User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 3

FACT ALERT: This user is a conspiracy nut, hates war and thinks the planet is ruled by greedy evil people. Please alert the cyberpolice so they beat some sense into this lost soul. Thanks. -New World Order

• What this user has been barking in April and May 2011
• What this user has been meowing in June and July 2011

Hey,

Go here so we can all talk about what kind of article to write. Thanks. -- 17:55, August 1, 2011 (UTC)

Howdy!

How's it going old fellow..How's that hole on that face of yours? Still healing? -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:26, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Hey yo!!! It's doing fine, I heal it with alcohol! LOL And how are you doing? Still running around elephants? Are you part of the August competition? Mattsnow 12:36, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Hey,PMP. We have a space open in our group. Wanna join? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 12:48, 4 August 2011

Ok man what August competition and what group are you guys talking about?-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 09:10, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Summer competition. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 15:32, 7 August 2011

Ok I'm in, but tell me what to do. -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 08:16, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Hello!

You seem to be the only one online now, so Hello! Nice features! I will have to spend a half hour later (or not) voting on VFH, I'll be on for a couple of more hours and want to write. Itching to write. Still no pc at home, bummer triple bummer. How are things here, any major news? Over. Aleister 17:24 4-7-'11

Glad you're here! Yes there are news: the UnNews are now a free for all due to numerous controversies as the czar thing, it seems nobody but our team gives a fuck about the tournament but I could be wrong, and my jaw is almost completely OK and I am scheduled to start working again in a week and a half! I thought you left, I was depressed :S. When will you have your PC? Mattsnow 17:31, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

No way to know because it seems totally virused. Your jaw? What happened? Sorry you will go back to work, bummer. There's a tournament? UnNews can be cleaned up once every couple of days and it would be fine, it's just a matter of keeping the front page list free of crap articles and updated with the new good ones. What happened to Humdinger or whatever his name is? Can you still eat with your jaw? If not, nose eating has its good points. Just suck it up through there and it's all custard. Been here awhile and have yet to write, I have to hermitize myself if I want to write something today. Maybe I'll take a solid hour soon and work on one of my pages. Two new page ideas too. Your new ones have interesting titles, must read soon. Aleister 17:37 4-7-'11

It was a bicycle accident, I am lucky my teeth could be arranged! Accidents happen so fast, it's scary. One second you are pedalling at 35 km/h with joy on the cycling path, the other second some guy coming the opposite way, rolling at the same speed as you do slips off his pedal clip, making him swerve in your lane. The result was a bit gory.

Yes, Humbucker resigned as UnNews czar after some drama-filled forums and edit wars.And there is a contest of 6 teams of 4 people (see the forum Summer Extrvaganza or something, it's one of the first one). And I wrote one on 9/11, I put it on Pee today, it's still needs work I think, maybe I'll plant bombs on it and pretend planes knocked it out LOL. Nahh, I think it's alright, have a read if you want: User:Mattsnow/The 9/11 Commission Report. It just needs expanding. Can't wait to read your articles! Why don't you auto-nom one, VFH is pretty dead at the moment. Mattsnow 17:57, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Humbucker left, he could have as easily compromised a little. I hope he stays around and writes again, he was best at that. A good wit and good writer. I'll read 9/11. Yes, maybe I'll nom one of my rewrites, what do you think of Puddle of shit? Or something else. My corpsarion page is good in structure but needs to be funnied up, I'm too close to it to do a great job of funny on it. Would you like to see if you can add funny? It would be nice to get another writer in there. I did a 911 UnNews thing a few months ago, it's a subject that just keeps on giving. Yay 911! A comic storehouse of yucks and side-splitting (literally, for the guys who jumped) humour. Will read your page now. Aleister 18:14 4-7-'11

p.s. A good start on your 911 page. The commission report's conclusions have apparantly been questioned by a majority of the people who signed off on it! It's a major topic, so I hope you perfect the page, it could be a classic (just as the report is now a classic of fiction). My unnews 911 sandwich page could probably be expanded too, maybe I'll get to that one someday. A topic full of new discoveries and joys.

HAHAHA!!!! I just read Puddle of shit! Are you over with it? There are some typos, especialy in the intro. It's so fucking hilarious, if you want me to nom it, I will. :D How I missed your writing! Mattsnow 18:38, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Serious? Wow. Give me an hour or so to work on it and polish (I may not catch the typos, as I can't type worth shit. The page was a VFD save, and I think it was SPIKE who asked me not to save it and add to it, so of course I kept polishing it and periodically asked him to nom it, which he always ignored. Did SPIKE ever come back? Damn, he was good. I'll take a few minutes off now and then come back to work on it. And your 911 page looks better when I read it again, the vid of Building 7 is so unusual that it still makes me wonder about the claims, you'd think it wouldn't fall like that even if it was burned out inside. Strange goop. More later! Aleister 18:44 4-7-'11

Sure I am serious! :D I didn't see SPIKE around at all, man you were gone for a long time! Also, Mimo quit :( He went back to his Grec Uncy after getting a feature. Tell me when it's ready! I'll nom it tonight if you message me that it is. Take your time. Mattsnow 18:57, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks! I'm only online for an hour or so more, will spend it on that page. Mimo quit???!!! He had fun here though, and met some good people. I'm the one that kept his secret that he was only 12 years old, and he won Noob of the Month and Photochopper of the Month while 12! A great story in itself. Will get back to you here before I sign off today. SPIKE, we hardly knew ye! Thanks once againy. Aleister 18:06 4-7-'11

Spike was my eternal slave. Ever realized when a user leaves that you feel guilty that you haven't spent enough time with them? Yeah, I never felt that with Spike. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:35, 8 August 2011

Hey, you

Tag, you're it. *runs away and hides* -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:04, 4 August 2011

"It" sticks to Lollipop with some kind of super glue, so as he runs he does not know that "it" goes with him. Matt, I've done some editing on Puddle of Shit, and must leave this computer soon. I took out the opening quote, if you like it please put it back. The page was originally by The Dit, and he deserves a half-nom too because of the template and language he left for me to save from VFD. If you could proof it for spelling that wood be grate. Thanks again! Wish I could do more, but all for now. Enjoy not going to work, a preferred state of affairs. Aleister 20:12 4-7-'11

ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday

Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking. By Frosty Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor. By Frosty Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty!

Check out these pages! Petition Uncyclopedia is the worst! Why we should ban Lollipop from making feature nominations. After the fire From our logs: 09:54, August 3, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (UnSignpost Rule of Bans: every issue contains at least 1 ban entry by ChiefjusticeDS - what a narcissist.) 01:00, August 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sanns sock (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HI SANNSE!) 09:13, July 31, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 months ‎ (See you later) 09:04, July 31, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.39.194.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (account creation disabled) ‎ (DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU) 00:49, August 2, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked UPjcm (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: A volunteer bannee for testing! (thanks :)) Lollipop Lollipop demanded I mention him. Whore to him here.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Oh Hey

So I think I'd like to take you up on your offer. My article on Confidence is finished and I'd love some feedback before I publish it (which I should probably also figure out how to do). What do you think? --Mattityahu 20:58, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Dude

Hey Bro! Hope you're well. Do you know about John Belushi? He was like a funnyman's Elvis, in that he is iconic for comedy. I started a page for him HERE but it only has the intro. It needs the body and completion. Did you ever see this guy act? Blues Brothers...!? Lived fast died young and made a huge impression. Let me know if you're interested to Collab on it. You have a couple Noms on VFH now that I wanted to vote for but just didn't really care for them. But I didn't vote against, mind you. As soon as you have another winner I'll be there for you. Cheers!--Funnybony    19:24, Aug 8

I redid the old one and now it looks better than before. I think it is a collab with Madmax, although you're welcome to join in. You're running hot these days. Cheers!--Funnybony    12:52, Aug 9

Well, I won't be able to for a week, since we have that competition going! Let's see afterwards bro! Mattsnow 17:06, August 9, 2011 (UTC)

Canadian article idea

Why not Canada's Wonderland? I used to go to that place when I was a kid. Ever heard of it? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:01, 9 August 2011

We'll talk about that after the comp... And why is everybody storming off as said in the Unsignpost? Do you have a link when you said you would leave? I hope you won't :S Mattsnow 18:04, August 9, 2011 (UTC)

Don't know. Perhaps lack of interest or something. At least i'm still here. I don't plan to right now. Of course, we can't all be Happytimes and disappear at random during our activity. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 14:38, 10 August 2011

Yes, we should all be joyful like Shabidoo and Aleister. I was on the brink of leaving 2 times also, though I didn't say :/ I hope Al comes back soon! Mattsnow 14:49, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Swearing in Chicks

Can you point out a few instances where you feel it's gratuitous? To be fair, your criticism is definitely valid in a basic way, but I tried to keep the tone and prose very even by always using "fucking," "chick," and "fella" in instances when other words would suffice just as well, so in a way gratuity was a conscious decision. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 12:00, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

uPON SECOND READ, IT'S NOT THAT BAD EXCEPT MAYBE FOR PLACES LIKE THERE'S 2,3 OR 4 IN a ROW (ooops, Caps Lock) It is just hilarious nonetheless! I like the blue chick! Mattsnow 14:24, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

WARNING

WARNING WARNING WARNING FROG ALERT FROG ALERT...YOU MAY BE A FROG...DONT PANNIC...STAY CALM...LOOK IN THE MIRROR...DO YOU SEE A FROG...IF SO YOU ARE A FROG...NOW PANIC!!! PAAAAAAAANIC!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 16:12, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

OH NO NOT A FROG EVERYBODY RUN AND HIDE!!!! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:41, 10 August 2011

Found him! --Black Flamingo 18:00, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

LOL! Mattsnow 21:29, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

Ribbit. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:16, 10 August 2011

Hey,

I forgot to tell you thanks for nomming me for SotM and WotM. It looks like you'll win WotM, but I'm a shoe-in for SotM! Thanks again. -- 17:07, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!

And the burning continues By Frosty It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident vandal admin Dr. Skullthumper about why he instated this controversial act to delete anything the viewer deems shit without a proper vote. He simple replied "Shutup, it's all in the name of progress or whatever that good side is also referred to as. Having a vote would take too long and I like taking shortcuts." You can hardly argue with his ideology and progress. But sadly he disappeared because he fears reprisal from those apposed to the idea. Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW proposal are Mhaille and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who are both trying to frantically hack up article shortly after it gets deleted, but have both given up saying they are deleting too fast it's not fair! When I asked Mhaille why he was being so silly he put it down to the fact that he really hates Skullthumper, oh and his cat. So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! By Frosty This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London By Chief Would anybody like a free television?

Check out these pages! Whoring It begins! Everyone likes this thingy too... The return of Benson. Because he's either dead or just hating us, the editor special: 08:23, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 257 seconds ‎ (Have a nice cup of mud to celebrate this, the latest of your non-achievements. Also cheers for doing the USP, I liked it because I was in it.) 17:22, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Human Nutsack (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Trying to archive my talk page for me.) 17:36, August 6, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (The first rule of the UnSignpost club is that you don't draw attention to my blatant whoring of my hilarious bans, incidentally, I'm putting this one in. Just try and stop me.) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week Well he definitely should have seen this coming, so yes I am going to talk to you about the Uncyclopedian called PoopManPoop For those less important individuals PoopManPoop won noob of the month in June in an absolute landslide crushing all available competition in true Uncyclopedian fashion simply because his name made everybody giggle. Since then I regret to inform PMP hasn't been very active at all only popping in every few days at best to make a couple of edits and then vanish all over again. I speculate he may be a total IRCfag, which is to say he lives on #uncyclopedia as apposed to doing anything constructive, whilst he simple may have better things to do. UnSignpost words of the week Cephalectomy - Total removal of the brain. Yummy! Gozmesky - The act of impersonating a man from San Marino Nujpwi - The smell of soiled underwear. Zaackaus - Used muppet skin. Zeegoor - T-shirt of a rock group which you are now too embarrassed to wear in public. Daifinguator - A lover of silly words. Truefax

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

The Big Crunch

Thank you very much for the vote. Because of Dark Matter you have nothing to fear. Cheers!

Dude, I'll try my hand at the 9/11 article after it has a Pee Review. It's already pretty good. Cheers!--Funnybony    14:21, Aug 11

Thanks for the slap in the face

I can never get enough of face slapping. *Slaps self in the face*. Oh yeah! Thanks for dropping in. I read the minigolf thing, its groin grabbingly funny. The video was hilarious too; it’s hard to believe someone could get exited over minigolf. I think you guys will probably win the comp given your all star line up but good luck anyway. Don't forget to eat your vegies. I understand and I wish to continue. . 10:34, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

Sup

Haven't talked to you much of late with school and all. But nice edit count might give MadMax some competition :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 11:04, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

I'm trying to beat the highscore! LOL I'm trying to help him with the UN:REQ, I'm too lazy to write. I was thinking, your vacations down there must be the same way your head is: upside down? So does that mean your 2 months vacation from school will be in December/January? Mattsnow 11:19, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

--

This. ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 23:00, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

AAAAAAA!!!!!!

Hello participants,

You have been chosen to continue onward to the Second and Final Round. In other words... START WRITING YOUR ARTICLES NOW YOU ONLY HAVE THREE (count'm, 3) DAYS TO WRITE YOUR LAST TWO ARTICLES AND ITS ALL TKF'S FAULT BECAUSE HE SHORTENED THE CONTEST TO THE 25th SO HURRY HURRY HURRY!!!!!!!!!

Thanks,

^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 22:37, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

(p.s. tell ur teamates)

7 days. --ShabiDOO 00:52, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost!

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Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.

It's Kicking Off By Chief A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird By Frosty It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that.

Check out these pages! This is all Zombiebaron's fault. Drama. More drama. Help the poor sucker out! From our logs: 00:13, August 14, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Let's see if I still know how to joke ban...ummm....penis.) 09:16, August 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.121.74.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Ironic that you have a link to an IQ test, since you seem like a complete idiot) 02:40, July 4, 2011 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Skully made me op for 5 minutes to ban you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) 12:48, August 15, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 seconds ‎ (Only I am permitted to whore my bans in the UnSignpost, it's safest for everyone that way.) 02:29, August 17, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.228.227.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (a terminal case of faggot fever) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia get its fair share of users that come and go, as well as its fair share of users who simply turn into VFD lurkers and IRC In-jokes. As such, it is high time we discussed a certain user who fits both categories. Yes, it's Bizzeebeever's turn to be the subject of this week's biopic! Bizzeebever originally joined us in late June, and was quite a silly n00b, but like many, after being repeatedly hit in the head with a hammer he sort of grew up a bit began to earn his keep. Now he can be seen loitering around VFD and IRC clutching his head; it's okay, Bizzeebeever, we're done hurting you. For now. If you'd like to congratulate him on how far he's come, go ahead; just don't take a hammer or he'll probably run away. Birthday of the week ChiefjusticeDS's birthday was on Tuesday. He celebrated by getting hit in the head with a brick. FACTS! Did you know: ...that work is the curse of the drinking class? ...that sometimes violence is the answer, albeit a very violent one? ...that Frosty really needs to stop trying to edit the UnSignpost?

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created HowTo:Strength Train, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

That howto with the really long name

Considering how you voted for it on VFH the previous time and against this time and I tried to improve it in the interim, I have to ask - did I really make it worse in my attempts, or have your views simply changed for other reasons? 1234 ~ 03:37, 21 August 2011

WTF I voted anything Nothing serious here at all. Mattsnow 03:45, August 21, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry? 1234 ~ 23:35, 21 August 2011

Sorry, I was just seriously drunk. :S Mattsnow 10:49, August 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, Matt, dude! Thanks

Thanks for the Nom, bro! And the YouTube... I have seen all those skits, but put together like that makes a powerful statement. I was going to post on Facebook, and then changed my mind - they're watching. The only reason they don't care about this place is because we pretend we're joking. Hehe!!! Cheers!--Funnybony    08:30, Aug 21

Puddle of shit

Puddle of shit has stalled but at a good number, thanks for the nom!!! I added a new section near the bottom, "And then there's this..." which seems to give the page a moral reason for existing. You are doing so well this month that I hesitate to say fuck you, but I will do so anyway. 'tared and feathered, Aleister 17:26 20something-8-'11

Wonko tiddlybum-post

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?

Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again By Athyria In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that. But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron. Please help me. By Zombiebaron Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues By Lyrithya Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire.

Check out these pages! Jews If you've been following it... Won't anyone sign it! From our logs: 04:20, August 19, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Eblog.net (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (dicks2dicks@dicks.dicks) 20:55, August 20, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia sucks hard (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (you suck hard. no, harder. harder than that. come onnnnn, give me more... jesus, is that the best you can do? no wonder your boyfriend won't talk to you.) 07:38, August 22, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked AssassinNips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I love shit as much as the next guy. Sometimes I even like to use it in the shower in lieu of soap. But when you start getting into smelling it....you're just weird, man.) 11:40, August 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you come near me I'll rip your nipples off) 06:38, August 23, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.169.192.208 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I was only following orders) Uncyclopedia Birthday! Frosty would like you all to know that on the 27th, he will have completed his first year on Uncyclopedia. He seems to want gifts. He also seems to think he's the new UnSignpost editor, little realising that the old UnSignpost editor never left. Not the writer; that lovely fellow is currently on vacation. But his editor is still here and demands that Frosty either put on the leather chicken suit NOW and submit before her giant banana or... well, actually, he doesn't really have much choice in the matter. Poor dear. If only he'd known what he was getting into. Happy birthday? Not a threat. I seriously spent hours racking my brains trying to think of what to write for the damn UnSignpost! I mean I sat here full on thinking I wasn't going to get this all set for delivery on time. So I put this to you, as the new editor: “ Start sending in idea, or no UnSignpost next week! ” — Frosty

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Bad things have happened recently‎

Thanks a lot buddy! You really gave me some amazing suggestions and you obviously spent time on the review. I appreciate it a LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT! Uncyclopedia hugs! --ShabiDOO 22:09, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I am honored as you can see I am not one to whine, but I'd rather suggest, btw, when you're through touching up the article, I'll nom it if you want. Or you'll nom it and I'll vote for, either way, give me news about this. It is a good one! Mattsnow 22:19, August 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hello.

Why, hello there. —  (talk) (contributions) 01:05, August 30, 2011 (UTC)

Hey hi :) Mattsnow 02:20, August 30, 2011 (UTC)

And how should one be doing on such a hot summer day, where all snow gets melted? —  (talk) (contributions) 20:53, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

By the way:

TAG
You're it. —  (talk) (contributions) 23:16, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Psychotrooooooooooooooopic

MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW

MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW MATTSNOW – Preceding unsigned comment added by Shabidoo (talk • contribs)

We did it.

We got Mini-golf featured. I guess we should start awarding half feature credit, thanking the voters and getting Horseshoes (game) ready for featuring! -- 02:29, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Yes! I gave you and I the credit, BF doesn't want any and neither does Oliphaunte... (See their TP) I knew people would like that article! :) Mattsnow 02:31, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Well, do you want to thank the voters, or shall I? -- 02:41, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, thank them if you want! I've never done that, I am far too lazy hahaha. Mattsnow 02:46, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

KKK. -- 02:48, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

You and I shot a hole-in-one!

It appears that you co-wrote and voted for Mini-golf, which ended up getting featured. All of Uncyclopedia would like to thank you from the bottom of their hearts (well... maybe somewhere around the middle, but you get what I mean) for being so goddamned awesome. Hope your career as an awesome writer is long and prosperous. -- 03:11, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Y is a loser.

Spambots! By Lollipop Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable! By Anselmo The Magnificent Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing. By Not Frosty He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins.

Check out these pages! More ways to get rid of new users Whoring BUTT POOP!!!! SERIOUS BUSINESS From our logs: 08:54, August 28, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Inebriated (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (HI DRUNK GUY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT dRUNK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHANGE. CAN YOU TELL?) 05:46, August 29, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.49.14.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go rape your own children. Stay away from ours.) 10:44, August 27, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.39.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...) 12:29, August 28, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.100.20.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We don't care about your sexual orientation.) 03:10, August 31, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked WTFak47MAN (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I really hate to do this because you're hilarious, man. But I also really love to do this, because fuck you.) Biopic of the Week Ah, biopic of the week, potentially the most controversial part of the UnSignpost simply for what it is, a section about users... and yet somehow, it never really stands up to the other sections; the users themselves are rarely so bad as what they do, and as such we are proud to announce that Aimsplode... is the exception to this? Nonetheless, he is our lucky subject for this week's biopic, who, after several long days of dredging up drama, insulting people, subsequently getting banned, going on IRC, annoying people, continuing to annoy people, and annoying Zombiebaron, subsequently got banned there, too, and finally settled down a bit. This was actually pretty impressive; the only unfortunate thing is that more people don't do this; if they did, the admins might have more to do and thus might stop being so cranky all the time. For shame, people! But kudos to Aimsplode, because you are indeed something special; we could use more of that. Birthday of the Week Lollipop celebrated his 1st year of Uncyclopedia on Tuesday. In honour of this prestigious event that has been on-going for the past two weeks, we at the UnSignpost are proud to present him with this block of poisoned cheese in an attempt to get him to stop talking about it already. Er, that is, enjoy your cheese!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

1st prize- Smart Guys Get It.

And I had spent RM10 ($3.3333333333333333....) on making this shit template.

FIRST PRIZE Congratulations on winning the Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! Keep this and go insane all over!

Plus I had spent my remaining RM15 on this.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 09:40, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

HowTo:Be a purebred American

Hey Matt. I was just wondering if you could edit my article HowTo:Be a purebred American? --Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 20:02, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Err, I'm having a hard time finding time to write, so I think you'd better ask somebody else bro! :) Mattsnow 23:58, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

WotM nom

Hey man. Thanks for nomming me for Writer of the Month. I really appreciate it even though Magic Man's probably gonna win. Anyway, have you seen my latest article? It's up on VFH right now. That's it. Thanks again! :) -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 03:38, September 3, 2011 (UTC)

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously

You voted for Colorless green ideas sleep furiously on VFH. Maybe now us ideas will be a little less furious.

Thank you! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 11:53, September 4, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Review

thanks once again buddy for the really really awsome pee review. You are on fire man. Seriously! Im going to have to review one of yours really soon to pay back the favour! Rah rah rahhhhhhhhhhhhh! --ShabiDOO 14:35, September 4, 2011 (UTC)

Salutations, and other complications

“Who died?”

~ Oscar Wilde, regarding this template

Felicitations

It is apparently de rigueur to spam a user's talk page with templates, if that user has voted for your article on VFH, or has other-services render'd. As you have apparently done something of this sort, here is your reward: a plain, black box with white lettering, thanking you in a generic fashion for what you have done.

(Signed) Bizzeebeever

P.S. Yes, your suspicions are correct, this template is utterly unoriginal.

This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?

New urinals to be installed By Athyria As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go. This is just plain acceptable. By Anselmo The Magnificent Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now. Wikimedia Commons is as horrible as us. By Lyrithya While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello?

Check out these pages! Look! Look at me! Look at her! Look at them! Look at this! From our logs: 10:03, September 1, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.141.58.184 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This block is only one week long, because blanking VFS took some serious balls. Or, to be more accurate, some serious big hairy penis.) 10:18, September 2, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.18.131.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You always make my night, wang-vandal. I just can't be angry when I see your characteristic smiley :D) 04:12, September 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 minutes ‎ (Posting in a Users Only forum. Abuse of powers! (dont worry this isnt autoblocked)) 08:19, September 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Would you believe I was trying to ban an IP and I pressed the wrong ban button on recent changes?) 14:50, September 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.100.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fuck the fuck off) Biopic of the Week Ah, what can be said about Klaus Nomi Wearing An Irish Hat? While one of the greatest German countertenors of our time, or any, what Klaus is probably most well known for in the modern age is his disturbing propensity for being present at the scene of any and all crimes, as though he were omnipresent. Over the years, this has become an understood facet of society, and most of the time he can now be easily ignored as if he were never there in the first place. This is not entirely difficult to do, considering the fact that every time he shows up at a shooting, robbery, yard sale massacre, etc., he only finds it necessary to stand completely and absolutely still whilst observing the ongoing madness, occasionally taking the time to put on a silly Irish hat and dance a disturbing and disruptive jig before snapping back to his typical demeanor. While this makes Klaus an incredibly creepy person to be around, and we at Uncyclopedia typically use it as a regular excuse to exclude him from the annual Christmas party and Casual Fridays, we're still happy to have him, nonetheless. You go, Klaus! Cat of the Week This is Terumvra. He's very scary. I found him eating my plants and now he won't go away and he's been holding me hostage! Help!

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:12, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Olympian Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my fourth featured UnNews piece.

I appreciate it, and stuff.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:36, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

---

PSL

Hey Mattsnow...the Poo Lit Surprise competition is happening soon (this is the biggest competition on uncyclopedia). There are several categories and you can enter them all. There is a colab category (two users). Would you be interested in doing a colab with me!??!?!? --ShabiDOO 14:22, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

I was on that page also, reading the rules LOL, yes I am interested! So where do we sign? I am sure the organization is gonnna be a lot better than the last one (not very hard thing to do) Did you work on PS5 and the bad thing UnNews? They were hilarious! Mattsnow 14:26, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha...thanks man :) Well...I hope PLS doesnt start in the next week...because Ill be on the road with very limited internet. In any case...we can already start comming up with possible topics...though as with the last competition...I doubt that we could share ideas, strategies and what not. Though maybe I should ask chiefjustice just to be sure! I've worked on the bad things article. I liked your changes. As for these articles...I tend to write them in about 5 minutes, and then take about 5 months to work on them slowly from time to time. I really like to feel comfortable with the article before I nominate it :)

Ill ask cheifjustice now about the competition rules! ROCKA ROCKA ROCKA!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 05:36, September 10, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, we're a team!!! Mattsnow 03:15, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

Dude

Yes, the article you took off the recent news template was an inside joke -- it was supposed to be the end of the god-awful Porridge the Bear series, which itself was a horrible, drawn-out inside joke. I say, either put it back up, or remove the other seven articles in the series, too. You're making me lose face in front of Izbeenoneweek. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 23:21, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

FFS, don't tell me the drama is starting already, man. I have been mandated by Lyrithya today to keep an eye on UnNews, and I felt this particular one was very lulzy, but it was too much of an inside joke to be on the front page, though I liked it a lot. I am also asked to check the UnNews that people put on the template, and all of the UnNews about Polar bears and Gaddafi made me laugh, so of course they are still there. It's just that this particular UnNews should be read by Uncy contributors, but the average guy landing on the front page will not understand anything since it is so much of an inside joke. But as you can see, I left all the other UnNews there ( since they were good, more than good but you seem to have a fetish with polar bears lol). I'll just check on the UnNews stuff from time to time as a job delegated to me, but don't think I am some kind of UnNews boss (well I guess I'll be the closest to that, but it's just a trial on my part. If you have complains, you can address Lyrithya's talkpage, but seeing your writing, I think you are smart enough to see why it was deemed as an inside joke the average reader would not understand. Plus I like Polar bears, they should eat Gaddafi. Mattsnow 23:46, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

No no no, I wasn't meaning to start any drama.

I actually wrote the article you removed to be less inside-jokey than the others; I used general terms and linked all the names I named to their user pages. I was hoping to end the polar bear series, for once and for all. Oh, well.

P.S. Polar bears? I could take 'em or leave 'em, not really a huge fan. My original article was the one about the chick punching a bear in the face to save her dog, and then Izbeenoneweek started the polar bear thing. And it went downhill from there. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 00:02, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, since I liked your inside joke article, how about we come to an agreement? Put that inside joke as the 5th article on the template, and then it will slide. (Do it yourself). If you do as I said, it is alright, but put it as the 5th one, not the first one. Peace! Mattsnow 00:29, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

That's ok, I'll just leave it off. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 00:33, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

But it is removed from the front page, not from UnNews, and I must say I am sure a handful of regular users (those you mention in the article) would like to read it, and they are more that likely to read it on a Forum, or even really better, on the Unsignpost, which I think ChiefJustice is still running. The Unsignpost really needs ideas in these times. Mattsnow 01:18, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm, submitting it to unsignpost...there's an idea. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 02:36, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Err sorry I already did it, but if you add to it, it sure will get there. You write well, maybe you don't know me, Go see on my userpage, I have some good articles too. Mattsnow 04:07, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

I read your articles all the time. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 13:56, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Do you like pudding?

Bloody hell, I swear all the tab things lost some padding. How did I even get here? 1234 ~ 03:10, 14 September 2011

LOLWUT? Speaking chinese there. Mattsnow 03:11, September 14, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice

Poo and Pee By Chief As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple. The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia By Bizzeebeever In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya."

Check out these pages! Quite Important Probably Important Definitely Important Hugely Important Most Important From our logs: 09:52, September 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.36.44.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You and Zac need to sit down and wank all these pesky little differences away) 06:33, September 10, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.200.150.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have you been following me? I would have let you join in if you'd only asked.) 19:27, September 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.191.188.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please stop sucking. It's really getting uncomfortable.) 08:26, September 13, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Samt1337 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (No, sir, the Piss-off hasn't started yet. Why don't you come back in...forever.) 21:07, September 11, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Blocks follow bans in necessary circumstances, or so the wikipedians tell me.) 10:55, September 11, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 911 minutes ‎ (NEVER FORGET those old archived forums you bumped in the name of PATRIOTISM) Biopic of the Week Right, big news out of the way first: nobody is the biopic this week. Hard luck; perhaps you'll be the biopic next week. This week. the UnSignpost is navel-gazing again and thanking the staff of the UnSignpost for the hard work they have put in on the UnSignpost. Who are these people? They answer questions, eat my biscuits, write the stories while I'm dancing with lorry drivers and they also eat my biscuits. They have taken up the slack admirably and we should all afford them a moment of respect. Whoever they are. OK, that was fun. However do any of you remember the UnSignpost dog? Yes? Congratulations; you are not as daft as the UnSignpost team, because they certainly couldn't. I saw him crammed into a tiny corner of last week's issue with hardly any room to breathe, frolic or fetch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. To make up for this unforgivable lapse he's in this issue twice. When asked to comment, the UnSignpost dog gave this scathing indictment of the UnSignpost team: "Woof". Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #64 There's no free bacon with this issue. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Corpsearian

Noooooo problem with an abstain or no vote, the page needs work and I've been so MIA here that nobody to blame but me (and you). You seem very active, iz the best news here, aside from Mordillo finding his way back. Have you met Mordillo as yet? If you haven't, don't. Truer words... Hope to be on longer at some point soon. Geese. Aleister 18:33 15-9-'11

Well, I kinda fall prey sometimes to edit rages. I haven't met Mordillo, it seems a lot of old geezers are coming back! Well, we got plenty of wheelchairs around. and I have progressed in the ranks (bow before me): I have rollback and I am the UnNews "checker" (which means I remove UnNews from the FP template if it's absolute crap or written in Turkmenistani. Really not a fascist dictatorship there. Are you overwhelmed with work or do you have the Uncy blues? Your awfully depressing presence is missed! Mattsnow 20:47, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, but it is a fascist dictatorship now. I took over and declared myself High Lord and everything. Granted, I was drunk and had locked myself in Funnybony's bathroom at the time, but still. Dictatorship. Not that it changes much; you keep doing what you're doing, etc etc wait, how did I even get here? And where are my clothes? 1234 ~ 01:22, 16 September 2011

Hail Lyrithya! Mattsnow 01:38, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

YEAG! Hair! *passes out* 1234 ~ 01:40, 16 September 2011

Er, hail. I meant 'hail'. 1234 ~ 01:40, 16 September 2011

Don't make me hit you with a frying pan, Lyrithler! Mattsnow 01:51, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

*hails on Mattsnow* 1234 ~ 01:58, 16 September 2011

9/11 report report

Hi Matt, I just noticed that 9/11 didn't make it. When I voted for it I remember thinking it needed a more comprehensive approach. It was too short and could use a double treatment like we did with the Grove. For example, I think it would be better as a 9/11 Report Report. It has a lot of potential for sarcastic humor. What do you think? Cheers!--Funnybony    14:18, Sep 19

Yes, no problem! Just when I was thinking there's no way this will ever pass, a knight in shining armor comes! Give it you best shot! Mattsnow 19:49, September 19, 2011 (UTC)

And speaking of conspiracies, did you read my latest one, MKULTRA? Mattsnow 19:52, September 19, 2011 (UTC)

Your pee

You seem to be confused that the protagonist of I don't feel well is 5 years old. It is merely a flashback reference that it is the reason the dad is not living with them, as it happened a long time ago. Just clearing that up with you. The boy is supposed to be 12 to 13-ish. I mean, how could a 5 year old do all that kind of crazy stuff? How could a 5 year old play with dead bodies? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 September 2011, at 03:09

You sir, have obviously not seen the movie Lovely Bones. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   03:57, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

I know I did when I was 5... Mattsnow 04:03, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

Aye, when I was 5, I was marching along to Sesame Street, Barney, and Dudley the Dragon. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 September 2011, at 04:19

And at what age did you begin playing with dead bodies I wish to ask? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   04:21, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

In my mother's womb, I played with my dead twin's body. You'll never know whether this is real, or just part of my sick and horrifiying humour. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 September 2011, at 04:23

I think we all can guess which one it is. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   11:45, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

Lollipop is in fact 2 conjoined twins. They fight to type. Mattsnow 12:13, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

Conjoined twins eh? My conjoined twin has one of them. What's his name again? Err... Black flamingo11, that's the guy. He's a handsome chap if I remember rightly. --Black Flamingo 16:26, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

My conjoined twin's conjoined twin is in fact not a conjoined twin. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 September 2011, at 19:45

PLS

Shall we do a collab together? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   16:16, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

I would have loved it, but I'm already engaged to Shabidoo (see above section PSL, I guess he meant Poo Surprise Lit) We celebrate our union in the Sistine Chapel. Mattsnow 19:43, September 20, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Week

This user took part in Pee Week 2011 and finished with a positive score. In recognition we hereby award them the title and rank of "A rather spiffing chap". Envious? Want to get templates, fans, stuff and more? Review something! It's more fun than sleeping!

Thanks for helping out, now you can chill-out! Hahahahaha. It's funny because you have the word snow in your user name. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:06, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

Please read HTBFANJS, Mr. Justice! Mattsnow 07:03, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!

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September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.

Lion Bar Week By Chief All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. Frosty is a truly spiffing chap whose ability to Pee is only surpassed by his ability to eat Lion Bars; we do after all have a week's supply of Lion Bars so we could afford to share some with him. Frosty completed 6 in-depth reviews over the course of Pee Week, all of which we are sure were thoughtful, interesting and well-written. When asked to comment on his success, Frosty had this to say: "Well of course, it wasn't about the rewards and recognition, it was about- are those Lion Bars?" All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. "ROOOOOAR" Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums By Chief You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die.

Check out all our Lion Bars! So many Lion Bars Competitions Pictures! Nobody uses this apparently Nobody goes here either From our logs: 08:32, September 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Joebloe334 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wait, I don't get it. Don't your poorly-manicured enormous Jew claws hurt the black men's enormous dongs? Eh. To each their own, I suppose.) 11:55, September 18, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 324 seconds ‎ (saw you on Twitter, existing. This riled me. So I'm banning you. Fair?) 09:23, September 15, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked David 1981 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I hope you realize that 95% of computers come with a free version of solitare) 15:01, September 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.253.85 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (U MAD @ HAVING NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE ONLY TIRED INTERNET MEMES AND A TOTAL LACK OF CREATIVITY WHICH YOU MASK WITH YOU PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT TROLLING, BRAH?) 14:27, September 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.128.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (We discriminate against gibberish speakers around here.) Biopic of the Week Well, as you all know, the UnSignpost has a very special place for Biopic of the week, namely somewhere that isn't in the UnSignpost. As for the last two weeks we have avoided biopicing an actual person, preferring to biopic chairs, dogs and a picture instead. Well, no more, because this week we are taking a closer look at TheSlyFox. He's been around since 2006 but didn't pick up his first ban until this year which, we believe, means he is a troublemaker, a villain and a cad. All people of quality are banned within their first year. Worse, he didn't subscribe to the UnSignpost until this year either. He has written a few articles and his greatest achievement is the creation of this template. Truly this man is the greatest mystery Uncyclopedia has to offer; nobody knows who he is or what he does, but one thing's for certain: if he isn't nominating your favourite images to be burned in Forest Fire Week, he's quietly working away at an article or voting on the voting pages. You know, just like you should all be doing. Good work, TheSlyFox, but we want at least two featured articles before December or we're removing the second paragraph of this biopic, don't think we won't. I have your dog. Note from Lyrithya To you know who you are: I still have your dog. I know I already said you won't ever see her again, but I've changed my mind - if you ever want to see her again, there is one thing you can do for me. Give me your other dog. Or a Lion Bar. Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition) Reason to stay on Uncyclopedia #1 You might get free Lion Bars! OK, we're definitely done with the whole Lion Bars thing now.

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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:45, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hellos!

I just read your review. Thanks! I almost gave up hope. I'll fix it then turn it into urine again.--DeRaza360 08:20, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Haha, you're welcome! I've done much Pees this month I'll go see what it was again. Mattsnow 08:27, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I just remembered, did you think the 'animal' references should be kept in or out?--DeRaza360 08:35, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Out, I think, I really was confused with that... Could you explain where that came from? Mattsnow 08:37, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Well, as a part of my 'research' I took a look at the old DS articles to see if there were any good jokes or traits I could modify and include. Guess that one failed. Whoops, I just found out the old DS article was deleted... It referred to the DS as 'an animal created by Nintendo'. I thought it was funny, but then again I find watching a goldfish swim funny...--DeRaza360 09:01, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Reviews

You seem to be a regular reveiwer these days, so I'm gonna ask for you to do something that should help out Lyrithya with the pee maintenance. When you finish a review, please add it to User:Cajek/Pee/Maintenance Table and one of the maintainers will judge whether is counts as in-depth or not. It'll basically help with the finding all the reviews over a given month saving her and others a lot of time hopefully. But just add them to the list and nothing else... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:53, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, bro I'll keep that link! We sure swept away a lot of Pee Reviews this month. Mattsnow 02:57, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Lol yeah. I hope to do more now, I'm on holidays finally. And the trial School Certificate if over. I tread the upcoming actual exam in 7 weeks. I may actually finally disappear for a while... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 03:07, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

PLS

Hey Matt...im really sorry budy...but I wont be online for the next three or four days. I'll edit our article then. Okay sorry again? The article is going great so far :) TTYS.

H'lo

Hi Matt, good to "see" you. There you are, at the next terminal. Yes, it's me, the grey haired old lady across from you who is now running her foot up your calf. What's this about talk pages being changed??? I fear not only the worse, but fear the best as well. Do you have any moral objections to killing a guy? If not, I'll send you the name and photo. Thanks. Aleister 17:31 28-9-'11

Wow, slack off on the coffee, I can hardly distinguish what is serious in what you wrote, although it's entertainig! My best guess is that at least that thing about the talkpages seem legit. What is this? I totally didn't know about that... Do you have a link for that???

On another topic, will you write something for Poo Lit surprise? I collab with Shab on the "collab" (duh!) part of the comp, and I have a good one I think for best article. You are pretty missed here man. Mattsnow 19:11, September 28, 2011 (UTC)

"Oh, God! But why...in the balls?"

Thanks for the VFH vote on UnNews:Alaska woman wins 2011 International Punching-A-Bear-In-The-Face Championship. Here's hoping the coming world-wide Bearagnarök spares you!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Sep 28 '11 19:55 (UTC)

I'm going to keep posting my thanks until you give up and just take it! Hahaha!

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September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!

Poo Underway By Chief What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter shite quality in order to scoop the prize and earn the adoration of your peers. For those who are interested in trifling, uninteresting and unrelated news, PLS articles are being accepted until the 4th of October so there is still ample time for you to pen some kind of hilarious article about a Dog called Dover who rides a cloud around the world and combats the environmental effects of Globalisation with a magical beret. This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH By Chief The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days.

Check out these pages! Still going Still going Still alive Still full of excrement From our logs: 19:27, September 24, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.39.99.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If you're going to blank a page, just edit the entire page and remove everything. Doing it section by section is just silly.) 13:17, September 24, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.182.0.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Redirect insults. Now there's something you don't see every day.) 16:28, September 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Swagswagswag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (One day for being chronically unfunny, the rest of it because I just don't like you. Your eyes are too close together.) 21:33, September 26, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.183.148.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Uncyclopedia is not for self promotion. Neither is Wikipedia, but I guess they haven't figured it out yet or something.) 18:42, September 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.19.198.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Let us have a massive rave covered in excrement. In fact I'm going to have one now. On my own. With glowsticks!) Biopic of the Week I kissed a lady once. On an unrelated note you should really check out Colin "All your base" Heaney's userpage. It's pretty cool. This periodical fully accepts and affirms that this is a cop-out. We just ate too many Lion Bars you see. I didn't even think that was possible. Thing we should all know this week. 04:25 Uncyclopedia talk:Votes for deletion‎ (diff|hist) . . (+8) . . Bizzeebeever (Talk|contribs) (RANT ALERT: Once again, fixing my broken signature, and hoping no one notices.) Bad news Bizzeebeever, we all noticed. For shame. Newsroom UnTune of the week White trash girl

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Please accept our apologies for its belated delivery. ; ) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 08:24, 29 September 2011

Cheers

Thanks for the edits to the Tevez story. The headline now makes sense! Also, I'm not sure what's to be done with the Recent News Template (I did leave a message on the Talk Page). But if I'm not supposed to be self-adding then please let me know. Keep up the good work: I think your attitude will reap a lot more contributors. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:30, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

Hi Matt, thanks for the prize. Much appreciated. Cheers--Funnybony    08:06, Oct 1

Article for PLS

I really like what you have done so far. I like the idea of putting the trivia section at the end. It seems random...but in a good way. We just now need to tighten up the whole thing...try to add funny to everywhere possible :) ROCKA ROCKA ROCKA !!! --ShabiDOO 08:50, October 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, um

Please don't go around {{IPjoin}}ing IPs after they've only made just one edit. That's not really what that template is intended for —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:41, 2 October 2011

Just addressed this on the IRC... Weird... 13:43, October 2, 2011 (UTC)

You nommed me for WotM... again!

Hey Mattsnow, thanks for once again nomming me for WotM! I'm up against HauntedUndies again. Oh deja vu! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:28, October 2, 2011 (UTC)

LOL, HauntedUndies is your Nemesis!. Speaking of Resident evil, I should write an article about this... Great idea! Mattsnow 09:07, October 3, 2011 (UTC)

Hello!

May I twiddle your article slightly? If so, I'll let you know when I'm done, at which point you can see if you like my changes.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Oct 5 '11 22:56 (UTC)

If you want to, go ahead, no prob! There's always the revert button lol Mattsnow 23:17, October 5, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, done.

...don' hit me! Don' hit me!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Oct 6 '11 0:59 (UTC)

A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!

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The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?

It's all over! By Frosty Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED! The bitch is back! By Frosty Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages! By Frosty Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page...

Check out these pages! Can we please? Can we not? Can we laugh? Can we stop? Can we all vote? From our logs: 07:37, September 30, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 seconds ‎ (Rasputin, bring forth the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers) 08:01, October 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.9.10.18 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Nothing better than sitting down to a nice big plate of penis in the evening) 02:51, October 3, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lollipop (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wanted me deopped... ) 01:09, October 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked PIGGY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a frying pan. Yep. ‎ (I can see those button eyes. They might fool the people at the button club, but not me. I stopped going to that place years ago.) 04:21, October 6, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked An eggplant (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Lyrithya sock) 22:30, October 6, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Scofield (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm sure your stay would have been more smooth if you tried as hard to contribute to the site as you do to vandalize it.) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic is Pee review. Many of you who participated in Pee Week recently have not done a review since then. Please get reviewing again, so that we don't have a huge back log to review and Lyrithya doesn't start flailing all over the place again. This writer has done one this month and plans to do another once he delivers the UnSignpost. Follow his example and review an article today, there is a prize involved you know? List of others who are also back, but unworthy of a whole section to their name Roman Dog Bird Kip the Dip Necropaxx Nikau <insert name here> Newsroom UnTune of the week Shit... Shit... Shit...

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:37, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

Obama hopeful to dadada

Thanks for the praise, dunno how to fix that template error. Now that I finished it do you think it's worth the trip to vfh? Also that doping in sports article had me choking when I read it. The Armstrong section was class. --Nikau 01:52, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

Recently

Has anyone said recently what a treasure you are for this site? No? Then I won't either. But jeez, dude, you have been on fire since you arrived here. And thanks for killing that guy for me. Nobody has missed him yet, and the authorties will probably never find out. You are a fuckin' genius at wet work. Aleister 16:52 7-10-'11

Aleister...Mattsnow is not a fucking genius. He is a fucking fuck genius who also fucks geniusness with his fucking! I nominate Mattsnow for president for eternity of everything (after Lollipops turn ofcourse). --ShabiDOO 19:04, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

My ego is gonna get so big, it won't be able to go through doors! I read the 911 sandwich thing, it is really awesome! I tried to go on the petition for the talkpage thingie, but my browser crashes everytime since we have Christopher Colombus' era Internet here. This is a travesty. I am picketing in the streets!!! Mattsnow 20:26, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

MKULTRA

I hope I spelt that right. Anyways, I read it awhile ago on the dunny at work and then forgot to vote but now it's not of VFH anymore so have a spiritual  For. instead. Also, I've decided to tweak this and try to make it sound more newsy. I'll annoy you again when it's done. Oh, for the record, you was robbed in the PLS, Door handle rocked my jocks. I understand and I wish to continue. . 00:59, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I am telling you, that UnNews is feature worthy. I don't know by which twist of fate, and I am not alone who thinks this since I saw the Pee Review. Shabidoo also did awesome work on doorhandle, but some people like fancy prose over bluntness and Shab and I don't have a Shakespear touch (pretty sure there's a typo in "Shake-Spear"... or is it "Shakes-Pear?) Tell me when you want me to nom it bro. Mattsnow 02:00, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, I've finished giving it a bit of a touch-up, whadayathunk? The PLS is great as it promotes the writing of quality articles, however, the winners are judged by only three people and everybody's got their own opinion on whats funny so your article might've won with different judges. Let VFH be the ultimate judge, I'll nom it for you when the comps over. I understand and I wish to continue. . 02:28, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Cool! Shall I nom the beast now? Also, did you read the Unsignpost? They want to get rid of talk pages... Also, do you want to go on IRC? I'm alone in my shack in the middle of the woods and bored as hell. No bears nearby. Mattsnow 02:34, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Getting rid of talk pages? But how will I abuse ethnic minorities? Ah crud!Yeah, nom it if you can be bothered. I'm not sure how to use IRC though, I clicked it once and it came up with some error or something. I don't have time right now, but I might try again tomorrow. Surely you can find some snow beavers to annoy. Also, make sure you collect all your acorns before hibernation OK. I understand and I wish to continue. . 03:19, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

IRC would be a quick way to exchange vital informations, like the Holy Grail location and the secret of the Caramilk. Just try the 3rd option (Freenode thing) and register as they say (when you have time, of course). If a guy that had his first PC 2 or 3 years ago like me can do it, I'm sure you can! And nomming it right now, watch them flock to it like lions on a carcass (bad analogy) Mattsnow 03:31, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

You voted for Subliminal stimuli, which got featured!

A million thanks! -- 03:40, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hey,

It is me on IRC. -- 04:10, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Obama: "Iran will have a nuke by 2167!"

I don't get why they voted it down; if any of funnybony's stuff can get on, that one sure could. Although, Monika's comment about the Hillary Clinton quote might have had some merit. Hillary's generally pretty boring. Joe Biden might be more the type of the relentless self-aggrandizer who would sell his own products during a comment on national security!

Then again, it coulda been my changes that torpedoed the whole thing...so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Oct 11 '11 23:26 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry for being negative here, but it seems everything I write recently, I laugh the whole way while I'm writing, being really certain it is good and when somebody else weighs on it, it turns out it is unfunny crap. I thought User:Mattsnow/HowTo:Snowboard your way to awesomeness! was awesome and spent a lot of time on it for the PLS: didn't even crack the top 5 on ANY judge's scorecard: I thought UnNews:Obama: "Iran will have a nuke by 2167!" was hilarious: got trashed on VFH. I wanted really bad to win the PLS collab since Shabidoo was on my team and I would have loved for him to win something and worked at least 15 hours on the article. I still think it is hilarious, but a Shakespear piece was funnier. MKULTRA just got featured, but at least 5 of the for were weak to say the least. I am sober for more than a month and beginning to wonder if I was funnier while drunk! I am discouraged and feel like doing anything here will prove to be just a waste of time. I mean I can understand some people not liking my humor, but always being sure you wrote something great and being trashed afterward is discouraging man. I mean 4 times in a row! And also, I wrote a crapload of Pee Reviews, putting effort in them and people just shrug them off and do nothing. Sorry for the prima donna moment. I need a moment to think. As Shabidoo said, when you don't have fun on a comedy site (and that's the first time that happens since I joined) you have to take a reflexion moment, meet people with real faces. Mattsnow 00:50, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

Cheer up, Matt. I've got writer's block bad enough to kill a blue whale — can a blue whale die from writer's block? I suppose one could, if it needed to write something that was a matter of life or death, but was unable to, due to the fact that it had writer's block...and lacked fingers with which to write the message. Uh...wow, how'd I get on the A-train to Tangentsville?

Anyway. Writer's block. In a matter of a month, I went from being able to blast an article out in 30 minutes, to feeling like every word I write is painfully unfunny and contrived. I'd eat a bullet, but I can't afford ammo right now. Shit, I can't even make me laugh anymore. At least you've still got that. The VFH thingy? VFH & co. are for auto-erotic ego stroking, and giving reach-arounds to the admins. (I kid, but only slightly.)

My Aunt Mabel used to tell just the most terrible, corn-ball jokes, and everybody would chortle and stare at her, at which point she'd mutter, "Well, it made me laugh, and that's all that matters." Never mind the got-dangeded awards, Matt. Just write.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Oct 12 '11 1:44 (UTC)

Go do some real people stuff!!! :) :) :) Come back once you feel normal. You'll see that what you just said is pretty exagerated. I think you assume that the VFH is any indication of if an article is funny or not. It's not personal, its a reflection of what kind of article a user wants to see on the front page, with a small dash of admin favouritism though its mostly the first. As much as we think our article should have won, there are two other users who disagree, it doesn't mean they didn't find our article not funny, just means they think the Admin's article was better over all. TKF even gave his reasons for it. Alternative criteria, but he's entitled to vote however he likes. As for your article on the snowboarding, if you want me to be direct with you, I think it was better than several of the articles that were voted for, but, it could use a bit of work. When I wrote my first PLS article on Ozone, I thought it was awsome and I could not understand at all what the winning article was about, but everyone loved it. The judges told me my article was too high brow, needed serious grammar and spelling corrections, cuts and more jokes. I spent 6 months tweaking it, got a good pee review, and it became a much better article and it got featured and its now my favourite article that I wrote (even though people seem to prefer Mahjong). Beethoven though his 8th symphony was better than its predicsesor the 7th, but the 7th is now famous and the 8th is rarely played. When the operas "elektra", "madama butterfly", and the balet "petrushka" were premiered, they had to call in the police as the audience hated them so much they started riots. They are all now the most performed classical operas/ballets.

The beauty of the diversity of opinion! You don't need people to tell you that you are valuable here and that people enjoy working with you and that your articles are mostly good and funny ... but if you are feeling insecure, well, I think you are valuable and I like your articles you big baby ;)

Go do normal people stuff for a while! --ShabiDOO 01:58, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks guys, it sure means a lot. Mattsnow 05:00, October 12, 2011 (UTC)