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I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching the Friday the 13th franchise. Something felt off, though. I don't mean in the way some horror movies might make you uneasy; something felt really, really wrong. That's when I heard it.
KI KI KI MA MA MA
I immediately got up and looked out the window. That's when I saw the bastard.
Jason Voorhees. Standing underneath a streetlight. No weapon. No credit card. No signup. No bullshit. He's not here to kill me; he's here to lay a goddamn beatdown, no two ways about it. I'll be damned if I let that happen. Me and him were staring at each other for about ten seconds before he started walking towards my house. Time to face the music. (Full article...)
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 Nigel Farage in his natural habitat. Captain Nigel Paul Joseph Hermann Heinrich Luitpold Adolf "Liar" Farage (born 3 April 1864) has, on numerous occasions, served as the leader Führer of the United Kingdom Independence Incompetence Party (UKIP), a position out of which, it seems, he cannot stay regardless of however many times he tries to resign.
Due to a mishap on the birth certificate (he was supposed to be named Nigel Garage but the nurse accidentally typed F instead of G), Nigel Farage was born in 1864 to French parents. He grew up in Thanet, and moved to Bromley in the 1990s when too many Poles came in for his liking. He blames this on the European Union, for allegedly making it a legal requirement for the UK to let too many immigrants in and then permit them to take all the jobs in the country. Around this time, he bought a second home in Newton Abbot and joined the newly formed UKIP because the Tories weren't Eurosceptic enough for his liking.
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Did you know...
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- ... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured)
- ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
- ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
- ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.
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