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the ~~Eurasia~~ Eastasia-free country that NO ONE EVAR tampers with, all that is said is true and final! Long live Big Brother!

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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job?

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you just lost the Game?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job?

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you just lost the Game?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job?

... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
... that you just lost the Game?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that I am inside your walls?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei, et. al, Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Upcoming deaths: Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day (North America & Australia) 3500 BC - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses IV hits a small cat with his chariot. Shameful. 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy. 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland. 1962 - Julia Childs releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon. 1969 - President Nixon continues the Road Kill bombing over Vietnam. 1990 - Road Kill is officially the new Mystery Meat in school lunches. 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs "I'm going to fucking bury that dog. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to Fucking Kill that dog." View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers.

Image credit: Rcmurphy
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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