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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

Extension:DynamicPageList3 (DPL3), version 3.5.2: Error: No selection criteria found! You must use at least one of the following parameters: category, namespace, titlematch, linksto, uses, createdby, modifiedby, lastmodifiedby, or their 'not' variants

Did you know...

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 20: Procrasturbation Day 1602 - The Dutch East India company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar. 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule. 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career out by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value. 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published, setting racial equality back about seventy-five years. 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams. 1914 - The first international Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity. 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Benjamin Franklin: founding father, inventor, politician, passionate kite-flier, and self-proclaimed King of Rhyme. In short, a true Renaissance man.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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