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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 30: International Cleavage Day 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers. 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps. 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land. 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her. 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene. 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition. 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway.

Image credit: RadicalX
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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