Portal:Music
Music, first explored by Charles Darwin in the 1800s, is often considered an art form. It typically features a rhythm or beat, though some argue that it functions more like a hypnotic tool used by artists to sell CDs. When music is played, it often makes people want to dance, as its infectious rhythm seems to take control of the body. This effect is sometimes attributed to music's ability to disrupt the nervous system. Some scientists even suggest that music could be a form of disease, which may explain the premature deaths of famous musicians like Elvis and Jesus. Drummers, in particular, seem to suffer the most. Interestingly, those with no musical talent—like birds or bands such as Blink-182 and Oasis—are said to be immune. Ultimately, music may exist solely to drive listeners mad. It can take many forms, including singing, strumming, or blowing, all of which can push the boundaries of sanity. (See more...)
Bored during your holidays? Can't get the girls? Got a lot of money? Are you standing around in an empty garage with a bunch of other people all of whom are looking at you as if wondering what you're going to do next? Well then...
Why don't you start a Band?
Yeah, you won't be very good, but it stops you from being bored, it will waste your money (better than spending it on drugs), and you'll have a 1% increase of getting a girl (but only if you play a tuned instrument.)
MIDDLE AMERICA AND/OR CANADA – Retail monopoly and threat to America, Wal-Mart, has told ultra-lame band Green Day that it will not stock its newest CD, 21st Century Breakdown.
Wal-Mart spokesperson Fred Habbemaster told UnNews today that, "In light of the fact that some of the lyrics are salty, but mostly because Green Day has gone from dreadful to unbelievably lame, we feel it is unconscionable to foist such crap on the American public. I mean, we have a conscience, you know?" The band says the giant superstore chain refused to stock its latest CD because Wal-Mart wanted the album edited for language and content, and they refused.
Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff was a famed Russian piano composer, whose primary goal in life was to make piano players really fucking pissed off by making his music as unplayable as humanly possible. He claimed to be a pianist himself[citation needed], but all he must have played was some easy shit like "Chopsticks" or "Mary had a Little Lamb". Seriously, if he had any actual knowledge of playing piano, he would have arranged his music in a way that was actually readable, as opposed to the messes he composed. Either that or he was on shrooms when he wrote them. Or both.
Still Hurting
Well I'm still hurting so I'd be happy if you were hurting too.
Is it so much to ask that someone you love
be in constant unrelenting pain?
And I hope you stay up nights thinkin' of me
or maybe just lose your keys
Yeah, I'm waiting by the phone for you to call
and tell me, girl, that you misplaced your keys.
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