To Kill a Bluejay

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The heartfelt novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, inspired one of Harper Lee's contemporaries, the Crotchedy Old Man, to write his best-seller To Kill a Bluejay.

The Setting[edit | edit source]

In an America where no good liberal-commies are somewhat present in the White House, where hippies behold the power of music, where gays frolic in the once-pure streets, where science intervenes with God's bioethics, where Ecoterrorists destroy the moral foundations of the Corporate Machine and ethnic diversity runs rampant through the country, what can citizens do to protect their American Values?? Beacons of Humanity, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, only wield diet shakes and pancakes, TV networks and cults, private colleges, and international fame; they are overpowered by the Liberal Agenda's satanic inferno.

The Mockingbirds[edit | edit source]

It is known that it is a sin to kill a mockingbird. They are the strong African Americans who selflessly gave to the community even though they labored under the white men during the good old days. That was way back when America treasured family values in which Mom wore pearls as she incessently cleaned, when Jr. was a straight A student and a jock, the girl was head cheerleader and already engaged to a doctor, and Dad worked nights and came home smelling of cigars 'n' booze, legally permitted to beat his children into submission. But then the Civil Rights Movement took form, freeing the Mockingbirds from the white man's grasp. This tragically led to the migration of bird species into America, all watched carefully under the white man's eyes; all except the Bluejays.

The Bluejays[edit | edit source]

The Bluejays are the new recuitments of the Leftist army. Their goal is simple: Destroy the pure foundations of America by stealing the hopes and dreams from Americans. To this day the aspiring American cannot lead a life on a farm not yet engulfed by the corporate machine and pick grapes. No longer can little Peter mow his neighbors' lawns for $5 now that the aliens will do it for a mere 10 cents. And many little girls like Suzie Q can't scrub public toilets, for all of those jobs are taken...stolen by Bluejays. Every day the invasion grows stronger as this alien army breeches the borders of America, getting new orders from their Socialist Pro-mixed economy French allies within the mother ship: Lady Liberty.

The Heroes[edit | edit source]

Who will step up to the challenge and fight for America? Who will deport Lady Liberty and her cronies? The Leftist army has prevented government intervention. This limits the Republican defenders to constructing fences on the southern border. However the invaders attack relentlessly, leaping over the fences, barely touching unemployment lines. Alas, there is a new job that the aliens can never steal from the Americans. It is to eliminate illegal immigration that pains America. And who better to adopt the occupation than God fearing Americans, moreover senile war veterans. Those like the Crotchedy Old Man shuffle to the battlefields of southern America to fight the Long War ahead.

How To Kill A Bluejay[edit | edit source]

So fight on America! Throw your grandparents into the bloodless battlefields to monitor the border. Slouched on their foldable lawn chairs, hearing aids finely tuned, war medals strewn around their necks, and shotgun grapsed in jittery hands, they will fight the good fight. Once again Dad will be the high priest of the family, advocating Jesus' instructions for Mom to cook and clean, for Jr. to be the football star, and for the girl to amount to nothing more than a doctor's trophy wife. So let us go back to the times in which there was To Kill a Mockingbird, not the troubled times of To Kill a Bluejay.

So reader, will you be a Hero, a true American?