Today's featured article
|
|
Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
|
Did you know...
|
- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
|
|
In the news
|
|
|
On this day...
|
March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
|
|
