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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Benjamin Franklin: founding father, inventor, politician, passionate kite-flier, and self-proclaimed King of Rhyme. In short, a true Renaissance man.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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