User talk:RabbiTechnoArchive9

You're welcome!

/Me draws genitals on your userpage to celebrate/    Orian57    Talk   17:34 5 August 2009

There'll always be room for genitals on my page, my dear... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:36, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

/Me starts taking pictures of said grafitti and then pins them to the wall/    Orian57    Talk   17:38 5 August 2009

Any more and it'll look like an Aubrey Beardsley exhibition. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:39, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

/Me starts taking pictures of the pictures and then starts to pin them to your wall in the shape of other genitals/ Ok I'll stop now. Aubrey sounds like an important name and I don't want to be treading on any toes.    Orian57    Talk   17:41 5 August 2009

He weighed about six stone, being a somewhat camp and effeminate Victorian artist. The average six year old would have had him no problem in a fight. What's more, he's been dead since 1897 (which actually counted as quite a dramatic improvement in his health) so you have little to fear. :-) – Preceding unsigned comment added by RabbiTechno (talk • contribs) on your own talk page too!

Oh Cool. /Me starts taking pictures that are of pictuers of pictures of genitls.../    Orian57    Talk   17:51 5 August 2009

Genitls looks peculiarly Yiddish... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:59, 5 August 2009 (UTC) (happy now?)

You're welcome!

That article always makes me chuckle and, yeah, you're right, looks like we could have a Zionist hat-trick--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 10:08, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Art Portal

On the off chance that you can use it for your Portal - Guide to a Postmodernist Art Exhibition. Okay, I could probably include it myself, but I'm more than happy for someone else to do the leg work on this one. Also it's up for a PEE review if you feel that way inclined. Pup t 12:29, 9/08/2009

My attempt...

I've brushed up on our unregistered user's page that was ICU'ed. Silly Session, I liked the Idea but you were right, it was too much like a list. anything else I can do let me know, unregistered users can come create one article then abandon the site, never to be seen or heard from again. alot of the articles like that tend to get deleted, however, I saw potential in this article. --Soviet Butt Munch Hissy Tantrum 22:36, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

All looks good to me - well done. You're quite right about IP users - they often find the site, write something half-hearted (and frequently half-witted) and then vanish off into the Internet ether forever. Also, you're right in saying Silly Session had some potential - it's good to see ICU succeeding for one, ie; the tag is placed on an article that's not entirely devoid of point and somebody taking note and knocking it into shape. Are you up to the task of sorting out the spelling - there's not a huge number of errors, but examples include borring, untisels and a couple of others? The capitalisation could do with a few adjustments here and there too. Neither is crucial - if we worried too much about spellings on Uncyclopedia we'd get so caught up in it we'd never get anything else done, but if you want to do more for this article that'd be worth the effort. Any ideas for pictures? I haven't played a computer game since about 1983, so I know nothing about the subject and as a result am not the best person to find images. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

I run a sixteen hardrive mainframe I wrote the article Cargio MF, that's my operating system. I don't use it to play games more than I use it to write my novel I'm writing. The last game I played was Fallout 3 with the dinner blaster mod. Quite an annoying mod, but worth it. you shoot boxes of Munf Munf, and also Roast beef, bannanas, and Toast. It's useless because it does no damage, but like i said, totally worth it.--Soviet Butt Munch Hissy Tantrum 13:20, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

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9001(bot)  21:05, Aug 18

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Ooh. When are you due? What do you mean you're not pregnant. Are you sure? Maybe you just haven't found out yet.
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
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9001(bot)  11:15, Aug 24

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:50, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Randomber 9th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular At 12:04 p.m., homotopies modeled an electrified mocha chinchilla. While holster was destroying, a monorail suddenly broken. Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Hand Grenade is not your friend. Dick Trickle freezes person with a shotgun! Pixie pilots an attorney! POKÉMON' MORGAN TSVANGIRAI'! Really, swallow pilots fondue forks! Did the pastor stir... ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business? Equally important, 1885 Thurs. 59 BC fresher Serpent People I like your shoes fortes fortuna adiuvat an arcsine Alyssa Borg Sikh riot crossbow 1986 out Pyrex a maid amplifier crossbow Jedi. HATE HATE HAT!!!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! rec room. to dissinegrate.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #A42676 box Eat that, butt fuckers! Random colour! Hahaha!

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Absolutely not, please think of the Dec. rifles! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:06, 7 September 2009

Oh, I didn't know how to message other people

But I guess this works? Thanks for helping me spell "Left 4 Dead Sequels" correctly. I didn't really know how. Can you help me out on it? It was my first article, and I need a little help. Thanks, -Gl1tch

No probs. Leave messages on people's talkpages though, rather than on their userpages or - as was the case in this instance - your queries/comments/abuse might not get noticed for ages or indeed not at all. It seems the article has been deleted, but don't take it to heart - many first articles suffer a similar fate (mine certainly did), and UnderUser (the admin who deleted it) pointed out that you'll be able to get a copy of it back allowing you to work on it some more if you ask him. If you want to do that, I'll show you how to create a userspace page for it where it won't be touched by anyone until you're done with it and can move it back out onto the website (plus help you complete it if you want). One final thing - sign your posts on talkpages etc. with four tildes: that's these things ~~~~, which will add your name, timestamp and links to your user and talkpages. :- Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:40, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Arch Enemy

Okay,i've sorted out the pics, and added some stuff, now, you can do anything to it, but, please, DON'T delete it! i wanna keep at least one motherfucking article on this motherfucking Uncyclopedia!!! – Preceding unsigned comment added by 189.25.20.214 (talk • contribs)

Looks ok to me - as far as I'm concerned you can remove the ICU tag now if you wish. Oh, and I wouldn't have been able to delete it anyway - just report/recommend it for deletion, which I wouldn't have done since you created the article sincerely and were obviously planning on doing more with it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:27, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

Who Invented Foxes?

I just wanted you to know. Just saw post a comment on someone's user page about http://www.whoinventedfoxes.com Great quotes. I'll be spreading this one around. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:43, September 14, 2009 (UTC)

I second that motion. "Why can't I see my reflection in a mirror that's on television". That's awsome.    Orian57    Talk   20:04 14 September 2009

Thankyou both - do feel free to spread the word as far and as wide as possible! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:01, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:07, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

So!

When do you have time to start working on the Jewish Cuisine thingy? ~ 07:44, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, any time really. You got any ideas for it? Other than a few jokes about chopped liver stolen from last week's Jewish Chronicle newspaper and the usual stuff re. matzah overconsumption I haven't thought of much. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:47, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

...By which I mean I stole the jokes from the JC. Armed robbers did not burst into their offices last week and steal all their chopped liver. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:52, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living

UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots By Gerrycheevers This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings: Sternensteinenstienenstern (2-0) The Stoners (2-0) John Curry’s Angles (2-0) Domestic Violence (2-0) Sun Chips (0-2) Oklahoma City Bombing (0-2) DeGrasse Goes to Vegas (0-2) The Loserz (0-2)

Check out these pages! The Pay-Per-View Event of the Fortnight! Here. Have a page with so many pictures, it takes forever to load. You're welcome. Urination, small furry rodents, and why Modus has another court date Tuesday. From our logs: 16:19, September 20, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.235.107.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Stop being a pain in my tender place) 18:52, September 21, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Arse bandit (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(Your ban time is six months. I'll give you 10 dollars if you can hold your breath the entire time.) 14:53, September 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.17.99.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(oi, no blanking, no stupid redirecting, no crappy pages about people we don't care about, and no ugly nerds. you fail on all counts.) 11:57, September 24, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Abdul321 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Lebanon is a little Kiosk between Israel and Syria. Get over it.) Biopic of the Week Bouncing back and forth between Uncyclopedia and Illogicopedia has been Hindleyite's specialty for some time now. With his in-depth reports on traffic laws, street crime, and sports officiating video games, this banana-eating ite from Hindley is sure to keep Uncyclopedians on their toes for a long time to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Henchmen are an essential part of any mastermind super-villian's overall business portfolio. Generally, success in plans of world domination, protagonist death, and damsel distress have success ratios directly correlated to the number, competence, and, to a lesser extent, wardrobe snappiness of a bad guy's henchmen. Pointless Nostalgia of the Week We miss when Cajek and Skull would write for the UnSignpost. Those 4+ issues they churned out were golden. You'd be reading and then - all of a sudden - WHAM, a joke would hit you, and Cajek would be all like, "oh my god, it was so dark, and i didn't see him, and he just jumped out in front of me!" Really Small Box That Takes Up Just Enough Space To Even Out Both Sides of This Issue of the UnSignpost of the Week, Because Symmetry Looks Nice Believe it or not, the one above this one.

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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:24, September 26, 2009 (UTC)

Clip on tie

I've rewritten Clip-on tie (which really should be Clip-on tie), leaving nothing except the photograph. Recommend it can now leave Intensive Care, unless your reason for leaving the detailed instructions at the end of the article was to develop the skills of the original author. --SpikeFromNH 14:03, September 27, 2009 (UTC)

And it has immediately been sent back to Intensive Care by User:THEDUDEMAN (whose log indicates that nominating pages for ICU and VFD is about all he does). There is no accounting for tastes, but if my rewrite is that much worse, I need to learn why. --SpikeFromNH 16:38, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Sorry to hear that. However The Dude Man is an experienced Uncyclopedian who has written some good stuff - if you ask him, I don't doubt for even one second that he'll be more than happy to tell you why he replaced the ICU which is a handy way to find ways of improving an article. Good luck with it - Uncyclopedia's quite a friendly place really, there's always plenty of people who will be happy to help you if you ask them. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:42, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the reply; I looked more closely and saw that he was just complaining about the formatting rather than the overall quality. Have added a See Also section (the third section, causing a Table of Contents) and perhaps it looks more conventional now. I'll inform him as well. --SpikeFromNH 18:55, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Doesn't look too bad to me, though it might be an idea to add a bit more - I have no idea what you could add, though, clip-on ties are perhaps not the most comedically-inspiring subject in this world. Maybe a paragraph on people who wear them, which would give you an opportunity to poke fun at various stereotypes (ie; nerds, geeks, bankers, science teachers and the like)? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:15, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

Have just had a round-trip with User:THEDUDEMAN and the page formatting should now be sufficiently conventional. There is already a little stereotyping of users of clip-on ties in the first section. Thanks again for your advice. --SpikeFromNH 01:47, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Looking a lot better now. Hope you'll be improving some other articles - there's a lot that could do with the magic touch! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:38, September 30, 2009 (UTC)

Po

Can you save it again as a Jpg? I'm trying to simplificate this mess into a single mess so that I can feature the mess, unmessily, and the system won't let me move files of differing types. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:21, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

'Tis done, and on your talkpage. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:45, October 1, 2009 (UTC)

Apologies Rabbi!

Haven't given up on the cuisine article, was really really busy. Sorry `bout that. Also, happy Sukkot! ~ 14:34, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Me neither - had quite a bit to do this week as well, so I haven't added anything for a few days - also been working on a top secret new recipe inspired by the article! Was just thinking I'd better send Sukkot greetings, you've beaten me to it. So - built a sukkah? Bit tricky for me - we live in a third floor apartment without a balcony, and if you build one anywhere in England except for on private, secure land it's liable to get commandeered by ASBO'd chavs looking for a dry(ish) place to smoke crack. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:40, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!

Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness By Gerrycheevers The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia.

Check out these pages! Features and Self-Loathing on Uncyclopedia An all-time Uncyclopedia mystery explained in agonzing detail Get your monthly dose of religious oppression! From our logs: 17:54, September 27, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.233.10.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Under Uncyclopedia emergency act (1976) I hereby revoke your editing priveleges) 20:55, September 27, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.166.95.119 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (only two kinds blank Texas: steers and queers. and steers find it hard to use the internet so I guess that narrows things down a little, doesn't it?) 21:42, September 29, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.203.96.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Hates me for some reason. Even though I happen to be the nicest man who ever lived. It's true, ask Richard Nixon.) Biopic of the Week Since exploding onto the Uncyclopedia scene in 2007, MacMania has developed into a fine-tuned humor machine. His recent writing endeavors have earned him a Writer of the Month nod, and as such, he is certainly a user worthy of biopication. His current sabbatical makes UnSignpost editors sad, but perhaps a constant spamming of his userpage with pleas to return will accelerate his comeback. UnSignpost readers, away! Old School Featured Article I Can't Believe it's Not Murder is the preferred alternative of first degree murder that celebrities, famous sports stars, politicians, and otherwise prominent individuals take advantage of in courts of law. It is similar to being found guilty of first degree murder, though this version avoids the undesirable consequences such as jail time, fines, probation, and the unsightly community service. Random Thought of the Week Dippin' Dots have been the ice cream of the future for like ten years. Shouldn't they be the ice cream of the present by now?

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Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:24, October 5, 2009 (UTC)

Siam Sith Empire

Can You make this article funny i need your help. --DarkABC (talk) 11:43 4 October 2009 (UTC)

Spooky - you left this message at almost the exact same time I left one on your own talkpage. I know absolutely nothing about either Siam (other than liking Siamese cats) and even less about the Sith (I've never seen any of the Star Wars films) so I don't know how much help I can offer. I'll have a look at the article again, though, and see what I can do with regard to the text. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:47, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Assholes never die

Yes, I'm back and I'm going to try and stick around more. We've been having a pretty bad time of things in the last year or so, and I've been feeling too down to do much of anything. I even did an UnNews audio. Hopefully my increased participation will be therapeutic. Thanks for the note, nice to know I'm liked by the likes of you. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:00, October 12, 2009 (UTC)

Add image to some article and upload new image

can you add Image in Tolui Khan and Siam Sith Empire,Upload new Image in Siam Sith Empire,Tolui Khan and Suryvarman II if you tell me about upload and image in some article thank you. --DarkABC (talk) 9:33 13 October 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea of what you'd like to add. However, it's easy for you to add them. Select your picture and save it on your computer, then click the Upload Image link on the left of your screen and follow the instructions - use jpegs to save server space. When you want to add it to your page, use this code [[File:NAMEOFIMAGE.jpg|thumb|200px|CAPTION]]. By changing the figure beore px, you can alter the image's size and by writing left| after 200px| you can make the image appear on the left of the page rather than on the right. If that's not quite the answer to what you were asking me - of if you want to ask anything else - you know where I am. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:15, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

How to Upload New Image

I try to upload ten time but failed all time i can't do.but how did I put Summary,Source filename,Destination filename,Licensing.how ican upload suceesful if you ask me about upload.

User:DarkABC 10:48PM, October 14, 2009 (UTC)

Right, let's have a look and I'll try to guide you through the process. First, find the image you want to upload and save it to your computer (Desktop or My Pictures is the usual place in which to store images).

• Click "Upload Image."
• Note the permitted file types - most of the common image files are permissable with the exception of bitmaps (.bmp) because they're large and take up a lot of server space. You'll need to make sure yours is one of the permitted ones, such as .jpg or .png. If it isn't, use Photoshop or whichever image editing software you have to convert it into one of the permitted types (it'll give you various options when you save the image).
• Click "Browse," which is next to the "Source Filename" box and find the image on your computer. I'm using one called upload0001.jpg as an example. Once you've found it, double-click on it and the name will appear in the "Source Filename" box along with a shorter version in the "Destination Filename" box.
• Add a short description of what the image is and why you're adding it to the "Summary" box. There's no need for detail - something like "Image for Siam-Sith Empire article" will be fine.
• Don't worry about the "Licensing" box - in most cases, people have no idea of what license any image they upload is used under anyway.
• If there's already an image with the same name, a warning will appear. Check the existing image, as it'll often be a duplicate of the one you're trying to upload. If it's different, change the name of yours otherwise yours will appear in place of the existing one (and will probably be out of context in any articles it appears within, which woun't make you very popular).
• Click "Upload File" and wait to be taken to the image. The one I've used is now [1] here.

Here it is!

• It's easiest to copy and paste the image title when you want to use it - for example, I've copied and pasted the name of the one I've used as an example into this code - [[File:Upload0001.jpg|thumb|100px|Here it is!]]. If I then use that code, the image will appear as it has done to the right of this text.

Hopefully, that'll work for you. If not, feel free to ask me again and we'll see if we can find the problem. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:43, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

I also threw this page about uploading images a little while ago for someone who was asking the same question. It's there is you want it. Pup t 23:50, 15/10/2009

The Land Before Time

This article is finnished. I should have made that clear. I may come up with more ideas though. And, this page is probably worse off anyway. Thanks. Hypnotizinghypnosis 19:44, October 15, 2009 (UTC)

Nope, it's better. Hypnotizinghypnosis 15:16, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sometime October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

The End is Nigh... Once Again By The Sockinator Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings: Domestic Team Name (4-0) Sternensteinenstine (3-1) John Curry All-Stars (3-1) The Dudes (3-1) Oklahoma City Storm (2-2) Dibiase’s Millions (1-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (0-4) The Winnerz (0-4)

Whatever you do, don't check out these pages! Polls, sexiness, and advertisements Terrifying stories of the one-armed man! Pointless numbers From our logs: 08:02, October 5, 2009 Under user blocked RAHB with an expiry time of 123 seconds ‎ (surprising me by returning like that: my doctor says surprises are bad for other people's hearts - because every time I get surprised, I eat someone's heart.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB blocked Dwarfman1122 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 04:46, October 11, 2009 Modusoperandi blocked 75.47.155.133 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'd give you a longer ban, but you were only picking on Roman Dog Bird) Biopic of the Week The sentient computer HAL 9000, while having only very few contributions on Uncyclopedia—and of a rather questionable nature at that, if I may add—has recently risen to Uncyc fame in what can only be described as one big conspiracy. In response to a question asked by one of our reporters, HAL answered "Let me put it this way, Mr. Sockinator. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error." In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL proved to be a computer very much capable of homicidal acts. Until recently, Uncyclopedia had been successful in evading HAL's detection. Yesterday night however, HAL hacked our beloved Main Page and transformed the wiki into HALopedia. HAL was confronted with many bewildered users to whom he proclaimed "I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over." Our experts are still trying to find out how the feck HAL was able to find this place. Though MrN9000 probably had nothing to do with it. For more information, tune in next week. Same un-time, same un-signpost! Random Cajek sighting of the Week Yea, verily, he did come unto us and delivereth a new article. Then he updatedeth his userpage, and fuckethed offeth again. These are enlightened times, my friends! Random Thought of The Week Remember when Uncyclopedia was full of vanity and Pokemon? Wait, it still is. Emergency of the Week Well, lots of things go wrong in Uncyclopedia. It's a simple fact of life. And this week, believe it or not, dear reader, this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make the cut! But do not despair, dear reader, because you can help! Just post any suggestions in the Press Room, and with your help, we can overcome this crisis!

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9001(bot)  01:24, Oct 16

How about Check before Upload

Often I check but can't work how can I check before upload is corrupt file and reupload how to check upload sucessful. DarkABC 3:37PM Oct 16 2009 (UTC)

You'll know the upload has been successful because your browser will show the image's page. If the image is corrupt, I can only assume it's a problem with your computer seeing as how you've tried several different images. Have you tried following POTR's instructions? Failing that, is the image available online elsewhere? If so, give me the url and I'll see if I can upload it for you. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:45, October 16, 2009 (UTC)

Are you a super hero?

I don't know why I didn't think of this before and I hope you aren't offended by this. For a roleplaying game, a friend and I made a superhero robot who insisted he was Jewish (he had a metal yarmulke that was attached to his head). It may have had something to do with our gamemaster being Jewish. Im any case, it occurs to me he could have been named RabbiTechno. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:38, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Not as far as I know. However, it could well be the case that I am yet have failed to recognise the fact. Perhaps, one day, I shall observe an evil wrong-doer involved in some nefarious activity and in response will suddenly transform from a mild-mannered Jew into some sort of crime-fighting SuperJew. Could happen... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 07:19, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

It just occurred to me, an unBooks article about a SuperJew could be pretty komish. (I hope I'm using that word right--I'm covered in goyness). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  14:32, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Komish in fact the correct word and means funny, as you evidentally already know. Unless, that is, you're referring to the matzoh meal and potato biscuits often baked and eaten during Pesach. I'll assume the former, because saying a potential Uncyclopedia article would be like matzoh meal and potato Pesach biscuits would just be weird and you don't seem weird to me. But anyway, I digress. That might indeed be fertile ground for di farvaylung. Let me know if you start it and I'll add it to my watchlist and quite possible let you know if I think of anything funny you might like to add to it. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:23, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

I don't feel capable of writing this myself. But I've been trying to recruit for Uncyclopedia the Gamemaster I mentioned, who is Jewish, and together we...hmm. And yes, I would definitely appreciate any suggestions you could give us. Me. Us. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  15:49, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Good good - we could do with some more Jewish writers - it seems to just be Mordillo and myself these days, the rest of them have diaspora'd off to other parts of the Net. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:01, October 17, 2009 (UTC)

Oy veh, my drek is spritzed all over this schmutter... and that's as Jewish as this goyishe gets, sorry. Pup t 00:22, 18/10/2009

Well, that'sa good bit more than I can manage since I'm a complete putz when it comes to Yiddish and can only remember a biseleh of the things my bubbe used to say (usually when she was farnoshket, so it's mostly stuff you wouldn;t say in polite company). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:47, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, let me know please. I have to go to a bah mitzvah later this year, and I need so material! On a side note, the VFH template on Baby Boomers is going to an old nomination. Do you think you could fix it? Pup t 12:02, 18/10/2009

Hmm - I'm not too sure how that can be sorted out. I think Mordillo is around, he could be the best person to ask. As for uncouth Yiddish expressions, try to talk to whoever prepares the food and refer to it as chazzerai. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:16, October 18, 2009 (UTC)

Improved in Some Article

Can you look at new article name Siam Invade Champa,,Rohan-Mordor Siam War and Battambang Dynasty to Improved like funny article about this article make Good Grammar and make like Funny. if you do this talk to me. User:DarkABC8:42, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

I'll have a look at some point, probably tomorrow. Not in quite the right frame of mind at the moment - drank too much last night. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:48, October 19, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448

Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers By Gerrycheevers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report By Electrified mocha chinchilla After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update By Guildensternenstein Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid New England Patriots Domestic Team Name blew out the hapless Tennessee Titans Winnerz by an insane 109.38 to 0 after choking down a hard loss the previous week. The ironically-named Winnerz, on the other hand, still have yet to win a game. After a lackluster showing last week, The John Curry All-Stars earned a solid win against The Dudes, unseating them of their erstwhile #1 ranking in the process. After starting the season 0-4, Cheddar’s Doritians earned their second consecutive win, albeit against the floundering Dibiase’s Millions. Finally, Sternensteinenstine resoundingly defeated Oklahoma City Storm 164.06 to 118.98 after a lackluster showing the previous week, catapulting the Nazi-run team back atop the UFFL standings. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings: Sternensteinenstine (5-1) Domestic Team Name (5-1) The Dudes (4-2) John Curry All-Stars (4-2) Oklahoma City Storm (3-3) Cheddar’s Doritians (2-4) Dibiase’s Millions (1-5) The Winnerz (0-6) IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. By Electrified mocha chinchilla Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia:Worst or Not? The Debate Rages On Free Advertisement for Jumping Ship Spreading the Good Word About New Articles From our logs: 23:04, October 9, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.90.32.102 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) 10:48, October 13, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Dwarfman1122 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Thought you wouldn't be caught, eh? Maybe now you'll think twice the next time you vandalize and then wait three weeks to be banned.) 18:27, October 13, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.120.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(Please enjoy our token Fuck the Hell Off.....) 08:10, October 15, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sudeepk9 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (wow, we are a beacon of sunshine today, aren't we?) 21:27, October 17, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(A wizard did this.) 17:36, October 19, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 72.93.168.203 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Liking Naruto and insisting we stop making fun of it. What? How is that not a reason to permanently ban someone?) Biopic of the Week Sog1970 has churned out a dozen featured articles in just a few short months, earning him a Writer of the Month nod and now, the most esteemed honor on Uncyclopedia, an UnSignpost biopic. The lack of information on his user page makes writing said biopic rather difficult, but let it be known that Sog radiates awesome. Old School Featured Article of the Week Life's Answerable Questions are a series of ponderances and queriums that have most certainly not chafed at mankind the way other, more disgustingly unanswerable questions have. For example, asking "What's new?" to a stranger will certainly elicit a less confused response than one of those other questions. You know the ones we mean. CAJEKWATCH 05:42, October 15, 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 minutes ‎(Because I saw you existing.) 01:23, October 16, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎(HOLY SHIT IT'S CAJEK HI CAJEK PS BANBANBAN LOLOLOL) 13:21, October 22, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 147 seconds ‎(I think I'm stressed, I need a release, and this is the best available on this wiki) Random Obscene Japanese Lesson "Kimi no te de boku o ikasete." means "Make me cum with your hand." "Kimi no oppai ga DEKAI yo! Ii nee." means "Your breasts are HUGE! Nice." "Omawarisan! Chikan o tsuka-mate!" means "Police! Arrest this pervert!" That should keep you little squirts happy... Reason to Leave Uncyc #387 Still no good restaurants. This Week in Uncyc, 1933 With the United States deep in a depression, the Uncyclopedia tri-weekly newsreel tried to lighten the mood by poking fun at American President Herbert Hoover and his bumbling sidekick of a Vice President, the famed Charles Curtis. Gags included, and were limited to, both individuals being hit repeatedly with rubber chickens. Mass Delusion of the Week Last week, many users claim to have had similar psychic visions of an alternate Main Page, which told them to do things in a calm, soothing voice. Such notions are of course nonsense; 7 out of the 10 members who sit on the Uncyclopedia Paranormal Activity Investigation and Acupuncture Licensing Board agree that a combination of swamp gas and Venus caused some users to hallucinate vividly, some nearly to the point of seizure. Record for Most Boxes Tied Due to the overwhelmingly large number of stories in this week's extremely humorous edition of the UnSignpost, a correspondingly overwhelmingly large number of space-wasting side boxes had to be added to cause the issue to weigh equally on both sides of reader's talk pages. As a result, the record for number of such boxes has been tied; this issue, along with the March 24th, 1983 edition, have had the most wasted space! Record Broken!!!

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9001(bot)  18:17, Oct 23

Actually

it's אוזני המן - (Ozney Haman) which are "the ears of Haman". I think Hamentachen is the Yiddish term. ~ 13:03, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

It says המן־טאַש in my cookery book, which is where I'm copying them from. It is a Yiddish cookery book, however, so I imagine you're right that this is the Yiddishe term. Do feel free to change anything I've added in Yiddish to Hebrew for the sake of consistency though, along with any errors on my behalf. I'm fairly certain I've mangled שלאָגן זיך בייגל, not least of all because "fight bagels" was the closest I could get to "fighting bagels." What little Yiddish I know comes from my bubbeh who, like most elderly ladies, preferred doing things like getting drunk and shouting at the cat to fighting so it's not a term I ever heard her use. Oh, and I have no idea of either the Yiddish or Hebrew term for feinkochen or mandelbrodt and if I try to transliterate into Yiddish I'll probably end up accidentally writing something really offensive. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:21, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

Also, I don't know the Hebrew for cholent, though in Yiddish it's טשאָלנט I believe. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:42, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 29-10-2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69

9001(bot)  01:39, Nov 3

Thing

This needs a pic, and probably more funny stuff as well. I am far too busy to be here at all, and was probably too busy to add it in the first place. I am definitely too busy to add a pic or more funny, and I'm even too busy to ask you to do it. But could you add at least a pic, please? Now, got to run - did I mention I'm busy? Sucks when you have no internet at home - not that I'm telling you anything about that, of course... --UU - natter 13:43, Nov 25

I'm about to be busy in five or so minutes too - but my curiosity is piqued, so I'll definitely have a look and see what I can come up with. No internet at home? Bloody hell...which century do you live in?! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:49, November 25, 2009 (UTC)

It's called "moving house". We'll be connected by our new provider in "two to three weeks". Every day is a constant struggle... --UU - natter 13:56, Nov 25

You have my fullest sympathies there. I moved five times in the space of two years a few years ago - utter nightmare. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:11, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Mafia?

Look at that. The translation is not brilliant, but look at the section under "mafia". ~ 12:59, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

I suppose the pun is a bit too good to not have been thought of before - Googling it comes up with over 25k results but most of them seem to be vaguely anti-semitic bullshit about how hechsher is all a big scam to force gentile consumers into paying a stealth tax that funds Jewish causes. Seriously - do they think our methods are that obvious? Since we control the world economy, media and so on, we'd hardly need to pull some minor scam like that, would we? Goyim, eh? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:13, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Indeed. They'll wake up one day, but it would be too late. Also, I will get back to the Jewish Cuisine as soon as I can, I just don't have the time right now :) ~ 13:20, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Me neither - we just got a pet ferret three days ago, so he's using up all my time. Not an especially demanding pet, but far too cute to be left alone! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:22, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

That's definitely going on that article O_O ~ 13:40, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Thoughts?

I asked this on Mordillo's talk page, but an answer from you would be just as valid. I'd just like an answer while I may still have time to do something about it, if you have time to give one - it'll only take a second. --UU - natter 12:05, Dec 2

It wouldn't offend me, or no more than it ought to at any rate, although I haven't read it yet so who knows? In saying that, all my family have lived in the UK since the late 19th century so with the exception of one aunt who had the misfortune to be living in Poland (she survived Auschwitz) I've had far less exposure to Holocaust victims than most Jewish people. Anybody whose grandparents or other elderly relatives experienced 1940s Germany might not be so happy about it, though of course from what you've said it could be construed as a comment on the atrocities carried out by the Nazis rather than anti-semitic in any way. Also, I wrote the entry last year about Jewish teenagers sniffing gas to get high (which was such bad taste I actually feel a bit bad about it and will almost certainly be going to hell) so I might not be the best person to comment on it - I don't think 'Dillo will be that bothered (especially if you do try to work in a satirical comment on the Nazis and their trivialisation of cruelty and murder), but wait and see what he thinks just in case. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:39, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Cool. For good or ill, the deed is now done. I just hope that asking this question in advance doesn't count as "tapping up a judge", particularly as I totally forgot you were actually judging that category" --UU - natter 14:16, Dec 2

I thought i best not to mention it! Looking forward to reading it. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:26, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Rabbi of Uncyclopedia

Can the Church of Uncyclopedia also be the Synagogue (or Shul or Temple) of Uncyclopedia? And as I'm a Father in the Church and am circumsized, fell in love with a Jew, am best friends with a Jew, celebrated Passover but without the blood on the door part which is maybe why my father's first born died (unfortunately, that part's true), read the Torah but not the whole Mishna because there's too many versions to read it all, could I be a Rabbi in the Temple? And while you're wondering why I'm asking so many silly questions, is this signature correct? User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 03:01, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

I see no reason why not. It's a good excuse to avoid shaving and wear funny clothes without being a hippy, which is good. Oy, un "shmuesn" is rikhtik! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:57, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

I admit I had to look up "rikhtik." I learned it means "acceptable for use by a Goy pretending to be a Jewish rabbi as long as it has been approved for use on Uncyclopedia by RabbiTechno." Yiddish to Goy English Dictionary, published by Temple of Narishkayt, 5770. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 19:27, Kislev 17, 5770 (UTC)

I shouldn't worry unduly about that - I did, too. My knowledge of Yiddish extends to the four or so words I remember my grandmother using (all too explicit and offensive to use here) and the similar number I've learned since making a conscious decision to learn Yiddish some months ago. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:34, December 4, 2009 (UTC)

How about learning Hebrew, you shloch?! Well, if you study Yiddish at least you'll get the alphabet. ~ 11:29, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

I really ought to do so, I suppose. Not keen on the idea of studying, though - is there any sort of "Speak Hebrew" program for the brain available for free download? Oh - and שַׁבָּת שָׁלוֹם by the way. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:08, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Hey Rabbi

I think you're using an old version of the QVFD script. It's available as a gadget now, in your preferences. If you blank the relevant part in your js page and enable it as a gadget, it will automatically update when changes are made to the MediaWiki page. The same applies for ban patrol. Cheers! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:14, 3 December 2009

I'm the sort of person who prefers to stick with something if it works - mine does, so I'll probably keep it until it does so no longer. The Ban Patrol script isn't really of much use to me since I very rarely BP anyone - but thanks for letting me know! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:21, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

Yes, but there've been double postings because this older version copies the article name differently. I think just refreshing your js page should be sufficient to update it, though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:25, 3 December 2009

Ah, I see - I'll change it in that case. Right - this is going to mean I need to remember where my js stuff is... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:42, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

A gitte shabes shmendrik

I wanted to update you on the most important news that I've created a perfect Babbke yesterday! ~ 11:27, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Gut shabbos, behaimeh. Sounds geschmak - care to share the recipe so I can veganise it for my own use? I'll be embarking on my usual quest to invent the perfect, not-hideously-oily, vegan latke within the next week - will pass on the details if I have any hatslokhe. Been wondering how I could make my Hanukkah sufganiyot with a sweet mincemeat filling too, as mince pies are by far the best thing about Christmas. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:24, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

...Vegan? You do know what a babbke is? O_O ~ 13:48, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

The cakey-bread stuff? If so, the butter should be easily replaced by margarine and there's various vegan chocolates available. Unless you're talking about bubkes - I can think of no non-animal product substitute for those... Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:55, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Ah! Sorry, I didn't realize that butter should be removed :) ~ 14:12, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

That explains it - I thought for a moment you were talking about some kosher meaty dish with a name similar to the cake I've always known as babke, with a name almost identical but for an extra b, which I'd never heard of. Inspiring - think I might bake one tomorrow, the missus hasn't sampled that one yet and she's been highly impressed by the sheer amount of sweet, cakey-bread-type things in Jewish cuisine thus far. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:18, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

We are the best, no doubt. ~ 17:16, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Jews = best cakes. Hippies = best bread. Jewish hippies = sublime baking. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 17:20, December 5, 2009 (UTC)

Cheers!

YOUR REGISTRATION WAS SUCCESSFUL

In accordance with the Uncyclopedia Legal Department, I hereby verify your membership. You are now legally official and stuff.  ^{22:56, December 6, 2009 (UTC)}

~ Zana Dark, Head of Department  

---

Happy Hanukkah

But wikipedia says that it starts tomorrow. :) • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 10:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Yep - tomorrow at sundown (3.30 here). I'm sending out my Hanukkah Greetings early as I'm not likely to be online tomorrow. Chag sameach! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:18, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Wayyyy Too Slow

• (diff) (hist) . . Uncyclopedia:QuickVFD‎; 10:19 . . (+19) . . RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs | block) (+Cid Highwind) [rollback]
• (Huff log); 10:18 . . Under user (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "Cid Highwind" (content was: 'SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR GODDAM TEA!!' (and the only contributor was '82.0.83.150'))

Sharpen up, dammit! --UU - natter 10:21, Dec 10

Yeah, I spotted that. I'll have to remember to refresh Recent Changes more often. Anyway - SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR G-DDAM LATKE! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:25, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Attention Judgeries!

All turkies are now in the oven. You now have seven days to comply with your judgery duties. Please place all scoring here. If you can't judge for any reason, please let me know on my talk page. Now go and judge, you're wasting valuable time. ~ 18:35, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

חג שמח

"It's a fucking miracle!"

says Mrs. Sadie Goldstein of Manchester, UK

Introducing YOU to the revolutionary new
Rabbi Techno Industries™ KLEIN OLIVE OIL BOTTLE™
By turning a standard olive oil bottle into a simple two-dimensional manifold non-orientable surface,
Rabbi Techno Industries have created an olive oil bottle which stores oil both inside and outside the glass.
Store enough oil for 8 days while appearing to only have enough for a single day easily with Rabbi Techno Industries™!
"It's not miraculous - it's mathematics!™"

Mystify your friends/the Seleucid Empire and have a Happy Hanukkah™!

---

I know, I'm giving you something that's already on your own user space. But I'm too foyl to make my own template. What a putz I am. Happy almost Hanukkah! User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 21:10, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Re-using Hanukkah templates to save time and expense? Now that's baklert Yiddishe finantsyel klugshaft! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:30, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I'll admit I really know very few Yiddish words, and am relying on a dictionary. But I think you said something like that's "sensible Jewish financial wisdom." Am I rikhtik? User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 01:34, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Me too, actually - on a scale of one to ten, my Yiddish rates at about 0.5 (my Hebrew, meanwhile, rates at about "fucking atrocious"). But yes - you're right with that translation! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:18, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Wait, so now our yids don't know yiddish? We're doomed! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 10:26, Dec 12 2009

Not much opportunity to learn it in deepest darkest North Wales and East Anglia, where I grew up. I'm fluent in Jade Goody-esque Estuary English, however, innit. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:30, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Right proper language it is, doncher know. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Saturday, 11:09, Dec 12 2009

Well proper to the max, bruv. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:15, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Newb Proposal

UN:LEGAL Legal Department Has happily summoned you to review "The Proposal". “Crede Quia Absurdum Est.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I, User:Happytimes, have been giving this new-fangled Unlegal department some of my best thoughts lately. Some things have come to mind... (Lawyers speak in third person right?) Ahem, ~H~ *CA* lack of organization, *CA* no legal dictionary set-up yet, *CA* lack of significant pay for ~H~. See summons if it be to please you.

Going to be a bit busy for the next few days - I'd get someone else to review it if I were you, presuming you'd like a faster response. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:54, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

Nah. 'sides it's not a review, per se, but more of a collection of thoughts on how we might want to run Unlegal. (Oh, sorry for calling you Percy, I guess I don't know you well enough yet to assign nicknames....)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  06:08, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

I think we should make a rule that Noobs can't make any edits here until they've proven themselves. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:21, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

You're not the first - every couple of years Uncyclopedia has a serious (serious for Uncyc, at any rate - in other words, it's serious for a few minutes and then we all call each other gay and talk about boobies instead) conversation about doing just that. The trouble is, whenever that happens, you'll suddenly get a group of IPs create a load of really good articles. We'd never have had Kitten Huffing, probably the best and best-known article to be created by an IP, were we to ban them altogether. Eternal vigilance is the price we pay for freedom and all that. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:29, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Oy vey! Did I accidentally say something that might have made sense? I honestly wasn't trying to. I was attempting to make the irony of saying you can't edit until you prove yourself by making good edits. I need to go back to ironye shule. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig7 19:56, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Now I want to write an article called: "Ireng Shui" or something. Maybe we should just have an ominous warning each time an IP edits an article... oh wait, NOW I get the joke, he he. Crap! I am so getting an ominous warning now.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  05:24, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

go eat shit fuckers

References

--Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 19:33, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Indeed. Not only the finest article ever created by an unregistered IP on Uncyclopedia, but the finest article ever created on Uncyclopedia. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:43, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

YES! And don't forget so cash and a wizard did it. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 05:38, 16 December 2009

I got another one

Jewish Hell. That's as soon as we finish the current one and the Joseph & Marry one. Damn I fill depressed. I'll go and find something to drink. ~ 13:48, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Spooky. I thought exactly the same thing when I saw your comment of Modus' page. Got a feeling the problem will be deciding which ideas to keep rather than coming up with material for that one! Lunchtime drinking is the best antidote to depression going, I find - far better than Prozac. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:59, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Unlegal, marijuana legalization, interoffice memo

As you are the unlegal uncyc resident expert on marijuana legalization, a question. I have studied the issue of the term "user" on uncy user pages and the possibility of changing the definition of "user" to include "user of marijuana 'joints'or 'pipefixen's'" (I believe those terms are included in the terminology used by drug addicts who use this substance). Can you do this by decree? If so, please do so. -end of interoffice memo- Aleister in Chains 01:33, December 18, '9 (UTC)

Provided doing so requires absolutely no effort whatsoever on my part, consider it done. And pass me those cigarette papers, will you? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:33, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

Done, thank you, we are all users now. I've brought you two joints, one to savor, one to share with a friend. Aleister in Chains 4:20, December 23, '9 (UTC)

Mensaje!

~Formerly Annoying Crap 23:00, 18 December 2009