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Today's featured article

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Did you know...

... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)

... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that your fly is unzipped?

... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)

... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that your fly is unzipped?

... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)

... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that your fly is unzipped?

... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)

... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
"Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths*: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy* (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
February 22: International Day of Spam 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha. 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists. 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you. 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks. 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals. 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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