Portal:Music

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Christina Aguilera)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Music Portal
284.gif

Music, first explored by Charles Darwin in the 1800s, is often considered an art form. It typically features a rhythm or beat, though some argue that it functions more like a hypnotic tool used by artists to sell CDs. When music is played, it often makes people want to dance, as its infectious rhythm seems to take control of the body. This effect is sometimes attributed to music's ability to disrupt the nervous system. Some scientists even suggest that music could be a form of disease, which may explain the premature deaths of famous musicians like Elvis and Jesus. Drummers, in particular, seem to suffer the most. Interestingly, those with no musical talent—like birds or bands such as Blink-182 and Oasis—are said to be immune. Ultimately, music may exist solely to drive listeners mad. It can take many forms, including singing, strumming, or blowing, all of which can push the boundaries of sanity. (See more...)

Featured Article
AngusYoung.gif

Developed as a practical joke, Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opened its doors, no, it threw open its doors, to an adoring public in 1984. They ran and tripped and fell over themselves to finally get into an edifice dedicated to modern-day Gods and Goddesses. And even though some attendees compared it to entering the gates of heaven which led directly to the bowels of hell, some stayed and never left. Thusly born and well on its way to cremation, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame burst upon the consciousness of museum and theme-park goers everywhere.

Music in the News
"What?"

VIENNA, Austria – At a dinner party planned by his live-in girlfriend and attended, for the most part, by her friends, Ludwig van Beethoven admitted to the one friend he was allowed to invite that he hears just fine, thank you very much.

"Feigning a state of deafness is the only way I can get time to myself to make music." he said, between sips of brandy from his favorite pewter mug, "Before, it was all 'Blah, blah, blah. Wiggy, you need to listen to me. Blah, blah, blah'. I'd just get through the 'Dah-dah-dah dum' and she'd come clomping into the room to unburden herself of a lengthy monologue..."

Featured Image
Themessiah.jpg
The Messiah, according to the Cult of Courtnology, unlike other prophecies, this is based on verifiable fact.
Featured Artist
Phil Ochs photographed an hour after his death by a camera in Heaven

Phil Ochs (born December 19, 1940, died April 9, 1976) was the major American social movement singer-songwriter of the 1960s and the initiating irritating organizer of the more satirically absurd street demonstrations of the era. And he did it all while six sheets to the wind.

Ochs, of course, long after his semi-tragic alcohol-fueled death-by-hanging in 1976, became a musical icon in the 21st century. But during his short aggravated lifetime, Phil Ochs was the essential quintessential unknown American folk artist/social activist. And, historians agree, in the end he was not a very good brother.

Phil Ochs was unknown in the 20th century for such songs as "The War is Surely Almost Over", "I'm Considering Not Marching Anymore", and "Pleasures of Your Momma", heard by hundreds during his lifetime.

Featured UnTunes
Sad duck.png

Still Hurting
Well I'm still hurting so I'd be happy if you were hurting too.
Is it so much to ask that someone you love
be in constant unrelenting pain?

And I hope you stay up nights thinkin' of me
or maybe just lose your keys
Yeah, I'm waiting by the phone for you to call
and tell me, girl, that you misplaced your keys.

(Full lyrics...)

Further Reading
More Portals
Portals complement topics that nobody cares about and expand upon topics that everybody cares even less about.