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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Did you know...

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?

... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured)

... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • ~~Jesus~~ Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 5: National Bullying Day (Scotland) 1614 - Pocahontas sells life story to Disney for a handful of plastic beads 1640 - King Charles I of England disbands the Short Parliament because "Who cares what happens to short people?" 1945 - USSR deploys troops in Yugoslavia to act as security at TATU gig. 1955 - Winston Churchill gives up politics and goes into insurance. 1979 - Robin dies of Bat-AIDs, a grieving Batman later patents the first Bat-Condoms. 1992 - Several hundred thousand abortion rights demonstrators march on top of babies in Washington D.C. 2000 - Global warming is first linked to the phenomenon of climate change. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps.

Image credit: One-eyed_Jack
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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