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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day 139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey. 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades. 1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it. 1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi. 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper. 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The Prophet Mohammed, peace and blessings be upon him, taking a break from the hard work of revealing the final ultimate Revelation of Allah to all the world to enjoy a refreshing meaty snack. Notice how he is enjoying the sensual feeling of that salty tip on his tongue before he swallows it deep into his throat.

Image credit: Socky
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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