Awesome Land
Cubanpakistanibay watchcommericalthing forpamelaandersonchucknorris "Awesome Land, the Awesome oligarchical republic!". Awesome Land | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| |||
| Motto: "*Fucketh Your Mother*" | |||
| Anthem: "Pasta and Ya Meatballs" | |||
 | |||
| Capital & Largest City | Ethix | ||
| Official language(s) | Awesomelandic, English, Esperanto, Grammatically Incorrect Italian, which, for some reason, resembles Urdu | ||
| Government | Oligarchy | ||
| Religious leader | The Supreme Fonz | ||
| ‑ King | Solomon Sol XL | ||
| ‑ The Supreme Fonz | Ron Paul | ||
| ‑ National Shape | A Pentagon | ||
| National Hero(es) | Adam, Yoda, The Fonz, Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice. | ||
| Currency | The Gazzomba | ||
| Religion | Pastafarian | ||
Awesome Land, officially known as the Cubanpakistanibay-watchcommericalthing forpamelaandersonchucknorris, is the first republic ever created by the dear leader King Solomon Sol the XL. It is a Pastafarian Theocracy which strongly supports Ron Paul to be treasurer of the sovereign republic of Alaska. It also strongly supports Arnold Schwarzenegger for king of Western California. However it does not support Lord Babin the third's rule of Not So Awesome Land.
Affiliation With The Flying Spaghetti Monster[edit | edit source]
It is said in Awesomelandic mythology that one day the F.S.M, (or Flying Spaghetti Monster) got really wasted and then came down and created a mountain, a tree and a drunken midget who instanly died of a caffeine overdose. It is said that he then created twoKlingons named Adam and Yoda and said the following.
And I shall give your seed to the earth, and the earth shall grudgingly accept the 2 dollar tip I give her
Confused by this and not knowing how they could possibly reproduce, Adam and Yoda created the Atari 2600 and then died. This caused the F.S.M to say.
This sucks.
It has often been debated by Awesomelandic scholars as to whether this was in reference to the Midget dying, the two Klingons dying, or the creation of the Atari 2600.
Origins of Awesomeland as We Now Know it and the Fonz[edit | edit source]
In 404 B.C, Winston Churchill united Awesome Land. He set up a Theocratic Oligarchy in which he made The Fonz second-in-command and Alexander the Great his secretary. But all was not well...
In 403 B.C Alexander the Great killed Winston Churchill and The Fonz. It was soon fortold however, that one day a new Fonz would arrive in the form of a man named Ron Paul. This is why its crucial for Ron Paul to be treasurer of the sovereign republic of Alaska.
Promptly after killing Wiston Churchill and The Fonz, Alexander the Great rewrote all the history books and replaced all the mention of the country to either Greece orAtlantis which explains the alleged "ancient Atlanteans". Awesome land is also suing new Atlantis for stealing Awesomelandic mythology and replacing it with "myths", (see "Atlantis lawsuit" below).
Meteorite Community and How Hermit Penguins Saved Awesomeland From A Horrible Recession[edit | edit source]
Somewhere in the 15th century meteorites started making their homes in Awesome Land. They were, however, shunned from mainstream Awesomelandic society due to their inability to do anything except fall from the sky and mate. Human discrimination of meteorites came to a climax however, when a man named Robert Redford came and nearly succeeded in putting all meteorites in captivity. He was given a large amount of support by other notable meteorite haters such as Dick Cheney and General Zod of the planet Krypton.
There have also been rumors of Xenu promoting full out captivity and even genocide of the meteorites, but none of these rumours have thus far been confirmed. But there was hope, in the mid 15th century an Aardvark was born in Nova Scotia. That Aardvark's name was Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice. Tingle was a cartoonist and a meteorite activist who brought international attention to the meteorite crisis in Antartica. It was with his help that Awesome land created the 1492 Bill of Awesomelandic Rights which granted rights to every citizen, be it human, penguin or even an inanimate, lifeless and just basically useless space rock. Unfortunately, most Meteorites emigrated to Not So Awesome Land where they know live as the most dominant component of their society.
"Manny's"[edit | edit source]
The "Manny" dilemma happened when unemployment struck Awesome land. The only nannys were Filipino and due to this it was decided that male penguins, often abandoned by their mates would take the place of these nannys hence becoming the first "mannys". A legend of the mannys is theyre all secretly norwegian grad students looking for a different lease on life by dressing up as hermit penguins and having sex with father figures of families across Awesome Land.
Currency[edit | edit source]
As first decreed in the 1492 Bill of Rights, Awesomeland has its own currency. As stated in the bill, "15 Gazoombas are worth 1 Hummer, no more no less, and the only other way to translate the worth of a Gazoomba is to find the middle worth of steamed brocoli and one American dollar".
Atlantis Lawsuit and Other Diplomatic Relations[edit | edit source]
Awesomeland has been preparing a lawusuit against for sometime now. In the lawsuit they are acussing Atlantis of stealing Awesomelandic mythology. And replacing it with myths or, as some like to call it, "bullshit". Basically Awesome Land is suing Atlantis for absolutely nothing at as they are even in completely separate parts of the world. Atlantis is a theme park between the Utopian Democracy of Russia, the Sovereign Republic of Alaska and the Despot lead government of Canada. Meanwhile, Awesomeland is in Antartica.
In 1939 on September 1st a Retarded Anglican Unicorn named Adolf Hitler invaded Poland hence starting World War 2 in which millions of jews, gypsies and homosexuals died. Awesome Land, being in a very close alliance with Italy due to their Pastafarian roots did absolutely nothing to stop it so lets just not talk about that :).
Awesome Land has had very close ties with Western California and Alaska due to the Fonz and the prophesized reincarnation of theFonz or Ron Paul.
Awesomelandic Principles[edit | edit source]
Awesomeland is one of the greatest countries in the world. Therefore they have 3 basic and Almighty Principles. Their first and foremost principle is dos cakes. Dos cakes is the meaning of the world, life, and everything. It was previously thought to be 42.I.E. I was about to trip when dos cakes broke my fall. The second principle is maverick. The people of Awesome land are strong believers in John McCain. Just as Sarah Palin uses it, they do too. Maverick is a term used by only very cool people. The final principle is cool whip, with special emphasis on the h. It is required to put on every dessert.
Demographics, Geography and Statistics[edit | edit source]
.
“In Soviet Russia, government puts biased and racist information to YOU!”
Awesome Land has 5 cities: Winstonchurchville, Fonzietown, Ethix, Berverly Hills and Penguina with Ethix being the capital. Ethix contains the already pictured, (see above) Statue of a Depressed Guy Crying and the Giant Pasta House of the F.S.M.
Awesome Land, despite being located in Antartica, has a very temperate climate. Meteoroligists and hydrologists say that this is due to the fact that Awesome Land's water supply comes from a marijuana plantation. Stoners disagree with this, saying the following:
“Dudes and dudettes, if our water supply was contaminated I would be sober right now. Wait, that doesnt make sense... HEY! Wait, nevermind man, I just thought I saw a unicorn”
| America & Friends |
United States of America · Canada (British Columbia) · Mexico |
| Irrelevant Islands |
Acadia · Cayman Islands · Cuba · Ernst Thälmann Island · Barbados · Bermuda triangle · Dominican Republic · Greenland · Haiti · Jamaica · Martinique · Monkey Island · Pen Island · St. Pierre and Miquelon · Tortuga · Trinidad and Tobago · Tropico |
| Yes, They Count |
Belize · Costa Rica · El Salvador · Guatemala · Honduras · Nicaragua · Panama |
