From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Jesus of Nazareth. Many of you know me and the deeds I did. I was born to a virgin, am the Son of God, died for your sins, and rose from the dead. Everyone knows my story, and who I am.
But do you really?
So much of my life has been just plain mistranslated, and gotten wrong. Raised Lazarus from the dead... Please! Why would I want zombie boy walking around when he didn't like me tapping his sister in the first place? In all honesty I was happy to see him gone. Or at least I would have been. It seems that Lazarus wasn't really dead in the first place. He had a peanut allergy and didn't know it. Ate one or two too many nuts one night, and went into anaphylactic shock, and then a coma. Trust me, I was just as surprised as anyone to see him up and walking around when I showed up. And I had to pretend I was HAPPY to see him too. Man, it isn't easy being me sometimes.
I know it has been a while since I was alive, but so many people have the wrong impression of how my life went, I have to set the record straight somehow. With this autobiography, I hope to tell everyone what, truly, is what. (Full article...)
|
Lies Did you Know?
|
*... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
|
|
Lies recently told In the news
|
The car has been in the works since February/
|
On this day nothing happened...
|
July 3: International Hot Pocket Day
|
|
Today's featured eyesore picture
|
|
Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.
Image credit: Mhaille View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
|
|
|
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
|
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
|
Uncyclopedia Languages
|
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,267 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Pathos!:
|
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.