The Archives (scroll down to see them all)

Archivo Numero Uno - Pelargonium gets welcomed back after losing the password to his last account. What a loser.
Archivo Numero Dos - Pelargonium meets HELPME, who made a lasting first impression by getting me banned. FU HEP
Archivo Numero Tres - Pelargonium changes his name again to Paizuri. Can't that maricon just decide on a name and keep it?
Archivo Numero Quatro - Paizuri gets into picture wars with Aleister, deals with various noob issues, and meets his new son.

Hey there! Click on the + button to leave me a new message at the bottom. I will always reply here.

2010[edit source]

I am insulted by your lack of candor[edit source]

Except that might not be the right word. Hell if I know which is. Anyhow, my cat's dead, so kindly don't insult him. ~ Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100715 - 23:03 (UTC)

Okay, I won't insult your stupid dead cat. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 23:08, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

*shifty eyes* ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100716 - 01:13 (UTC)

:) —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 02:25, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010[edit source]

Dear Mr/Ms Paizuri,

Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate.

Last summer, following the listing of an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, as a featured article, I and my assistant began to prepare a copyright infringement suit against you, and were about to file it in December 2009 when both of us were attacked violently by the user MacMania, who was imprisoned for his central role in this infringement, but had apparently escaped custody to exact revenge against us. Needless to say, MacMania was once again taken into custody, but we lapsed into a comatose state. However, now that we have woken up, we have found out, much to our chagrin and dismay, that you have further encouraged such infringing actions by selecting 2001: A Space Odyssey as the number 2 article of 2009, and that England once again failed to make the World Cup final.

We must, of course, take further action, and would like to notify you that unless Uncyclopedia's administrators take action, we will press the following charges:
1. continued support, encouragement, and flaunting of copyright infringement;
2. indirectly causing severe physical harm to me and my assistant;
3. potentially providing shelter to Paul the Octopus, whose psychic powers clearly drastically demoralized the English national football team against the German team, which is an unspeakably criminal act.

We will drop these charges only if you agree to furnish us with a Paul the Octopus voodoo doll^* for our perusal.

Please let us know if this is possible.

Your obedient servant (strictly in a figurative sense)

James Steel

c/o Alesha Phillips
London
EC4M 7EH
UK

^* Must be complete with voodoo boiling water, voodoo olive oil, voodoo knife and voodoo fork.

Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir Mac Mania GUN—[01:52 16 Jul 2010]

Showdown For Cookies[edit source]

Hello there Paizuri. Congratulations! You have been chosen to be one of our not-so-special judges for the writers showdown that will be between Aleister in Chains and me Happymonkey39. This will be a showdown were we give each other a name of an unwritten article and we must write as much as we can in 1 hour and 15 minutes. Then our 5 judges will choose which article is better overall. A template on how it shall be evaluated will be given later.

This showdown will be held at 10:30EDT, please convert the time yourself. At 11:50EDT each judge will review each article and chose which he finds best. The user with the most votes wins. And yes the prize will be cookies, the loser must give 100 cookies to the winner on the users talk page.

So are you willing to be an unhonorable judge? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 16:26, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Depends, this is the first week in a while where I'm actually doing stuff IRL. What day will it be? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 16:36, 17 July 2010 (UTC)

Lol i didn't say that did I? I knew i was forgetting something! It's on Monday. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 03:33, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, so 7:30 Pacific time for me. Please tell me it's not 7:30 AM... —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 05:15, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

Do you live near the west in north or south America? --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 22:34, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

He lives in Ireland, where cookies grow on trees and wee people hide under bridges to grab your ankles and drag ya to the bushes. In the bushes are more cookies. But wee cookies, just right for the snacking. Aleister 22:39 19 7

I got to head there sometime...and if he's telling the truth it will most likely make it AM for you. But don't worry, you can judge whenever you wanna.

Wait does that mean Italy is covered with pasta! PASTA! IT'S EVEN BETTER THEN COOKEHS!--Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 22:51, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

I think my dear friend Aleister is mistaking me for another guy, although we almost look similar if you take away his giant red mohawk. I live in South America obviously, as evidenced by the flag in my signature. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:10, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

I can't believe i missed that -_-". So ya you live in North America, i amuse you were joking with the south thing. Ok so it would be PM then. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 15:04, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

I FOUND IT![edit source]

You know that HowTo I mentioned I was trying to find before? Well, I did what you said and methodically went through every single HowTo in the category looking for it... and I... I found it. It's really terrible, but I found it.

And I also apparently wrote an article on lungs... O_o

Oh, gods. ~ Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 06:15 (UTC)

Gimme a link! I'm sure it wasn't that bad. :D —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:19, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

I already plopped them onto my userpage, but I'll repeat... just for you, love. Lungs, HowTo:Get Out of Doing Chores

Also, I'm starting to think Opera is schizophrenic when it comes to selecting text. ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 06:32 (UTC)

They're not so bad; all they need is a little more love. I can definitely tell you wrote them though. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:48, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

What, I'm that obvious? Dammit, where is the chicken suit?! Aaargh!

Poor articles, though, being so alone and neglected for so long... but at least they're better than the wine one. I don't even know what to do with that one. These I think I might be able to work with. ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 06:56 (UTC)

lynx plz —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 07:01, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

Did you know that Links and Lynx are both web browsers? Actually, links was the only one I had working on this machine yesterday morning, but then after two hours of hopeless attempting of random stuff I finally figured out how to install a window manager and now I'm back in the land of graphics and don't have to use links anymore... wine, on the other hand, was a good deal easier to get working, at least once I figured out that I had to navigate to a clearly marked URL. Stupid ubuntu and the changing the repositories... at least debian still uses cross-version functionable stuff. For now. Hijack the debian repositories! ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 07:07 (UTC)

Yeah! I don't really know what you just said but I'm going to pretend to go along with it so as not to seem rude or dickish! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 07:13, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

I said... some words. They may even have meant something, for all I know. Not that I do know. Maybe this mug knows... hell, Mr. Mug... could you direct me to my mind? What's this, you want me to go to bed? It's not even... oooh, what's this you say, I should go to bed while it's still sunday? Well, Mr. Mug, while I appreciate the input, I rather think... gee, that's odd. I'm having trouble thinking at all. ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 07:20 (UTC)

You'll get used to it. It's one of the main side effects of becoming an Uncyclopedian. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 07:30, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

It also appears to have been a side effect of this mug. And not sleeping, for that matter... maybe putting the three together wasn't such a good idea... anyhow, what about you? Do you think? ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 15:29 (UTC)

I don't think, remember? Wait, remember what? Who? Where am I?! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:27, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

What? That. Who? That guy. Where are you? Exactly where you are. So what's this remembery thing you mentioned? ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 21:47 (UTC)

Remembering is...oh balls, I can't remember what it means. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:50, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

Oy, crikey. This cannae be good... ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 22:15 (UTC)

Dont panic...at least i can still typ good... —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 22:18, 18 July 2010 (UTC)

Well... that's something... right? ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100719 - 00:30 (UTC)

ay dio mio, estoy olvidando ingles...AAAAAAA! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:10, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

Pero si estás olvidandolo, parece que puedes olvidar. Asi podriás... erm... recordar? Para olvidar. O algo. O_o ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100719 - 04:25 (UTC)

no se hombre, no se! O_O —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:30, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

Somos peridci... cio... ugh... blargle, I don't speak spanish! I just play videogames in it! *flails arms and runs away* ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100719 - 04:36 (UTC)

Wait, come back! Your taco is still fresh! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 05:10, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

...are you fellows ever actually going to write that thing? >.< ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100719 - 05:18 (UTC)

We're just waiting for someone to pee on it. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:02, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

Aaaah. Now that explains it. So get someone to do so, already! ~

Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100719 - 14:47 (UTC)

Maybe now that UU's forcing all the reviewers to start reviewing the massive queue. Or you could whack HELPME on the head with your wooden spoon until he agrees to do it. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 01:53, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

I already said I would, though. Except I still haven't... oh, gods... *cowers* ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100720 - 04:37 (UTC)

Well you wouldn't want the gods to

smite you... Also, we're going in a reverse arc now so just decrease the number of colons by one each time you reply. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 15:08, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

Oooh, okay.

Why would they smite me? *shifty eyes* I'm so wonderful. ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100720 - 15:12 (UTC)

Of course you are! They just don't know it yet. Prove it to them by peeing on our article. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 15:25, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

I did. I didn't do a very good job, either. Cheers. ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100720 - 16:02 (UTC)

Noob in spirit[edit source]

Hey can i get that noob in spirit award engraved to me. I need to hang something on my ~~wall~~ user page. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:02, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

YOU RUINED IT! I spent 20 minutes trying to get those god damn templates in order and now you go and ruin it....im ashamed.

Plus you didn't even right my name in it...*sniff sniff*, i would eat a cookie but Aleister still has em. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 21:10, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

You know, you could just rewrite your own templates, including the noob in spirit one... save a whole lot of formatting trouble. (just copy them into your userspace and, say, change the float orientations to what you want) ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100720 - 21:29 (UTC)

Yeah, plus the award is simply a modified {{Ninjastar}}, so I could just rewrite the words on it. And you can undo edits, n00b! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:44, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

No i knew that. But i'm just too lazy. Plus it wouldn't feel as if it was awarded to me if i edited it! --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 17:45, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Did you forget to sign in...?[edit source]

Is that you editing your blah userspace page or an IP in need of banning? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:57, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

I've rollbacked to the last version by you - let me know if it is you editing and I won't rollback again. Rabbi Techno

kvetch

Contribs

FOXES 16:58, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, that wasn't me editing it. I'll check if the IPs contributions were actually good in a bit. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 19:12, 19 July 2010 (UTC)

The template that I'll never change[edit source]

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:50, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

A question[edit source]

Hey, how can I get a page unprotected, I couldn't find the answer anywhere..I'm an Estonian and discovered that the article Estonia is relatively long and unfunny, as also confirmed in the talk page. I have some time and some good ideas to change this, but the page seems to be protected...Thanks. H2ppyme 07:41, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

The page is protected from IPs and new users because of vandalism, but you'll be able to edit it and other semi-protected pages when the system recognizes you as an autoconfirmed user (3 or 4 days). —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 13:53, 20 July 2010 (UTC)

Thanks[edit source]

I want to thank you for voting for on my article Dear Mr. Hornet.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 18:33, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

As you read, I'm having a orgasm[edit source]

Who created\founded Uncyclopedia? NeuroticNinjaPirate666 10:40, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

1337 Grues, Chuck Norris and Jesus did while doing your mom lolzorz

Oh, and this guy. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 18:13, 21 July 2010 (UTC)

Because I definitely have better things to do but I'm hoping perhaps you don't...[edit source]

I have come by again to annoy you. As is my style, with questions. So what if I'm pretty much out of noob time...

Should I marry my cat?
So what is wrong with AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
What is your favourite kind of pie?
Is there any way to use CSS classes within a wiki?
Should I stop making templates in my userspace and then using them in mainspace articles?
Do you have a sister? If so, is she sane?
Whatever is sane, anyhow?
Would it be considered trashy to vote against my own article on vfh?
Is this this?
Is that this?
Is this that?
Where did you go, anyhow?

The coins are on the table. I figured not trying to put them in the slot myself this time might be a better idea.

~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100722 - 05:39 (UTC)

Only if you're prepared to be pstracized by all major religious entities.
Pardon? I couldn't hear you over that AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
I enjoy a good Tucan pie every now and then.
Err. Ask him!
Yes pleese.
WHO ARE YOU TO FUCKING QUESTION MY SANITY YOU DICKBAG
Not at all, considering everyone else's For votes will obsolete your against anyhow.
No.
Yes.
Of course not!
That is personal information better left posted on Facebook. If you friend me you'll find out. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:13, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

1. Sounds like fun. Although how does one marry something, anyhow?

3. Where do you get the tucans?

4. Oh, right, so that was the question...

6. Erm...

7. Don't count on it.

9. O___o

11. Use facebook?! Never! ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100722 - 17:09 (UTC)

On another note, what with the other account and all, why have I not been disqualified for NotB? I mean, seriously... ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100722 - 17:15 (UTC)

1. Tt's a wonderful high at first, but it all goes downhill from there.

3. All you gotta do is steal them from the Amazon rainforest in Brazil. It's pretty self-explanatory after that.

6. DICKBAG!

Oops, I didn't answer your first #7: I actually have three sisters; one of them is biological, and the other two are cute girls that like me enough to consider me their brother. Again, Facebook~

9. My logic is flawless.

11. But it's finger-lickin' good! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 17:56, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

1. Oh.

6. That's what she said?

...that's disturbing.

9. So is raspberry jam...

11. LAIS! ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100723 - 23:45 (UTC)

1. Yup.

6. STFU N00b!!1!

9. So's ur mum lolol

11. TRUFS! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 00:53, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

6. NO U!

9. And... um... feh; my knowledge of internet culture never was up to par. I concede; you win.

11. PUDDINGS!

On an unrelated note, you need to adopt some proper noobs. And I'm sorry if I disappointed you by being disqualified for NotM; I'm semi-partly certain it wasn't intentional.

But seriously, what are you waiting for? Find some decent ones! ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100724 - 04:50 (UTC)

Nahhh, I'm too lazy. Plus, welcoming all the new users is harder when the competition suddenly stopped competing for the hearts of all the masses. But you didn't disappoint me. As long as we still meet at the Ballcock Motel for "family bonding" every Wednesday and Thursday, I'll always be satisfied. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:14, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

Erm... sure.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to laugh at you for getting banned again. ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100724 - 16:00 (UTC)

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again![edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore

By Zim

That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention.

2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed.

The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us.

Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin.

Techno gets Mhaille'd

By UU

The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno.

The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia)
08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.)
06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.)
01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat)

Old-school featured article of the week

A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples.

The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday.

Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban!

15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 14:06, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'm back and turtles!!!![edit source]

Just felt that i should announce my new state... and to say that someone(me) should fix the article about squirrels, the pictures arrangement is too dull. ~ Hard to port!!! <font-size:9px;" color=red> Kamariel 00:22, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

Yay. *offers pie* ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100724 - 00:34 (UTC)

I reverted it back to a 2005 version. Is it still nuts? (

) —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 01:03, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

. *takes pie* thanks!!! and zuri thanks, yeah its much better now. ~ Hard to port!!! <font-size:9px;" color=red> Kamariel

22:54, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

I'm back and have far more important things to do[edit source]

Than comment on your page. So I won't. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 24 Jul 2010 ~ 01:06 (UTC)

My hot girlfriend's calling me. She wants to have sex right now, so I won't reply to your comment. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 01:18, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

HAHAHAHAHA! Oh that's a good one! Not only do you pretend you have a girlfriend but you pretend that your not gay! It's alright...actually it's not. Now I on the other hand I'm about to go on a stroll through the park with Oprah, and then play golf with the pope. So i never got/will have the time to read your comment. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 19:10, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

I told you, I'm the only gay person allowed here. Fuck you.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 07:24, July 26 2010 UTC

I put a pic together for you on the america talk page. Lordarcadian 03:04, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

C-c-c-combo breaker!. You fail dude. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 19:13, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

dfghdfhg[edit source]

What a userbox and how do I get userboxes? NeuroticNinjaPirate666 20:45, July 26, 2010 (UTC)

Upsilon Sigma Sigma July Newsletter[edit | edit source]

Well guys, its been exactly 5 billion years since I last did a newsletter and I thought doing one would be a good way to get everyone back into the fold for August. Big things on the horizon for August for Upsilon Sigma Sigma.

First thing's first: Welcome to our newest brothers, Maniac1075 and Happymonkey39! Hopefully you guys will stick around and become regular contributors to our little project here!

Secondly, unfortunately there wasn't really a July collaboration. That's partly my fault from being absent most of the month because of work. The June collaboration, Taco, that got roughly finished and reviewed around mid-July will be our collaboration for both months. Go ahead and head on over to the collaboration page to vote on whether we send the article to mainspace or not and be sure to nominate an article for the que, also found on the collaboration page.

Third, some asshole (cough MadMax) redirected weird to odd, but bad news for him; we're doing weird as our collaboration for August anyways. This one is going to be epic guys, like Tim Burton epic. I'd like an 'all hands on deck' turnout for this one. We'll begin sometime around August 1 or second. I was thinking the approach for the article should be from the perspective of a high school misfit who's unaware how weird he is describing other kids as being weird. or something... Once the collaboration page is up and running we'll hash it out on the discussion page.

Lastly, and I know I constantly pound this, we all need to start doing requested articles individually. This is supposed to be a big part of USS, but our frat has morphed into mainly a collaboration group. Lets try and focus on those individual requested articles over the next few months.

Looking forward to ramping this thing back into gear with you guys in August!

Founder -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 21:37 EST 28 July, 2010

These thanks templates will get shorter soon, I promise[edit source]

Funny: Uncyclopedia

Kitten Huffing. Just ... Kitten Huffing.
- '... so please, do not huff too hard.'
- Everything Savethemooses has done, really.
  - ... with SAVINGS!!!
  - Wait, what?

(1473 entries were redacted for space reasons—ed.)

'He should write a song about what he had done!'
- Just how he describes the aftermath ... genius.
Their page on TV Tropes, anyone?
- You're kidding, right?
- Your Mileage May Vary, I guess. I thought for sure that was a Wall Banger.

TV Tropes is a feature! So I guess, even though I disowned it, I should thank you for your vote on VFH. Thanks! Sir Mac Mania GUN—[21:11 29 Jul 2010]

oi, you![edit source]

ΥΣΣ Collaboration: Taco

This person was a principal contributor to the June & July, 2010 ΥΣΣ Collaboration, helping Upsilon Sigma Sigma create Top 50 Requested content.

Thanks for helping out! Hope you'll be around for the August article -- S f 1 3 02:05 EST 2 Aug, 2010

Oh, and some asshole vandalized your userpage. What a dick.--HM (T)

Wangernumb![edit source]

How do I rename articles? NeuroticNinjaPirate666 15:40, August 2, 2010 (UTC)

Move them to the new name, if you haven't already found out . ~

Apheori *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100804 - 14:53 (UTC)

100 COOKIES![edit source]

Somebody has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.

NeuroticNinjaPirate666 13:09, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost![edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced

By UU

Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day.

Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome.

Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding.

Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you.

Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start

By UU

Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part.

So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak.

This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now)
14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.)
00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.)

Biopic of the Week

Some user testifying before a Senate Subcommittee, using the "wag of the finger" rhetoric device.

Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow.

Sexy 'Crat of the Week

Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:09, 5 August 2010

Where you been?!?[edit source]

We miss you and stuff. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 14 Aug 2010 ~ 21:44 (UTC)

Yeah. We miss you. Get back here! And you're making my absence look nonexistent next to your nonexistence... ~ Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100815 - 13:19 (UTC)

Lyrthia didn't you talk to him about some sort of vacation...and vimpires or something?...wait....you didn't kill him did you! OH NOES! :0 --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master

No, that was someone else. ~

Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 02:55 (UTC)

Hey guise, I've been pretty pre-occupied with this thing called "life" lately. It's pretty addicting, and honestly Uncyclopedia kinda sucks now. But it's nice to know I'm missed. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:01, 16 August 2010 (UTC)

I was talking to happytimes about that. No one around here has ever experienced it before! WHAT IS IT LIKE! I here it's almost greater than sex...which again, no one around here has experienced...well except Lyrthia...for obvious reasons. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master

*cough* Yes, Lyrithya would know, but definitely not for reasons related to him being my personal sex slave. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:27, 16 August 2010 (UTC)

Yes it is. Lyrithya is to you what you are to me.--HM (T) 03:32, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

I thought you were semi-retired. Why are you still contributing daily you whore? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:58, 16 August 2010 (UTC)

Wait, so I'm a personal sex slave, now? Did I miss something? ~

Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 04:41 (UTC)

Waaait, what obvious reasons? O__o ~

Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 04:42 (UTC)

More importantly...did Paizuri just say him...so Lyritha isn't a chick...wait, she, no he...YOUR A TRANY! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 04:52, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Well, what'd you think the cosmetic surgery was for? Really... ~

Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 05:34 (UTC)

"Uncyclopedia kinda sucks now" What?!? it hasn't changed, YOU have! ? (Yeah, life's been getting to me too... haven't even finished judging this one contest ....)

Do what I do when UNCle sucks... just ignore everything else and do what-ever-the-hell-it-is-that-you-want-to-do.

I think people are pretty preoccupied with the whole VFD debate and picking their team for teh Fantasy Footballs.

Why are you (incorrectly) thinking UNCY sucks? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 16 Aug 2010 ~ 05:32 (UTC)

Yes you haven't finished judging a contest... or givin a grade to the ones you did judge... mhm....--Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 14:47, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, it's hopeless. Give it up. ~

Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 22:00 (UTC)

It's on the agenda.... only Paizuri's non-response is holding it up now. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 18 Aug 2010 ~ 06:57 (UTC)

dicks lol —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 22:44, 18 August 2010 (UTC)

Yes sir, dicks lol indeed! lol ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 19 Aug 2010 ~ 04:48 (UTC)

The finest dicks lol in the goddamn universe, step right up! Men, women, children, and whatever Lyrithya is, everybody can get a taste of my dicks lol. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 01:26, 20 August 2010 (UTC)

But do they want to? And I'm a hermaphroditical sea-slug-thing from another planet, by the way. ~

*sqlorsh* (harass) (stalk) -- 20100820 - 02:35 (UTC)

Well i heard the plastic surgery didn't go that well but it can't be that bad. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 03:40, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Aye, it went rather terribly indeed. My complications developed complications, only exacerbating each other to the point where I was forced to shed my human skin altogether. You see me now, this sludgey horror? This is my true form... *oozes off into the distance* ~

*sqlorsh* (harass) (stalk) -- 20100820 - 04:43 (UTC)

Actually that's pretty hot. I have a fetish for alien ooze. --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 15:58, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

If you liked Alien Ooze^TM, then you'll love Monster Goop^TM Now with SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX NEW COLORS and NINETY NINE JILLION TIMES MORE GOOP, Monster Goop^TM is the perfect toy for anyone ages 12 to 69.2! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:08, 20 August 2010 (UTC)

Way to ruin a 69 joke Pazuri...--Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 22:46, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Except it wasn't a 69 joke. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 23:08, 20 August 2010 (UTC)

Complications possible include: Kidney failure, circulatory system collapse, MONSTER GOOP EATING YOUR FUCKING SOUL, and nausea.--HM (T) 18:43, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Kidney failure would not be good for us pissers... And i didn't say it was a 69 joke... it could have been one --Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 23:13, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved!

By UU

UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with.

So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours!

Something helpful this way comes

By UU

Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly.

TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working!

So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars)
03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence)
16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....)

Biopic of the Week

Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be.

During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write.

Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good ~~die~~ leave ~~young~~ early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 12:09, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

PENIS[edit source]

penis [x80—ed.] – Preceding unsigned comment added by Gomphog (talk • contribs)

gaza war edit- did you cut me or no ?[edit source]

can you please explain to me what your read/rationale on the gaza war edit is ? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

My rationale is that I wrote the page, and the first part you wrote was out of context. Also sign your comments with 4 tildes (~~~~) —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:53, 22 August 2010 (UTC)

uncycloppity clop[edit source]

last message from phrage⦿⨦⨀ phrage 03:54, August 22, 2010 (UTC)

but you loved everything else i wrote ?

which bits were "out of context "

The parts where you talked about us not having a page on Palestine. It simply didn't belong there; if you want to add other stuff try to keep with the tone of the article or it sounds sloppy and unorganized. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:01, 22 August 2010 (UTC)

so who has final say on an article ? or do people play excerpt tennis ? does having written the original article give you any extra power over additions ? are you pro israeli ? are you zionist ? are you an editor ? i am new at all this – Preceding unsigned comment added by Phrage (talk • contribs)

Urgh. I'm just trying to maintain the article in a semi-funnyish state. Have a look at HTBFANJS and the Beginner's Guide for more information on Uncyclopedia and stuff. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 01:54, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Bob[edit source]

Can you link articles to Bob? CHEERS! - Gomphog 13:46, August 23, 2010 (UTC)

I think you should finish the article before we start linking to it en masse.. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 14:31, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Unbanned[edit source]

I have been unbanned! Yes! I am free! Sorry for spamming your talk page, in the time that i've been banned i've learned a lot about Uncyc. Cheers. --Karimfreek 23:22, August 28, 2010 (UTC)

Well I'm glad to hear that. And don't worry about when you spammed my talkpage, I'd forgotten all about it. All about what? Never mind. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 23:26, 28 August 2010 (UTC)

This is my new account. With my very own signature! --Deliciously Whipped~(Kremé) 17:24, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Very nice. Anyways, welcome back, enjoy your stay. :) —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:56, 31 August 2010 (UTC)

Thanks![edit source]

Thank you for the great belated birthday present! (Yes, August is my IRL birthday, I just hit the big 4-0.) Here, have some cake.

-- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 05:24, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

PS - Why is your user page redirecting to UN:FAIL ? Is it an in-joke thing? -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:07, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

Nah, Chief is just abusing his admin powers again. I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:34, 3 September 2010 (UTC)

Noob request[edit source]

Would you mind reading some of my WIP articles, such as this one or this one? --Romaioktonos 12:02, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

I'm going to be brutally honest; I didn't laugh once. Is it possible for you write an article that doesn't require a college-level knowledge of greek military history? The purpose of this website is (apparently) to write humorous articles, not chronicles of ancient greece with anime characters substituted into them. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:59, 7 September 2010 (UTC)

I had an epiphany- I found that reading it considering the theft of history by the Vardaskans was funny, and I thought the idea of using the articles as panderings on how Japanese want to steal Greek history would be much funnier just minutes ago, and I am making it explicit. And those two articles didn't have the touch of the new concept. TBH, I actually anticipated most part of the response. (It wasn't too funny, but I thought the Road Roller and Silk Road concept was pretty funny since ~~Seleukos~~ Rin's character item is the Road Roller) --Romaioktonos 01:25, September 11, 2010 (UTC)

...[edit source]

Before cussing everyone i would look carefully at the FFS page....--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 19:43, September 5, 2010 (UTC)

? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 04:47, 7 September 2010 (UTC)

The whole F you all thing....--Happymonkey39

Dah Meme Master 03:12, September 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk[edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week!

By UU

It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too!

Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked:

Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it?
Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles?
Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy?

If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before!

The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins!

By UU

As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF.

That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again.

Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation."

Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again.

UnNews main page

By Socky

Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.)
04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!)
05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.)
18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!)
18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!)
17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers)
02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn)

Biopic of the Week

It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways?

Old-school featured article of the week

go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:57, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

So anyways...[edit source]

Nice sig. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100911 - 02:02 (UTC)

YOU WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!![edit source]

Just kidding. But you did win a dance! File:DancingC3PO.gif Sorry about that whole million dollar mix up. Dancing dude

I miss ya, love.[edit source]

Lyrithya has deemed you worthy of a hug of the strangley sort. Thus, you may now consider yourself hugged.

At this point, you may also want to consider checking your pockets so as to ascertain that everything is still there.

Get yer arse back here; August is over. So are the next two months... at least, I think they are... what month is it, anyway? ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101016 - 01:11 (UTC)

I do believe the month now is septebuary. and damn i've been away fucking forever... —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 10:01, 6 November 2010 (UTC)

Hello[edit source]

It looks like I simply don't fit in here: I can't get any articles rolling that are funny to the others, so I might as well as throw in the towel. Well, gtg doing something more productive such as Jmonkey... T.T --Romaioktonos 01:05, October 17, 2010 (UTC)

Aww... ~

*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101017 - 01:38 (UTC)

A long overdue message, but I'm back with EB!!!!!!!! Hopefully people will find its jokes funny, I personally liked the IMF joke. --Romaioktonos 20:50, February 21, 2011 (UTC)

This[edit source]

User:Luvvy/Sandbox/The Uncyclopedia Family Tree Project. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 21 Oct 2010 ~ 02:18 (UTC)

Upsilon Sigma Sigma October Newsletter[edit source]

Ok guys, my bad. I was gone for a long time there. I found some free time recently so I'm hoping to get Upsilon Sigma Sigma started up again along with my other project, UnReviews.

At any rate, We're going to keep Weird, the August collaboration open. We're also going to go ahead and open up a November collaboration. The article on the queue that has the most votes is "Blockbuster" so that's the one we're going to do. You can find the collaboration page here. I'm probably going to disappear again because of school in a few weeks, so hopefully we can build up enough momentum here to keep our collaborations going. If you haven't noticed our previous collaborations have been huge hits, all have been featured on the front page. Hopefully "Weird" and "Blockbuster" will too in their own due time.

Looking forward to seeing you guys around the frat!

P.S. we have a FBotM nomination this month, make sure you go vote!

Founder -- SirSf13 (Talk) CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 2104 EST 22 Oct, 2010

Who are you again?[edit source]

The name sounds familiar, and rolls off the tongue. Wait, ah, yes!, aren't you Lyrithya's father, the user who is on UotM right now? That's where I know you from, heshe's spoken of you, not all unkind words. Well how are you old man? Is retirement all it's cracked up to be. Look at the time! Gotta go. /Walks off, then saunters, then runs and makes haste. Aleister 10:06 6 11

*sneaks in, leaves cookies, and scurries off* ~

*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 15:34 (UTC)

guuuurrrrrrrrgleeeee —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 22:18, 6 November 2010 (UTC)

o_O ~

*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101106 - 22:21 (UTC)

Err, hey. Well this is a bit awkward....I really didn't plan on coming back to this place at least until a white guy became president again. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:11, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

The vice is white, right? *loads shotgun* ~

*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101108 - 06:41 (UTC)

Wait, it's dangerous to go alone! Take this! *hands Lyrithya a crossbow* —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 23:32, 14 November 2010 (UTC)

Oh... thanks. Actually, I'll need some even more proper ordinance; I scoped out the place, and da-amn, it's secure... ~

*shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101115 - 02:46 (UTC)

The grue army.[edit source]

Hello Paizuri, Meganew and I were wondering... Would you like to join the grue army? The grue army is a group created for the sole purpose of reverting vandalism, QVFDing, VFDing, and ICUing crappy articles, helping noobs, and breaking up destructive flame wars, unless on BHOP. We don't have too many users any more, so we need you to join. So here's what you do if you wanna join: 1) go here, and click some of the links at the top and read about us. 2) Add your name to one, some, or all of the squadrons. 3) Do your job (depending on which squadron(s) you joined). 4) Once a week, or once a month report what you've done here. And rise up the ranks! So please join, we need you. -- 01:40, December 6, 2010 (UTC)

PROD[edit source]

Eh, tú! Get your blarmy bum back here! ~ 05:45, 6 December, 2010 (UTC)

2011[edit source]

Essays[edit source]

hello paperclip. why don't you help me with my essays? – Preceding unsigned comment added by 98.206.56.24 (talk • contribs) 14:20, March 9, 2011

AAN[edit source]

Hi there, I'm walkingonfire, I just signed up for this wonderful site on May 22, 2011, but I've been reading for a while. So if your willing to make me one of the best Uncyclopedians there will ever be, great! --Walkingonfire 17:33, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Paizuri hasn't edited since November, try another adopter, they will be happy to ~~kill~~ help you. --ChiefjusticePS2 17:35, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Howdy mister![edit source]

Hi, i'm Lollipop...blah blah blah I came in 2010 under a different name blah blah blah blah blah blah i'm the wiki buffoon blah blah blah blah I am a vandal fighter blah blah blah blah I own an iguana blah blah blah blah i'm not a girl blah blah blah blah blah blah I eat cushions off sofas blah blah blah blah. Nice to meet you. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 30 November 2011, at 03:55

Howdy! I came in 2009 blah blah I rollback stuff blah blah. So who were you before your identity crisis? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 06:57, 30 November 2011 (UTC)

Maniac mcpee. I was that guy that folded chairs for five bucks. --

PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 30 November 2011, at 20:16

Ohh! Did they promote you yet? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 22:14, 30 November 2011 (UTC)

Nope. They branded me with a code. And damn it hurt. Although it does make a good conversation piece. Wanna see? --

PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 December 2011, at 22:00

Yeah. But make it quick now. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:29, 2 December 2011 (UTC)

Ooh! Binary!!! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 06 Dec 2011 ~ 08:48 (UTC)

Yessir, they really did it hard. It didn't help that they tried to have me for supper as well. --

PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 9 December 2011, at 06:18

Extraterrestrial life[edit source]

Long time no see. 2009, how time goes. You liked the start then, and now the article is complete for the, like, 4th time. --Nikau 13:49, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Wow, I'm impressed. Definitely voting for it now. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 21:49, 30 November 2011 (UTC)

Paizuri[edit source]

Onegaishimasu? -- TKFU U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U UU U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U CK 08:50, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

What is her name?

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/File:That_hot_girl.jpg

It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

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User talk:Paizuri

2010[edit source]

I am insulted by your lack of candor[edit source]

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010[edit source]

Showdown For Cookies[edit source]

I FOUND IT![edit source]

Noob in spirit[edit source]

Did you forget to sign in...?[edit source]

The template that I'll never change[edit source]

A question[edit source]

Thanks[edit source]

As you read, I'm having a orgasm[edit source]

Because I definitely have better things to do but I'm hoping perhaps you don't...[edit source]

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again![edit source]

I'm back and turtles!!!![edit source]

I'm back and have far more important things to do[edit source]

dfghdfhg[edit source]

Upsilon Sigma Sigma July Newsletter[edit | edit source]

These thanks templates will get shorter soon, I promise[edit source]

oi, you![edit source]

Wangernumb![edit source]

100 COOKIES![edit source]

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost![edit source]

Where you been?!?[edit source]

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]

PENIS[edit source]

gaza war edit- did you cut me or no ?[edit source]

uncycloppity clop[edit source]

Bob[edit source]

More questions...[edit source]

Unbanned[edit source]

Thanks![edit source]

Noob request[edit source]

...[edit source]

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk[edit source]

So anyways...[edit source]

YOU WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!![edit source]

I miss ya, love.[edit source]

Hello[edit source]

This[edit source]

Upsilon Sigma Sigma October Newsletter[edit source]

Who are you again?[edit source]

The grue army.[edit source]

*PROD*[edit source]

2011[edit source]

Essays[edit source]

AAN[edit source]

Howdy mister![edit source]

Extraterrestrial life[edit source]

Paizuri[edit source]

It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]

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PROD[edit source]