Babel:Pathos

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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge. Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one. Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again! Hold on... Why is my hair roller in here? Wait... This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill? Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault. Just a minute... WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...) Recently featured: John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Archive · Vote for featured articles · Lies Did you Know? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services? ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis? ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it? ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured) ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?	Lies recently told In the news 1977-2026 US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day nothing happened... February 19: Alt + F4 Day 1600 - A volcano explodes in Peru. It's a good first line for a limerick, I guess. 1807 - Aaron Burr, former Vice President and guy who shot Alexander Hamilton, is imprisoned for treason; Burr is released following a quadruple rhyming triplet and an emotionally resonant leitmotif allusion. 1846 - The State Government of Texas is officially established in Austin, its first act: Mexican food sold within the state must include at least 200% recommended cheese intake. 1915 - World War I: The first attack on the Ottomans commences as the Australians attack the shoreline with drop bear reinforcements. 1949 - Ezra Pound decides that poetry is the perfect medium for his antisemitism, mostly because Jew can be rhymed with so many other words. 1954 - The Soviet Union transfers Crimea from Russian land to Ukraine, which will cause absolutely no problems in future. 1985 - EastEnders stars airing in the UK, causing more Brits to be visibly depressed.
Today's featured eyesore picture Quenching the thirst of millions of plumbers across the nation, it's the ultimate soda. Image credit: CartoonDiablo View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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