User:Romaioktonos/Europa Barbarorum

What to expect in Europa Barbarorum II

Europa Barbarorum, or more correctly, Ευρωπη Βαρβαρων, is supposedly the most accurate mod of Rome:Total War. However, digging in would prove that claim flat-out wrong, only to find that there are plenty of truths in the great package that takes 4+ GB that is sure to please fanboys all around the world, whether it be zealots to history or anime.

Beginnings

“The goal of this mod is to portray the Hellenes and Romaioi the most accurately as possible.”

~ EB mod admin on its purpose

Bioshock

I am Ptolemaios I Soter, and I ask you a question: Is Aigyptos not entitled to be Greek like Alexandros?*

No, says Creative Assembly, for the Middle Kingdom Egypt is so much well-known.

No, says the Perses, Darius III was never our king.

No, says Julius Caesar, Aigyptos belongs to Rome.

I rejected those answer. Instead, I chose something different. I chose Europa Barbarorum.

Where the Diadochoi come in their full glory,

Where all the others bask in the glory,

Where the Romaioi Barbaroi are realistically portrayed,

With the sweat of your brow, Europa Barbarorum can be yours as well.

• Omitted all the hiccup interruptions.

I am Pyrrhos Aiakides, and I ask you a question: Is Epeiros not entitled to appear in the game?

No, says the Albanian, for Illyrians were our ancestors.

No, says Creative Assembly, not enough people care for Epeiros.

No, says the Romaioi, We don't want to see another Herakleia.

I rejected those answer. Instead, I chose something different. I chose Europa Barbarorum.

Where the blood of Alexandros can regain the throne,

Where the Barbaroi can be routed once again,

Where all the Diadochoi will bow once again to the line of Alexandros,

With the sweat of your brow, Europa Barbarorum can be yours as well.

I am Seleukos Nikator, and I ask you a question: Is Arche Seleukeia not entitled to its full territory?

No, says the Parthioi, we want your land.

No, says Ptolemaios, I need you to be weakened.

No, says Creative Assembly, this makes for an interesting scenario.

I rejected those answer. Instead, I chose something different. I chose Europa Barbarorum.

Where Seleukeia gets all the territory,

Where Seleukeia becomes the final boss,

Where Babylonia becomes the true heart of the empire of Alexandros

With the sweat of your brow, Europa Barbarorum can be yours as well.

Real meaty stuff

The criticism of Rome:Total War immediately hammered in as soon as the game was released: most people complained about how Creative Assembly chose to press on with the anachronistic portrayal of Middle Kingdom Aigyptos rather than the Ptolemaike Aigyptos pissed the shit off of Ptolemaios I Soter, while others (largely fans of Pyrrhos Aiakides) complained about the omission of Epeiros as a playable faction (or a faction at that matter). Seleukos I Nikator also filed a complaint that Seleukeia didn't get even 1/3 of the territories that it possessed, while the Rikaloids also complained of the lack of their faction and the home territory of Baktria in the vanilla R:TW. Vercingetorix was also reported to be unhappy about the portrayal of a unified Galatia, although he never filed a complaint as he wanted a united Galatia against Romaioi Barbaroi.

A common sight in EB

As such, Most units come with Javelins, making Elephantes Kataphraktoi useless as Javelins are most conducive against units with vehicle class armors. The Romaioi are an exception to the Javelins for several reasons: they are first Barbaroi, and their Javelins couldn't be changed due to their uniqueness that it had a hard iron spearpoint and soft iron tip, which left their javelins to remain the same while the other javelins were modded to be the homing missile launchers, one of the reason why the Romaioi suck on this mod.

Differences between EB and RSII

“Europa Barbarorum is better!”

~ Europa Barbarorum fan

“No! Roma Surrectum II is better!”

~ Roma Surrectum II fan

“STFU!”

~ Everybody else

Main difference between EB and RSII is that EB focuses more on drama and RSII on action: Henceforth, the two factions often engage in flame wars that drive the administrators to the nuts: In fact, it is common for partisans to establish their own forums and shut down dissidents, although due to the fact that it causes a lot of DDoS this phenomenon is rarely known even to hardcore internet users.

Featurewise, EB and RSII differ in these ways:

• Time period: EB starts at 272 B.C. RSII starts in 536 A.U.C., at the start of the Second Punic War.
• Faction focus: EB tends to glorify nomads, and the Keltoi often chews through them Romaioi Barbaroi with ease. In RS, Rome blitzes pretty much every opposition. Also, EB uses the Chremonidean League as the Greek City faction, while RS clumps disparate cities like Syrakousai, Chersonesos and Sybaris into one. Also, EB tends to focus more on the weaker, less known factions such as the Sakai and the Sa'aba, while RSII prefers the usage of stronger factions such as Pergamon and the Boii.
• Units: EB tends to go plain, while RSII goes more luxurious. Henceforth, RSII fans often rub on the EB fans on that, particularly because superheroes like the Promachoi look a lot cooler than say the Eranshahr. EB fans retort by showing off the nude stuffs, showing how their naked fanatics got double hitpoints while the RSII ones don't.
• Combat: EB tends to follow the rule of scale by lessening the effect of projectile weaopns in order to simulate how damage tend to be collateral not instantaneous with missiles. With RSII, missiles are king, allowing players to kill of plenty with the projectile weapons. Also, EB tends to be gentle and easy with the combat, allowing spectators to enjoy the show while in RSII the combat is lightning fast, just like how heroes are supposed to beat up villains.
• Region Names: EB's region name for the Nomes of Upper Aigyptos is Triakontaschoinos. In RSII, Dodekaschoinos (due to the fact that RSII doesn't include Erythraia). EB uses native names for most of the regions, yielding weird names such as Dahyu Aorsi, while RSII uses Latin names such as Terra Aorsi. EB and RSII also has different names for wilderness, Eremos (Ερημος) and Terrae Incognitae.

Playable Factions

• Arche Seleukeia- The Grey Pussies. Despite its huge territory, it at human hands largely fail as the modders were largely anti-Seleukeia and pro-Ptolemaioi and as such wanted Seleukeia to collapse. Sooner or later, them Parthioi comes out and take over rebelling settlements, making you hate their Robocops Kataphraktoi even more... until you get your hands on them by doing the unimaginable: losing large battles with at least two generals, embarassing if not impossible due to the puny AI and your pride (as well as that of your Hetairoi). If the player plays as Makedonia, they beg to lose their Anatolian holdings by BSing you at an convenient time. They aren't named Pussies without a reason: they have to play Cat-and-Mouse with most, if not all, nomadic factions. Characters include

1. Antiochos I Soter- Successor to Seleukos I Nikator (No, you can't use the Road Rollers for several reason: one, engine limitation that limits the size of Road Rollers to Indian Elephants, which would be unacceptable to Seleukos. Secondly, the Sacred Road Rollers of Thebai are probably more epic than you, and even if you happened to be one of the exceptions, you still have the engine limitation and will have to do with something else.)

• Makedonia- Perhaps one of the most popular factions, rivalling Epeiros due to the intense moeness of its ruling class. This faction is largely popular with the fans of moe shit and large breasts, even though the soldiers happened to be flat-chested for obvious reasons. They got most of the Diadochoi stuff... all except Elephantes, which leaves them to be sad while the soldiers of other factions play with their baby elephants. However, Makedonia has Hypaspistai that are moe, no less than their Epeirote counterparts staffed by Azusa clones as the Makedonian ones are almost always Mikuru clones. Notable Characters include

1. Antigonos Doson Gonatas- Assumes the name Antigonos Argeades (in reality, Doson). Antigonos is the leader of the Makedonia, acquiring that title from Demetrios Poliorketes and Lysimachos. Having said that, the overthrow of the old Makedonian order invites Pyrrhos Aiakides, who claim the throne by the virtue of bloodline.
2. Parmenion- Look at Parmenion's article for classified information.
3. Thoukydides(?)- Sailor Mars' other big general, militaristic as well as caring to several cities. Supposedly has breasts, although Japanese reports provide ambiguous results, kinetic novel providing a more flat-chested POV while the show providing a more buxom POV.

• Epeiros- Of course, Epeiros is popular only because of the feats and drama offered by Pyrrhos Aiakides. Epeiros got uber phalangitai, having better but more expensive levy Phalangitai Deuteroi much like its rival, while having the Chaonion Agema (consisting of Mio Akiyama clones and nothing else) which is the uber, albeit overpriced, phalangitai of the game, which along with Elephantes Indikoi Epeiros trades off the Hetairoi for, settling for weaker Molosson Agema, filled with Tsumugi clones. Having pretty much a similar line compared to the Makedones, this allows the player to wage a Hellenistic War before it becomes global. Notable Characters include

1. Pyrrhos Aiakides- Cousin to Megas Alexandros, Pyrrhos is bent on taking over Makedonia after being expelled by Lysimachos. Pyrrhos also has a foothold in Megale Hellas, giving Pyrrhos a choice either to take out Pella or to support Taras against the Romaioi Barbaroi.

• PTOLEMAIOI- Due to the intense complaints of Ptolemaios I Soter, the Aigyptos faction has been overhauled, turning the Middle Kingdom into a Hellenistic Ptolemaic Kingdom. Ptolemaioi hosts many foreign Vocaloid troops (such as Aku Yamine filling the Machimoi ranks due to them being mistook as Aigyptioi) as well as Bleach troops, although Aigyptos' most prized troops are none other than Yuki Nagato Galatikoi Klerouchoi (much more manlier than the Orihime-filled Basilikon Agema), who can be trained not only in Heptanomis where Fayuum Depression is located but also at Delta Neilou and even Syria.

• Aedui- The "Main character" of Ευρωπη Βαρβαρων. You are dirt poor, You have only 3 territories, and other Keltoi (namely the Arverni) want to wipe you out. You don't get cavalry bodyguards but you get the CIDAINH, standing for Civilian Insured Destructive Application of Intuitive Non-Hinduism, as if cows were implemented in EB, the Cidainh would certainly be the first to run over them. However, you do get impressive troops... If you can survive the harsh beginnings, not excluding the naked Gaisatai that carry their huge phalli with them to war that invokes jealousy and fear to all opposition, all in a package loaded with painkiller drugs. Despite the modders' claims to it being the most carefully designed, they have no custom character skins or notable characters at that. Poor Aedui. Of course, we could also say that Aedui represents the market fundamentalists... although that title is challenged by the Arverni. Eventually, Vercingetorix rises using a unionist platform, but is silenced by the Romaioi who took up some of the teachings of the enemy of the Aedui by having orgies ever so often.

• Baktria- The faction that nobody cares for, until they get the purely awesome Robocops Kataphraktoi bodyguards that are the #1 cavalry in the game, trumping even the nomadic counterparts in pure melee ability. Baktria starts as a tiny city in the Far East, owning only one province of Baktria with its main city of Baktra. These Rikaloids sure know what they are doing, as rebellion is tantamount to death once the Seleukeis find out (in game, Baktria initially starts out as an ally to Seleukeia). Yes, in this game Baktria is pretty much the Rikaloid kingdoms greater, since there is no room for Erireira's Indo-Greek kingdom (or the Sunga dynasty at that) and henceforth Baktria (and Sakai) can use the Indo-Greek units. They start out hard for severeal reasons: they have no sea trade leaving them dirt poor despite the Keleuthos Bombykike and the fact that they only start out with one general, Millya.

• Arverni- The playable rebels. Unlike Star Wars, Rebels got the upper hand: They got more territories than them Aedui (1 more city), due to the popularity of its leader Aneirin of Lugos who is confirmed to be the reincarnate of Darius III who Megas Alexandros pwned. This is confirmed by the introductory text, which states that the Verrix is the god-king. As such, the Arverni religion (they deny that it is religion) centers around worshippig the Verrix, not unlike North Korea. In fact, the religion can be deemed somewhat polytheistic, as there are deities such as Greed, Mammon, and Exploitation, (in the native tongue, Self-Interest, Free Market and Freedom of Contract) all used to spike up hatred against the standing government.

• Sweboz- Ok, like your rivals Aedui, you get one town, but trade off an initial enemy for shitty initial troops: You have to use an army entirely of topless men wielding javelins, clubs, and little else until Bismarck comes in 200 years later. Even after Bismarck comes in, your troops still suck compared to what the Greeks have. Simply put, Ludwig will laugh at your army, and maybe Italia will join in at the lack of sophistication, even after Italia gets buttwhooped in Teutoburg.

• Pontos- Despite the name of the faction, you don't get any cities or armies of the sea. In fact, out of the lesser successors, they tend to have the crappiest navy (Baktria may suck even more due to choice and geography rather than blueprints). The quick establishment of the kingdom by Mithridates I Ktistes causes its start to be somewhat rough, having to deal with both the Persai, the Hellenes, and even the Galatai. However, this also yields quite an diverse army much like Baktria, something they can be proud of when Eupator Megas Dionysios Mithridates, not that the Romaioi would ever invade the Anatolia since they don't have the Javelins.

Eleutheroi

Eleutheroi, euphemism for traitors to panethnic ambitions, are everywhere: most are Aphistamenoi, although most towns (and mostly minor ones) are controlled by the Eleutheroi. Although the components of Eleutheroi aren't allied, they are treated as such. Although most Eleutheroi are little more than nuisance, some are quite annoying, most notably the Boii Confederation.

Major Eleutheroi forces

• Ione- the guys who control Pergamon. Led by Philotas who rose from the deathbed and assuming the name Ennomos, It controls one of the richest cities ever, aside Pella and Alexandreia. They got the Misthophoroi Phalangitai, who have identical stats to the Pezhetairoi, which is a pain as the likely scenario is that you attack it without the Pezhetairoi, relying on much punier (stamina and defensewise) Phalangitai Deuteroi, if you are the lucky faction. If not, you rely on the Pantodapoi or the Machimoi, who run even when scratched by medium cavalry. Unfortunately, due to scripting limits, Ione does not transfer lines, which leaves Chii/Elda and Moka out of the throne of Pergamon even after Philotas a.k.a. Ennomos goes away to join the Fish and the Lamb. You will also see Lysimachos rise from the grave haunting invaders of Mysia with a medium-sized army.

• Aitolioi- Obviously led by Krateros who founded the Aitolian league, Aitolioi control Thermon and one of the major religious shrine to the Fish alongside counterparts in Delphoi (also dedicated to the fish) and Dodone (dedicated to the Papa). These guys are big when it comes to military, even though these guys aren't as nearly as annoying as them wretched Boii confederation that constantly spew out overpowered troops due to scripting purposes. Aitolioi always maintain a half-stack of troops, which means that they aren't as much of a problem in the later periods (if you can make it there). Boii confederation... is another story. Sure, the Aitolioi being stout Apollonians will hunt down the Dionysian caravans by sending out an general, but then they don't really invade places... except maybe pillaging the outskirts of Epeiros and catch a lone group of soldiers.

• Indoi- Yes, you don't get to see the Mauryan dynasty, so the Indoi are lot more punier than what it would have been like, although they got the wicked Sreni Pattya Yoddaha that wield wicked curved blades not unlike the Rhomphaiaphoroi, both of them capable of chewing through armor with ease. Having said that, eastern factions can train these buddies, thus (along with its mines) making India the first target for many factions, not excluding Seleukeia and Baktria.

• Boii Confederation- They have one city and they are nasty: They have one city and assloads of troops that leave the entire Eleutheroi in debt and only the script keeps the Eleutheroi out of debt because they always got 2 fullstacks of soldiers and many of them get insane experience bonus as the EB modders happened to be the fan of the Boii. Sucks to be the the rich city that has to pay for this mess...

Background Story

The Sakai don't bathe in water. They bathe with Elephant skin. Manly are they.

“And came a time where Megas Alexandros smashed the Persai...”

~ Kallisthenes

“But then this is not Alexandreia. THIS IS SELEUKEIA!”

~ Seleukos I Nikator

“Screw this. I'm out! This job sucks, f**k you all! I am going back to McDonalds.”

~ Seleukid Satraps

“I need to get out of this chickens**t outfit so that I can... Assassinated by Ptolemaios Keraunos”

~ Seleukos I Nikator

Technically, the story is that you make the story, but the situation just before 272 B.C. is something like this: After Megas Alexandros smashed just about every opposition that he faced, Megas Alexandros took a retirement for no good reason in Persepolis, occupying Barad Dur after killing Sauron by dropping the One Ring into Mount Doom. This left a huge-ass empire and loads of Diadochoi, who wanted the biggest piece of the empire after hearing Alexandros' will: The empire is to go to the strongest. After some Diadochoi killing each other, this left plenty of dead people, Seleukeia, Ptolemaike Aigyptos, and Makedonia (as well as Epeiros). Although the Koinon Hellenon does not actually rise until 270 B.C., the authors seemed not to care and add them anyways, as Chremonides surely was born on 260 B.C. This mess in mainland Hellas was largely caused by the Keltoi, who pretty much destroyed all thinking that it would yield Cognac wine, only to follow their tradition at the hands of the Aitolioi and Antigonos Gonatas.

In other parts of the world, the Sabaeans, noted mostly for the queen who visited Solomon who is now long dead in the Inferno. They have to suffer oppositions and lack of blueprints for their native troops that left them with nothing but shit and classical-hoplitai class medium nobles that suck on other elite units. In Western Europe, them Keltoi are killing each other just for fun and wine, while the Iberioi are defending occasional raids from the Keltoi and invasion from the Karchedoi. This hot warfare is in stark contrast to Germania, where the leading force consists mostly of of club-wielding ruck wearing pants and nothing else (assisted by 14-year olds doing the similar, except that they wielded javelins) as if they were hypnotized to believe that Germania was Aphrike. In the east, the Sauromatai worked up getting bankrupt due to the luxurious lifestyle that their nobles wanted, while the Pahlavan scratching a living off just about anything being denied wealth possible through sea trade (even though they got the Pontos Hyrkanikos) along with the Sakai who are often confused for the Kinaioi. Of course, there are the Bretanoi, the Sweboz, and the Armenioi (or the Hai), but nobody cares.

Accusations of Racism

Diehard fans of history for its own sake largely criticize Europa Barbarorum simply because Seleukeia and Ptolemaioi become the Great Big Bad Empires of Doom to the point where their symbol colors alone give them aversion to yellow and grey (a point EB fans call as hypocrisy) while accusing the EB modders of pro-Greek racism. This does not take into account that several claimants happen to be ignorant of history themselves

Community

SACK BARBAROPOLIS!

The EB community is filled mostly with the Rome haters, who revel in the fact that the Romaioi typically suck in Europa Barbarorum with their low lethality and ineffectiveness of their javelins. The most extremist ones are named the Romaioktonoi, and they are the ones who'd purposefully save a game just to sack Barbaropolis again and again.

Current Romaioktonoi include

• User:Romaioktonos