A Pokemon Kid is a disease of which now contaminates kindergarden kids and that creepy old man that lives three houses down from you. You know the one, from that time when you were 6 and he offered to show you those puppies?
Back in 1995 when Notorious B.I.G. was shot by a rival posse and John Glenn's old ass went into space to find some Bengay, an evil sorceror named Shigeru Miyamoto and his minions summoned a game from the netherrelm to eat kids minds because Nintendo thought Mario was a sell-out.FAKE.
That game he produced was Pokemon Blue and/Red, and with it he succeeded. With its ability for children to capture slaves on a Game Boy and kill shit, it would take root into the child's mind and grow larger, even to the eventual takeover of a once powerful empire that defeated that same evil place from which the game came from, which was the reason the game was created there in the first place but that's another story.
The poor victims of this plague of evil came under a cloak of delusion that they caught all of the monsters in the game they would get to go through puberty. Soon the whole world was under its power and countries began to fall. From the ashes few people went unscathed, but most were still under its influence, but eventually when they grew up there grew out of it, which is something that the evil men at Nintendo forgot to realize, but there are remnants of the Pokemon craze, since it is still addicting to some.
Stages of The Disease
There at many different stages to this disease, all of which are hazardous to everyone's' health. They start with screaming about Pikachu (see: shit), or asking each other to trade for the same Pokemon, so they can build an army of Mewtwos (see: Nazis). The next stage of the disease involves quoting popular phrases from the games and shows, the most popular being the infamous "POKEMON COME BEFORE MONEY OR FAMILY" from Ruby & Sapphire.
In advanced stages of the disease, one may exhibit extremes of disillusion, and may turn into a raging homo. However, there have been exceptions to that last symptom. Some people actually maintain straightness, but this is only if they go into a stage called Extreme Hormonal Discharge (EHD). In EHD, the subject will usually go into shock, get a huge erection from watching the girls on Pokemon, then eventually become unconscious. Once out of the coma, they may end up going online to look at pictures of the hot female characters, usually masturbating every time. BUT BEWARE! About 80% of the people who go through EHD usually have lower testosterone levels once they are stabilized. However, it is possible to undergo hormone therapy once treatment begins.
If there is anyone you care about that is suffering from this disease, you can give them help by burning anything that has Pokemon or anything relating to on it. Sure they may fiend for it and get sick, but they'll eventually come around and may even thank you.
|Pokémon:||Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mew - Mudkip - Pichu - Pikachu - Snorlax - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Wobbuffet - Yoshi|
|People:||Brock - Herman Cain - Max - Pokemon Kid - Team Rocket|
|Locations:||Glitch City - Pokemon Island|
|Other:||Pikachusetts - Anime series - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - UnNews Pokémon Rescue Special - Christian Symbology - Pokemon card - Gotta Catch 'Em All|