UnNews:Kansas City Chiefs lose the "city" part of name, moving to Kansas
Tuesday, December 23, 2025
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI-- Holy smokes. They actually did it.
In a move so baffling or smart we couldn't decide on using a Wizard of Oz "Toto, I guess we're going back to Kansas!" or Taylor Swift "shake it off, shake off the Missouri" reference, or simply saying "yup, this is what Swifties, tearing your starting quarterback's ACL, then your backup QB's ACL, or winning so many fraudulent Super Bowls will do to ya", that NFL team named after Kansas, but based in Missouri's largest city and the world's second largest meth lab, decided to move to the state it was named after to stop confusing everyone.
"Yup, after a season in which the refs raised their rates and we couldn't pay their rates anymore, we just couldn't keep up with Tim Tebow 2.0 and the Denver Broncos, John Elway 2.0 and the Bills despite him having Dumb and Dumber as his receivers, or even the Patsies who.. who seem to have Tom Brady 2.0 at quarterback. We were crushed! Everyone is depressed on the team, including Patrick Mahomes with that torn ACL that probably came after a deal with the devil, and Kelce, especially after Tay Tay seems to be writing yet another break up song. So we did some soul searching" remarked Chiefs owner Clark Hunt.
"Long story short: we're simplifying everything, and since we have the name 'Kansas' in our team name, I thought, 'hey, why don't we actually just go there? In fact, why the heck is Kansas City in Missouri? So confusing, like the Jets and Giants situation with New York and New Jersey! We'll also just get rid of the 'city' part of our name!"
All the team's players were on board, excited about the news while trying to get over not making the playoffs for the first time in 10 years (oh boo hoo, lemme get the world's smallest violin!), only to find out there wasn't any of the cool stuff that came with being in a mid-sized city like Kansas City.
"Aww shucks, they don't have any of the cool Kansas City barbecue on this side!" lamented head coach and barbecue connoisseur Andy Reid.
"Hey! Are you seeeeriiious? There's nothing but cornfieeeelds heeere!" croaked Mahomes.
President Donald Trump, who once famously tweeted a certain congratulatory tweet after Mahomes and co. won their first Super Bowl, was stoked for some reason. "At least that tweet aged pretty well! And all my tweets age well! I'm the best tweeter who's ever tweeted a tweet!"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- DAVE SKRETTA "Chiefs’ move to Kansas leaves Missouri fans heartbroken over another NFL franchise leaving" AP News, December 22, 2025