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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say.
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 14: American π Day 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius. 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made. 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac. 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough. 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible. 2004 - The day Krabs fries 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics." 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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