Pokémon
| Pokémon | |
|---|---|
  | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Domain | Eukaryota |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Phylum | Chordata |
| Class | Pokemonii |
Note: This article is about the creatures. Other related articles can be found at the Pokémon Center.
The term Pokémon is a loose category within the animal kingdom that groups several creatures which share supernatural abilities such as the manipulaiton of electricity or the . Originating from the island of Japan, pokémons have quickly spread over the rest of the world.
Taxonomy[edit | edit source]
Pokémon species are often paired according to their abilities. Originally, these taxons were based on Greek and Chinese elements, such as fire, water, steel and electric[1]. However, after more and more types of pokémon were discovered, scientists had to start making up new elements for their taxons, such as dragon, fairy, bug, ghost, and dark. Due to the confusing nature of these taxons, most pokémon species belong to not one but multiple types; for example, a Gardevoir is both psychic and fairy. Another proof of how confusing this clasification is can be seen in that Charizard is a literal dragon, yet it only belongs to the fire type -which makes you wonder why the dragon type exists in the first place. Truly, scientists fucked up big time while trying to come up with clasifications for these species.
Evolution[edit | edit source]
One of the most perplexing characteristics of pokémons is that they do not experience collective evolution as every other species is known to do. Instead, evolution happen within each individual, which may become several species along their lifespan. For example, a small Pichu might evolve into a Pikachu, which then evolves into a Raichu.
Relationship with humans[edit | edit source]
Due to their useful abilities and general awesomeness, humans have domesticated these pokémons as pets. However, not everything is sunshine and rainbows when it comes to pokémon-human relationships. Abundant cases have been reported where the pokémon ends up being exploited and abused by its human owner, and in few cases was this pokémon saved from such monstrocity.
The following are the most notable cases of pokémon abuse:
Pokémon fighting[edit | edit source]
A common sport in Japan consists in getting two pokémons together and watching them fight. Because pokémons have incredible abilities, it is a much more entertaining sport to watch than humans or cocks[2] doing the same. But most pokémons involved in these fights end up being severly injured, and some of them even die. Despite this, the Japanese goverment refuses to ban this outrageous practice, defending that this is a "cultural tradition" and "the pokémons end up perfectly okay".
Only some organizations have dared to denounce this horrible treatment to pokémons. Such is the example of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, who tried to raise awareness by making a video game about it- and not really much more.
Illegal trafficking[edit | edit source]
Several shady organizations have tried to illegaly capture and sell pokémons for profit. Such is the example of Team Rocket, an evil organization run by a pink-haired lesbian, her metrosexual boyfriend, and their talking cat. So far, they have failed their evil schemes, as they get constantly pwned by a ten-year old known as Ash Ketchum.
Another shady organization known for illegally trading pokémons is the one known as Game Freak. This company is notorious for killing millions of pokémons each day and turning them into marketable plushies. They have also exploited pokémons through other horrible ways, such as video games, anime series, and even collectable cards. It is unknown when this madness will ever end.
Poképhilia[edit | edit source]
But, without a doubt, the worst contender for Pokémon-related crimes is the sexual abuse of pokémons. Because several of these creatures have similar features to those of a human, a group of disgusting freaks known as furries have found in them the best way to please both their zoophilic fantasies and their desesparate needs for the loving touch of a woman[3]. The worst of these so-called furries might even try to have sex with pokémons that barely resemble a person, or even worse; they might try to rape a pokémon that's still in its young years.
Medical experts have created the term poképhilia to categorize this unnatural attraction towards pokémon species. If one encounters these kind of people, it is advisable to hide any pokémon from their view, or else they might paint the streets white.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
| Pokémon |
Charizard ⊙ Charmander ⊙ Gardevoir ⊙ Grue ⊙ Hyundai ⊙ Ling-Ling ⊙ Meowth ⊙ Mew ⊙ Mewtwo ⊙ Mudkip ⊙ Muk ⊙ Pichu ⊙ Pikachu ⊙ Raichu ⊙ Snorlax ⊙ Teh Cheat ⊙ Towelie ⊙ Umbreon ⊙ Wobbuffet ⊙ Yoshi |
| Poképeople |
Brock ⊙ Herman Cain ⊙ Max ⊙ Pokemon Kid ⊙ Team Rocket |
| Poképlaces | |
| Pokéstuff |
Video game series ⊙ Anime series ⊙ Trading cards ⊙ 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins ⊙ Christian Symbology ⊙ Gotta Catch 'Em All |
