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The microwave oven is a rectangular box, usually white in color, which is used to heat up random objects such as tin foil, doll heads, frogs, and other small creatures. Microwave ovens are found in kitchens all over the world, and have been featured in thousands of online videos made by middle school aged teens. Microwaves have also been recognized as the head chef of many establishments, such as Olive Garden. Often called a nuclear oven as opposed to a conventional oven, this infernal device could only be conceived by the cruelest minds in the DEEPEST PITS OF HELL, most undoubtedly conceived by such abhorrid demon philosophers as Heinrich Himmler, Jack the Ripper, and Al Gore, in a fashion that Lucifer's own damned, radiating evilness served as a rudimentary template of unholy culinary design, the microwave is an ingenious yet simple device used to burn food around the edges, turn bacon into rubber, make biscuits into hockey pucks, burn water, create civil unrest in African countries, stale a newly opened can of Guinness, cancel your favorite TV sitcom, interrupt your wireless internet connection, excommunicate the Pope, and explode hamsters by zapping them with rays of concentrated evil. Rays of concentrated evil cause atoms to become angry, thus raising their temperatures. When turned on, a microwave oven goes bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! (Full article...)
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 Freedom is often disguised as being about you, comrade. Really it's about me. Me Me Me ...“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” – Janis Joplin on Freedom
“FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOMMM!”
“I’ve been looking for Freedom.”
Freedom is an abstract concept invented by American politicians who needed a word that could convince people to let them do whatever they wanted and still get reelected. In its most basic form, freedom means everything people in America love, and everything people outside of America—especially terrorists, communists, and the French—hate. Let's say, for example, that I approach Martha Barlow, an American housewife with two children, as she pulls a warm apple pie out of her oven and ask her what she thinks of freedom. She'd probably say it's pretty darn great! In the next room her husband Joe, tired after a long but rewarding day at the office, is watching a baseball game and eating a TV dinner. Asked how he felt about freedom, he'd probably also say it's pretty darn great! Now, let's go next door to their neighbor's house, where the Gilberts, two French Muslim lesbians, live. Ask them about freedom, and what would they say? "Why, being French, Muslim, gay, and also socialist, which the sexy, sexy narrator previously failed to mention, I hold in my heart an unrelenting disdain for freedom, and I hope, but not pray because I'm also an atheist, for the day in which all the world is ruled by a single, oppressive communist regime. Now, if you'll excuse me, my partner and I need to go dress up in our maid outfits so we can engage in hot, godless, kinky lesbian sex." Mmmm, yeah.
Freedom is a core part of Liberty and the Libertarian ideology.
Freedom isn't free. Freedom costs $1.05.
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Did you know...
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In the news
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"Nyaaah, it's not worthless, mommy, I WANT IT!"
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On this day...
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January 25: Shit January's Almost Over? Day
- 1890 - Nellie Bly (Pictured) crosses the world in only 72 days, is faced with the nagging feeling that the stove might still be on the whole journey.
- 1949 - The first Emmy Awards are televised, audiences everywhere smash their television sets for "growing an ego."
- 1971 - Idi Amin wins upset election in Uganda after the other candidate is mysteriously shot forty-seven times in the back.
- 1995 - The Russians almost launch their nuclear weapons after mistaking an atmospheric missile for a giant middle finger.
- 1996 - The last man to be hanged in America, immediately regrets choosing to be hanged seconds after hanging.
- 1998 - Pope John Paul II visits Cuba, condemns the country for its human rights abuses after a mojito he ordered took "too damn long" to arrive.
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