To Kill a Mockingbird

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This article is about eradicating birds. For instructions on how to insult dangerous breasts, see To Mock a Killingbird.

“It's got more incest than even my family can tolerate!”

~ Some redneck on To Kill a Mockingbird

“Now son, shoot all the blue-bloods you want, but remember... it's a sin to kill a Mockingbird”

~ Atticus Finch on To Kill a Mockingbird

“I swear you're becoming more like a girl everyday!”

~ Jem Finch on his sister Scout, who is ironically a girl

“What the FUCK is a chifferobe?!?!?!”

~ Anybody who has ever read "To Kill a Mockingbird" on "To Kill a Mockingbird"

“In Soviet Russia, mockingbird kills YOU!!”

~ Russian Revolutionist on Peace on To Kill a Mockingbird

“Well theres our dinner!”

~ Captain Obvious on To Kill a Mockingbird

To Kill a Mockingbird is the sequel to The Anarchist Cookbook, basically the exact same thing, but rewritten for killing mockingbirds instead of Conservatives. (It is translated from the original Mexican edition Tequila Mocking Bird.) There is a book coming out soon, entitled To Shoot A Bluejay, which is a collaboration of Oscar Wilde and Arther E. It is being written by two simple country fol, in an attempt to spread the word about the true nature of the original text (incest, Sex, drugs and, of course, senseless killing). The sequel has attracted much opposition from groups such as PETA; while conservatives attract little sympathy; birds are cute, but mockingbirds are destroying downtown Toyko.

General storyline plot[edit | edit source]

The critically acclaimed story is about a family of three Finches devising ways to kill the mockingbirds, with a small subplot about the basic human dignity that unites us all. Originally the finches begin with the use of netting and air rifles, then biological G codes and crazy Lil Wayne shit (they release a mad dog into the mockingbird base), and then finally with Miss Lula's chifferobe. This third weapon reference completes the book's "weapons motif". In the middle of the story, Bob Ewell's daughter (and sister, thanks to the "incest motif"), Mayella Ewell, tries to rape a black guy, Tom Robinson, in her chifforobe. For some reason, people convict Tom Robinson for the rape, even though he was the one who got pregnant and got splinters from the incident. He loves vagina, and wants more off his daughter. blames it on a person who happens to be black.

Bob Ewell, a sexy young man, defends Tom Robinson in court, making Atticus Finch (Scout's father and brother: incest motif again) very mad. Eventually, after the conviction in court, Tom Robinson escaped in a chifferobe, but his arm is broken. Boo Radley (who has been watching everybody this whole time, even and especially when nude) takes advantage of this by carrying Dill to Tom (against Dill's will). Tom turns out to be gay as a maypole, and a match is made. Unfortunately, Tom is later killed by rabid dogs attracted to his ham costume. The book ends with Scout, Jem, Bob Ewell, Dill, Atticus, Miss Maudie, 69 Mockingbirds, Boo Radley, Burris Ewell, the "cooties" on his head, Scout's redheaded first grade teacher Miss Caroline, and Little Chuck Little all raping each other after it has been reveled that they are all ghosts, which is a pretty terrible scene if you picture it in your head. It's best if you don't.

Eventually Bob Ewell, tired of the Finch's killing mockingbirds every 15 minutes, decides to kill them all. He starts with Scout and Jim because they are far too wimpy to defend themselves, but Boo Radley stabs him with his kitchen knife after mistaking him for a black man, killing him.

The Theme of Incest and Abuse[edit | edit source]

Mayella's Chifforobe led to Micheal Jackson's Neverland Ranch, not Narnia. Contrary to popular belief, Mayella Ewell is not the only one raped by her dad. Indeed, Scout herself suffers at his hands as well as those of her lawyer father. These scenes are playfully hinted at in the book: Scout Crawls Into Atticus' Lap and Says "Oh My, What a Big Mockingbird!". Her blind devotion to Atticus is often forgotten to be due to her Electra complex. Boo Radley tries to buy Scout's love with sticks of gum and with money, but fails. Boo Radley is celebrated among the pedophile community as being the first positive portrayal of a gay pedophile in modern fiction, mainly because Radley remains celibate throughout the novel. In fact, the character Dill, inspired by Boo Radley, eventually grew up to be Truman Capote, the first openly gay dweeb in America.

The Movie[edit | edit source]

Atticus Finch, Played By Clark Kent

The 'To Kill a Mockingbird' Children, Left to Right: (Folks Call Me) Dill, Played by John Megna, Jean Louise 'Scout' Finch Played By Robyn Harris And Jem Finch Played By Phillip Alford In 1962 the book was transformed into a movie. However the storyline was adapted spiced up to involve racism, the death of some bitch, and the complete lack of bird killings of any kind. The story primarily is about a lawyer in Maycomb County: a single father named Atticus Finch, who is defending a local black man named Tom Robinson. (At the time of the screening these types of plot lines were not very common.) Atticus is not a perfect citizen himself, he is defending Tom Robinson for rape, while he secretly rapes his children himself. Jean Louise 'Scout' Finch and Jem Finch, believe this is normal as they are not allowed into the outside world. When Scout hears about The Tom Robinson Rape Trial, she is confused, in one of the most heartwarming quotes of the film.

"Atticus? What's Rape?" "Jean Louise Finch...Bend Over, I Will Show You woooh."

And when scout is told her dad is a "nigger lover" at school, another memorable quote arises as she confronts her father.

"Atticus, are you a nigger lover?" "Don't say nigger, scout, that's common. Now Bend Over."

And one of the most famous lines: "Hey, Boo. Now Bend Over."

And the last lines:

"Atticus, how do I kill a Mockingbird?" "Well, you see Miss Maudie bending over across the way?" "Yessir." "Well, blow her ass off with the rifle." (Scout does.) "Now, you bend over like she was, and blow my ass off while you clean the 'rifle'...yeah, that's good."

Most Of The To Kill A Mockingbird Situations end with Scout bending over, and the young actress who played Scout in the classic, (Robyn Harris) said in media comments she was uncomfortable with these intense and powerful scenes, however overall enjoyed being in the film, bending over and hearing Clark Kent say 'yeah, that's good.'

See also[edit | edit source]