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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths*: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The Actor (L'acteur) is an original oil painting by Pablo Picasso. Apologies for the minor rip. Some clumsy buffoon tripped and fell onto the keyboard while it was being photoshopped.

Image credit: Picasso and Kip the Dip
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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