User:Romaioktonos/Mikuru Asahina
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| Mikuru Asahina | |
| Strategos anti Basileos Makedonon kai Stratarchos Basilikon | |
| Assumed position | |
| March 14, 2009 | |
| Preceded by | Kassandros |
|---|---|
| Succeeded by | Anaximandros of Pella |
| Place of Residency | Pella |
| Born | July 6, 1992 at Pergamon, although some speculate that it was much later on. |
| Birth name | Stratonike Polemarchos Antipatros Nikator Attalos |
| Nationality | Makedon, more exactly Antipatrid in descendency |
| Political party | Celibacy Party |
| Affiliation | Makedonia |
| Spouse | None |
| Children | None |
| Profession | Field Marshal (Strategos Megistos anti Basileos Makedonon kai Stratarchos Basilikon) |
| Religion | Greek Orthodox |
Mikuru Iaponikoktonos Antipatros Euandros Polemarchos Attalos Asahina (July 6, 1992 -), more well known as Parmenion or to the Philromaioi, Parmenio, formerly a Makedonian general, a Stratarches who served as the second-in-command to Sailor Mars' Makedonian Empire. Despite being relatively timid and constantly being molested by others even in the times of Miku's reign. Mikuru was very successful, not surprising as Mikuru time-traveled to 323 B.C. to actually command the troops (what remains a mystery is how Mikuru got to command any troops at all) and fight battles such as the Battle of Ipsos commanding the Makedonians under Lysimachos, Battle of Sellasia against Kleomenes, and more surprisingly the Battle of Herakleia siding with the Epeirotai against the filthy ROMAIOI. Long story short, her greatness in commanding isn't that much of a feat as the events were almost exactly the same as what Mikuru put up with at 323 B.C. onward. Parmenion's lasting achievement however was the contribution to Pi, since it was Parmenion that introduced the concept that it had more than 2 or 3 digits by purposely pronouncing it in an elongated manner.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Seeing as Pergamon wasn't a city until Miku came and conquered Asia Minor, it could be surmised that Mikuru was born to a family of settlers, which is surprising as Mikuru once possessed the ability to time travel. Mikuru, like any settlers, had hard times and thus had a desirable trait: flat chest. However, her parents sent Mikuru to Pella for education, since her parents dug of treasures that Mikuru found by time traveling (an ability lost when Mikuru took the admininstration of relocating people into Taurike Chersonesos). Mikuru received education much like many of the Somatophylakes, which makes it surprising why Miku didn't take Mikuru as a Somatophylax, which may be answered by the statement: "Mikuru is timid, thus Mikuru never applied for that job." Anyways, Mikuru was trained as a Hypaspistes, still a great position considering that Mikuru also had Hippophobia like her compatriot Yuki Nagato.
What happens when Time Traveling goes out of control: Parmenion helps to contribute to Pi! Later on, while visiting planet Crossover on a retrieval mission, Parmenion met Lovino Vargas and married him.
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Campaigns[edit | edit source]
Under Megas Alexandros[edit | edit source]
Under Megas Alexandros, Mikuru was first sent out to Thebai to put down the resistance, where Mikuru gains more experience in commanding troops (not really, since Mikuru already did this by time traveling). Then Mikuru was sent east to establish a foothold in Asia Minor, but at that time Miku's master was "assassinated," leaving Mikuru with no orders next to the Granikos Potamos, under the mercenary general Sailor Venus. Miku assisted Mikuru by striking at the mercenary forces at Potamos Granikos, which ended in a success with a two-pronged attack. Afterwards, Mikuru alongside Miku conquered Sardis and Ephesos, whose population probably surrendered. Miku then sent Mikuru west to conquer other Hellenic cities under the Persai and the Objectivists while Miku herself marched south to Halikarnassos after taking Miletos on the way, so that Miku could deny the Objectivist fleet a base and thus ensure their downfall. At there, Sailor Venus gathered an army to defend Halikarnassos for Darius III, but little did she and her co-commander Grover Norquist knew that Miku sent spies to talk with the dissidents. The dissidents opened the gates, and shocked, Grover Norquist set fire on the city, claiming that he will rather see the city on fire than to see government money spent to reclaim the city. Sailor Venus was reported to have said that she should have deserted the money-worshippers, since they don't give a hoot about the person, just their ability to be exploited.
After the conquest of Halikarnassos, Alexandros III sent Ptolemaios back to Makedonia for reinforcements, who in turn ordered the Grammateus Basilikon Nodoka Miyazaki to recruit more men for Miku, while Mikuru was sent to patrol the coast to deny the Objectivist fleet any quarter. Miku meanwhile met both Haku and Mikuru at Gordion, where Miku set fire on the Gordian knot and claimed legitimate lordship over all of Asia (and Aigyptos), then preceeding to take over Ankyra, Tarsos and Issos, near the site which would be the city of Antiocheia under Antiochos I Soter. Mikuru then was sent to take over the territories that would be owned by the Hayasdan, while Miku besieged Tyre by sending a bunch of aircraft carriers and bombing it into the stone age which was recommended by the Admiral Umi Ryuuzaki Rhodios (ironically from the same city as Sailor Venus), although the citizens were spared because of her code of war. Mikuru meanwhile was besieging Trapezous, where Mikuru first introduced the usage of the Katapeltes and the Lithoboloi and introduced them into Miku's army. Using these technology, Miku alongside Mikuru took over Sidon, Damaskos, and liberated Hierosolyma (in the process, exterminating the Edomites in a pure accident mistaking them for the Persai). Mikuru was left to recruit locals in Hierosolyma, although there were only a few recruits due to the sugarcoating introduction of Atheism by Darius III and the crown prince Richard Dawkins, and those who recruited were either castrated or celibate, choosing to side with the flat-chested one than those with a larger bust common in Hierosolyma. Miku then proceeded to Aigyptos, supported by Umi Ryuuzaki Rhodios and the Makedonian Navy and liberating Aigyptos, whose residents being communists disliked Darius III and therefore welcomed Miku.
Miku then proceeded to meet Darius III's army in Gaugamela (More information here, from which Darius III never recovered. Mikuru then was sent to Susa and later Persepolis, conquering the Objectivist Empire, capturing the approval of its citizens with her flat-chest and innocent demeanors despite her rank as a general and later a field marshal succeeding XP-Tan (whose term was over). This poses a question: how come Mikuru then kept the post for so many years? Change in rulers, of course.
Diadochoi Wars[edit | edit source]
Mikuru, at the time of Miku's retirement (disguised as a death by malaria), had a comfortable life, having one of the biggest privately owned estates in the world located just under the Ku Klux Klan Utopia (Caucasian mountains), which was made even more comfortable that Mikuru had no hostility with either Perdikkas or any other Diadochoi at that. Makedonia didn't really have many wars in its homeland, and only major battle that Mikuru fought in the Diadochoi Wars themselves was the Battle of Ipsos. It is surmised that Mikuru was bribed or kidnapped by Pyrrhos Aiakides since no records of Mikuru fighting against Epeiros before the Hellenistic World War IV exists.
Mikuru Beam[edit | edit source]
“Shouldn't it be called the Parmenion Beam?”
Once used as a weapon to be used in the frontlines, the Mikuru Beam was evolved when Mikuru had to personally relocate people into what Miku called Taurike Chersonesos which was nuked by Miku due to the frustration caused by Horseback nomads with RPGs. While Mikuru was relocating settlers, Mikuru was exposed to massive radiation that altered the nature of Mikuru Beam. It grew in power to the point that it became a WMD and therefore impractical to use in the frontlines: in fact, Mikuru no longer uses the Mikuru beam directly, but now relies on a system of satellites and control stations to do it. Even so, Sailor Mars did so much that Sailor Mars' reign yielded more energy than what 9001 Mikuru Beams could yield (and still counting). With the approval of Antigonos Doson, Pope Benedict XVI, and Pyrrhos Aiakides, Mikuru used the Mikuru Beam to wipe out the entire Haruhiist population, incinerating Iaponia in the process.
Even before Taurike Chersonesos, Mikuru Beam was still deadly, used in the Battle of Issos where Xerxes and Crown Prince Richard Dawkins was shocked by this towering kolossos of doom piloted by Mikuru. In fact, Mikuru soloed an entire objectivist base without any field support, including air strikes. In fact, this became so famous that Persepolis and Susa surrendered as soon as they saw one of these in their view. Oh, and Richard Dawkins was killed by Mikuru riding one of these beauties when he charged in an vain attempt to take the machine and sell it for money so that he can get a better method of hypnotizing people into not believing in Jesus. As a result, Atheism is experiencing a massive retreat in the Middle East, India, Aigyptos, and Hellas. If there was a UN at that time period, Mikuru probably would have been executed for war crimes and violation of weaponry laws, but who cares for the UN? Certainly the Taliban and the Al-Qaeda doesn't care, so why should Mikuru care?
Mikuru's Ear[edit | edit source]
“Om nom mom! Must have ear!”
“Piiiiiiiiiiiiiii~”
The reason for Mikuru's opposition to Haruhiism isn't just religion, but personal as well. Haruhi wanted to use Mikuru to win a baseball competition, and to do that, terrorized Mikuru by biting her ear, only to find it extremely delicious. Ever since then, the entire Haruhiist population wanted a piece of her ear as if it was Jesus' flesh in the Last Supper. Of course, this coincided with the Al-Qaeda and Taliban filing complaints about the heretic Cult of Haruhi as well as polytheism and syncretism that led to Alexandros' attack on Haruhiist bastions including the Wonderous Temple of Haruhi at Ekbatana (Gk. Ναος Θαυμαστος του Άρυίς). Megas Alexandros' persecution only increased the desire for Mikuru's ear, and this led to the firing of the Mikuru Beam that incinerated Iaponia.
Apparently, Antipatros was on drugs to the point that Antipatros believed that he was a Spartiates while Parmenion was a Heilotes, but autopsy performed on Antipatros' corpse after his assassination at the hands of Ptolemaios I Soter provides little trace of any psychoreactive drugs, suggesting that it was madness not drugs that compelled Antipatros to go for Parmenion's ear.
Supposedly Classified Information[edit | edit source]
“I am Gree... Classified Information!”
“I should run a brain scan! Hey Tosh! Get your butt over here!”
“Uhh, I got double-crossed by Raynor. Any help here?”
“Alternate timeline detected. Manipulating data to restore original timeline.”
“Me and my specters can easily read that mind. We be the future! You, Yuki, will also be the future!”
“All of these information is classified.”
“Well, classified information is accessible above.”
Appearance on Europa Barbarorum[edit | edit source]
Despite the original timeline in which Megas Alexandros took out Parmenion due to the alleged plot of his adoptive page Philotas against him, Parmenion is alive at the time and henceforth is supposed to be active on Europa Barbarorum, set on 272 B.C. or 2032 A.D. depending on your perspective. However, due to the protests of the history fans ironically diverted by Persian propaganda, Parmenion does not appear using the original name, but rather appear with the pseudoname Alkyoneus Argeades, which had its flaws: The faction leader Sailor Mars claims to be of the Antigonid dynasty, and is not in either the Argead or Antigonid family. Also, Alkyoneus was also the firstborn, meaning that EB would portray Parmenion as the son of Sailor Mars, very shocking indeed. Obviously, You won't see Parmenion Beam, but come on, daughter son of Sailor Mars?
Why Parmenion seems like he only brews tea[edit | edit source]
Of course, that's what the Iaponikoi wishes you to think, but the Greek archives found at Pella states that the "tea" actually consists of chemical weaponries that are to be tested upon hapless folks. It was the tea that robbed Antipatros the ability to create some s**t that led to the safe assassination by Ptolemaios I Soter, and other victims also reported of loss of abilities: Yuki Nagato for example was robbed of the ability to manipulate data, hence being reduced to serving the Ptolemaioi, while Kyon, who don't have any special ability, just turned into a girl for no good reasons. It is hypothesized that Asakura Ryoko took part in the involuntary death sentence, and Ryoko was henceforth made even punier than Yuki, forgotten when she was to fall at the hands of the Keltoi.
| Preceded by: Kassandros |
Stratarches of Makedon 2009-2041 |
Succeeded by: Anaximandros of Pella
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| Preceded by: Erwin Rommel |
Notable General of the Ages 2009-2041 |
Succeeded by: Anaximandros of Pella |