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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that Godot isn't coming?

... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that Godot isn't coming?

... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that Godot isn't coming?

... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
February 28: Finnish Cultural Appreciation Day 1835 - The Finnish Tourism Board publishes the Kalevala, an obvious ripoff of Tolkien, and declares the day a national holiday. 1847 - American forces nearly capture the Mexican town of Chihuahua, but are quickly torn to shreds by packs of those selfsame canines. 1935 - Nylon is invented, to fill the niche of fabrics that don't sufficiently chafe your nipples. 1939 - The word dord is unjustly removed from the dictionary by pernicious grammarians with no sense of humor. 1991 - The Gulf War ends, troops glad they never have to go back to Iraq or the Middle East ever again. 1993 - The ATF lay siege to a cult compound in Waco, Texas, decide to use guns instead of trebuchets. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image credit: Sunsneezer
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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