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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that I am Batman?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that I am Batman?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?

... that the toaster in Pulp Fiction is wanted in connection with at least 5 unsolved murders? (Pictured)

... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that I am Batman?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths*: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day 1453 - Constantinople wants to reinvent itself, changes name to Istanbul, but honestly everyone preferred Byzantium. 1784 - Benjamin Franklin proposes that the humble turkey be the national bird of the United States, since it's got a big juicy ass. 1871 - French revolutionaries form the Paris Commune, nascent leadership quickly devolves into squabbling over the finer points of Marx's Critique of the Gotha Program before getting skewered by French troops. 1979 - A nuclear meltdown in Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania actually mutates the population of Pittsburgh closer to normal. 1990 - George W. Bush gives the late Jesse Owens the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Bush now says he has black friend. 2018 - The traitor Gülen (Pictured) sits on his remote and changes the channel seconds before the climax to his favorite soap; God is with us brothers. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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