Babel:An

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Today's featured propaganda

Deckchair01.jpg

Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Captainautofellatiocover.png
  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
Commie eats children.gif
  • ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that you've just lost the game?
  • ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
Captainautofellatiocover.png
  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
Commie eats children.gif
  • ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that you've just lost the game?
  • ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
Captainautofellatiocover.png
  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
  • ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?

In the news

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On this day...

"I'm starving, wanna go to Little Caesars?"

March 15: Julius Caesar's Deathday

Today's featured picture

Bad News soup
Just when you thought hospital food couldn't get any worse...

Image credit: Doug
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Recent Articles


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

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WANTED
Name: Bradaphraser (sometimes uses aliases "Bradley" or "Bradafag")
Crimes: hatred of the white peoples of the world, denial of free speech to said peoples, rogue punchlines, and your mother is a whore
Reward for information regarding the accused: Cherry Cake
Contact: prussianblue@yahoo.com


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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.


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