Babel:Pathos

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You've read the title. I know what you want, dear reader. I bet you were TikToking down the rabbithole when your mother blew a hole through your door with a C4, and asked you to read seven long-ass books that nobody has the time for in this decade! (That TikToking doesn't do itself right?) And then you said something, like "First of all, what the hell mom, blowing a hole through my door. Also mom, seriously, I don't have time for this... gawd... get off my back. I have two hours of TikToking to do and then a Mario Kart Wii session... on my Wii!" Your mother smacks you over the head with forty-three door-stopping Harry Potter books, and a constant supply of shitty, smelly novels! And when you tried to complain, your mother unbelievably said, "What the hell did you just say to me, Billy? I'll have you know that I'm shart, and you're sooo fucking dump." You stare at your mother in disbelief. No modern parent tells their kids what to do, let alone telling them to read outside when it's -30°F! You'd freeze your dick off! Well get ready Billy, because if even the thought of reading Harry Potter in less than a minute has already blown your brain to Mars, then reading this page would've surely blown your brain to Jupiter. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Trump awarded another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war in Venezuela he started three hours ago Frodo Baggins I love you brah Holmium Archive · Vote for featured articles · Lies Did you Know? *... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox? ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today! ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox? ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today! ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox? ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today! ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?	Lies recently told In the news Downing Street denies this image. Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK (Pictured) Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia and Josh Allen drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle Not dead: Eleven Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Denver Broncos' Super Bowl hopes without Bo Nix • Aaron Rodgers' career On this day nothing happened... January 19: Porn for the Blind Day 8M BC - Monkeys evolve opposable thumbs, discover how to spank the monkey. 1340 BC - Egyptians create the first pornographic magazine, printed on papyrus, men claim they read it just for the hieroglyphs. 1850 - Nudist becomes billionaire after patenting photographs of people naked. 1450 - Johannes Gutenberg invents a press capable of printing tasteful centerfolds. 1968 - Blind porn is introduced, requiring the sight disadvantaged to keep both hands busy. 1971 - The first porno on VFHS is filmed, shows a mustachioed man cumming into a steaming bowl of macaroni and cheese. 1994 - First porn site developed, shows pictures of ASCII boobs: (.)(.) 2012 - The largest blind porn site, Blindfold, was shutdown by the FBI.
Today's featured eyesore picture M. K. Gandhi (Sylvester Stallone) is a former member of an elite United States Army Special Forces unit, and was awarded a Medal of Honor for his service in the Zulu War. Gandhi - First Blood tells the tale of his reintergration into society as well as his involvement within the Indian independence movement. A touching and heartfelt movie for all the family. Image credit: Mhaille View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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