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Did you know...

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 25: International Moose Preservation Day 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas. 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant. 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed. 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's. 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly. 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals. 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers. 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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I wonder what they're trying to tell us this time...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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