Portal:History

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The History Portal
Did Hitler build the pyramids?

The History of the World is the history of humanity from the earliest times to the present, in all places on Earth. Or in short, it's all about stuff that happened while there was someone around smart enough to notice that stuff was happening. At first they were iletterite, and passed their memories on using oral tradition, which disappointingly does not relate to the transference of information via oral sex.

Finally someone worked out how to read, and someone else worked out how to write, and recorded history was then born. History can also come from other sources such as archaeology, which involves digging stuff up and making up stories about it. Despite this being a recognised field of science, it is not suggested that you dig up deceased relatives and give them personalities created from your own psychosis.

Human history starts back with the early Stone Age–or the Paleolithic–known as such as that was the time mankind started using stone tools, not because they were regularly stoned. That had to wait until the Neolithic Era and the invention of agriculture (and beer!), thence the invention of animal husbandry. (See more...)

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The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905 was an especially good sandwich. High in cholesterol and known to cause cancer, maybe, but really quite delicious. Sandwich connoisseurs, if they still existed, would all agree that it surpassed all other sandwiches of its type and, indeed, probably surpassed most other varieties of sandwich. Alas, the night the sandwich was presented, that of October 14, 1905, marked the end of the noble tradition of sandwich connoisseuring, a great loss to the world of international snobbery.

The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich was built in four stages, starting exactly one year before the sandwich was to be revealed to the public. These stages were in themselves very momentous events, making headlines across the world and affecting the stock market in ways grossly out of proportion to their material significance. An international team of chefs, highly specialized in the craft of sandwich-making, was assembled from over 250 countries; an absurdly large figure, given the fact that there are less than two hundred countries in the world. (See more...)

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A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps.
Image by One-eyed_Jack
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Hatshepsut (/hætˈʃɛpsʊt/; also Hatchepsut; meaning Foremost of Noble Ladies; 1508–1458 BC) was the first woman to become pharaoh in Ancient Egypt. She stood at about eight and half feet tall in very high heels, which was comparatively short in the early fifteenth century B.C.E.

Hatshepsut was the only daughter of King Tuthmoses I, pharaoh of Egypt, Lord of the Nile and Master of Ceremonies at the Giza Souvenir Gift Shop. Tuthmoses fell out with the local priests in Memphis over their excessive worship of El-vis and so moved to Thebes in the Deep South of Egypt where crocodile wrestling was still the main cultural event on a Saturday night. The new capital suited 'Tutty' where he had built a large temple with a porch and papyrus decking where he would sit for hours in his sarong, whistling and scratching an extended royal belly. Like all good Southerners, Hatshepsut was expected to marry into her own family - in this case her half-brother Tuthmoses Junior. (See more...)

Did You Know?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ... that Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, was famous for his brilliant strategy of firing where the enemy ship will be, rather than where it is?
  • ... that Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of the Little House on the Prarie books, attempted to assassinate Franklin D. Roosevelt via a poisoned turnip?
  • ... that Humphrey Bogart was known for playing "hard-boiled" detectives, known for their milky white skin and round, corpulent figures?
This Day in History
"It was the cow who ate it!" There

January 12: Politically Incorrect Bedtime Stories Day

  • 1528 - King Gustav I of Sweden, after a Danish armchair of his breaks after only two hours of use, declares that all furniture sold outside of Sweden must be sold unassembled.
  • 1907 - A baby Sergei Korolev, Soviet rocket scientist, is found hidden inside a stalk of corn by a poor farmer.
  • 1966 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares America must stay in Vietnam till that whole Communism fad blows off.
  • 1981 - The NAACP removes the "I have black friends who are okay with it" loophole for people without N-Word privileges, twenty-something white dudes riot.
  • 2010 - An earthquake in Haiti kills over 100,000 people, wait, you already forgot about it? That's cold. I don't even think you donated.
  • 2015 - Eighty-nine year old comedian Boz "Yellowface" Trillman cancels his long belated comeback after uproar at a joke about the differently abled.
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