User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 1

FACT ALERT: This user is a little too obsessed with conspiracies for his own good -Your local FBI station

Elephants never forget. But I do. If I forgot to answer your post, feel free to flame me at the bottom of this page.

Hey former EDian

We're the less harmful wiki. We don't have goatse or tubgirl or lulz. We have satire, and Brits (i'm Canadian though) and potatos. I'll make you a sig if you feel like it. I sell lollipops, too. Cheers. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:01, 20 April 2011

OK, I'll stop by, dear err.. Loli, I guess :S Mattsnow (talk) 05:13, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

I'm Canadian too. Quebec. Jealous much? Mattsnow (talk) 09:27, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Ontario. Guelph, Ontario. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:53, 20 April 2011

I'd like to know, when I click on an article in the pee review to read it and the sign disappear in front of said article, does that mean I promised to review it? And I will be banned if I don't?Mattsnow (talk) 21:57, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Huh? Please do a printscreen and show me what you mean. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:40, 20 April 2011

Well, you know, the folder sign in front of the articles in the pee review... If you click on the article, it disappears. Mattsnow (talk) 23:50, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

That's nothing big. All that means is you've selected it. Okay? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:35, 22 April 2011

Heaven's Doorknob

Hi, and good to meet you (thanks for your comp-lee-mints on the Dennis Kucinch's wife talk page). I haven't read all of your Heaven's Gate page, but I have a true story. I met four of them a couple of months or a month or so before they went to the comet. I saw some posters hung up with a UFO on them, advertising a free talk, so of course I went, and it was these four heaven's gaters who said their leader asked them to go around and talk so other people could know the truth of what was about to happen and could join them if they wanted to. They said a giant UFO would appear to pick them up, and then the universe, which is just a hologram, would be "shut off", the hologram would be gone, and only the people on the ship would be saved. There were two woman and two men in the group I met, and the thing I remember most about them is their intelligence. No fooling, their calm manners, intelligent bearing, and beautiful calm eyes gave me a huge lesson after they died, in that the most sane of people could take on any viewpoint they could and live within it. They had gotten that way from living for several years in the forest with the group, until the leader sent them out to the world to let us know about the hologram and the ship. There's my story, and I look forward to reading your page. Good to have you among us, and the ship leaves at 10 this evening. Aleister 17:39 21-4-'11

Good to meet you too! Wow, I don't know what to say. Certainly, intelligent people can be reprogrammed. And as you can see on the video in the article, Applewhite was intelligent and zen, but insane. To be pushed to such an extent that they all willingly commited suicide is sick and fascinating at the same time.

On another topic, the more I browse Uncy, the more I like it. All of the articles I read in featured content are either entertaining or downright hilarious. Mattsnow (talk) 18:06, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

After writing you I remember that the Heaven's Gate woman said that Applewhite and his wife (I don't know if she said his name, just their leader or messenger) had already left their bodies and they had been taken over by two alien entities, Bo and Peep, who had told them all the stuff they were relying on. I know! The content here, especially on the feature page, is really good and uncy is constantly building a better article base. It's six years old now, and that's a lot of time in the internet age, and has been guided to keep on track, and here we are with this backlog. Of course I won't accept that the site is grown-up until the featuring of History of Great Britain, which is a work in progress and hopefully Romartus and the other writer will finish it sometime in the next three or four years. The anti-holograph ship is coming, I'd better pack my bag. So gotta go. Aleister 00:50 22-4-'11

p.s. Just saw your note on my talk page. I had logged off after writing you and just came back, I usually take quite a few hours in-between checking in, unless I check every hour or so, depending on if I'm online or running around in the sun. Ummmmmmmm, sun.

Well, I checked Uncyclopedia's alexa's ranking and was rather surprised it was that low. There is more good content here that a certain wiki we all know about and that was in the 4 digits. And Uncy is in the 6 digits :S That surprised me since that site has much better quality than the "other site" I don't want to name, but I have Erectile Dysfonction btw.But FTW. It would be cool if I could ask you to read my article hunting for grammatical errors and syntax mishaps when I'm through. My native tongue is not English btw. Mattsnow (talk) 01:20, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, ok, don't forget I am a self-proclaimed n00b, I haven't got any answer from the person in UN:AAN and I am not that hard of a bastard to deal with. Could I ask you when a query explodes my brain? You'd be my unofficial adopter, but I am not that demanding. Feel free to flame me.Mattsnow (talk) 01:41, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia's Alexa ranking

What is a alexa ranking, and what does it mean? I'm a noob on many things like that myself. 6 digits, does that mean good or bad? Where is gold, and which way is up? Me, hunt for grammatical errors, hahahahah heeheeheeh hahahahaha huh? I'm the most ungrammatical and unable to spell type of person within arms reach. And of course, ask me anything, and I'll give you my opinion, but adoption is just for the estate, that's all people want, the adopter's estate and car keys and things like that. Ask away though, and I'll read your Heaven's Gate page on the morrow, looking forward to it. You allowed me to bring back some interesting memories here, and there was totally no way to know or guess when I met them that such sane seeming people would off themselves for a fantasy. The comet was fun to look at though, I wish we had more comets. There's one coming in October but I don't know if the tail will be visible, hope so though. Comets! Aleister 2:10 22-4-'11

You a noob on the Subjunctive Voice, fo sho. I think what he is saying is that, while we pat ourselves on the backs, we are swimming in a readership backwater. Alexa sounds like vanity license plates, in which fewer digits means more exclusive. Spıke ¬ 02:55 22-Apr-11

I was very surprised myself that the topic was free and that I could impose it freely upon my arrival. I am from Planet Krypton. No pun intended.Mattsnow (talk) 02:52, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I always try to keep a great dose of truthfulness, it is important so people that google it get their dose of InsanityMattsnow (talk) 02:52, April 22, 2011 (UTC) Well I don't quite understand my friend

Me neither. Mattsnow (talk) 13:03, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

The alexa ranking measures the traffic to a website. Mattsnow (talk) 15:13, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Does it really measure it? Is it accurate? Because if it is accurate then uncyclopedia is woefully lacking in readers. More publicity is needed. Or is it just people rating websites on alexa. Again, if it is accurate, we maybe should put up a forum on ways to increase the alexa rating and how that works. Thanks. And I watched that creepy Applegate video on your page, and watched the second half too. Why someone in his group just didn't bash his head in with a rock is beyond my paygrade. Aleister 16:45 22-4-'11

The Alexa thing seems to be the most widely-recognized traffic calculator on the net. It says Uncy's readers are disproportionnally women who have high education. Seriously! [[1]] For some reason, the site is hugely popular in Chunbuk. We should do an article for those guys! I also came accross some claims that while being the most accurate traffic calculator, it cannot be 100% accurate. With the quality of writing and the funniness that is on this site, it's very surprising to me we would be the 200,000th site in the world. Well, let's plug the site on our Facebook pages! :)

And as you can see from the previous comments, I had some beer yesterday evening lol, I was not making much sense! Mattsnow (talk) 17:03, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Alexa sez: "It also appeals more to childless, highly educated women earning between $60,000 and $100,000 who browse from work." A New Hampshire-ite would ask: "But do they put out?!"

Where is Chunbuk? Did the Village Chieftain do something to get all the townspeople to consult Uncyclopedia? Do they understand that it (and especially UnNews) is a hoax? Are we risking world war??? Spıke ¬ 00:05 23-Apr-11

LOL I was wrong about Uncy's Alexa rank. See this forum, I stood corrected on 26 April.[2] Mattsnow 20:37, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

A sig

You want me to make you a sig? I'm good at that and I like offering new users the oppurtunity to make them sigs because users helped me when I was new. I'll make a good sig. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:57, 22 April 2011

Wow, that would be awesome! If you could make it snow-related would be the bomb. You are really cool bro! Mattsnow (talk) 17:03, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I know. Okay, i'm making the sig now. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:06, 22 April 2011

User:Mattsnow/sig

-- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:16, 22 April 2011

It doesn't work :( What do? User:Mattsnow/sig 17:26, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

No,lol. You go to preferences, and in the sig box, put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Mattsnow/sig}} -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:33, 22 April 2011

I know I am a pain in the ass, but could you make the mattsnow part a little darker? And include a link to my TP? I feel bad for asking :S Mattsnow 17:48, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

The snowflake is the link to your talk page. And i'll try to make the Mattsnow part darker. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:49, 22 April 2011

Cool! You really are cool! Did I mention you're cool? Anyway, you're cool! And I read your Unnews about the boat. I thaught it was well written. Just lacking jokes. I'll try to add some Mattsnow 17:53, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Good, then it could be put back into mainspace. See, I told you they're much nicer here than ED. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:54, 22 April 2011

You've got that right! I could not edit ED at work, but here, no probs! I showed the site to the guy next to me here and he likes it a lot. Mattsnow 17:57, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

But not too dark please. Mattsnow 18:00, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Will be working on it. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:05, 22 April 2011

Ok thanks, but just a liiitttlle darker. It is almost invisible :) Mattsnow 19:57, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Your Lollipop

-- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:42, 22 April 2011

HAHAHA! Mattsnow 19:43, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

How is it? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:34, 22 April 2011

It tastes like chhicken. Mattsnow 23:43, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I've never had chhicken before. Does chhicken taste the same way as chicken? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:45, 22 April 2011

Is chhicken the meat you eat and then say "Echh?" Spıke ¬ 23:46 22-Apr-11

Yes. And after you say "Echh" you say "Achhh..." -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:47, 22 April 2011

Loli is far from beig a vegan. I am concerned about his weight. Mattsnow 23:50, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I'm in good shape. 5"6, 150 lbs. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:55, 22 April 2011

5"11', 175 pounds of muscle. And fat. And bones. My ligaments are also weighing something. I really care abot my weight. Mattsnow 00:12, April 23, 2011 (UTC)00:09, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Heaven's Gate

No sweat. I read all of it. In short: most of it is great. Had at least 5 killer lines that really killed me, but that isn't to disparage the rest either. I'd say that the weakest part, by far, is the intro, which wears its ED influence on its sleeve. The final line of the intro basically does what the rest of it should do: illuminates the insanity with subtlety and irony. That isn't to say "always be funny and don't make jokes" because some of the article's best moments come from absurd or aggressive writing, such as the Lance Armstrong analogy (maybe you can even make another one in the paragraph about castration). The intro just has to abandon the 1337speak.

I would say this isn't very far from being featurable, either. Some people have notoriously higher (and sometimes nebulous) standards than me, though. Anything that makes me laugh on this site is probably featurable, at least. Just fix up that intro (shouldn't be too hard) and I'll gladly put it up for nomination. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:41, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

Gee, thanks for all the heaping praise. ED and Uncyc are two very different entities, with nearly incomparable styles, and to ED's credit, their sense of humor is very consistent, while much of Uncyc still needs improvement. I made a few changes to the few (two) spots that detracted from the writing in the intro, but any other changes/expansions for the whole article you can think of would of course be great. I'll wait a day to nom it, in case you think of anything else. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:11, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

VFD

Could you update the score when you vote on VFD? Thanks. (talk) 22:59, 28 April 2011

Will do. I didn't know. Mattsnow 23:10, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Noob of the Month

I'm sure you know what a n00b is at Uncyclopedia, a new user. Like a rookie. So NotM is rookie of the month (sadly, I never was nominated for it). I voted for you, and I hope you win. You quickly adapted to our humour, good sign. --(talk) 00:52, 1 May 2011

Cool! I'm having fun here, a lot of cool people! Thank you. Mattsnow 00:55, May 1, 2011 (UTC)

How do you like my cool new sig. I'm taking it out for a test drive until the hour's over. Then I decide if Chupa Chups will take over the Lollipop reign. --(talk) 01:01, 1 May 2011

Oh! It was you!! That sig is amazing, it is better than the Lollipop one! But how will you be able to give lollipops then? :P Mattsnow 01:19, May 1, 2011 (UTC)

Hot Cat

add the gadget, and things change on the page. You can add a category by clicking the plus sign, typing what you think should be the category in the box, click ok. Stick with categories that show up. I do not think you are ready to "create new categories" yet, even thought is not hard, we just don't need more, in my opinion. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 07:10, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

err what is this have to do with pics? Anyhow, I add [[]] now to pics I upload. Maybe I am too high for now to get it XD Thank you for the help, I'll lurk more when sober. Mattsnow 07:28, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

VFD

When you add the {{vfd}} tag to a page you must also create an entry in VFD to validate the vote. I have done this for you this time, but remember to do this in future. -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 09:21, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

I did Frosty! It took me some time, but I was putting it there and it resulted in an edit-war with you:p Mattsnow 09:27, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

Lol whoops sorry. For the record you edit conflicted me on your talk page. -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 09:31, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

N00b of the Month

Looks like you're a shoe-in for n00b of the month. Awesome! Let's see some more articles! Then I'll vote for you (not like you need it - like I said, you're a shoe-in)! --NoNamesLeft 05:58, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

HowTo:Become an Assassin

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 07:41, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, Mr.Snow

Mr.Snow, many of us have noticed you working on a page on Bohemian Grove. Please cease and digest. When we travel to the Grove for our annual shindig with the Rockefellers and Poppy and the gang, we are just blowing off steam (and some of the local girls come to blow off a "little steam" too, which is what I call mine). Do we write about your parties? No. We leave you to enjoy yourself in the hottub with your 12-pack of gin, and don't spread it all over a comedy website. So please do us the same favor. Go about your business. Think pure thoughts. Buy lots of products, and encourage your friends to do the same. That is all. Aleister 12:31 5-5-'11

Your forces of Evil will be defeated, you who revel in worshipping the One Whose Name We Shall Not Speak Mattsnow 12:35, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

What? No, it's just an owl. Mordo or something. It can't even fly. Aleister 12:41 5-5-'11

Oh Messenger of Darkness, begone! For thou shall rot with that wretched Owl in the Underworld where thou were spawned! Mattsnow 12:49, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Now you've gone and done it. Oh boy. I told Kissinger you were OK, but he's hepped up over this Bin Laden thing, and he and Alex Jones had lunch, and it gets worse from there. Aleister 12:57

Thou showed thy true face, Dark Overlord! Did you know I had an another article on VFH? The first one I wrote upon arriving here! :P The ED style is a bit obvious. And you, what are you writing now? Do you have one on VFH? Mattsnow 13:07, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Aye, me face is that of an owl with glowing eyes. Depends on the lighting though. I must read your assassin article closer, but I see an IP has poked at a weakness in it, as IP's tend to do every month or so. My frightening children page is on VFH, and nobody has commented about its talk page as yet, a hidden bonus of the article. And Alex Jones, me's can't tell if you like him or not. I actually often listen to his youtube redux of his shows as I browse the web or write here and elsewhere. The things he and his guests speak of which no other man dare speaketh (except for David Icke, who speaketh with forked tongue) seem more accurate as events unfold. I think he's off the deep end on his Bin Laden thing though, and that may be because his sources thought bin Laden would die from his disease earlier than he would have. I must sign-off now, my bros at the Skull & Bones house expect me for a briefing. Aleister 13:16 5-5-'11

Thanks for your vote on the frightening of small children, pushing it into the realm of feature. Yippee! It looks like your vfh page is being sent back for work, which is fine, it will sail through next time. Some people here work on their pages for months or years, polishing and improving and getting rejected on vfh only to come back again. I think that was the third trip for Frightening of the small children, and I had to add a deeper story to it each time. I'm really looking forward to reading your Bohemian Grove page in earnest, and I envy your picking the topic, it's a good one. Owl's to you, and now I'm off to listen to Alex Jones! Aleister 2:48 6-5-'11

I thaught that people were teamming against me since I voted down one or two articles... I am not too used as to how VHF works! (The politics of the place and such. And I will not spoil the Bohemian thing for you. Go back to The Realm of Evil Fornication, Devil! :p Mattsnow 05:00, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

Perhaps I'm just an idealist, but in theory, politics and whatnot should have nothing to do with voting on articles. Folks really ought to just vote based on whether or not the think the article merits featuring, regardless of who wrote it or who else voted what and how and where, or any such whatnot. If folks think an article is good, they think it's good. If they think it needs more work, it may need more work. If they just don't like it, well... that's their opinion, you know? I realise this isn't actually how a lot of folks go about it, but may as well give them the benefit of the doubt unless they actually do give a reason indicating spite or whatnot, and if they do, you may want to contact an admin, as that's really not appropriate grounds for a vote. Meantime, pleasem, don't be afraid to vote according to what you would actually like to see on the front page, regardless of how others might perceive it; if they want to hold that against you, it's just proof that they're assholes.

Granted, there are a lot of assholes here... 1234 ~ 09:18, 6 May 2011

They are teaming against you. We had a meeting and decided "Let's all vote down Matt's article, just because", and then we had tea and some pretty bad appetizers before someone brought out the main dishes from the kitchen. That was a great meeting! But to be a little more serious, working on a page is well worth the effort. Every time I've worked on one of mine I'm happier with the result (I've spent many an hour on "Warm Piss Water", and edit it every now and then just to continue the joke that started me working on it. I seek perfection for it, and will edit it again right now). Aleister 10:14 6-5-'11

LOL That's what I thaught! As I said maybe I'm paranoid, there were no voting or anything on ED. Mattsnow 11:33, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

Bloody everything here is voting... it gets rather tiresome at times, but if you want to vote for a sandwich, there's a page. Vote for a zombie, page for that, too. And more sensical things, for that matter, but they're less interesting. 1234 ~ 11:37, 6 May 2011

Well that was part paranoia and part alcohol on my part lol. Forget that, I realize the article had a lot of flaws. The subject isn't really funny either. Also, the level of writing here is a lot better than it is on Erectile Dysfunction, where I had to work 4 hours to make an article that would be on the front page. So I'll know for future votes: if people don't like it, take your freakin' pills and get back to working on it. :) Mattsnow 03:13, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Congratulations

I still do not yet have a feature, and you, only here for less than a month, already have. Congratulations on the feature. --(talk) 16:57, 7 May 2011

Thank you very much, Lollipop. My cool signature is all thanks to you, as I mentioned on NOTM. I would like to help you on that Youtube article, if it works out, I'll give you the whole credit for it, deal? And I saw your article FuckChiefJusticeDS. It is hilarious and you definitely desrve a half-feature for that one! Mattsnow 17:17, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Aye, but the writer of the featured version, Lyrithya, won't give me credit. And you can help me with LOLism. --(talk) 17:28, 7 May 2011

Why? I'll help you on any article OK I'll see that, but why did the Youtube article hit a wall? It was a great idea! Mattsnow 17:37, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

No, it was moved to my userspace. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:43, 7 May 2011

I just made a small edit to your article... Did you see it? And then... Boxxy lol Mattsnow 17:48, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, add some ideas to "Teh Ten Con<span>ments". -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:18, 7 May 2011

Re post on lyrithyas page

Hey Mattsnow...dont worry about all of dat :) My first article was in the happy monkey competition, and happy monkey criticised it so hard I blanked it and almost left the site. But then, MrTheJazz reverted the blanking and told me it was really okay and just needed a little bit of work :) Its never nice being trashed, but you were not trashed, people just gave their opinion. Two things to think about. 1) VFH and VFD are two different things. While the VFD people can be really acidic and mean, most of the articles are pretty bad and the people who wrote them are long gone from the site. 2) When people make critiques on VFH, they are 99% of the time constructive (or simply NOs). If someone says its not ready, they mean it, if they simply say no, it just means that its not in a state to be featured on the front page. 2) People seem to think that most visitors and passersby are one or two time visitors to the site, so that featured article kind of represents the whole website to them (or a chance to suck them into the website as a user), and ofcourse, with so much competition for that slot, people want really good stuff, and there is a tiny bit of (but not excessive) buddy voting. Good standards is a good thing. Anyhoo...I liked the article you wrote, but I agreed that it just needs a little more time and thought put into it (in my humble opinion). I loved the pictures you chose though!!! --ShabiDOO 17:28, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Wow...I don't know where to start! I did not know there was that much cameras in the ceiling! lol! I have got to say, I am not angry at anybody whatsoever on the contrary, Heaven's gate just got featured and it is far more superior to HowTo:Become an Assassin. On ED, it was easy: I just had to write an offensive article with gore pics (because I always wrote on politic topics) and there it was: Front page. Work 4 hours: you have a gem. It's not the same here since the writing level is SO MUCH better. Seriously, I had a paranoia moment since that voting thing did not exist on ED, but I guess I am doing something right since I just got featured with Heaven's Gate! I logged in today and saw that. I just finished writing Bohemian Grove if it suits your interests Mattsnow 18:18, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

But you know what? I would vote on cancelling the Noob of the Month right there. That is just putting a pressure on N00bs. Mattsnow 18:21, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

I was on the brink of leaving at three different times. The first was November 2010, when I felt that nobody liked me here. The second was February 2011, which resulted in the name change. And the third was March 2011, when Skully said to me on IRC: "You may discover that Uncyclopedia may not be the right place for you." -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:25, 7 May 2011

Why in the fuck's name did he say that? I don't understand. You were the 1st to wish me a warm welcome here, and your contrib to my sig is unvaluable. Mattsnow 18:41, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Lilipop...you are the greatest signature maker on uncyclopedia (except for the 1st best one), you are an incredible schenanigan maker here (the actual 1st) and you are by far the best best best schmobninker gillywop!!! Dont let anyone tell you you arent. Why are you on IRC anyways? As if the actual website isnt enough of a time waster. I wouldnt take bitchy things anyone says seriously (even though its difficult). This is deffinately the place for you (in my humble opinion). Yup (toxic fart slowly drifting from Spikes talk page to Mattsnow's talk page. BYE!!! ===============ZOOOOOOOOOM!!! --ShabiDOO 18:48, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

I've never gone on IRC and never intend to, so if I ever show up there it's fake. And Lollipop, no one does like you, and maybe you would be more comfortable on wikipedia, so go there, scoot, go now, /waits for the door to close on the way out Are you still here? Damn. Oh well. I read the Bohemian Grove page, it needs work (hahahahahahahahahaha hee hee heeheeheeh huh?), and has owls. I personally honor owls as my God, especially those Harry Potter owls. It's a pretty good article, I must admit. And huge congrats on Heaven's Gate!!! Aleister 11:25 8-5-'11

I agree Lollipop brings a good vibe here, he's a nice guy. I bet you didn't saw it coming on my article that I would make fun of Jones, eh? The truth is I like him, and believe much of the things he says, it's just that his tendency to blow everything out of proportion makes him so easy to make jokes about! Mattsnow 11:46, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

He needs making fun of. He's nuts. He's said that he was bullied a lot as a child, and always came right at the bully, and that seems to have driven his life from then on. I like Jones too, and if this fake bin Laden thing he's on now pans out at all he'll be getting the Nobel prize or something. I linked a vid of his on my user page because I told Funnybony I'd post this one, he hadn't seen it yet. As for Lollipop, the women should love that nickname. A very wise man, it seems to me. Aleister 12:14 8-5-'11

Oh yeah, I saw that one on Infowars LOL the poor bloke just can't place a word! The thing about Jones is he has so much info that you sometimes say to yourself: is he some sort of genius to remember all this or is he making this up as he goes? But I was part of Montreal 911 truth when I was staying there. It was a blast! Holiday today, sunny, gotta go cycle, will be back later! VVVVVRROOOOOUUUUMMM! Mattsnow 12:42, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

I would go to Wikipedia, but there is one big problem. They have no sense of humor. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:06, 14 May 2011

You been done fooled, <insert name here>

But don't feel bad, everyone falls for it once. I remember the first time I got tricked. It was on Shandon's userpage. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 06:31, May 9, 2011 (UTC)

Fooled into what??? The Gobeshite thing? Mattsnow 06:34, May 9, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah. Well, if you don't win it, then at least <insert name here> will. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:10, May 9, 2011 (UTC)

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

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Now with 20% more ninjas!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:44, 12 May 2011

KABOOM!

My articles? What are you? A masochist or something? Anyway these are my articles: HowTo:Get into Heaven, Why?:My homework was late and Souvlaki. Yeah, yeah. Stupid Mimo&maxus has made only three articles. How funny. Please help me with these. --Mimo&maxus 18:55, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

An Hero revising

Thanks a lot for the advice. The other reviewer didn't like the mention of Mitchell either, so I'm gonna revamp the article "Mitchell" wise and make it even less offensive. I don't know about the "an"s though, cause they're a major joke in my article, so I dunno about restricting them to one section. Are they really that annoying?

Ironically, I have never edited ED and in fact I despised it before its demise. My first article, Ratatouille, is a piece of crap in my opinion, but I'm currently writing another article called Hey Arnold!© and right now it's on my namespace. Thanks again for the help!--Dorkadorkreece 16:36, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the moral support. I'll remember not to beat myself up for only getting a 7 XD. Good luck with your Bohemian Grove article. Too bad I didn't know what the joke was. XD --Dorkadorkreece 01:48, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

Hey you...

Why is my voice so annoying? --Black Flamingo 19:55, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha! I was kidding! It's great to see somebody going the extra mile to make a great article, it was a great one :) Mattsnow 20:32, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Well, the credit should go to JelloMold, Magic man and Gaddafi. I just read it out into a microphone because I was bored. --Black Flamingo 20:43, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

You have a very good voice. Nice work. And Matt, isn't it fun polishing your page like that? For months or years sometimes. For example, I'll go do an edit on Warm Piss Water, just for tradition. Aleister 21:04 18-5-'11

Yes it is! I have a synonym dictionary on an app and my article on the other! (and Five Finger Death Punch screaming atop their lungs on another!)What's hard about polishing it is you don't want to take out good stuff. Slowly but surely! Mattsnow 21:12, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

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The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:09, 19 May 2011

Grammar Question Answered

Hi, you don't know me, but I'm just stopping by to answer the question you left on Al's talkpage. With plural possessives--i.e., things like the phrases "the young girls' blood" or "the spiders' webs" or whatever--the apostrophe goes after the ending S that makes a word plural. So, you get things like "the young girls' blood" etc. For making words or names that already end in S plural, you actually tack on another apostrophe-S. So, it would be "Alex Jones's documentary," for instance. For the longest time, this actually wasn't the case, and things like the Chicago Manual of Style still allow for either way to be correct. (There is one exception to this rule, though: Classical and Biblical names that end in S get just an apostrophe to be possessive, so it it would be "Jesus' wine" or "Socrates' book".) Finally, I would like to point out that you could have found all of this out if you just went to Wikipedia's article on the apostrophe, which is where I myself went to confirm the bit about the Chicago Manual of Style supporting both ways of making words that end in S possessive. I'm Guildensternenstein by the way--you can call me Guildy. Hi. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:55, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Québec

From VFH: "Self-nomination regulation: self-nominated articles (i.e. you write an article and then decide to nominate it yourself) must receive at least one critique via Pee Review before nomination (or at spend a week on Pee Review if you can't get anyone to look at it). Articles nominated by people other than the author can still be nominated at any time and require no review (though it is still recommended)."

In case you missed it. The Québec article is basically a self-nom; normally we'd just take those down on sight, but I think TKF likes you. So, uh... you may want to get a review, or something. Or find someone to take over the nom. Or something. Something. 1234 ~ 05:39, 19 May 2011

Yes I understand. I'll submit it to a Pee Review first. Please huff it from VFH, I had no bad intentions. Mattsnow 05:43, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Don't worry, it's an honest mistake that some of our most esteemed contributors still make. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 05:49, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Well, now I think I managed to huff it myself, and I'll return the favor by doing a pee review of another article soon (like in 2 days max) Deal? Just answer me a short message if you got this one. Peace! Just "OK" will do the job! Mattsnow 05:55, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Bohemian Grove

I added a small paragraph to the section that was previously only a video, because I felt that there should be something there besides a link that very few people would watch. Of course, feel free to revert it or rewrite it if you'd like.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 21:01, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hahahaha!!! Thank you fpr the contribution, it is hilarious! It's definitely staying! Thums up! Mattsnow 01:22, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Just a comment

You know that Alex Jones does not believe in Lizards right? Or Alien Hybrids, or UFOs... Or Hollow earth, or flat earth, or Nibru, or 2012, or... The Loch Ness Monster. Or most of the really nutty stuff. That's David Icke, or Michael Tsarion, maybe Jordan Maxwell. this edit to me looks like you are suggesting that he does, and are mocking him for saying so. As that's not what he believes I don't see where the humour is. Actually, A lot of people who have studied David Icke don't think even he really believes in the Lizard thing. Opinion is divided between those who thinks he really believes in the lizards, those that think he just pretends to believe in the lizards so that "they" don't kill him for what he says, and those who think that when he says Lizards he actually means Jews. Some people also think that when he says lizards he does not mean all Jews, but Rothschild Zionism. MrN 09:39, May 27

From what I can tell Icke actually thinks they are lizards, or at least hybrids, who can travel between dimensions at will. I actually have a friend who had such a sighting (three occultists came to her door, and for just a moment when she opened it she saw them as tall lizards and then they "changed" back, and she didn't even know about Icke.) He may actually see the people he talks about as cold-hearted, and there is much talk about child molestation among that crowd too. With Icke and Jones and others chipping away at a whole range of either real or imagined "rulers of the earth" data, things are starting to get more notice that should have been publicized long ago. Aleister Rothchild III 11:36 27-5-'11

I will bet my hat that Icke is talking about the reptilian brain (which is a real part of the brain) as well as genetic bloodlines (which are also real), as well as Rothchild Zionism (which is very real indeed). this was funded by the ADL who are trying to convince the viewer he is an anti-semite. Also... For anyone reading this... It's my view that the whole lizard thing comes from something called the "Kundalini". Now I dare you to go and investigate what that is all about, and its use of lizard symbolism over the last few thousand years or so... ;) MrN 11:57, May 27

I have a hard time with the reptilian thing, but I sure believe aboutthe bloodlines. The Illuminati are also real: they were funded in Bavaria. Now as to what importance these guys roles are is hard to say, but when you have your emblem on the dollar bill, I'd say: huge. Mattsnow 12:03, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

You guys are determined to talk about interesting things, where's the humour in that? It seems Icke talks about all those topics openly, and not in metaphor. His depiction of kundalini in drawings and in descriptions of individual and group consciousness is also fairly in-the-open. So his use of metaphor for his lizard hypotesis would be out of character. Several years ago I was surprised to learn, from Icke, that the vast majority of "jewish" people are actually eastern european honkies who just adopted the jewish label a couple of centuries ago, a major "secret" that few people talk about and that the ADL seems intent on keeping secret. Yet for his lizards, I think he actually means lizards and that all of this one-world stuff is dedicated to honoring the lizards. I love my active reptilian brain! Aleister 12:14 27-5-'11

I once was part of Montreal 911truth, we discussed these things, but we centered thew discussions around the masons and Illuminati. I'll see what I can dig on "kundalini". Is that a new sort of pasta? LOL Mattsnow 12:27, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

It's to do with meditation. Apparently it's possible to "raise your "kundalini energy" through meditation giving the person who does a different view of the world. Apparently it's a bit like a LSD trip, except you have more control over yourself, and you don't need drugs. Some people call those who have done that the Illuminati, or "Illuminated ones". Nothing to do with NWO or anything like that... I have no idea if it's bullcrap or not, but I do know people who claim to have done it. Kundalini energy is symbolised by two snakes wrapped around the spine. Ever seen two snakes on a cross? It's my view that this is what they are talking about when they refer to the serpent in the bible. Tree of knowledge and all that. I think the use of this symbol explains why there is so much lizard symbolism all over the world, and through history. MrN 16:19, May 27

And the illuminati and masonic symbols also have alot to do with sex magick. In addition to the eye in the pyramid representing the all-seeing one consciousness of all life, it also is a symbol for the power of sex when used for magical stuff, which actually opens up brain levels (now getting into Tim Leary and Robert Anton Wilson realms). I can see this discussion, if more people join it, expanding to lots of bandwidth. Or fizzling out right here. Aleister 12:33 27-5-'11

Wait! You are really Aleister Crowley! It's finally dawned on me. ;) MrN 16:19, May 27

Crowley? He died, long time ago, and his skull now rests on my desk and I use it to store pretzels (the long stick ones fit right in the eye sockets!) Aleister 18:02 28-5-'11

Drone UnNews

I love your U.S. Drone UnNews, a great mix of real news with humour (these are, to me, the best use of UnNews, satire containing real information that people might like knowing about). Thanks for writing and sharing it. I work on the drone program, and actually guide the bombs in towards children and anything else that moves, and you've caught the mood of the office perfectly! Aleister Rothchild III moments after that last one

Thanks! It is also my opinion that it is funnier when jokes are somewhat based on facts, plus it gives a skeleton to the article. I'll make sure to read Skunk soon, it promises to be hilarious! I couldn't help but notice you have hacked Aleister's account, Mr.Rothchild. Tell David Rockefeller I said hi and Rupert Murdoch I hate him! Mattsnow 11:49, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

I forgot to put the "s" in Rothchild. Can't even spell my own name right. And thanks for wanting to read Skunk, that was an interesting page to write. It was actually inspired by my one time being sprayed, and I was soooooo lucky there was a picnic table between the skunk and myself so it only got my pants from the knees down. It took some doing to get it to spray too, as it was night and I heard a rustling around the table - which was in an enclosed area - and went to see what it was and the skunk actually ran away for about six seconds with me standing up and moving around before it felt it was time to spray. One of my better nature experiences (I tend to clearcut the woods, not save them like those wimpy hippies). Did you read that funny UnNews about Abe Lincoln that's on VFH? It made me think, and think hard, about the asshatedness of the old-timey presidents who were asshats. I'd congratulate the author but am wayyyy too lazy to look at the history. One other point, some of us are in a frat that does collabs on requested articles, and it's about time to pick another page to do. Would you have an interest in joining our sick number? Aleister 12:02 27-5-'11

I sure would! I'd love to do a collab! Count me in, let's do an epic one! Mattsnow 12:28, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Skinfan13 started the frat, and we've done six articles, all featured. Black Flamingo is very active in it, as Skinfan, who is at military school, has left us for awhile (maybe killed in Afghanistan, or will be killed in Pakistan, no one is really sure). I am too lazy right now to look at the frat pages to see where we're at, but we need to pick a page title and then start one up again. Sounds like too much work right now. I must be hungry, or Jonesing for some Alex Jones (he stormed the Texas Capital Building yesterday). Aleister 13:02 27-5-'11

Well count me in! Is there a forum page on it or something? How many persons are on an article at any given time? Mattsnow 13:07, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

Just cam to say hi. How are ya putting up?-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:12, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Great! I see you have a cool new sig, I have a hunch that Lollipop worked on it. It looks good bro! Were right in a furious debate aftre I wrote the unNews about Obama and the drones (see the first Unnews on the frontpage) Mattsnow 12:24, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

You're in a debate about this article with lollipop? What's the debate about?-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:52, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

No no LOL, on the talk page above! :P Mattsnow 12:54, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, I am probably so dumb even a mongoose can take me on in a chess game. Man how I have always wanted to use that. :D Yeah I am reading the article first and it looks like you can do with some changes. Let me read the whole thing then the debate.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 13:01, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

The debate is not so much about the article as about the subject!But feel free to comment on the article! Do you plan on starting another article? What's the topic? Mattsnow 13:07, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Hmmm. I think it's a solid subject. But as I have not read the debate yet..Anyway, this is what I am working on right now and as soon it's finished I am putting it up for Peeing. -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 13:11, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Nice article man, nice. Have you put it up in Pee review yet? And yeah, the sig was made by lollipop. Awesome sig man awesome :D.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 13:34, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

I won't put it up for Pee Review for now, I already have 2 articles there. It seems people don't want to review mine, but maybe Mr N will nom it, saving me the trouble of a Pee Review. I ate 2 frogs and 7 squirrels today, it's great on toasts! Mattsnow 23:52, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

O Dude why didn't I think of that? You don't even have to get it reviewed and you still get nominated. Can you nom my next article? because the only reviewer i like is magic man and if i ask him again it will just look lame. And yeah, Kevillips just picked up a fight with me on Lyrithya's talk, been enjoyin it for a while now. Looking forward to it too. :D -> That's Poop Man Poop 23:56, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Well I'll read it first! You just can't nom everything in sight. Mattsnow 00:01, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah of course if only you like it. And that Lyrithya talk page pseudo showdown was just a confusion, Lyrithya thought kevillips was saying something which he thought was what Lyrithya was saying. or something like that. It's all sorted out btw. Thanks man, for, you know *starts crying into arms*. -> That's Poop Man Poop 07:28, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

HALOAS

Thanks for the review man. You're the best. I really am 13 and I do speek greek. I'd love to see you helping me with this. --Mimo&maxus 07:57, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

Haha, I did add some things. When you feel it is ready, I'll nom it, cool? Mattsnow 08:31, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

New frat projects

I approved your membership to the frat. After weeks of voting we've decided to collab on two articles: "Muse" and "Boyfriend". These are among the top most linked pages without a link. I'll alert the media. The number of users working on a page at one time varies between 0 and 1. Sometimes less. Yo, thanks for your vote on the Abe Lincoln unnews and on Skunk, you have pushed them either over the top or over a cliff. Aleister 18:07 Saturday

p.s. Whoops, I meant on "Skunk" (thanks for the kind words, touches my heart, and soul, much like the TSA). I guess your vote on the Abe Lincoln Unnews is a future vote (seriously, I thought you had), if you read it I hope you tear it apart with your claws.

That's great, tell me when we start this thing!!! How much time does it usually take for 2 articles? Is there a kind of official page for the frat? So much qwashtionz. Mattsnow 21:31, May 28, 2011 (UTC)

To answer your question, yes, somewhere in there, and then you have to bounce around his pages to find all the stuff. It takes months sometimes. To look at all his pages I mean. As to other stuff, I put the youtube vid you left me on the appropriate page It fits nicely, as does her neck. Aleister 3:32 29-5-'11

Thanks, I'm eagerly awaiting for it to start! And you've got to admit Sarah Palin looks like a hobo compared to Elizabeth, or Eliz as she wants me to call her. Mattsnow 06:14, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

Just passing by

Heeheehee /runs away Aleister Sunday

Sincere thanks for supporting one or more of these articles on VFH:

• Guru Maharaj Ji
• Don Martin
• Blue-ringed octopus
• Lunar Launch (with Socky)
• 2012 (with MrN)

like, really!--Funnybony    20:45, May 29

yeahyeahyeah

keep helping me. thanks for the edititts --Mimo&maxus 10:56, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Keep helping me too. And I think it's peaches and cream that you are working on a Rand Paul page, a great pick. He's shaping up to be the only honest member of the American Senate, probably because of his background in Scientology. And he is from Kentucky, so lots of moonshine constituents to keep happy by keepin' the revenuers away. Aleister 18:22 30-5-'11

Desecrater of User's pages, begone! Go back to educating thyself with Scientology books and fornicating with Tom Cruise and John Travolta and maybe thou will understand the "it" of Life causing thee to go insane, jumping up and down on Oprah! Mattsnow 18:30, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

New Project

I am starting a "Comedy portal" a collection or directory of all the articles on famous comedians. I think it is appropriate for a site like this to have a section on famous comedians done in a "roast style" I am recruiting people that may be interested in taking on possibly unknown topics, and researching them and writing a satirical biography of them. This is my prototype procedure for writers on this project. I am trying to get Lollipop to join as well. You seem to be generally agreeable and I thought you may enjoy a little comedy history self learning as I would. Let me know, I will watch this page for your response. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:12, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

That really is a phenomenal idea man!!! Boldness is great! --ShabiDOO 20:17, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

So basically, you'd like people to write articles on comedians that don't have an article here yet and rewrite existing ones? Sounds interesting. Why do you say there will be much research involved? If one already know the comedian. I am thinking right off the bat about a not-so well-known guy on Youtube who does stand-up. (Deke Jackson) An article on him would be freaking hilarious... Answer the last questions and I'll consider. ANSWER OR YOU'LL GET WATERBOARDED! Mattsnow 20:57, June 1, 2011 (UTC)

Matt - I strongly believe in the wiki nature and think if you write a great article on someone that nobody knows (but should) - go for it. But my chief motivation stems from the idea we strive to be a comedy site, yet many of our own younger people do not know even who some of the people are. You are correct in that if you know someone and can write an article about them - great. But what if we "need" an article on someone you do not know much about. You could take it upon yourself to learn about him/her before you write the article. That is the procedure described in Don't Some Work, which I consider a masterpiece on writing articles. My shortlist of people is here which was mostly a brainstorm by Zombiebaron and some others on IRC, feel free to add - just try and add the search parameters as well.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:20, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

OK, Kevilips, I'll see the list and will try to produce an article. I like the challenge here. I saw in Recent Changes that you are building the portal. Good job! I suck when it comes to formatting; but is there something I can do to help? Lollipop would be pretty handy there, refering to all the great templates on his page and side projects. Mattsnow 10:11, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Lollipop has already expressed interest in making the templates for the portal. He also seems to have some enthusiasm toward the historical topics. Admittedly I am starting with a topic I am pretty well read on, but look forward to learning about some of the people, I have only heard about. The challenge will be to make it funny. Without going to random. I am hoping to have a relatively free/formulaic outline - perhaps infobox as factual as possible given the take on the article. Perhaps - real links for people really interested. I suspect the accusation that we are not an encyclopedia of comedy but a comedic encyclopedia will be something that will need to be addressed. I just feel strongly that we owe it to the comedy community at large. As the largest comedy wiki. You do not have to use waterboarding as a threat I was born in the water, grew up in a swimsuit, love the water like a Labrador Retriever.

• User:Kevillips/Portal:Comedy very rough still wip with embedded unmade templates and left over TV stuff

  Medium list without the wip portal

  --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 14:24, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

I added some names on the list that are already here (blue links) I have one hell of an idea for an article (don't add it to the redlink list, I'll start writing it soon; Leslie Nielson.) Count me in bro, if I think of some other comedians, I'll add them to the list. I think it would be cool to put it in alphabetical order, as it could get complicated as more names are added. And I guess I'll have to use a red hot crowbar as torture device for you then! XD Mattsnow 20:56, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Forget the alphabetical order thing, I just did it. Mattsnow 21:20, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, June 2, 2011 (UTC)