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Today's featured article Ah, yes, hamsters. Known for absolutely nothing except for dying in the weirdest ways possible. Be honest, how many hamsters have you seen die peacefully? That's right, none. And if you answered something other than that, you're living in the Matrix. Known for stuffing their fat faces with anything remotely edible, eating their babies, living in your walls, escaping through the smallest holes in their cages possible, eating their babies, being fat, dying in the most ridiculous ways possible, eating their babies, and eating their babies. Did I mention eating their babies? That's pretty important. (Full article...) Recently featured: Hamster Boston Analog horror Admiral Ackbar Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *...that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ...that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia? ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case? ...that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?	In the news Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted. Trump presents new science project to Cabinet (Pictured) Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures Trump fires Zakk Wylde Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Epstein list predictions Starmer bans pornography nationwide Starmer to ban VPNs nationwide Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!" Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) Recent deaths: Bill Cosby's TV son • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network/Adult Swim/Toonami on Comcast's basic cable package Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Comcast On this day... August 17: Dingo Ate My Baby Day (Australia). 5000 B.C. - first dingo arrives in Australia. Says dingo: "Man, I'm hungry. Could sure go for something chewy and defenseless." 3020 B.C. - Dingo's successfully mate with a Wallaby. The Dallawingoby young, a Wingodollajoeyhopper, is found to be delicious when BBQ'd, insuring quick extinction. 1776 - Thomas Jefferson releases happiness at 11am. 1777 - Thomas Jefferson releases packs of Dingoes into the Virgina wilderness. These same Dingoes are later accredited with the eminination of the Roanoke Settlement. 1918 - Bolshevik revolutionary leader Moisei Uritsky is assassinated. Dingos are suspected. 1980 - "Ah Dingo Ate Moy Baybee!" 1984 - Happiness is prohibited by the ISoPT. 1986 - A pack of rabid Dingoes invade and devour the city of Syndey Austrailia. 1988 - Pakistani President Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq and US Ambassador Arnold Raphel are killed in a plane crash. And then eaten by dingos. 1988 - The legendary Alex Cross was born in Redhill, Surrey, UK. He then roundhouse-kicked a dingo in the face when it tried to eat him. 1997 - Rabid packs of Dingoes win parlamentary elections in Austrailian run-off elections. 1999 - Nothing happens. 2004 - Alex Cross beat Chuck Norris in a fight, but Chuck Norris, with his last ounce of strength, roundhouse-kicked himself back in time to avoid being in a fight with someone far superior. 2006 - President George W Bush is confused on why the farmer would name his dog "Dingo". Puppet Master Cheney tries to explain, but then gets fed up and shoots a friend in the face. 2009 - Mount Everest a splode.
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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