Hideo Kojima
| |
|---|---|
 KOJIMA-SAN | |
| Born |
|
| Occupation |
|
| Years active | 1963–present |
| Relatives | Solid Snake, Metal Gear Rex |
| Signature | |
 | |
“I don't know why a foot scan had to be a part of my contract.”
– Léa Seydoux
Hideo Toejima, commonly known as 小島 秀夫, Kojima, Kojima-San, or 'Hideous Hideo', is a Japanese video game developer best known for the Metal Gear franchise and more recently the walking simulator series known as Death Stranding. His games are known for their cinematic quality, parody level characters and acting, and the high resolution foot scans of female actors in his games. He is noted as an auteur of both video games and foot fetish content.
Early Life of Kojima[edit | edit source]
Born in Tokyo to a pharmacist father and an unknown mother, he was raised primarily by the TV set in the living room of their home, and was not allowed to go to bed until the film that was playing was finished. The absent father also allowed the children to watch anything regardless of content, causing a young Kojima to begin his fascination with feet at a very young age. Kojima got his hands on a Super-8 camera at some point, and began to make films of people's feet, which he would then charge 50 Yen per view to his classmates to watch. Eventually he made his way to university, where after becoming bored of his economics major, he turned to the video game industry.
A Hero Arises: The Career Begins[edit | edit source]
After realizing the film industry was actually heard to get into, Kojima fell into the pocket of an early Konami. Sentenced to work on some game about a stupid penguin in the Arctic, Kojima wondered when he'd get his big break. It finally came in 1987 when a bored coworker got to lazy to do his own job, so passed it on to Kojima to control. This job was Metal Gear. Metal Gear was a decent success, and then he was forced to work on a game called Snatcher which nobody remembers except huge nerds. Kojima was then dropped from the new Metal Gear sequel, but got so mad that he went and made his own sequel, which naturally outperformed the one he wasn't allowed to work on. From then until nearly infinity, he kept churning out various Metal Gear games until 2015, when Konami gave him the boot right after the release of Metal Gear Solid V: the Phantom Penis. The game did extremely well, but Kojima wasn't even allowed to attend the game event where he won a trophy. Kojima then cursed Konami to never have another truly successful franchise, and this curse has proven itself highly effective even to this day.
Kojima Productions[edit | edit source]
Pissed at Konami still, Kojima decided that his time would be better spent making games than sulking. Beginning a partnership with Playstation, he released his company's first game: Death Stranding. The game, while being boring as shit and about as slow as molasses melting in the snow, won a ton of awards and garnered huge amounts of praise from his hangers-on on millions of adoring fans. He then released Death Stranding 2, which while it had improved mechanics and better graphics than the first, still retained its walking simulator roots. Finally is dream came true: a movie was going to be made about his work! However, he chose not to direct it for some reason, dooming it to automatic failure. He did however choose to direct a Disney+ series set to release in 2027, so yay I guess for that, we all know how well Disney+ series do!
Known For[edit | edit source]
Metal Gear Series[edit | edit source]
A series of video games and a potential tv show, Metal Gear is the story of a man going from liquid to solid, and all the while being harassed by a large variety of nuclear powered armored mecha. The man enjoys putting himself in a box, rejecting hot women, and losing body parts as part of his material transformation.
Death Stranding 1&2[edit | edit source]
Death Stranding follows a character named Sam as he traverses the US after someone spills ink everywhere and ruins everything. Animals covered in ink are really mad and attack anyone not covered in ink, and there's also rain that somehow turns you into boomer if it comes in contact with skin. Sam does a LOT of walking, a little bit of shooting, and some more walking before meeting up with various US executive leaders. Oh and he also carries around a baby in a jar ("this is for my protection!" ~Sam Bridges).
Death Stranding 2 follows Sam as he goes to Australia to harass even more ink coated wildlife, and also walks to Mexico at one point (yeah this game is hella boring). He meets up with a gang of misfits and quirky oddballs including a chick with a scarf that gives handjobs, a talking doll, a dude who pilots a submarine in pools of ink, and some anime villain who gets beat in the weirdest boss fight of all time. More ink, more walking, and more cut scenes involving 8k feet scans... oh yeah.
