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Did you know...

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 10: Opposite Day 1810 - For opposite day, Napoleon Bonaparte decides to wear stilts or something I don't know. 1922 - Gandhi, in a fit of anger, nukes the peaceful country of East Volta. You've never heard of East Volta? Exactly. 1952 - Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista decides to celebrate opposite day by taking the land and wealth from the poor instead of the rich. 1977 - Astronomers discover the rings of Uranus, they of course keep their cool since they pronounce it "Urine-us" like a bunch of nerds. Still sounds like pee though. 1994 - O.J. Simpson makes history, becomes the first African-American man to get away with the murder of a rich white woman, signalling monumental progress for people of color who also happen to be filthy rich. 2011 - Tiny politically unstable oil-rich Middle Eastern country drone strikes a wedding in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 2020 - Donald Trump blacks out his Twitter page for BLM. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps.

Image credit: One-eyed_Jack
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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