User:Uncyclopedian/refat

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Today's featured fatty The velociraptor is a pickup-truck-sized bipedal carnivore with an extended stiffened tail, distinguished from other dromaeosaurids by its long, low skull and upturned snout. It bears a sickle-shaped claw, typical of dromaeosaurid and troodontid dinosaurs, measuring up to 67 millimeters (2.6 inches) around its outer edge. Velociraptors are commonly found on tropical islands turned millionaire amusement parks but, due to global warming and some unexpected disasters on said island, they are now being seen all over the world. Velociraptors are known for their highly coordinated packs and unusual intelligence, as evidenced by their nearly successful attempts to destroy humanity (Y2K and 2012) and the fact that they can open doors seemingly effortlessly. (Full article...) Recently featured: Velociraptor Road Rage HowTo:Burn Your Friend's House Down UnPoetia:The Poop Sonnets Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?	In the news One simply cannot piss until he scans this. Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured) BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol • Mark Sanchez's career and freedom On this day... October 10: Not-for-turning Day, International Day of No Underwear 1582 - Pope Gregory XIII implements the Gregorian calendar. While not wearing any underwear. Pope Gregory announced that turning is immoral. 1807 - Canada defeats The Pirate Nation in the Canadian-Pirate War. Canada turns a new leaf even though they're not supposed to turn... 1815 - Napoleon I of France begins his exile on St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. He forgets to pack any underwear. When it was his turn to attack, he refused, stating his famous cathphrase, "Turning will give you herpes." 1980 - Margaret Thatcher declares that she is not for turning, despite the best attempts of pro-turning lobbyists. 1995 - Underwear outlawed in Paris. Riots ensue. Jim Morrision turns in his grave.
Today's fattiest picture Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating. Image credit: Bonjo Nelson View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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