From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Emopedia
Welcome to Emopedia,
41,077 heart-rending poems in English
|
|
|
|
|
Today's Message of pain
|
Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
|
Did you care...
|
*... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
|
|
Recent deaths
|
|
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • Seattle flooding the streets with Starbucks coffee to celebrate the Seahawks' win • New England Patriots fans hiding in a corner after being exposed • r/TheDarnold having a MASSIVE field day
|
Today sucks because...
|
February 14: Singles Drink Free Today Only
- 269 AD - St. Valentine is castrated, horsewhipped and disemboweled, and a holiday is named after him because that's what happens when you fall in love anyway.
- 1779 - James Cook is killed in Hawaii, not in the Sandwhich Islands like some believe, because even getting killed on Valentine's day can be a big disappointment.
- 1852 - The first hospital in England opens. During its opening ceremony, sick patients were given typical Valentine's gifts, like typhoid.
- 1876 - Alexander Graham Bell first patents the telephone, insuring that every heartless bastard can look at their phones ringing and ignore it like the selfish mess they are. Just answer me.
- 2000 - The NEAR Shoemaker satellite enters orbit around an asteroid, but it's not the first thing adrift in space to ceaselessly spiral around a cold, dead, emotionally unavailable rock.
- 2005 - Youtube is launched, yet another place for soul-crushing narcissists to share private, personal information to a whole audience of idiots who don't know the whole story, goddammit, you and your vlogs.
- 2011 - As part of the Arab Spring, Bahrain protests government injustice or whatever since rioting feels a whole lot better than getting stood up on Valentine's Day, you ruined my life.
|
|
Today's featured artistry
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poets of the Month
|
|
Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
|
|
The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
|
Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
|
|
| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 41,077 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Klingon!:
|
Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
