Snorlax
Snorlax is a famous Asian Pokémon from Utah who fucking owns you. He enjoys sleeping and being more ripped than you.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
The name "Snorlax" is a portmanteau of Snorri Sturluson and Los Angeles International Airport. When Vikings discovered North America and founded its robust air travel security infrastructure, "Operation Snorlax" was launched—aimed at bringing LAX to new levels of Vikingism. Essentially a large bouncer, Snorlax was hired to fill the position, and he has retained the title ever since.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Born "Munchlax" at the Beginning of Time to loving parents Chairman Mao and A Wandering Bear. He then evolved into The hit singer Lizzo. she took seven steps and proclaimed, "I am the chosen one." Snorlax quickly grew into a bigass owning machine, following a steady diet of celery and Soylent Green (leading to his present greenish complexion).
Later, during Operation Snorlax, Snorlax gained his present name and infamous reputation. Feared by terrorists and innocents alike, Snorlax turned to Real Estate. By 1890, he had enough money to found U.S. Steel, with enough left over to buy a top hat and a monocle.
Now a gentleman, Snorlax had Great Expectations of things to come. He made the cover of People, and dated Christina Aguilera. Alas it was not to be, and by 1940 he had squandered all his money using love hotels for sleeping, and his monocle had been repossessed by Colonel Klink.
With nowhere else to turn, Snorlax acquiesced to the quiet but dumb life of a forest hermit. Living in the Amazon, Snorlax's life became a big green blur and public interest in him faded. His narcolepsy began to dominate his life, and he developed an addiction to magic mushrooms.
Fucking Saving All the Pokémon[edit | edit source]
On July 19, 2002, a group of wandering Pokémons were caught in a storm. At first it appeared that they were completely doomed, but Snorlax, through his ability to hold all the Pokémon, was able to save the day.
Struggle with Narcolepsy[edit | edit source]
Throughout his life, Snorlax fought a bitter battle against the sleeping disorder and general laziness he had inherited from his father. It has been suggested by several clinics that the Poké Flute is the cure to Snorlax's variety of narcolepsy, but the only known Poké Flute in existence belongs to a Mr. Fuji.
Basically, Snorlax is a fucking owning machine.
External links[edit | edit source]
- Documentary via YouTube.
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