Babel:Pathos

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"Written" by J. Jonah Jameson Spider-Man, according to this reboot of an Uncyclopedia article, is not a punny spy (whoever gave that idea should be fired. Seriously, who'd pay to watch a movie about that?), but does whatever a spider can. This wall-crawling, smack-talking web-head has apparently been reincarnated at least three times, but in all three lives, he's been some dorky kid from Queens named Peter Parker. Either way, he's a menace! A criminal! What has he ever done for society? Just because he gets bitten by some 8-legged bug and gains powers he thinks he gets to do stuff like this. Entitled kids these days. (Full article...) Recently featured: Brain rot My Brawl With Santa Claus on Christmas 1978 King Diamond You Are in Hell Archive · Vote for featured articles · Lies Did you Know? *... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask! ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!	Lies recently told In the news "Homosexuality was well known in Biblical times, and Jesus doesn't say one word about it." — Jimmy Carter Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card California's real estate market is on fire... literally. And in shambles. Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects South Korea's president tries to order pizza, declares martial law instead, then freaks out and locks himself in his house Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100 Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump Google reveals least popular searches of 2024 Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football championship game • Josh Allen / Lamar Jackson MVP "debate" • Golden Globe Awards Recent deaths: Liberal Party of Canada • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions and weight loss goals • Los Angeles On this day nothing happened... January 15: Feast of the Two-Headed Yak (Ukraine) 1889 - Coca-Cola replaces cocaine in its formula with the milder caffeine, consumers complain, but without cocaine, they only end up being slightly anxious. 1919 - A giant tank of molasses in Boston, Massachusetts bursts and floods streets, killing 21. What makes their deaths any less tragic? 1967 - The first Super Bowl advertisements air on television. Since then, what was supposed to be "Football's Biggest Night" has always been nothing but advertisements. 1976 - Michio Kaku finds the perfect conditioner for his unique hair, sadly, it is banned everywhere except Estonia. 1977 - Martin Luther King Jr. spins in his grave, but not for any real reason, that's just a thing he does. 1987 - The two-headed Ukrainian Yak (B. grunniens chernobylian) emerges from the radioactive forest surrounding Pripyat, providing a useful source of protein to the people of northern Ukraine. 2001 - Wikipedia, the aggregate of all mankind's knowledge, goes online, first article is List of Power Rangers episodes.
Today's featured eyesore picture Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war. Image credit: Asahatter View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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