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An average day for Snake and Otacon.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Otacon.

“"This Is Just Like One Of My Japanese Animes!"”

~ Otacon on Life


~ Otacon on having a life

“"Hey Snake, You remember that time Meryl totally wiggled her ass in your face? I kinda...whapped over the Codec..."”

~ Otacon on Sex

“Whaaaaaaaah! *cries*”

~ Otacon on Just about everything.

Doctor Hal Emerich, codenamed Otacon (A contraction of "Oatabix-and Condensed Milk', a reference to his cereal fetish), is the everyman of the Metal Gear Solid Series and Solid Snake's constant companion. An inventor, technical specialist and morbid enthusiast of Hentai, his role in each game is to explain things that Snake should already know in a laborious way, dispense useless advice during Boss battles and spend half an hour in floods of salty, sexually-frustrated tears when one of the female characters dies. Otacon is noted for being one of the few inventors in the modern era whose creations grow much less useful with time: For example, in Metal Gear Solid, he created the Stealth Camo unit, capable of rendering him totally invisible to the naked eye. By the advent of Metal gear Solid 4, many years of technological advancement and pain-staking research later, he was able to equip Snake with the Octocamo, a device which makes the wearer a little bit harder to see, if he stays completely still, lying prone on the ground, and has managed to assimilate the environment onto the suit's sensors beforehand. Otacon also would seem to have an incredibly bad memory, as he has a tendency to repeat the same two-lined captain-obvious piece of information when contacted by radio an infinite number of times without growing weary or making any reference to the fact that his companion has contacted him an incredibly high number of times without contributing anything to the conversation apart from Got it, or simply repeating the last word spoken in the form of a question, invariably leading to a lengthy cinematic section.

History[edit | edit source]

Otacon's research was crucial to the worldwide proliferation of the bipedal, nuclear-capable mech known as Metal Gear. This is a wordy way of saying that he was responsible for pretty much all the bad shit that went down during the entire Metal Gear Solid series, a world-shaking mistake that he seemed to forgive himself for almost immediately.

During Metal Gear Solid, Otacon spends the majority of his time hiding in a locker and using the aforementioned Stealth Camo to sneak past guards while being of virtually no help to Snake. He also has an unrequited love for the most useless ranged-weapon specialist in modern history, Sniper Wolf (which makes him a latent furry) and sheds his first torrent of tears after Solid Snake leaves her all shitted about and no mistake in their climatic Boss battle.

By the time Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty rolls around, Otacon and Snake are fast friends. While most Male compatriots indulge in simple pastimes such as watching sports, drinking alcohol and (Inserting the latest meme into Wikipedia parody sites), Otacon and Snake spend their weekends hunting down rogue Metal Gear units and destroying them. During one such mission, they are framed for a crime they didn't commit and are later forced to infiltrate an offshore envirnonmental cleanup facility known as The Big Shell to clear their names. As with the names Big Boss and Big Mama, "Big Shell" probably sounds like quite a plausible name in Japanese, but appears totally ludicrous when translated into English. You may wish to pretend that the site was actually named ExConn.5 or something along those lines. During this mission, Otacon is briefly reunited with his Stepsister, Emma Emmerich, someone so important to him that he has never mentioned her previously. He also admits to having had a love affair with his Stepmother (Which makes him a latent fan of Kay Parker). Following Emma's death at the hands of Vamp during the Big Shell mission, Otacon's dialogue is interspersed every other sentence with a scream of "E.Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" and several minutes of blubbering, making the lengthy cutscenes and codec conversations the game is noted for much more bearable.

Metal Gear Solid 4 is set several years after the events of the Big Shell, and Otacon has grown into a confident, Alpha male. Actually, he is still Snake's lackey, and his inventions are, as previously noted, even less use than before. During the course of the game, he finally manages to engage in coitus with an actual living female, in the form of the World-destroying-virus engineer Naomi (which makes him a latent fan of... I don't know....Hitler, or something) and then spends about three minutes crying when she dies of Cancer, probably more from fear that he has been infected during their brief moments of primal monkey love than anything else. Once Old Snake has completed his mission, Otacon decides to spend his time living with him in Snake's remaining few months of life, presumably to inherit his military pension and greenlight research into a robot sex-slave who doesn't get killed as soon as he forms an emotional attachment to them.

"Otacon!..You know Anime favours action set-pieces over story and encourages degradation of women, right? Hrrrggghh'.".