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The Poo Lit Surprise winners have been announced! Thanks to everyone who participated.

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God (who also goes by the aliases Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Jah, Adonai and Elohim to evade debt collectors) is the Supreme Being of three major faiths, and a few dozen sex cults. His preferred pronoun is THE LORD, but He will also settle for He. He is perhaps best known for creating all of existence, with the exception of Himself, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, the Inca Empire, Bigfoot, and devil's food cake.

God is burdened with the unfathomable responsibility of sustaining the vital equilibria that allow life to continue, such as answering prayers, committing genocide, committing mass infanticide, starting wars, ending wars and making stars twinkle. Despite this responsibility, God Himself shoehorns these important tasks into the corner whenever an important sports game or horse race is on, as He is the universe's most notorious compulsive gambler. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

*... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?

... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?

... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?

... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

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In the news
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured) NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 18: Dependence Day (Canada) 1485 - A conductor accidentally invents jazz music when the orchestra's metronome goes on the fritz. 1524 - The world's first Spanish restaurant is founded by Hernán Cortéz in Tenochtitlan. 1958 - The Supreme Court of the United States bans poetry and evicts all known poets from the country. 1972 - First state laws mandating public toilets passed in Texas. In protest, Texans urinate in public. 1983 - A suicide plumber floods the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon. 2002 - The internet is officially declared "useless and beyond redemption" by the Norwegian military. 2007 - The same orchestra who played jazz band music in 1485 faces the horror of Cole Porter's "Anything Goes." View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Chairman Meow

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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