Portal:History

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The History Portal
Did Hitler build the pyramids?

The History of the World is the history of humanity from the earliest times to the present, in all places on Earth. Or in short, it's all about stuff that happened while there was someone around smart enough to notice that stuff was happening. At first they were iletterite, and passed their memories on using oral tradition, which disappointingly does not relate to the transference of information via oral sex.

Finally someone worked out how to read, and someone else worked out how to write, and recorded history was then born. History can also come from other sources such as archaeology, which involves digging stuff up and making up stories about it. Despite this being a recognised field of science, it is not suggested that you dig up deceased relatives and give them personalities created from your own psychosis.

Human history starts back with the early Stone Age–or the Paleolithic–known as such as that was the time mankind started using stone tools, not because they were regularly stoned. That had to wait until the Neolithic Era and the invention of agriculture (and beer!), thence the invention of animal husbandry. (See more...)

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The Russo-Japanese War, as its name implies, was a conflict fought between the Russian Empire and the Empire of Japan. As its name doesn’t imply, most of the fighting took place in Manchuria and on the Korean peninsula, much to the distaste of the people living there at the time. Hostilities began on February 10th 1904, and lasted until September of 1905, with the budding Japanese Empire emerging victorious. Indeed, Russia’s army of conscripted peasants armed with bolt-action rifles and empty vodka bottles proved wholly ineffective against Japan’s numerous cyborg ninjas and fleet of giant robots piloted by angsty fourteen-year-olds, resulting in the Russian forces being completely routed at every single major engagement of the war.

Though the Russo-Japanese War is largely forgotten today, its importance should not be overlooked. Japan’s resounding defeat of the Russian Empire led to a power shift in Eastern Asia, resulting in Japan’s ultimate recognition by the world community as an imperial power just as corrupt and oppressive as those of the West. Russia’s tremendous loss of life, material, territory and international prestige, meanwhile, set an important precedent in the way Russia would fight all of its future wars.

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Socrates, known Jedi Master, was known for his verbal and lightsaber battles with his once-pupil, Darth Plato.
Image by Xiao Li
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Attila the Hun (?410-453) (Ukrainian: Гатило, Hatylo), a short killer with a short and easily remembered name, has retained his notoriety as one of the bloodiest mass murderers in history. He made men shit in their togas, bar the doors to churches and look up to heaven for help. To the historians of that era he was Satan's Little Helper, evil in a sheepskin coat, man who sharpened his teeth into points and enjoyed his fearsome reputation that people paid him wagons loads of booty not to kill them.

So what was Attila the Hun really like? Is he just a misunderstood leader of a displaced mass of people, unjustly labelled 'barbarian' and 'hideous' by the writers and chroniclers of the time?? Is it time for a reappraisal and 'Hug a Hun' instead??? Now we can unpeel the bloody legends surrounding Attila. Step in front of the mirror Mr Hun and have a good look at yourself. (Gok Wan..are you reading this?)

In Hungary, Attila is a national hero. He was the gut slasher of a corrupt Roman Empire that needed a thorough wash through to create the modern Europe. An anti-elitist warrior who broke the Dominate of Rome. Was therefore Attila a philanthropist, a vicious one?

Did You Know?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
This Day in History
An exhibit of internet spam before the invention of adblockers

February 22: International Day of Spam

  • 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha.
  • 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists.
  • 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you.
  • 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks.
  • 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals.
  • 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow.
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