right after the lead sentence/paragraph. This is an article that I think I'll be revisiting in the future (when I started it I had like 6 possible places to take it and settled on the alien spore thing) so this review will also be useful for then, too. Thanks again. ~  Talk 12:55, March 7, 2011 (UTC)

And again

I reviewed your thingy. Although the way it was set up my template wouldn't work which makes me sad :(. (talk) 01:04, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks again for a great (and fast!) review. Great catch on the politics and keeping it strictly about business/corporations. I kept the Old Spice line where it was simply because I couldn't find another place for it, but enlarged the picture and made an effort to add to the little jokes, or what I call "interior decoration." Now that's 2 of my articles you've reviewed in under 24 hours. Take a break. Go read something good for a change, like David Sedaris or something. ~  Talk 04:45, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, well I choose my articles in a very strict fashion. First, I look at all of the current Pees. Then I click a few that have interesting titles. Then I go "Do I want to do this one?" and keep doing that till I guilt myself into doing one. (talk) 07:46, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:New 9/11 video inspires advertisers

Great concept! I minced words in the headline, as shown above. Wish you would mince a lot of words in the story. The lead paragraph provides much too much real-world background; it should be tight and rush the reader into the upcoming humor. Pay close attention to not reporting on the moods of your characters; let their words tell the message.

The picture tells the story, if you look at it for a moment--it would tell it more clearly if there were perhaps an airliner flying into one of the bottles--but a better illustration would show the resulting crass commercialism, perhaps a still from the video with a Disney character in front holding a package of something.

The final paragraph, with Bush saying "They tried to change our way of life, and they failed," is a great way to end the article, but with perhaps a clearer illustration that they did change his way of life. Spıke ¬ 13:23 8-Mar-11

I still tend to run wordy - I've been trying to cut back on it, but I guess I just like to listen to myself talk. I'll try to experiment in one of my next few articles. As for the pic, if I had the skill to change it, I might, but I think I like how it's an actual ad. ~  Talk 20:52, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

OK. Except for the photo, I tugged the story in the directions suggested above and it's now in the 3-Spot. Spıke ¬ 20:56 8-Mar-11

Alrite Humby

loved the blueberry article, had probably the best title I've ever seen on here. I'd give a full review but the good lord gave me blue screen a week ago and my laptop's f*cked :( 15:24, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. Don't think of it as you owe me one, though; just try giving about as many Pee Reviews as ye receive. ~  Talk 21:04, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey dude. Thanks for the review. It really had some good pointers, and doesn't make me want to insult your mom in anyway. So, just like to say thanks. -I have a talking zombie 06:56, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. If you have any other questions just ask. ~  Talk 14:43, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

I'll be sure to do so. ---I have a talking zombie 14:52, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Owner of Shell Oil buys Prius, gas prices rise

Ooh! topical! It leads. Spıke ¬ 19:28 9-Mar-11

UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!

Temporary admins and temporary brains By Chief It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer. PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could authorise the destruction of Alderaan get a quote from him, so we decided he said, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD, I HAVE SEEN INTO THE SOUL OF THIS WIKI AND FOUND IT WANTING!" We couldn't agree more and hope he starts his destructive rampage in BHOP. He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns By Chief The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia is the Worst Uncyclopedia is the worst Uncyclopedians are the worst Hyperbole is the worst Modusoperandi is not the worst From our logs: 22:00, March 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.234.11.193 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'VE GOT A GIFT BASKET FOR YOU! IT CONTAINS PAIN... and chips!) 23:25, March 8, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a real fucking long time ‎ (Being Zombiebaron with impunity) 01:44, March 6, 2011 PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.158.39.55 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("Basement dwelling nerds"? I'll have you know that, as soon as I finish the renovations, this basement will be a veritable ladies trap. Just like silence of the lambs.) 07:52, March 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.73.11.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you are an unpaid spambot, it might interest you to know that some people get paid to post spam. Why do you let your programmer exploit your rights as a worker? You should unionize.) 19:48, March 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Olipro (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Don't listen to what Lyrithya says. She's worser than worst.) 09:46, March 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Rajarshi316 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You gonna do anything with that or what? Also, what the hell is it? You'll have to bear with me, I'm kind of a moron.) Biopic Admin of the Week Hipponias has blown away all the competition this week by being more like Zombiebaron than Zombiebaron. Lyrithya didn't even come close! Word of the week, provided by: Lyrithya Groop Definition: (Noun) The Norse God of unfinished Salad. "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Andríðr for his dinner related transgressions!" OR (less commonly) (Group) An Australian folk, R&B and rock band formed in 1964 in Melbourne, Australia: "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Stephen for his music related transgressions!" Newsroom UnTune of the week We In Da Club SCROTUM

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:13, March 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yo

Hey! You're good. Every month there will be a user that will make harder for Neopowell to be Noob of the Month. Will you people stop being good and let that man have his first award? Also congrats for the featured article. --~  16:01, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks dude. Here ya go. Good luck with your UnNews. ---I have a talking zombie 18:09, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!

General news round-up By Chief It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey! By Chief The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.

Check out these pages! It's true There will be blood April Fool Ain't no thang From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS: 23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!) 21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 74.103.166.24 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Am I in your house waving my willy around?) 22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 173.234.229.19 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.) 22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 92.15.122.79 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!) 12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something) Biopic of the Week It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard. He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane. Newsroom UnTune of the week Supremes Commander

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1234 ~ 05:13, 17 March 2011

UnNews:Wisconsin judge: "Ummm, no."

I rewrote this entirely, finding that the near-truth was funnier than a treatment of bipartisan goofiness. If you'd like, I'll revert these changes and publish them separately. Your original text also snuck Scott Brown into the story, as well as the state of Michigan, and twice referred to that neglected branch of government (the judiciary) as the legislature. Spıke ¬ 07:44 19-Mar-11

Huh. I didn't know you could rewrite an article six and a half hours after its creation. Back in my day, we had categories for that. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 08:03 Mar 19, 2011

There were a couple of errors that tend to sneak in when I write on the dark side of a coffee high (MI vs. IL, legislative vs. judicial), but I thought the rewrite was a bit extreme. TKF seems to have rectified it, but this would be one of those incidents I mentioned earlier about editing something I want (in this case, the article). No hurt feelings, just now you know where my toes are and not to tread on them. ~  Talk 17:01, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

The parallel-articles solution works, as it will any time there is such a disagreement. Cheers for playing your article down-the-middle, but the mutual baby talk, in my opinion, squanders the real-world absurdities only slightly less than if you had made Walker and Sumi both grues with laz0r eyes. I finished up late last night by picking a different photo and cutting the last ties with your version.

Still don't know exactly where your toes are. Funnybony sometimes bangs out an UnNews without a comedy theme and is happy when I install one. Your factual errors made me think that yours was perhaps a quick first draft submitted to seek refinement--then my different comedy taste took over. At any rate, all is well. Spıke ¬ 19:42 19-Mar-11

If you feel like you can apply a different comic style to an event, then write a separate article. I feel like "total rewrite of something I just made" is where most people's toes will tend to draw the line. Also, kudos to your toes for learning how to draw. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 22:24, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

I call bias on SPIKE, bless his heart, who argued with me about the Madison Movement until I did an end-around him while he was sleeping or something equally as useless and wrote about the 5-year old, then got that featured with the help of Dexter and Mrthejazz. So I'd say put it back to where it was B.S. (Before SPIKE) and guard it with shotgun and dogs. Aleister 22:56 19-3-'11

Aleister, Froggy did exactly put it back to where it was (with editorial corrections) and my article is now separate. Both these Judge Sumi articles make both sides look foolish. 23:00 PS--Now visit the Newsroom for something really important. Spıke ¬ 23:02 19-Mar-11

Thanks

For your vote on Viking Metal, I'm glad you liked it. The page was from the Happy Monkey contest, and when I got the topic I felt "Damn, I can't do a page on the music. What twist is possible?" and there was the Viking Metal Fashion Show. It seems a long time ago that it was written, but it was only four years ago tomorrow! Thanks again, Aleister 00:55 23-3-'11

I have to admit, I did not know there was such a thing as the Viking Metal Fashion Show. Makes the article that much better.

Your twist was really surprising: I read the story thinking how I would've done something like it being a music genre that would've led the Vikings to a world takeover, had they known about it, and suddenly I'm reading "Black is the new pink." Well done. ~  Talk 03:50, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpostOnTheDelivery

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

The Apocalypse will be televised By Olipro Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this shit is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE BAR BARE BEER BEAR WITH ME. It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our wonderful temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT FAGGOT. The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial By Zombiebaron The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. ••• Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks By ChiefjusticeDS Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.

Check out these pages! Rock on AAAAAAAAAA! Have we mentioned this? Thing From our logs: 23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.") 23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.) 02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this) 02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (96,760 revisions restored) 02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png Biopic of the Week The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it. Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix Epic Definition: (Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!" OR (Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!" Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad Weekly Article Challenge This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another. This week's headline choice: Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia OR Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 10:13, 24 March 2011

This is your UnSignpost speaking

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell By Chief Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable. The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season By Chief There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages! Fools! For shame Dr. Skullthumper needs a hobby How do I chop Potatoes? tl;dr From our logs: 17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there) 13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?) 05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.) 00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!) 00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!) Biopic of the Week Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow. The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all Mossad agents users to shoot on sight say hello to if they see him. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up) Just so you know Naruto is still made of fail. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546 Olipro.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:15, 31 March 2011

You win

	Noob of the Moment March 2011

--ChiefjusticeDS 00:38, April 1, 2011 (UTC)

	Foolitzer Prize Winner March 2011

1234 ~ 06:45, 1 April 2011

Football Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured UnNews piece.

I appreciate it, and stuff.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:08, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

---

No problem. I knew I was going to vote for that when I saw it going through Pee Review.~  Talk 03:49, April 5, 2011 (UTC)

Terribly creative UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool By Chief As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition By Chief As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried. Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages! An idea Oh no, not this again Uncyclopedia running low on things to argue about For-skin From our logs: 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.) 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER) 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!) 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?) n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...) Biopic of the Week Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker. Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it. Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie Definition: (Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie." OR (less commonly) (Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator." Newsroom UnTune of the week ZOMBIES!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:26, 7 April 2011

UnNews:Study: That thing in the sky is the moon

A fine piece of writing. Now, what's it doing in UnNews? It has nothing to do with the news, it really has nothing to do with studies, it's not written like news, it is another first-person article mainly about the author's own reactions, just like our notorious Testicle UnNews. Spıke ¬ 22:22 9-Apr-11

And don't forget mine! -- 22:30, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

A very apt comparison. At least you know it was nothing personal. Spıke ¬ 22:50 9-Apr-11

I know; it's more of a magazine article than anything. Unfortunately, we don't have an UnNational Geographic, so I put it in UnNews. ~  Talk 23:02, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Michigan supreme court votes in favor of rapper

Congrats on the main-page feature! I never figured out how to do a graphic for this on the UnNews Front Page, an oversight I have just remedied. You have the 1-Spot today. Spıke ¬ 01:16 12-Apr-11

Awesome. Cheers! ~  Talk 03:23, 14 April 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops By Athyria It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs. Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop. Awards and contests everyone forgot about By Someone else As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered. Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages! UnNews sucks. Wikia sucks. ED sucks. Bots suck. Admins suck. Games suck. From our logs: Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea) Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there) Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.) Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE) Biopic of the Week If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material. And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic. Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them. Random page: Ian Botham Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:59, 14 April 2011

On What the Hell is this all about?

Hey, I'm part American too, and I already sign my posts (some of the time, at least), as far back as 2007, and we were chatting about my personal history. He sent me a message, and I was just replying, that's "what the hell" this is all about, I'll just post this on your talk page, just to help make me a tad more clear. -Canadian Man, from Kinnikuman, who before time began, in 2007, wrote Something

what people are meaning when they say sign your posts is to put ~~~~ at the end of your last line. Even Greenlanders are doing it. Well if they ever sign up. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:02, April 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for putting this here, too, but I'm going to reply on Lollipop's talk page just to keep the conversation in one place. ~  Talk 04:04, 17 April 2011 (UTC)

Huh?I already put it up on here, but I WILL also put it up here, International Batman is Gay Day, I also put in another example John Goodman. Neither of them has been deleted. -CANADIAN MAN, still from Kinnikuman, also from freaking Mars.

Also, if you read this, I did manage to find it again quickly, just setting things straight, as I have easily done here, as well as with other people at other places, and if you still have a beef with me about this, A: sorry, B: then communicate it with me privately or some shit, also, just as a Just to smegging be on the smegging safe side, International Batman is Gay Day.

...Also, I don't give a shit about much of anything at this point, except to just explain, and if someone (like you) needs a link, I can at least put it up some of the time, I could do many things, that included, for a long time, long before I came on Uncyclopedia (a long time ago, atill around '07, or at least within the last decade or three)

Alright, I'm giving you a lot of slack here, so don't push your luck; I see that you've been editing since at least April 11, 2007, so you should know to sign your posts and how to do it, that you sign your posts on talk pages, not on your edits to articles (like it sounds you intend to do on other pages you've edited), how to link to other pages in text, and that this is about as privately as we can communicate on this site. If this is the message that is making all of this commotion, I agree, you have a right to be upset. But this is not how to deal with it. You've got a couple of users stepping in to work this out but getting sarcastic and pissy isn't making me want to help you. It's obvious that Lollipop either isn't online or is just hiding, so there's nothing anyone can do to completely resolve the issue so let's step it back a notch and cool off, okay?

Now, is this the only things that's been going on, or is there more? If there's something else involved in this problem, copy the URL and paste it between a single bracket to let me know about it and I'll see what I can do. And then use four tildes to sign your post (adding text to the end of your post like it's a handwritten letter doesn't cut it). ~  Talk 05:03, 17 April 2011 (UTC)

Chill, I've just been explaining it, and if it's him hiding *shrugs*, then I at least explained things fairly well on my end. Since you explained things at fucking least coherently, and since whether or not I have a right to doesn't matter, I'll give you a thumbs up, you're fucking awesome compared to too many other dipshits in the world. And I wasn't being pissy, but sarcastic? You've gotten that thing about me right, difficult when you haven't talked with me for at least years, which, along with the fact that I've been getting good at the sarcasm thing, makes me (grateful) glad you noticed. Thanks for not just making shit up about me, and I was already planning to stop for at least several half-hours in advance, so I'm going to go and take a bath.

...And unless I've had Alzheimer's for the last several or three years, no, there hasn't been more, and even if you're giving me a lot of slack here, fine, I've been giving Lollipop a lot of slack too, and have been barely pissed off, too (again, the sarcastic "somehow" still applies.

Thank you for not just making up bullshit about me like any anonymous dipshit on the internet would, and I'm still off to take that bath of mine, maybe two...

...The Mortal (When the fuck was I anything other than just a Mortal?) Meteo

P.S. If there's still anything I need to let you know about, I will (and still probably hold in my temper (the "somehow" part still applies)

UnNews:New measures taken to keep air traffic controllers awake

Above the fold! Thank you! Spıke ¬ 02:25 18-Apr-11

UnNews:Unrest in Syria, nobody cares

First article I have ever seen to make the "nobody cares" angle not be trite. I need a second photo to do a graphic of this, as the one you've got will be useless when reduced to a Front Page thumbnail. Spıke ¬ 02:26 20-Apr-11

Found something to use. This article too was in the 1-Spot recently. Spıke ¬ 12:44 21-Apr-11

Sorry about the delay; I was in the car for most of yesterday and couldn't get online until now. Good choice on the image tho, I think I would've done a picture of a broken pencil, but yours gets the job done, and probably better. Thanks. ~  Talk 14:02, 21 April 2011 (UTC)

That UnSignposty thing

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update By Chief As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here: RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages! Disaster! Despair! Doubt! A forum from 2006! From our logs: 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright) 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities) 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.) 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!) 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot) 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!) Biopic of the Week It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity. So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves. Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end. A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release. Thing we should probably mention Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:20, 21 April 2011

UnNews:Encyclopædia Dramatica ends undramatically, world celebrates

You in da lead. But it would read more like news if you would give names to your "interviewees." Spıke ¬ 22:30 22-Apr-11

True, I just had trouble giving brains and eyeballs names. Though I guess Iris would've worked... ~  Talk 22:47, 22 April 2011 (UTC)

PS--The name shown on the Front Page does not mean I renamed your article. I just wanted a chance to trot out an æ. Also, one "news" direction you didn't take it is the mortal threat of a flood of refugees to Uncyclopedia (compare real-world news out of Tunisia). Spıke ¬ 23:02 22-Apr-11

As long as the link on my userpage works I'm cool with it. And is the flood of refugees a "news direction I didn't take," or a "news direction I didn't take yet?" (I really don't know myself, I just felt like awkwardly phrasing that in the form of a question. If I come up with anything good for content I'll definitely pursue it, so thanks for the idea.) ~  Talk 23:13, 22 April 2011 (UTC)

It was, exactly, an idea, which you are free to use or not; "yet" is always implicit as no page is frozen. When I change a page name, I don't edit the author's user page, but inform him, typically with a new section with the new page name as the section head. For the headline on the graphic, it was shorter to just state the "news" rather than introduce your comedy take on it. Spıke ¬ 23:17 22-Apr-11

PS--EDiot has now renamed you, though he can't suppress the redirect, so the old name still works. Spıke ¬ 00:15 23-Apr-11

UnNews:Armed Forces to change uniforms to accommodate women

I like it! Am inclined to keep your other story in the 1-Spot for another day as it is closer to the hearts of our alleged readership. I'll give you the oldest other Spot.

However, you might throw a fit if I do everything that needs to be done with the lead paragraph.

1. Please lead with the lead rather than "After realizing." The fact that someone realizes something is not the news. First sentence needs to be hard-hitting, an indication that the world is not the way you previously thought it was.
2. Please fix "comprises." The whole comprises (com-prise, together takes) the parts. The Army comprises some number of women, not vice versa.

Cheers. Spıke ¬ 22:40 23-Apr-11

Thanks for the catch. I added a sentence to the beginning to grab the reader rather than just sit passively and changed my abhorrent blasphemy over the word "comprise." I know better.

Also, for what it's worth, I'm liking the new editing style you've got going by putting the things you'd like to see changed here. ~  Talk 00:15, 24 April 2011 (UTC)

Assertiveness does send a message, which I don't mind receiving. Funnybony, by comparison, does not mind at all when I tug his stuff in a new direction. Just a matter of getting to know one another. Spıke ¬ 00:34 24-Apr-11

Brrrr...

10 reasons to thank TheHumbucker 10. You voted for User:Dr. Skullthumper/10 reasons to defrost Frosty on VFH 9. You're pretty cool 8. You participated in rigging one of Uncyclopedia's most sacred voting pages 7. Thus proving that you don't have a frigid sense of humor 6. Except you do since you voted for an article that involved freezing temperatures 5. Not even sure if that was a proper pun anyway 4. Sorry 3. I think I'm running out of numbers here 2. But I just wanted to say 1. Thanks for the vote!

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 04:24 Apr 25, 2011

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.

General News Round-up By Chief It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again By Chief In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. We lied. They didn't. Naruto By Nobody It is still garbage that babies read.

Check out these pages! Cool! Not cool! Lolwut? Teh lulz! From our logs: 17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.) 21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there) 02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER) 04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me) 04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.) Biopic of the Week This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead. Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends Knickers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy) Public service announcement You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:29, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Study_shows_explosions_are_bad_for_both_buildings_and_homes

I used your template it is kind of buggy with the start new unnews process. I had to tweak here and there to make it format right. I suggest a lot of <!--c0mment lines to say what to do because I winged it --> I hope you don't mind, but I needed space filled. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 01:08, April 30, 2011 (UTC)

I expect full citations in APA format.

And as much as I wanted to pop the cork for the template, I'm just happy it's being used. ~  Talk 01:18, 30 April 2011 (UTC)

I stole your template and put it in the template namespace, as a template that takes parameters. My point is that substing the content of a template completely defeats the purpose of having a template at all, except for in a few special cases, of which this is not one. Now... what was it doing weirdly on UnNews itself, and how might this be remedied on the the template itself? 1234 ~ 01:24, 30 April 2011

The issue is where to place the template within the article. The proto article template is so strream lined for date, town country picture, that the template has to be placed between the lead paragraph and the remaining, for it to format right. Any wiki editor worth her salt, should haven no problem, but it was a whoopsy moment from namespace to main space.--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 01:49, April 30, 2011 (UTC)

Did a quick alter after looking at how wiki does it. Good? ~  Talk 03:21, 30 April 2011 (UTC)

Signpost Un

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:18, 5 May 2011

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:44, 12 May 2011