Today's featured article
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Water is a colorless and abundant substance that's foolishly believed to be harmless and essential to life. No. More than 99.9% of the entire world population is so addicted to it they would fucking die were they deprived of this product. So severe would the withdrawal symptoms be they would, at best, have days to live without medical intervention. Humans, who have opened their eyes know they can live water free with meditation, inhaling diamond dust or drinking human and animal blood (just like paleo-cavemen used to do). We don't need water. Water is a scam. How many animals do you see drinking water? Only pets like cats and dogs that are forced to. Other animals don't. (You cannot find a single example if you tried.) It's unnatural. Humans started drinking water 5,000 years ago and this mind-virus spread and has never retreated. Little do they know the plan was designed from the beginning by a cabal of mentally challenged Mesopotamians who set the framework for mass human suffering (more later).
The elite don't want you do know that water is responsible for JFK's assassination, 9/11, the Mongol Horde, Princess Diana's murder and, worst of all, the most unforgivable calamity known to man: unleashing Justin Bieber on an unsuspecting world of innocent humans.
(Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
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In the news
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"All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
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On this day...
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July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is.
- A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... – Social Security investigators witness Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku, they do. Hmmmm. Realise, they do, that the walking stick thing is a charade. "Your incapacity benefit try and remove, we will" they tell him. "Do or do not", cleverly replies he, "There is no try."
- 306 – Proclaimed Roman emperor, Constantine I is, by his troops.
- 1946 – Detonated underwater, it is, in the lagoon of Bikini atoll, an atomic bomb. Swimsuits of Women are torn in half, they are. Protest, by this action, they show.
- 1947 – The United Nations, Talks Like Yoda Day, it innaugurates.
- 1951 – The Korean War, pauses it does so that both sides can this day enjoy.
- 1962 – President Kennedy visits Berlin and proclaims "Ein Berliner, Ich bin."
- 1969 – Neil Armstrong lands on the moon. His first message: "Hm, yes, one small step for man, this is. One giant leap for mankind, also it is."
- 1970 – When asked, Mao Zedong is, by reporter ██████ ████ whether more powerful capitalism is than communism, replies, he does, "No. Quicker, easier it is."
- 1980 – "Eheh. Wars not make one great!" quips Jimmy Carter. He is soon defeated in a landslide.
- 1981 – "Mr. President! Freed the hostages are!" shouts a reporter as Ronald Reagan declares "Darth Ayatollah, powerful and bearded he is!"
- 2004 – George W. Bush spends most of the day pretending to listen to questions put to him, then widening his eyes and saying "Yoda! You seek Yoda!" This goes on until Dick Cheney breaks his arm with a tire iron.
- 2005 – Ted Kennedy remarks to Howard Dean, "John Kerry was our last chance to stop Bush and Cheney. To which Dean replies, "No....there is another! ; ( " later revealed that even though they once made out, Hillary Clinton is John Kerry's sister.)
- 2006 – For the previous entry, shot an uncyclopedia editor is.
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