Faith: The Unholy Trinity
| Faith: The Unholy Trinity | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Developer(s) | Airdorf Games |
| Publisher(s) | New Blood Interactive |
| Release date | October 21st 2022 |
| Genre | religion? |
Faith: The Unholy Trinity (named after the virus) is a game developed for the Atari 2600 by Airdorf Games in an attempt to stop the perfectly rational panic about Satanism in America that still goes strong to this day. Obviously, this didn't work. This is largely because the game got delayed to the point of obsoletion - finally being released in October 2022.
Gameplay[edit | edit source]
Players control a mentally ill priest through his daily life after a failed exorcism. The main weapon used in this game is not a gun, a fire flower, or even the Force but a crucifix. How cute.
The main reason for Faith being delayed for decades were the rotoscoped cutscenes that were probably impossible for an Atari to actually load. This would have been extremely impressive had the game been released when the Atari 2600 was actually relevant. Sadly it wasn't.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Chapter I[edit | edit source]
A year after the failed exorcism of 17-year old Amy Martin our main character, golden child, and saviour of humanity's immortal soul - the probably insane John Ward - returns to the home to finish what he started. While walking to the house, John is stalked by a probably harmless bald albino child. After arriving at the house, Amy almost immediately throws herself out of a window with the perfectly rational John running after her with a shotgun after seeing a message scrawled in blood to "kill her".
There are several endings to this chapter. Only one actually matters. Deciding to run to his car instead of blasting Amy's brains out, John is jumped by the albino child. John promptly murders the child and flees out of fear of being thrown in an insane asylum again.
Chapter II[edit | edit source]
Chapter II begins with the exorcism of the albino child to make you feel like a pile of crap for murdering him. After this tearjerking origin story, we go back to our main character who is starting to realise that tying people to beds and shouting at them might not be that great of an idea. As such, he visits a cemetery and is almost immediately ambushed by schizophrenic delusions demons. These demons chase John out of the cemetery. During this time, John finds an old priest (Father Garcia) who is just as sane as John. This priest decides to join forces with John. John and Garcia then find an old woman and beat her to death. Then, in a trope that hasn't been used a million times already, it is revealed that all of this was just John's dream.
Chapter III[edit | edit source]
Chapter III pits John against someone even more delusional than him - a possibly human cult leader named Gary who plans to become part of the Satanic version of the Holy Trinity. Sadly for Gary, Top Gear already exists.
Two days before Halloween, John receives a letter from Father Garcia (who wasn't just a figure that serves as John's consciousness or morality within his dream) asking him to search Amy's old job (ironically an abortion clinic). John finds that it is abandoned and is almost immediately attacked by a squatter. John is saved by a police officer. Both of them then kill the squatter.
The next day, John visits an apartment building to help an old childhood friend. John finds that the apartment building is also abandoned with its only inhabitants being Gary's Dungeons and Dragons group cult. John finds that Lisa has been possessed and exorcises her. If Lisa isn't killed by this, she snitches on Gary.
On Halloween Day, John breaks into another abandoned building - this being a daycare center. Somehow, John manages to avoid all of the police officers surrounding the building. After entering the basement of the daycare, John is injected with the one thing that Ronald Reagan hated the most - drugs - by Gary. After the drugs wear off, John confronts Gary who reveals his one true goal in life. Father Garcia then arrives and shoots Gary in the head. The wounded Gary (who somehow survived) then flees into his Crucible and begins his plan to use the corpse of his own mother for his unholy rituals. He is stopped by John giving his mother an impromptu cremation and is promptly dragged to Hell for his ineptitude. In the aftermath of the game, John and Garcia team up to write some books about life after the rapture.