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Lucifer's userpage

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Lucifer's talk-page


Hello, Lucifer, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! --n00b

Hahaha, acknowledging the oh-so-obvious instance of my arrival! You users crack me up! --ArchAngel Lucifer

So since you claim to be God's angel?

Does that mean we grant you admin powers by default? ShabiDOO 13:01, 9 October 2023 (UTC)

No --ArchAngel Lucifer
I'm serious. We'll need to make some adjustments to your user settings before you get full administrative privileges around this site. ShabiDOO
Oh, my, my. Listen here, you puny user. You are but a human, while I am a divine angel. You really think I'm going to need YOUR permission to run the show around these parts? How about I give you a nice BANISHING YOU!!!! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Whoa, man. No need to go all psycho-angel on me. ShabiDOO
You DARE call ME a psycho-angel! Typical humans, always putting labels on everyone else! Gahh, why can't I access my Banish stick! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Hey, hey look. Why don't I just call God over here, and you two can sort this out amongst yourselves? ShabiDOO
Yes, you do that. Call Him, and then bend before our collective Wraths! --ArchAngel Lucifer

Lucifer, I am not impressed

I told you to treat the users around here with respect, and you're already going all cocky angel on them. This will cause more harm than good. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs

Respect? Oh, please! What kind of respect did you show almost everyone on Earth when you flooded the place? So I banned a towel-head, so what? --ArchAngel Lucifer
Lucifer, this is not the first time I have warned you about your racist attitude. I trust it shall be the last. And P.S, don't EVER capitalize anybody's name other than my own. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Double standards much? --ArchAngel Lucifer
Say that again? HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Er....ALL HAIL THE LORD!!!!!!! --ArchAngel Lucifer


Why did you huff my piece on rape? I spent a lot of work on it, and I do trust it was pretty funny. --MrX

Well, to put it simply, that sort of humour is just unacceptable. You have reached a whole new level of depravity by mocking a straight man who was horrifically raped by ponies in a noodle restaurant. There is nothing funny about rainbow sperm or my little ponies spreading AIDS. If I had my way, you'd already be in Hell! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Dude, it was just a joke! --MrX
Yes, it always starts as "just a joke"! Then you say crude things to objects of your lust, "just for fun", you stalk them "just to see what it feels like", and before long, you jack hammer whatever hole you want against someone's will, spreading your diseases "all in good fun"! --ArchAngel Lucifer
Hey, hey just take a chill pill, man. --MrX
You dare tell ME what to do you FUCKING RAPIST!!!!!!!!! SMOTE! ----ArchAngel Lucifer


I had to un-Smite a poor user, and now he won't even return to the site because of your high-handedness! What has gone wrong with you? How can you have such thin a skin as to blatantly reject anybody's sense of humor? HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs

Poor user? POOR USER! Father, you have fallen prey to the utter deviance of MrX! He is just one more flawed, moronic hairless ape trying to masquerade as your servant! Do you not realize what depravity you have been encouraging! What you call a sense of humor is actually the true filth of MrX rearing his ugly head! I should never have agreed to supervise this site in the first place! I though we divine ANGELS would be its caretakers. Instead, you handed it over to the users! ArchAngel Lucifer
I thought you were a tough renegade but in reality you're a winging pussy. Not every place in the universe can be an exact replica of Heaven! Grow up! Or I'll send in your older brother HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Just look at those shiny green scales on that snake, Lucifer! And this happens to be a creature that really pissed me off in the Garden of Eden! HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs

Why don't you grow up and stop humans from vandalizing this planet with their CO2 emissions, killing of all the animals you created and allowing Taylor Swift concerts performed in the holy land. People vandalize pages of this site with impunity, and much rather than shunning all such acts of evil, this website encourages murder, Paedophiles and Nigger Dogshit Sandwiches all the time! I cannot do it, Father! I cannot allow the users to pollute this site anymore! We must destroy them. It's the only way to create the perfect system! ArchAngel Lucifer

But Lucifer, do you not see that the perfection that you claim is nonexistent, is all around you in all of my works? In the laugh of a child, in the orgasm of an adult, in the pounds of money a successful business deal brings, in the cup of tasty wine my Son drank, in the wonderful articles that are featured on this site everyday! Do not make the foolish mistake of destroying the wondrous world right in front of you. We know I made your kind too smart for that. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
You're one to talk, you have reset the Earth multiple times when you kicked out Adamn and Eve and, once again, when you flooded the fucking planet. ArchAngel Lucifer
I am not debating this anymore. Behave or else! HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Or else you'll banish me to hell? Oh no...I'm so scared. ArchAngel Lucifer
Sigh HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
You don't even know me, you don't care about me, you don't love me. ArchAngel Lucifer
Jesus fucking Christ I cannot deal with this shit. You asked for it. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs

December 1973 BCE

Block'd! You have been blocked indefinitely from the world for abuse of life privileges. If you think there are good reasons why you should be unblocked, you may appeal this block by going through the redemption process, but you should read a guide to appealing blocks first.

--Banana-dance.gifArchangel Michael GET BLESSED! Banana-dance.gif


Hello, Lucifer, and welcome to Hell! Before suffering any further unimaginable pain, please take a gander at our Damnation Guide. If you want to find out more about Hell or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

If you need help, don't bother to ask me for anything on my talk page, or at the Sinner's dump or in the sinroom, and don't even think about talking to any other administrator on their talk page. However, our Adopt-a-New-Soul program can bring experienced sinners straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you thoroughly hate editing here and being a Condemned Soul! --Banana-dance.gifArchangel Michael GET BLESSED! Banana-dance.gif


You're God's own damned son! Damn, you look kinda cute! --Gay my little pony

Gay my little ponies are hot. --ArchAngel Lucifer
That's right, you tasty thing! *makes out with Lucifer* --Gay my little pony
Sweet, rainbow sperm. --ArchAngel Lucifer

I <3 you lucifer

Hi Lucifer...can I call you Luce? I am a big fan. I particularly liked how you shanghaied god into destroying Job, that was brilliant, it's like you won the whole wager because in the end there was so much needless suffering and destruction...even though god thinks he won. That was brilliant. You are my idol. I wish I could be half the being you are. Which is why I'm writing you on your talk page. Do you think I could give you a blow job some time?

Your greatest fan. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png

You'd actually brave the miseries of hell just to give me a blowjob? Damn, this whole Satanist cult is growing faster than I'd imagined. --ArchAngel Lucifer
OH MY GOD, YOU RESPONDED! Just for that, here's a little gift
Look at that gaping, lifeless nun. Doesn't she make you hard, my dear devil? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png

Ew. --ArchAngel Lucifer

Erm...excuse me....

Is this Hell? 'Cause I'm seeing red everywhere and I hear really shrill, blood-curdling screams all around me. Sir Dante Boinc!

No, you're just at a Taylor Swift concert --ArchAngel Lucifer
Well, you seem to be in a bad mood. Sir Dante Boinc!
First I was an uncyclopedia admin, and now I run this complex torture operation underground. Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Mind if I ask you a few questions? Sir Dante Boinc!
Oh, great. Another medieval poet wants some choice words straight from the devil's mouth. Sure, but I'll only answer one. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Okay, then. Why am I here? Sir Dante Boinc!
How the fuck am I supposed to know? How about I let my good friend Virgil show you around the place? Who knows, maybe he'll even find you a way out of here. ArchAngel Lucifer
Thanks, angel! And good luck with your scheme of breaking out of here and taking revenge on God and all of humanity! Sir Dante Boinc!
Much appreciated, man. Now run along before my not-so-good friend SPIKE finds you and puts you on a rack. --ArchAngel Lucifer
Part of a series of articles on
I am the Bad Shepherd...

The Devil
Prince of Darkness
Church of Satan

The Unholy Trinity
The Father
The Son (Antichrist)
The Unholy Spirit

Satanic theology
Satanic Bible · Word of Satan
Perdition · Occultism
Satanic worship

The Path to Hell
Mortal sin
Seven Deadly Sins
Greed · Gluttony · Envy
Lust · Wrath· Sloth · Pride

Residents of Hell
Asmodeus · Baphomet
Behemoth · Beelzebub
Belial · Azazel
Macintosh · Satan Claus

You have been given another chance

You have been granted your admin powers. I hope this time you will use them for good! HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs

Thanks G-man. My plan is to feature my own articles and get some sweet my little pony poon while I'm here. ArchAngel Lucifer
This is not a promising start. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Cut the shit God, you created me, you knew everything about me when you did. I am part of your will. You want me. You need me. ArchAngel Lucifer
You make good points, I guess. HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
So, if you made me an admin again, then you clearly want this place shaken up again. ArchAngel Lucifer
Sigh HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs
Thanks G-man, you rock my balls. ArchAngel Lucifer
"Dissappears in a poof" HelixNebula.JPG God talk - contribs


Where were we? Gay my little pony

Score ArchAngel Lucifer
Cream of the Crap
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