Portal:Music

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Christina Aguilera)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Music Portal
284.gif

Music, first explored by Charles Darwin in the 1800s, is often considered an art form. It typically features a rhythm or beat, though some argue that it functions more like a hypnotic tool used by artists to sell CDs. When music is played, it often makes people want to dance, as its infectious rhythm seems to take control of the body. This effect is sometimes attributed to music's ability to disrupt the nervous system. Some scientists even suggest that music could be a form of disease, which may explain the premature deaths of famous musicians like Elvis and Jesus. Drummers, in particular, seem to suffer the most. Interestingly, those with no musical talent—like birds or bands such as Blink-182 and Oasis—are said to be immune. Ultimately, music may exist solely to drive listeners mad. It can take many forms, including singing, strumming, or blowing, all of which can push the boundaries of sanity. (See more...)

Featured Article
Ronniejamesdio.jpg

Ronnie James Dio (born July 10, 1942, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA), is a heavy metal vocalist, 42nd level magic user, midget rights activist, and children's author. When he's not recording, touring, or being fired from or rejoining Black Sabbath (or Rainbow), he's reviewing student applications at the Ronnie James Dio Institute of Lyrical Technology. And, when he's not doing that, he's busy penning another kiddie classic in his tireless pursuit of a Newbery Medal.

Music in the News
Destroyerwalkingthestreetsofnyc.jpg

STANDISH, Maine – Eyewitnesses say the once world famous rock band KISS has ruined another high school graduation. Parents report that students at Bonny Eagle High School were lining up to get their diplomas, when all of a sudden the rock band KISS "walked in and screwed it all up."

One student was walking across the stage towards the principal when the band kicked down the door, fell all over a bunch of chairs, then drunkenly told attendees that "KISS is back, and we're still rocking all night, every night!" Paul Stanley then started trying to arm-dance with the school's principal, telling her, according to the school's vice principal, "You can Call Me Dr. Love," before falling down the raised platform where they were standing.

Featured Image
50 Mozart.jpg
50 Cent was decried by his peers as a nepo baby due to his famous ancestor, 50 Schilling.
Featured Artist
Phil Ochs photographed an hour after his death by a camera in Heaven

Phil Ochs (born December 19, 1940, died April 9, 1976) was the major American social movement singer-songwriter of the 1960s and the initiating irritating organizer of the more satirically absurd street demonstrations of the era. And he did it all while six sheets to the wind.

Ochs, of course, long after his semi-tragic alcohol-fueled death-by-hanging in 1976, became a musical icon in the 21st century. But during his short aggravated lifetime, Phil Ochs was the essential quintessential unknown American folk artist/social activist. And, historians agree, in the end he was not a very good brother.

Phil Ochs was unknown in the 20th century for such songs as "The War is Surely Almost Over", "I'm Considering Not Marching Anymore", and "Pleasures of Your Momma", heard by hundreds during his lifetime.

Featured UnTunes
Sad duck.png

Still Hurting
Well I'm still hurting so I'd be happy if you were hurting too.
Is it so much to ask that someone you love
be in constant unrelenting pain?

And I hope you stay up nights thinkin' of me
or maybe just lose your keys
Yeah, I'm waiting by the phone for you to call
and tell me, girl, that you misplaced your keys.

(Full lyrics...)

Further Reading
More Portals
Portals complement topics that nobody cares about and expand upon topics that everybody cares even less about.