Babel:Pathos

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Bill Clinton.jpg

Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

Lies Did you Know?

Pigpen.PNG
  • ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
Peter Griffin.jpg
  • ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
  • ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Pigpen.PNG
  • ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
Peter Griffin.jpg
  • ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
  • ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Pigpen.PNG
  • ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
Peter Griffin.jpg
  • ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured)
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
  • ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
  • ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Pigpen.PNG
  • ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

Lies recently told In the news

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein FilesWar Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert MuellerTransgender self-identity in India • Mr. StricklandC.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud AhmadinejadAtlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • SoraTiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

On this day nothing happened...

Taaaaaaaaaaaax.... cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts...

April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)

Today's featured eyesore picture

Uncyclopedia's patron, Oscar Wilde, dropping the truth on you bitches.
Exodus 32:
15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.
16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron.
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Recent Articles that are all crappy


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Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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