Buffalo Bill

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Buffalo Bill in his finer days.

Buffalo Bill was an American Buffalo Soldier Civil War re-enactment mascot wannabe and showman. He was born in Cody, Wyoming in the early 21st century, and was one of the least colourful figures of the New Old West, being generally brown in colour, overall. He was famous for goring cowboys and clowns in rodeos. His favorite hobby was dancing naked in front of a video camera, and asking it, "Would you fuck me?", and playing with his poodle, Precious.

Career and origins of nickname[edit | edit source]

Buffalo Bill earned his nickname by kicking cowboys and rodeo clowns named Bill at rodeos in the New Old West. In an arena setting with a dozen cowboys Buffalo Bill unerringly kicked either only cowboys named Bill, or cowboys named Bill first, or other cowboys if there were no cowboys named Bill, and, more than half the time, cowboys who weren't named Bill even when cowboys named Bill were present. Buffalo Bill would sometimes elect to kick cowboys who knew cowboys named Bill, and after receiving his nickname Buffalo Bill started kicking cowboys in the arena who were in the arena with a buffalo named Bill. Buffalo Bill's uncanny abillity to selected cowboys named Bill, cowboys who knew cowboys named Bill, cowboys not named Bill, or cowboys in the ring with a buffalo named Bill, for first kicks is now a well-studied phenom.

Bison hunting[edit | edit source]

Buffalo Bill Cody killed over a hundred animals at a single stand and many thousands in his life. Many observers claim that he 'was the bravest and best hunter America had ever seen'. It's been said that 'he could just as easliy have hunted cows, he was simply that kind of man.'

Cows, remain even at this day, one of the utmost secluded and demanding game animals on any ranch.

In a historic light[edit | edit source]

Historians claim that it was this type of senseless killing and completely wasteful hunting (the meat was left to rot on the prarie) that brought the species to the brick of extinction during the last century, but that's A LIE, A DESPICABLE LIE!!! Sometimes when Buffalo Bill was out shooting buffaloes he let any available photographer take photos, so one could hardly call that a COMPLETELY wasteful!!??!

Retirement from show business[edit | edit source]

After his retirement, Buffalo Bill served briefly as mayor of Buffalo, New York, and generally spent his days eating and laying large steaming brown piles of shit, known in the vernacular as "buffalo patties," or in the close encounter as "Ah, fuck!" Buffalo Bill eventually transmogrified into buffalo patties to be sold at a trailer grill in a National Historic Register Site in Colorado, and buffalo wings at a nearby sports bar.

Cultural relevance[edit | edit source]

Buffalo Bill looked a lot like the picture of the buffalo on the nickel and a lot like Bill Clinton, who preferred higher fat cow patties to lower fat buffalo patties (the post-humous patties, that is).

The Lotion[edit | edit source]

Buffalo Bill puts the lotion on its skin.

See also[edit | edit source]