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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the police are at your door?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the police are at your door?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the police are at your door?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the police are at your door?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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