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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Did you know...

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

... that Vladimir Putin's warm and paternal gaze can cure cancer?

... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... the muffin man?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

... that Vladimir Putin's warm and paternal gaze can cure cancer?

... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... the muffin man?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

... that Vladimir Putin's warm and paternal gaze can cure cancer?

... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... the muffin man?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? • Chuck Norris doesn't fuckin' die, the world died to him • Buffy • Xander Harris Upcoming deaths: Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Every Cesar Chavez Street's name UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 21: Vernal Equinox... Probably 5 AD - The first recorded instance of the question "What Would Jesus Do?" occurs when his mother asks what he wants for breakfast. 1890 - Oscar Wilde pens his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray in the vicinity of one of his favorite sources of inspiration, a kitchen sink. 1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is dictated to several secretaries, ending World War I. One of them is a German spy and covertly adds a clause mandating a sequel. 1931 - The electric guitar is introduced, resulting in the genre of Rock 'n Roll being born and enjoying its peak during the Great Depression. 1943 - In the last recorded mounted cavalry charge, soldiers on horseback from Austria-Hungary charge a battalion of Russian tanks and succeed in destroying 80% of them using only their broadswords and ceremonial poofy hats. 1993 - The first video is uploaded on the internet: a skin flute performance. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Just when you thought hospital food couldn't get any worse...

Image credit: Doug
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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