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Today's featured fatty The brewing and consumption of English beer, or "Warm piss water" as it is known in Britain, is a sure sign that the typically polite, warmhearted, and fairly intelligent limey that you see before you is, in actuality, either a raging alcoholic or a person of such rare gastric fortitude and mental deficiency that the entire Isle could sink beneath them and they'd laugh about it for days. The mystery of why pub dwellers drink this swill has confused the gentry for centuries. Nowadays the English cannot afford refrigerators to chill their beer, as they spend their meager salaries on nicotine, sugar, Chinese trinkets, burberry hats (see chavs), and the latest fashions from India. But since the invention of refrigeration is historically recent, and certainly doesn't explain why Brits first began to down the dreary suds, a brief look into the fog of history may provide answers. (Full article...) Recently featured: Uncyclopedia Gold Colin Kaepernick HowTo:Become the President of the United States Rachel Zegler Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it? ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny? ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?	In the news Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured) MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 On this day... May 21: Appreciation Appreciation Day 1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out. 1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox. 1874 - Husbands in New York walk to New Jersey to drink away from the prying eyes of their teetotaler wives. 1989 - Patrick Bateman beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night. 1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st to be Appreciation Appreciation Day, to appreciate all the appreciation going on in the world. 2004 - Che Guevara comes out of hiding after faking his death, is surprisingly cool with having his face sold on T-shirts. (Pictured) 2011 - God takes a quick nap, people breath a little easier for a few hours without God to give people shame.
Today's fattiest picture In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market. Image credit: Kharpert View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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