User:Romaioktonos/Diadochoi Wars

Diadochoi Wars are a series of wars fought between anime girls (and a few guys) who all wanted to unite what was the once great empire forged by Megas Alexandros. Although the term Diadochoi applies to the first generation of Miku's successors (e.g. Sailor Mercury, Momo Momone), the scope of the word Diadochoi also applies to their successors, that is, the Epigonoi. This series of wars kept the Diadochoi states sharp, preventing them from being taken over by the vile Romaioi. However, it also meant that there was no one dominant power at any given period, although Sailor Mars might have come close to that position, until Luka and the Epeirotai cut through Ionia and thus helped the liberation of Aigyptos under Yuki Nagato.

But Why?

Before one delves into the actual history of the Diadochoi and their society, one must ask, "why did they declare war in the first place?" Personally, I don't think anybody would or could resist such a big, fat, juicy steak empire that was created by Hatsune Miku claiming it all for Glorious Hellas itself, sending Lykourgos and Perikles running crying back to their mommies, who weren't so legendary. After all, this is what capitalism is based upon anyways, right? Thus the anime girls wage conventional war and even threaten MAD in the attempt to recreate the glory of Miku's empire.

Events leading up to the Diadochoi Wars (And the first and second Diadochoi Wars)

i_Regent: Oh Miku was killed by Malaria (even though I know that Miku just retired) I take over! :D

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Who says you're the king? I never voted for you!

i_Regent: ST*U! I said I am regent so I am regent!

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: Ok, but do I get to keep some land next to Parmenion's estate for horses?

i_Regent: NO! You can't violate the biblical law! Miku would want biblical law to be the law of the land!

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: Oh shut up. You ain't my regent anymore.

i_Regent: YOU DARE DEFY MY AUTHORITY? Someone back me up please.

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Why? Do I get to do Frankenstein's experiment with your state money?

i_Regent: bah, give up your necrophiliac obsession already! He was our enemy!

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Well, I would if you would sponsor our mandatory LABBAP (Liposuction against Big Boobs and Promiscuity) programs.

i_Regent: what makes that program OURS? I love my chest so suck it!

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Ok, forget you! I got Pella so you can suck your treasury money goodbye! Oh Frankenstein! I'll sponser your research!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: YAYZ! (Forms an alliance with Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die)

i_Regent: WTF? Ok, screw all of you! I got the military: Hey Lebensraum! I'll give your georgoi Lebensraum if you take out flat chest and necrophiliac!

Lebensraum_for_peaches: what assurances do I have of you fulfilling your end of the bargain?

i_Regent: f**k it! Whatever. Hey Eumenes i_love_history! I'll promote you to kingship after I retire! Join me!

I_love_history_and_runes: w0000000000t! (Takes troops and attacks Lebensraum)

Lebensraum_for_peaches: FOOL! Taste my fiery peaches! Uh... that doesn't sound too threatening... (routs i_love_history's army)

Ethanol_FTW enters

Ethanol_FTW: what did I miss? I was having another hangover drinking at Mikatopolis... Oh yeah I just wanted you to know, i_Regent, that I established my own dynasty at Aigyptos!

i_Regent: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I'm going to personally stomp on all of you!

Lebensraum_for_peaches: hey guys?

Ethanol_FTW: I get you.

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: yeeeah.... >:D

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: I hear ya.

i_Regent: Fear me and... (gets owned by Ethanol's elephant)

Just before Lebensraum_for_peaches take over... At Alexandreia

Ethanol_FTW: Greetings, I_am_Goddess and Frankenstein_for_Lelouch. I have invited you... TO YOUR DEATHS!!!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Did you have to make what is supposedly mysterious so obvious? You've ruined the mood! (flees)

Ethanol_FTW: Shit... (Stabs I_am_Goddess)

At Pergamon

Lebensraum_for_peaches: sucks to be i_Regent. I wonder how much money I can make selling that product?

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ and Screw_Otakus_and_I_am_not_Neru enters

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: HELLO GUYS! I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I GOT A WHOLE SHIPMENT OF YAOI AND DATING SIMS!

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Must we care? Is Yaoi plural form of Yaos?

Screw_Otakus_and_I_am_not_Neru: Don't listen to YAOI. I'll send her to lobotomy section of the psychiatric hospital.

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: AWW! It was just starting! :(

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Must... have... Lebensraum... (starts kicking other Diadochoi's arses)

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Someone stop that madman! This is Madness!

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Madness? THIS IS LEBENSRAUM!

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: OMG! Stop Lebensraum!

while Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die and Lebensraum were fighting...

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: No, Rhodos must be used to fund my Frankenstein project!

Ethanol_FTW: No, necrophilia is secondary to alcohol!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: oh screw you! I'm taking on Lebensraum on my own!

At Phrygia

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Where are they?

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: come taste the wrath of TRUE LOVE!

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Bah! Why don't you save yourself the humiliation of defeat?

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: You took land that is reserved for horse breeding! Now EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!!!

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Wonder what my ally is doing...

Ethanol_FTW: Just... another cup... (Drinks) No.. one last cup... (almost infinite recursion)

Lebensraum_for_peaches: Shit... I guess I will have to rely on my fiery peaches again... (gets run over by horses_for_animal_sex_rights)

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Epeiros doesn't really do anything: Can we really trust them? I don't think. Thraikian people talk funny: Galatian people swing from trees!

Third and Fourth Diadochoi Wars

After i_Regent and Lebensraum_for_peaches died...

Hail_French_Bread: Hey Frankenstein! I want us to join our bodies... No I meant kingdoms!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: w00t! More revenue for...

Hail_French_Bread: BREAD!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Oh boy...

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: O You got a new source of Income!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: No, you are not cutting off that research money!

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: I wouldn't... but I have problems with SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337 out there.

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: S**t...

SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337: THIS IS SPARTA!!! FREEDOM FOR DA ALCHEMISTS!!!

Time_Traveling_Parmenion: O.O...

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: WTF? ALCHEMIST TAKING OVER SIKYON? NOOOOOOO!! THERE'S WHERE ALL MY YAOI MANGAS AND DATING SIMS ARE LOCATED!!! FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU! (Declares war on SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337)

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: Ok... Now I got Anatolia... I want to raise horses! Crap... DAMN YOU MOUNTAINS!!! FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU (Sacks Hayasdan cities)

Ethanol_FTW: Ok... Now that I got Hiersolyma, I should attack Mesopotamia so I can get more grains to ferment for Alcohol! (Attacks horses_for_animal_sex_rights)

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: WTF!?!?!?!?!?! NO NO NONONONONONO! PROTECT DA HORSES!

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: Oh Parmenion! Looking good! (Molests Parmenion)

Time_Traveling_Parmenion: NOO! I have Megalopolis to defend! Oh... I just got kicked out into Korinthos... FULL OF SEX-DEPRIVED LIBERTARIANS!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337: Hey Master Chief, take Korinthos please. And take all of Achaia in the way.

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: Hey Frankenstein and Hail_French_Bread! I know we aren't exactly on good terms in terms of glorious Yaoi, online gaming, and dating sims... but I lost all my games out there and You are going to lose some land out there too!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: OMFG! Korinthos is where all the DNA is located! Ok... You give me some of the Peloponnesian holdings, and I'll help you out, and stock you up with your Yaoi and dating sims.

YAOI_FOR_DA_WINZ: You got yourself a deal! Buy Timotei!

Cell_Phones_and_Deer_Feeding: OMG SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337! His women in Sparte makes me jealous (after watching a Spartan propaganda featuring Haruhi)

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: What are we waiting for! Let us take what will be the Ochetos Korinthou and kick Spartan ass!

Len_forever_down_with_Miku_and_Alexandros: NEVEEER!! You are going to PAY FOR LETTING LEN DIE IN THE BATTLE OF GAUGAMELA! I WILL EXHUME THE BODY FROM ALEXANDREIA!!!!!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Is it me or this description of the DIADOCHOI Wars drifting to serve SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337?

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Change the channel!

At Syria

Ethanol_FTW: Syria is mine! So I suggest that you GTFO or lose your Anatolian lands...

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: No. Syria is my land! Syria produces Mille Feuille so go back to your land of white sand and give me the Jews.

Ethanol_FTW: But I believe one of your successors would persecute them... That's what one of the Jewish texts say... So get off my land! And... my Kingdom did tons for the Jews... Like the Septuagint Bible!

horses_for_animal_sex_rights: You get off my land! (Starts skirmishing in the borders of the empires)

Back to Hellas

Len_forever_down_with_Miku_and_Alexandros: PURGE ALL MAKEDONES!

SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337: SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA!

French_Bread_FTW: WTF? SEND IN THE LEUKASPIDAI!

SPARTAN_ALCHEMIST_1337: Haxxors!

Text_Text_and_More_Text: LEN!!!! :D (Enlists in the fight against Sparta and Elis)

Len_forever_down_with_Miku_and_Alexandros: NOO! YOU HAXXORS! LEN IS MINE! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO PAY AND DIE!

Time_Traveling_Parmenion: w00t! less molestors and more elites against them Spartiatai! They look thirsty for Leuktra!

Frankenstein_for_Lelouch: Let's give them some defeat to drink!

Secret Meeting

Pink_and_Red_Tuna_from_Epeiros: Wait... A Non-Makedonian on the throne of Makedon? I want that throne for myself! Hey Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die! You want Mytilene and those people of Lesbos? Attack Makedon for me and I'll fund your navy so you can have Mytilene since naval power is essential in defense of Rhodos.

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Alright! But I wanted Pangaion...

Pink_and_Red_Tuna_from_Epeiros: Don't you have Laurion? Aw... whatever you can trade gold for silver... at an depressed price...

Big_Boobs_can_eat_shit_and_die: Now you are speaking my language...