Babel:Nk

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로동신문에 오신 것을 환영합네다! the official party-controlled newspaper of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

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Today's Party Column


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God (born God Cohen in 4004 BC in Liverpool, England) is one of the most famous and prolific musicians in the Western world. Though he recorded under the name God during his early career, a contractual dispute with his former label led him to change his recording name to YHVH. Due to YHVH being an unpronounceable set of consonants, he is most often referred to as "The Artist Formerly Known as God," "TAFKAG," or simply "The Artist." Throughout his career he has embraced many styles of music and is cited as an influence by a wide array of current artists. (Full article...)

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Our glorious history

Always Kills Governments, Always!

December 30: Last Chance To Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day

  • 4004 BC - God remembers to create the Earth. Oh, and everything else, too. Except for sliced bread.
  • 4 BC - Emperor Augustus remembers he was gonna have a census this year! Having missed his opportunity, he proclaims, "Let there be a day upon which all things previously contemplated throughout the last year finally be at once accomplished! Except for tomorrow. But shhhh!" Thus, the "Last Chance To Do All The Things You Wanted To Do This Year Day" was inaugurated.
  • 1037 - King Arthur loses the holy grail to Nigerian timeshare scammers, crusades ensue.
  • 1999 - Procrastinators think about preparing for the Y2K bug, but put it off until December 31.
  • 2002 - Saddam Hussein realises he forgot to send George Bush a Christmas card.
  • 2004 - Weren't we gonna start a parady of wickerpedialyte? Yeah? Shit! Better luck next year.
  • 2005 - Forget it! If it ain't done, wait 'til next year.
  • 2006 - Saddam Hussein executed for forgetting to send Bush a Christmas card. Again.
  • 2012 - The Mayans remember to end the world with a BANG!


Complete, fully accessible party archives

Today's hangul word is
procrastination
Use this word to awe your enemies.

Today in the DPRK


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Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 3 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as PrinceRich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirementBills Mafia shitting themselves after losing the division to the Patsies due to a terrible kicker

Recent deaths: Doug DimmadomeZed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions' and Indianapolis Colts' seasons • Rob ReinerBowen Yang's tenure on SNLPatrick Mahomes' backup's ACL

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • Pittsburgh Steelers' season • Weed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCardDick van Dyke, eventually • 2025Stranger Things


Rodong Sinmun, page 2


It is an irreputable fact...

  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?

You cannot deny...[edit source]

  • ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?


More wisdom

Party members of the month

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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