User talk:HELPME/Archive 2

HELPME's talk page- Now with .0000000000000001% less gayness than User talk:Orian57!

Archive- January 15-February 14. HELPME crash lands on Uncyclopedia, some incidents and stuff, and is adopted by User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2. He also wins a golden shower and gets into PEEING.

Rules

There are two rules of my talk page:

• Be as gay as possible, at all times.
• When I finally do archive this, do not just say "rape!!!1!!!" for the first message. Be creative. If you make the first message on my new page after this is archived anything to do with rape, I'll probably delete it.

RAAAAAAAAPE

Brought to you by yours truly. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 21:21, 14 February 2010 (UTC)

You sick bastard.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:21, February 14, 2010 (UTC)

Anytime, baby. ;) —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 21:24, 14 February 2010 (UTC)

THANKSFORTHEHELP

THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES!!! JENNY #6!!!

Grazie. += 23:53,14February,2010

ok man thx for the advice. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Stoyns619 (talk • contribs)

Top part stolen at great risk from the files of Archive 1

Actually, Count of Monkey Crisco is still very active on VFD. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 21:15, 14 February 2010 (UTC)

The Count was resurrected in a secret necromanic (no, not necromantic, necromanic) ritual performed at about midnight on 25 August 2009 (proof is here). As that happened shortly before I was born here, I know nothing about it. But I suspect Necropaxx does. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:09, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Before my time, I think. Meaning, I know nothing about whateveritis you're talking about. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 03:48, Feb 16 2010

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  23:34, Feb 18

Is there anybody out there?

Where ya at, son? The family misses you. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:21, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, I decided to vote for you in NotM instead of Sakai4eva. Though you woulda won anyway. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 03:05, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

Life. My grades were in the toilet, and as juvenile as it sounds, I got grounded. I'll be a very, very occasional user for a couple of months. I need to focus on homework more than here, anyway.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:16, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Well, that stinks. But school is important! Get those grades up, son! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAYNAME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTTIME}}, {{SUBST:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{SUBST:CURRENTDAY}} {{SUBST:CURRENTYEAR}} UTC

I got two D's. (In my family, I'm lucky to still be alive. Of course, whether I'm alive or not is in question)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:48, February 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, I'm grounded too, but that doesn't stop me! (I actually go on during school and before my dad gets home). —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 23:23, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

What's wrong with double D's? Nominally Humane! some time 23:45, 24/02/2010

Nothing if you want to work at the golden arches.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  25 Feb 2010 ~ 04:44 (UTC)

Hey, sorry about that, HELPME. But if I'm your Daddy, who grounded you? Seriously, best of luck with your studies. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:53, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I'm finally done until Monday, but I still only have internet access very rarely. In fact, the only reason I'm on now is for a reward for working so hard this week.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:50, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

NOTM

Hya, are you intending to write anything within the next few days? Otherwise, unfortunately, you won't be able to attend the NOTM vote per the "one article/5 chops" rule. ~ 15:37, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

I would say that this is probably a better original article then many others that I've seen potential NotMs put forward to support their case. In fact I recall a potential NotM being put forward who had written a couple of articles that had been VFD'd and they still sat in the running because they had - technically - written an article. In fact, I'm trying to work out at the moment what, other than the fact the inclusion of the VFD template, is stopping this from going mainspace. (BTW, HM, if you want me to I can create a dummy of that template for you to add to the article very quickly that won't have it show up in the VFD category. Much better option.) Nominally Humane! some time 20:08, 25/02/2010

(I'm not remembered on this computer, and I can't waste any time. It's literally a risk to be on here for a minute.) I'm sorry. I can't do anything right now. I have to write essays, not articles. Yes, the dreaded college applications. That I'm being forced to do early, with all of my other homework. God dammit, I'm currently on my sixth essay this week. Oh, and I have very little internet access. User:HELPME/sig

What would you rather be doing, winning NOTM at Uncyclopedia or getting a college education? I can tell you my choice, but my break is almost over and I have to put the fries in the grease before sweeping up. ~   10 minute-lunch break

I know we're supposed to act like we don't care, but honestly, being named NotM felt pretty cool to me--until I got an article featured. Technically, they give you the same rank. But people will still be reading a featured article months from now. They won't be reading a nomination. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:21, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

Are you downplaying the value of being name NOTM? As the person who has spent the highest percentage of time on Uncyc being nommed for different things (with the possible exception of rcmurphy) you should be ashamed of yourself. Although honestly, the great thing about it is that it is a recognition by your peers here that you belong and are a valuable member of the community. By the number of votes - and the number of comments on your talk page - you don't need to become NOTM to get that feeling. Besides, in my mind Miley had NOTM stolen from her on a technicality, but she'll always be a noob in my heart. Nominally Humane! some time 04:34, 26/02/2010

Didn't you know a good parent is supposed to downplay an award if it looks like his son will be disqualified? Other than that, I want to clarify I am NOT a vote whore. A nomination whore, yes, but not a vote whore. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:10, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks guys, I'll accept this article. Might want to put in on pee review and possibly change the current one, if the vote works. ~ 16:21, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  20:49, Feb 28

Preliminary but not official congratulations

Technically, an Uncyclopedian is not a winner until voting is closed, which is often an hour or two or three past midnight UTC. So nothing can be officially said or done as of this moment. But unless another nominee gets 7 or 8 votes in the next few minutes, it looks like you're very likely to become the latest model of NotM. So here's a preliminary, probationary, probable congratulations on what is likely to happen. You done good, son! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:11, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

As I was typing the message above it became official. Congratulations! I'm one proud Papa! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:13, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Congrats! Welcome to the NOTM club!--    12:16, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

OOOOOPS. I guess I jumped the gun too early with the sir thing. Well, whatever. I have liek, a pasificerz! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:01, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Probably nobody but me will care that you jumped the gun a little. As your adopter, I have to do the father thing--it's part of my job. You know, like "well yes, son, you may have just been made Prime Minister, but you really could have worn a better tie." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:07, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Also I like the CUN(t) joke in your current sig, where the CUN is the standard abbreviation for Commander of UNcyclopedia and the "t" stands for talk. Cool. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:20, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Oops!

~Formerly Annoying Crap 07:48, 1 March 2010

Hey Jude Dude!

Awesomesauce. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 08:25, 1 March 2010

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:49, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Hey cunt

Yeah, I called you a cunt. I just wanted you to know that I'm not jealous of your outranking me already. NOT JEALOUS AT ALL. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 00:39, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I like being a cunt! SIR HELPME CUN loves being a cunt! Yay! CUN CUN SIR CUN —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:02, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

lol more liek GAY GAY GAY GAY —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 01:04, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

No u —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:12, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry By Him again The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time. Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused By UU Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected. And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages! Heh - poopy Haven't we been here before? Hang on - writing articles? There's an idea... From our logs: 02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.) 14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt) 19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.) 18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.) Biopic of the Week Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though. Old-school featured article of the month Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's. Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us." Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:08, Mar 6

I hearded

you needed help with a template. I'll make it for you if you like... what do you want on it?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  06 Mar 2010 ~ 00:24 (UTC)

He wants this on it for sure. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 02:52, 7 March 2010 (UTC)

FU Spang Pelargonium —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 04:46, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

FU HELPME —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 04:55, 7 March 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review

(I see you found Gravity Scam. A weird page, weird enough that I like it)

And I read the Pee Review. Thank you very much for doing it, it looks extremely helpful. The backstory to this one is that I found the Star of David stub not long after I arrived on this strange island of Uncy, and I didn't know enough to wipe out the not-good-enough-for-prime-time sentences. So I'd edit by keeping all the old plot directions the original writer put in and try to work them into a good story. That's what happened here, and it may be some of the problems. But I take responsibility for things needing to be fixed, and will work on it at some point soon. The only disagree I have is that I really like the hula-hoop and other examples of occultism changing as they went mainstream, maybe some tweaks there. Everything else seemed to be what the article needs. Thanks again, Al in his Hurt Locker 1:02 9.3.mmx

No problem. I needed to flex my reviewing muscles, anyway.(Oh, and about the hula hoop thing, maybe move it or shorten it)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:04, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Upsilon Sigma Sigma

Hey HM, I'm just going around trying to drum up support for a new group I'm trying to get going. I've been sitting here, thinking to myself, "gee, Uncyclopedia has a lot of stuff, a legal department, a political party, and an assortment of other great things, but it doesn't have a fraternity." I also noticed that the top 50 wanted articles list hasn't changed in over a year. Soooooo, I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to join me and potentially others in the 1st Uncyclopedia fraternity, ΥΣΣ, Upsilon Sigma Sigma, a collaborative an independent organization with the aim of writing exclusively requested articles. Pop on by the page, if it's something you're interested in, just let me know. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 17:04 9 Mar, 2010

"You must be a registered user for at least 2 months". :P It's fine though, I'm not all that much of a great writer anyway. I think it's a great idea and you should go bug some awesome writers, like this loser, if he's not too busy with 3000 things. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:33, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:00, Mar 12

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 01:05, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

You're just jealous I'm so good at userpage vandalism!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:06, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Eh, you're not as good as Syndrome, but you're getting there. But don't worry; I'm sure you're great at World of Warcraft. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 01:52, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, you're pretty great at being GAY GAY GAY. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:55, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I know why you chose your username. You really need some help. I think you a bit cookoo in da head, chico! :D —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 02:09, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

And you're a pink flower. What does that say about you?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:11, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

gaaaaaah no u no u no u —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 02:22, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

alsew, ur usrpg sux. wats wth da titl?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:24, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

OHYEAHWELLATLEASTIDONTTYPELIKETHIS --PELLERGONEUM!!!

COOLPEOPLETYPELIKETHAT.HINTHINT.HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE

Also, you're 16. Everyone knows that's, like, the worst age you can be or something. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 04:47, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, since it's been established that you're a cat, you're about two! PWNED.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 04:48, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

suck my ballz nigga —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 04:52, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

who du u thnk u r rdb—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 04:54, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Yes. -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER

Well hey there, Mr. Admin RDB! What are you doing here? Come to ban Peargonium because you dot like him and niobody does?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:00, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Of course he is. Peargonium is a faggot. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:09, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

And, he can't even spell his own username.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:11, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

On a completely different topic, Pandemic 2 is an internet game where you make a disease and try to wipe out the human race with it. You can name it and everything! So I submitted my score, right? And I got the TOP THIRD SCORE! check it out! —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:16, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

You whore! Is that the ist of people you're cheating with? MY name is even on there, slut!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:18, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Yeeeaaaahhhh, the HELPME one was me. Hehehe...heh...well, it was funny at the time! —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:29, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

You're cheating on me with yourself? That's weird, mister.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:36, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

No u —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:42, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

HowTo:Spot a Terrorist

Im taking you up on your offer to help me on HowTo:Spot a Terrorist, I think I just need help starting it up. I can continue it from there. Rifting Contribs ... dont fall in....Complain - LOB 02:38, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I'll go create it, hold on. Except it'll be a blank space until we actually write some stuff:P—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:40, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

User:Rifting/HowTo:Spot_a_Terrorist We'll mess with it in your userspace for now so it won't be deleted. Go forth! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:44, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

5:02, February 14, 2010 Pelargonium (Talk | contribs) blocked HELPME (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎(No u)

This is the only reason I want to be an admin. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:05, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

LUV U—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:06, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

LUV U 2 —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:08, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Your userpage is my bitch until April, I have decided.<3—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:09, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I take that as a declaration of war. —Paizuri MUN ♦ Talkpage ♦ My Contributions ♦ 05:12, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

I accept! (Also, you vandalized mine first, so neener neener)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:14, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Alright! Just sign here and here... (notice my "more official" siggy) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 05:26, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:29, March 14, 2010 (UTC) here and —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:29, March 14, 2010 (UTC) here. Done. Now, if we're banned, it's all your fault. Agreed?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:29, March 14, 2010 (UTC) —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:29, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Well that was fun. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 07:58, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I know. And we still have all of those fake sigs! Hee hee! —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 08:03, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I'm just glad nobody saw. Wait, what? Nothing! We're not talking about anything mommy! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 08:10, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

It's Daddy you have to worry about. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:58, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for joining my cult!

Sorry to say that the fruit drink mix and poison supplies aren't in yet....
However, please to be enjoying this token of my appreciation.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  15 Mar 2010 ~ 06:30 (UTC) 06:30, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Why am I Who am I What are you?

According to your user page, you were adopted by someone other than me, graduated from adoption, and have adopted a user. Hmm, something seems a bit odd here. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:08, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Remember when people didn't vandalize my userpage? Those were happy times!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 18:35, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Son you have a new Brother!

Here's my new baby Rifting who's already learning from his older brother! Yes, being a man I have to bottle feed my sons. But if we can get one of our female relatives to loan her breasts....

So go say hi to your new brother! (Although if he's learning from you I think you've already met....) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Happy Graduation Day, Son!

You won NotM, you've been doing productive work, you've been here two months today, you've done close to 1,000 edits, and you're now helping noobs. I think it's time I graduated you, son. Congratulations! And please come and visit me any time and ask me questions and listen to my stories I've told you a million times already as I stay at the Old Folks Home! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:26, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Awesome! You know, evantually I'll adopt someone and make you a grandmapa! :)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:29, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

That would be mega cool. Cainad adopted Miley Spears, Miley Spears adopted me, I adopted you....The family line must continue! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:55, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

But if I adopt someone, Cainad and Miley will feel so old...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:56, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah! HA HA! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 

Hey Why?, I suddenly feel really compelled to make you a nice family tree like Moardillo has. Why? Don't you wait a few days and I'll have it. And don't worry; I don't need anyone to HELPME. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 22:26, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

That would be awesome! I'd actually thought about asking someone to do it. Our family is actually rather extensive, though. I think my Mommy has a more-or-less complete list. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:29, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

M'kay, I'll have a complete chronicle of the Cainadic family tree for you within a few days. :) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 23:07, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

Just Asking

Was it just not funny enough to have Obama's Pre-Presidential Accomplishments link to "Nothing"? -Ckool5000

The problem was that it didn't really fit the article. It messed with the tone.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:45, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

*sees the light* Oh, okay. It's just that the last time I saw the page, it had that on the top, but... Now I see the page has become more of an ironic humor, instead of a blatant... you know... --Ckool5000 00:48, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Funny thing is:

My name is, in fact, Nameless Joe. Using a sockpuppet is an extension of my powers of anonymity. --nldr 00:52, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Qua?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:53, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

:/ --nldr 00:54, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

No seriously, I have no idea what you're talking about...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:55, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

it's like, soo obvious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --nldr 00:57, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

I didn't see that, Joe.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:59, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

What we have here is a failure to communicate

No, I rarely look at the edit summaries unless there's a reason to.....like now. Anyhow, now that multiple people are confused about your non-vote on NOTM, don't you think it might be appropriate to communicate your intent in a different manner?--    00:56, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, I see the problem. You think I was saying for because Faith is spiritual. Oh, I'll go re-word now.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:57, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Non-votes crush my unearthly soul. --nldr 00:59, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:07, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

COCKS

Just thought you should know. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 05:35, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:45, Mar 18

The Poop throwing monkeys ask for an audience

HelpMe, my kind Sir, the Poop throwing monkeys ask for your gracious assistance as they fight anew at Votes for Good. The monkeys have ssked me to convey to you their good thoughts on such a fine day, and they offer their best looking female to you to do with what you will in exchange for a brief consideration of approval. I am but their humble friend and comrade, Al en'chain 00:54 19 3 mmx

You have heeded the plea, you have found the pleasure of grooming the monkey fur. The monkeys asked me to convey their joy, and that their most attractive female will soon arrive at your door. I am but their humble friend and comrade. Al de'chain 1:31 19 3

I didn't bake you a cake but here's a cookie

User:Miley Spears/Cookie Grandma DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:23, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

=)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:44, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Son, please fix your sig

See here. It seems to be making things small that follow it. I think the problem is that you're missing a </small> in User:HELPME/socksig Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:37, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hehehe, I got you in trouble. I'm so badass. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:44, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

And here I was willing to be the heavy. Stop acting like HELPME's annoying kid brother or I'll get the switch. I don't care whose kid you are; if you've got a bottom I'll spank it but good. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:51, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

IM NOT A KID BROTHR IM HIS BESTEST FREIND AND IF U HAV A PROB U CAN SUK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:55, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

I can? Cool! (By the way, I hope you aren't taking me seriously. If you don't know, HELPME was my adoptee). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:03, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Of course I know that! It's all good. ;) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:12, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Meh, I'm just glad my regular sig works. And is way cooler than Pelargonium's.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:11, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

You wanna rephrase that? —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 20:49, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Not at all.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:13, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, just making sure. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 21:17, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

And no, I will never, ever change these templates up at all, just in case you were wondering.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:57, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

---

Giant Panda

Did you forget it or had real life problems and didn't do it on time?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 16:21, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Life, sorry. I have three different projects due this week. >_<—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:26, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Don't let it happen again please HELPME, you have been doing some good work, but don't commit to the reviews if you won't pick them up on time. Book in when you start reviewing, not to stop other people reviewing the article. I don't get a kick out of chasing after you, I would much rather hand out awards, praise and maybe some cider but you aren't leaving me much choice here. Now then, who would like to play Recent Changes? --ChiefjusticePS3 19:31, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I'm a dick who deserves one million joke bans for being so stupid and unfaithful. And me! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:34, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

What Chiefster said. Being blocked for not finishing a Pee Review is not a joke--it's happened. Ask Iwillkillyou333 (oh, the irony!) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:15, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Do you think you have the time to do it anytime soon?--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:58, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, I might not have time until Friday. I'll try, but no promises. Then it's spring break and I'm completely free.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:59, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ok--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:00, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Proofreaing

I saw that you're in the proofreading service. I got an article that will be finished by tomarrow, so maybe when I finish it you can check it over for any mistakes. That is, if you have the time--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:26, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'd be happy to on Friday for sure. Before then, again, no promises. But yes, I'd LOVE to. I love proofreading. ^_^—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Alrighty then--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:29, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hit me up on this too if you like... man I gotta get UN:PROOF going again.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  25 Mar 2010 ~ 02:27 (UTC)

HERESYOURFUCKINGFAMILYTREE

Hand-delivered to you and your daddy. ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 19:08, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

Per the front page

UnBan Voucher(*) The holder of this voucher is entitled to 1(one) UnBanning At his leisure *This voucher is invalid if the user was banned due to: wiki terrorism, unsanctioned page moves, creating double redirects, VFD violations, creating This page doesn't exist, vandalism, general dickery or editing BHOP. The voucher must be presented by the holder himself following the ban without violating the ban itself.

~ 17:40, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 22:43, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

You're a great son, but

please watch this kind of thing. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:48, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

I'm just trying to help... /me sighs—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:50, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

While we are destroying your confidence, I hate you. All joking aside don't be too concerned about this sort of thing HELPME, you should see the sort of trouble Why? and I used to and still do get into for doing exactly the same thing. Why? is correct in that it would be best to stay away from that one, but that is generally true of almost all disputes you are not directly involved in. My advice would be stay back from serious discussions over voting policy etc. as much as you can and work work work, MadMax is near legendary for not ever being involved in drama, something that I certainly can only dream of, you should aspire to a similar goal. Also this isn't my talk page. --ChiefjusticePS3 21:42, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Meh, I should keep the interrupting to Chief's talk page. Now you have two people who do that, how popular will you get?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:38, March 26, 2010 (UTC)

Chiefster, my advice comes under the "do as I say not as I do" heading. It's a father thing. (Also I'm trying to help HELPME stay out of the kind of trouble I got into when I was new. OK, so I still get in trouble. See the quote at the beginning of my post). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:29, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Aha!

Here are some things left over from the garage sale. Put them in your backyard and the birds will perch on them. Thanks mucho for your vote, appreciated. Alei en de'chainy 00:06 29 3 mmx

You ARE gay! And an atheist, apparently —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 23:10, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

I can see what you're hoping for. No, I don't go with Mexicans, because they are all ugly and gay and retarted and fat. rocket lol

...Fine! I don't date atheists anyway! --stick lol 00:34, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Nice to see your userpage is vandalized on a regular basis. ;P In case you didn't know, "pingas" is Spanish slang for penis. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:35, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, erm....duh. Vandals get annoyed when I revert them and report them to ban patrol. It makes me feel valued. :P—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 04:37, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, but it's kinda annoying, right? Not that you would've minded the mass penii flodding your page anyway, gaylord. —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:41, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

I sure didn't mind them calling me faggot either. Those were good times....—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 04:42, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

They called you a faggot?? Damn, I have yet to be called anthing other than unfunny yet... —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:43, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

OK, you're an unfunny faggot. There.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 06:21, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Gobshite voting

idk man, that snowman thing is confusing. make it more clear in the future what exactly that vote's supposed to mean. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 23:22 EST 30 Mar, 2010

It was supposed to be, because Why had said right before that "Make clear votes." It was just a bit of irony to go with a for. :)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:25, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

I got the irony when I read it; but problem is three users or more spent a lot of time trying to make sense of the vote. That was a huge waste of time when we could have been doing more important things. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:28, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah! Except, I had...other...better things to do... —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 03:30, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

Your userpage

The second-to-last sentence of your "about me" section is hilarious. Keep up the good work, yo. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 06:15, Mar 31 2010

You only say that because I've never corrected yours :). But yeah, thanks, I try.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 06:16, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

You've never corrected my mistakes because I make no mistakes. I am such a grammar nazi about my writings (it's so I can condemn other users with impunity). --SIR Pretentious Loser (Have a mocha cappuccino and a sit down) 15:25, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Sock

Excuse me, did we correctly find your inner sock puppet by saying you are ChiefjusticeDS?

---

THIS IS A TRUE FACT. DO YOU HEAR ME?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 03:24, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Ahaha HELPME's so lonely he hasto mkae socks to talk to himslef!!!! lolz!!! Pelragonium 03:28, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:49, Apr 2 2010 UTC

VFS

For your vote in VFS and as promised last time You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination. Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice. Rabbi Techno

Thanks

Do not blow this dog

Thanks for your vote, very appreciated. This was a surprise nom, I was just playing and laughing writing a page which popped into my mind (as I was busy blowing a dog), and there it was. It did make me laugh, alot, though, as I wrote it. Made me laugh so much that the dog I was blowing got so pissed off that it cheated on me with the neighbors' dog. What can you do, things like that happen. But yes, thank you, and thanks for all the listings over at that writer thing. Will be going on a vacation starting later today (YAY), have a good few days. Al en'chainy 11:54 2 4 mmx

Dude, YOU'RE GAY!

Why the fuck didn't you say anything!? I can be your pervy old internet friend and you can be my twink. It's perfect.    Orian57    Talk   23:49 3 April 2010

I assumed you would look at my user page. You never pay attention to me. /sob—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:50, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

I just did, and we share religious values! And, you're using the screw up userbox I made! Also, you (or someone) even corrected the accidental-but-I-thought-it-was-funny-when-I-noticed mistake. Let's be friends. Oh, and for teh record, I'm not really old, I'm twenty in seven days, which I'm told is still young.    Orian57    Talk   23:54 3 April 2010

Pssh, you're old to an edgy 16 year old rebel like me. And that would be great. I can also follow you around and be your personal spellcheck. See my work on your comment.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:58, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

No idea what you did. Unless it was switching the H and the E in my the... And I know. When I was sixteen I figured my life would have started by the time I was twenty. Still can't afford it.    Orian57    Talk   00:00 4 April 2010

You could try, oh, I don't know, checking the diffs. And "life"? Pssh, I so don't have a life. I don't know if I plan on getting one, either.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:02, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

You a gamer at all? Or are you a girl?    Orian57    Talk   00:04 4 April 2010

Ew, girls. A bit of one, yes.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:05, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Lets get married.    Orian57    Talk   00:06 4 April 2010

Okay! My dad will be so proud...Or ashamed.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:11, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

We probably should have done this earlier but... Do you have any, um, exotic sexual fantasies you want to share?    Orian57    Talk   00:14 4 April 2010

Too many to list, sorry.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:15, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

It's not feet is it?    Orian57    Talk   00:16 4 April 2010

No, and I really wonder why people find them attractive...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:18, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Well yeah, everyone else's Thing is strange unless you share it. I stress that I'm in to far weirder things than feet.    Orian57    Talk   00:23 4 April 2010

Oh, good- because my Things are quite weird as well. Heh.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:24, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Spill then.    Orian57    Talk   00:26 4 April 2010

All kinds of things- large people, (And I mean every single meaning of "large") anybody between the ages of 18 and 30, and men in girl's clothing, to name a few.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:32, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Not into transvestisim I'm afraid. But i could do with loosing a few stone. I like a bit of light bondange (sub) and ageplay.    Orian57    Talk   00:49 4 April 2010

ageplay? are you turned on by arthritis and stanner stairlifts? --nldr 00:52, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

No...    Orian57    Talk   00:57 4 April 2010

oh. well that's me out then --nldr 00:59, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I've always wanted to know how much stone is in pounds, also. (By the way, I do think the customary system sucks, but I live here, so...)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:02, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I couldn't tell you. I don't know what a stone is in stone. (customary system?)    Orian57    Talk   01:06 4 April 2010

i am of an equal learning towards sexuality, but have been unequally vocative of either --nldr 00:07, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

What?    Orian57    Talk   00:09 4 April 2010

bisexuality --nldr 00:14, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

What of it?    Orian57    Talk   00:15 4 April 2010

i hope explaining things to my parents pertains this way --nldr 00:19, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I dun get it.    Orian57    Talk   00:23 4 April 2010

me = half contributing, half shit-stabbing. now do you get it? --nldr 00:25, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Contributing to what? And I was talking to Hep when i mentioned fetishes. I don't want to know what you do with your feacal matter.    Orian57    Talk   00:27 4 April 2010

and i thought just the other day that nature enabled sex to be the easiest topic to impersonated via language --nldr 00:30, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Sex????    Orian57    Talk   00:57 4 April 2010

oh god, i've done it again - just like last week when i admitted to all those murders when the policemen was only talking about the arsenal result --nldr 00:52, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

So now Uncyclopedia is a gay hookup site? Not that I have a problem with that. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:23, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, and Wikia has given the name to Orian now. He will use it for his sick, sexual pleasures. Hopefully.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 05:28, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

We're becoming Match.com, but for LGBTs. Naturally, our popularity will skyrocket. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 05:32, Apr 4 2010

I know, heterosexuality is so last week. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:42, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I like long walks on the beach - but only during summer, I'm not into that kinky winter walking stuff. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 11:29, Apr 4 2010 UTC

I enjoy a rousing game of "put my dick in your pussy" from time to time. --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 15:14, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

And my cat loves it too. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:47, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, my talk page is popular today.

In other news, I should probably stop talking to myself.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:17, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Shut up girl pants.    Orian57    Talk   00:18 4 April 2010

Speak for yourself.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:19, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I don't wear any pants.    Orian57    Talk   00:21 4 April 2010

Yes, but what's with the pink, flower-print underwear?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:23, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oh I forgot. You're American. Well you were almost perfect. I think Nach likes boys I'll go be his friend now.    Orian57    Talk   00:24 4 April 2010

Then take your ring back! /me sobs in the corner—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:27, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I don't want it back after you've used it -- I'll get AIDS!    Orian57    Talk   00:28 4 April 2010

And you think Nachlader's any cleaner? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 00:31, Apr 4 2010

Don't talk to me, I'll get AIDS.    Orian57    Talk   00:32 4 April 2010

Orian, we all know you already have AIDS. And most of the other STDs under the sun.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:34, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

i'm wanted in several nations for the infection of syphilis. they decry my byronesque streak. --nldr 00:37, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

I'm wanted in the United States for jumping the border. True story. --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 00:41, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

i thought you were just wanted by starbucks --nldr 00:44, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

He's also wanted by me. Rawr.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:45, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

*blush* --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 00:47, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

But-- But! :(    Orian57    Talk   00:50 4 April 2010

You had your chance.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:51, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

HOMOPHOBE!!!    Orian57    Talk   00:52 4 April 2010

I had him first! --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 00:53, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

And, look at the logo on Pelargonium's user page. That is a powerful argument for him.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:55, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Are you gay too!? Jesus Christ is there no one straight left in the world?    Orian57    Talk   00:57 4 April 2010

Of course, that doesn't bother you or anything...—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:58, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

No not really, but what are the breeding arrangements?    Orian57    Talk   00:59 4 April 2010

They're working on making male sex produce children. /HELPME continues to dream—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:03, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Yes but wouldn't that mean that at least one of the males in teh relation ship would need some sort of incubation cavity? That sounds a bit to hetero for my liking.    Orian57    Talk   01:06 4 April 2010

No, they will not. It's fucking magical or something.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:08, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I'm completely straight. But I'm willing to make an exception for this guy. <3 --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 02:21, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

I'm also completely straight, but there's so many LGBTs here I'm feeling a little outnumbered. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 02:25, Apr 4 2010

Yay for straight guys! /me high-fives Necro --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 02:28, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

fist bump • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 02:30, Apr 4 2010

Nuh-uh, you better get off of my talk page with that crap!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:32, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Oh yeah? Well you can suck my dick. Oh wait...shit! --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 02:36, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Okay.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 02:38, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Burn in hell! Vete a la chingada! Cabron! Puta! MARICON!!! --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 02:40, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Ay caramba! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 02:43, Apr 4 2010

Hey baby

I changed my username. Just letting you know. --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 22:47, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Who you calling a baby, baby.    Orian57    Talk   22:48 4 April 2010

Oh, don't worry. You can have him in the end; I'm just here for the ride. --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 22:56, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

I'd like you both to give it to me in the end.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:35, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

A threesome, eh? I might do it if you both find the money and funds to have a good sex change operation. --Paizu • Maj. • JStw • MUN • LOB • Crap • WHORE • (Talk) 23:54, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

You sexist pig.    Orian57    Talk   11:44 7 April 2010

Do I see me a stowaway?

As interim head of Imperial Colonization and as Serjeant-at-Law for the Uncyclopedia Legal Department, I consider any attempt to sneak on board ship as a de facto application for membership in IC. Should you wish to make a formal application, please do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization. Otherwise, be prepared to walk the plank while hungry great white sharks wait below. ARRRRRRRRRRRR! User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 00:44, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Meh, even if I did join, I probably wouldn't be the biggest contributor. Mostly, I would just correct grammar, spelling, and etc.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:52, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

We need that. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:53, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

But the LOB-demotion thing...I thought that wouldn't be considered enough.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:55, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

As of this moment (it may change when I step down as head on 17 April 2010, but probably won't), if you make edits to an article and they aren't all reverted because they're completely off topic or vandalism, you get an IC point for it, which can move you up in rank. If the article gets featured (as happened with Creationism), I'll check through the edits and give 1/2 feature credit only to the top contributors. So a colonizer might not get feature credit, but still get credited as contributing to an IC. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:59, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Oh...well, consider that my application. Go add me, slut.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:01, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Slut? Is that your attitude? With an attitude like that...OK. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:06, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Useless Gobshite of the Month Nomination

I your father got this, both your uncles got this, your grandmother got this...it's time for you to be nommed. (Weirdly, I was on the page getting ready to nom you when you voted for someone else). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:33, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

Don't worry, I voted for you. I don't mind you having this award over me. —Pelozurian (talk) 03:40, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Sig test

A --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:38, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Your new sig is gey. —Pelozurian (talk) 01:13, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

I think you spelled "gey" wrong. It should be "grey." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:15, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

I don't think you should talk, Mr. Bright-and-Gay Blue. --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:38, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Also, you spelled "boogaloo" wrong, Mr. Perfct Gramer. —Pelozurian (talk) 02:13, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Do you, like, always start conersations on your own talk page? I think it looks really sad, do you need a hug?    Orian57    Talk   09:05 6 April 2010

This wasn't supposed to be a conversation or a conersation. Some people aren't smart enough to realize that you're not supposed to respond to a sig test.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:09, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Some people don't realise that we have a perfectly suitable Sandbox for exactly this sort of thing. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 21:46, Apr 6 2010 UTC

SO LIKE, I WAS AT THE MALL WITH JESSICA TODAY, RIGHT? AND SHE WAS LIKE, "EW YOU'RE SOOO FAT!" AND I WAS LIKE, "BITCH, DID YOU JUST CALL ME FUCKING FAT?" AND SHE WAS LIKE, "UH, YEAH." SO THEN I WAS LIKE, "oh, okay." —Pelozurian (talk) 22:59, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Who teh fuck is Jessica?    Orian57    Talk   11:41 7 April 2010

Also

I just left a comment in your archive because I am stupid/stalking you.    Orian57    Talk   12:36 6 April 2010

Thanks!

And what do you want? You think that because you voted for Why?:Do I need to provide this? you'll get some kind of thank you from Necropaxx? Ha!

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:41, Apr 7 2010

Comma slut

Check with an English professor; I believe the added comma is all right but unnecessary here. But thanks for wanting to help your old man. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:34, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I think that "sounds" better. Yes, I care about that. I said that out loud and thought "Wow, that could use a comma." --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 03:39, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

All right, I agree with you. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:49, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:18, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

uh no

im faster

tho im off now NIGHT --nldr 01:21, April 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I'm still hotter.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:24, April 9, 2010 (UTC)

That you are, princess. That you are.    Orian57    Talk   10:56 9 April 2010

Give me a chance - I'm trying (really)

I try to be aware of HTBFANJS but sometimes I just don't get something right. I'm a NEWB, not a NOOB. Please give me a chance. I even made an article (ZomboCom) but my experience level is so low that I need to have the source of an article open to work on something.

The Dark Archer was here 15:48, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, it's fine. I just removed the quote because I didn't find it funny- I'm not trying to insult you in general. I probably made a mistake with that edit summary, but that's the one I use for people I haven't seen before. Usually, the people I revert are either vandals or haven't read HTBFANJS. Apparently you are neither of these, so I'm sorry.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 15:51, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Ya, Firefox's Find as you type feature (which I turned back on recently (and I turned it off because of shit like this)) did cause a screwy summary.

Just a reminder.

I know this won't do anything for you, because of the gay thing and all, but she's traveling the site to thank people for voting for Sideboob. Thanks, and appreciated. Al sans chains

Don't just revert someone's edits cause you see someone else having reverted them. Or at least don't use that as your accuse for having reverted something. Evaluate every edit by anyone (even an admin) for yourself and decide if it was good. Double check every edit on Recent Changes. Everyones, even your friends and good users. Especially admins, cause they're a bunch of fuck-ups.

I think you know why I'm leaving this. And I hope I'm not coming off as an ass. Except toward the damned admins. Bunch of idiots... MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:16, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

No, I understand your point and I think what I did was a bit of a mistake. It's just that any edit with the words "horse wiener" sets off my alarm. I was wrong this time. But I still wasn't the person who reverted most of the edits, actually.-_- But yeah, I fucked up a bit.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:19, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

horse wiener

"horse wiener"  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  12 Apr 2010 ~ 20:42 (UTC)

(cur) (prev) 20:47, April 12, 2010 HELPME (talk) (contribs) (55,811 bytes) (Reverted edit(s) of Happytimes (talk) to the last version by Aleister in Chains) (rollback | undo) --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 20:47, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

Horse wiener! Yes! ;) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 18:15, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Do you mean hot dogs that are larger than usual, or hot dogs made out of horse flesh? I don't know what else you could possibly mean.... King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:19, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Um, Geah... that one.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  14 Apr 2010 ~ 03:16 (UTC)

Hey Gay Boy

All those words end in Vowel-Y. Isn't that cool!? What's up girlfriend?    Orian57    Talk   14:46 13 April 2010

Hey honey! Did you have a nice birthday with all of those other men?! /me gives Orian a deadly glare--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:15, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, princess, they had cock. what have you got? Just some elongated pish flaps that bearly get hard.    Orian57    Talk   00:47 14 April 2010

Your grammar is so terrible I can't even understand your insult! --Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:21, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Nowt rong wi maq gramar, Pincess, all how yous read its, eh?    Orian57    Talk   01:34 14 April 2010

"Bearly" means "full of bears". Also, I have never heard of "pish". I think you mean "piss".--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:35, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

I'll give you Bearly because I don't know if I'm right or not. Pish however is a word, more a dialect/accent of the word piss. So up you Princess Fish Tits.    Orian57    Talk   02:05 14 April 2010

Well, that just means your dialect fails. Also, I think you mean "Pish, however, is a word, it is more of a dialect/accent version of the word piss." Gawd.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:08, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Alright, Lady Fingers, I'm tierd and can't spell at the best of times. I'd apreciate if you just corrected/ammended without telling me, that way I won't learn to hate you and I won't learn to to do good grammar either. Everyone wins. Also you should watch Shameless becuase it's amazing. Go watch it. Now.    Orian57    Talk   02:18 14 April 2010

By "everyone" do you mean "User:Orian57"?--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:19, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I am the only one around here that's worth a damn.    Orian57    Talk   22:16 14 April 2010

He's right; I myself am only worth a quarter damn.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  15 Apr 2010 ~ 02:24 (UTC)

For my #1 fan

Thank you for appreciating my random babble and voting for my recently featured article. Your blood, and the blood of your beloved ones shall be spared. However, I won't guarantee that they wouldn't be sold as slaves. I need to replace those old golden tiles, you know. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 22:40, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Your page just took 45 minutes to load.

And every other link on the site that I clicked loaded in meagre seconds. Explain. Also I came here to appologise for perhaps comming across a bit like a knob earlier.    Orian57    Talk   17:37 14 April 2010

It doesn't say I should archive, and I'm not at 100 sections, so it's probably not that. Maybe your computer doesn't like me.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:20, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

I have always felt a hint of knob when I interact with Orian, it is totally normal. --ChiefjusticePS3 19:25, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Really? I always felt like a stick was jabbing me in the back...I guess people just feel things when they talk to you, OriOn!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 19:27, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

erm, I thought you were the anus that hated mispellings? Why you mispelling my name, Barroness Hardwood.    Orian57    Talk   22:05 14 April 2010

I heard it annoys you. <3--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:07, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Well you heard right, Mrs Treacle.    Orian57    Talk   22:18 14 April 2010

Don't tease poor Orian75 like that. He appologised for comming and everything. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 22:19, Apr 14 2010 UTC

you see puppy is inumerate, so that's ok. I don't mind. But you, Hep? I expected better.    Orian57    Talk   22:26 14 April 2010

That's Ms. Treacle to you.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:37, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

I agree with Orian, archive your talkpage now. Bitch. —Pelozurian (talk) 22:39, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Never. You just want to say "rape" on it. Well, I think I'll go make a second rule...--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:40, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Actually I think the rape thing is getting old. There's far worse things I'd like to do to you.    Orian57    Talk   22:41 14 April 2010

I was talking to Paigonium or whatever his name is. And Orian, I agree to both of the things you just wrote.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:44, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

How dare you forget my name. >:( I thought we were best friends! Waaaaaah! —Pelozurian (talk) 22:47, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I think I'd rather call you Pailarzonian.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 22:49, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Until you can convince me that you're better than Mordillo, my siggy stays Pelozurian. —Pelozurian (talk) 22:53, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Yes. I'm not sure how to continue this joke.    Orian57    Talk   23:19 14 April 2010

That's what she said!!!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  15 Apr 2010 ~ 02:28 (UTC)

Umm, lol?    Orian57    Talk   11:48 15 April 2010

Orian, back to the original question, I suspect it was one of those "hic up" things Uncyclopedia does from time to time, or a glitch in your connection. This page loads quickly on my computer. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:30, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

This is useful two days after the original problem. I apreciate your help.    Orian57    Talk   13:19 16 April 2010

Orian, don't be such a smartass. Now go to your room.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 20:46, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry Daddy! I'll be good! D:    Orian57    Talk   00:15 17 April 2010

OK, but if you do it again, I'll take you to court under the "Smartass kid clause".--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:17, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! D: I don't want to go to jail like the bad men on TV because I'm not bad and I'd miss Nursery.    Orian57    Talk   00:19 17 April 2010

It's time for me to say it. The nursery director (The one called Chief "<insert name here>") has been touching you in a very bad way. A very, very bad way. You can't go to nursery anymore.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:26, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Bastard. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 21:18, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

Instead, <insert name here> will now come to your house and touch you in a very, very good way. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  00:43, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Don't be ridiculouse. Cheif <insert name here> is my other Daddy. Go read my last archive. He saved me from puppy who was trying to molest me.    Orian57    Talk   00:28 17 April 2010

Orian! Where did you learn that word?!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:30, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Bastard. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 21:18, April 16, 2010 (UTC)

I told you that our games were secret games between the two of us. If you tell everyone else they'll want to play too! Nominally Humane! some time Saturday, 00:55, Apr 17 2010 UTC

I played your secret games once, and I never recovered!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:56, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

All right, enough of this. HELPME, archive your page. HELPME and everyone else who's in IC, go do some final edits to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Discordianism. Deadline's today, and I'm retiring. I have spoken. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:00, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

It still isn't telling me to archive, so no!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:02, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

I'm doing final grammar/spelling edits. DO NOT EDIT CONFLICT ME.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 01:06, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

"This page is 65 kilobytes long." And that's largely not counting the images. Also it's making my computer run slow--it just froze for several seconds. And did that again. And again. And by the way right now I'm using a fast computer, a high amount of RAM, and a relatively fast connection. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  06:13, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Why, you're an edit conflicting slut. It also doesn't say "It may help to move older discussions to an archived subpage." Also, I may want to be the next User talk:Spang.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 06:18, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

I, being the most important person here, have no trouble accessing this talk page and see no reason why it should be archived. Besides, Orian spent 45 minutes to load this page just to say it took 45 minutes to load this page. That's the sort of irony that makes me smile. And as for Discordianism - everyone in IC should a least read through and point out strengths and weaknesses - especially Discordian IC members. Nominally Humane! some time Saturday, 04:39, Apr 17 2010 UTC

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 21:24, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Its funny that it's so smelly isnt it?

LOL!    Orian57    Talk   01:24 18 April 2010

I believe you mean "isn't".--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:18, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

Aww. you didn't see that I muddles It's and Its... :( I did that specially because I saw you shout at idiot.    Orian57    Talk   02:21 18 April 2010

I saw it, I just ignored it. I am above your immature jokes. /me gives you smug look--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 02:27, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

/Me leans back and then thrusts my forehear into your face/ Other wise known as a headbutt.    Orian57    Talk   12:10 18 April 2010

How dare you! I challenge you to a gentleman's duel!--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 15:38, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

/Me kicks hep in the nuts/ /Knees him in the face/    Orian57    Talk   16:21 18 April 2010

/Me slaps Orian with a glove--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 16:22, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

/me bites Hep in the neck/ /Shoves my dick in teh hole and pisses down his throat untill he drowns/ /cuts up teh corps and sells it for £300 a pound to some americans who belive it's Elvis./    Orian57    Talk   17:23 18 April 2010

Sexy.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 17:29, April 18, 2010 (UTC)

You need help. I mean if your name wasn't a big enough cry for help that last comment was.    Orian57    Talk   03:10 19 April 2010

I hate to interrupt this shoving dick into a neck hole of a corpse fest, but. . .

Thank you for your two spelling corrections on Giant Jew Band. You have HelpedMe and it makes me look just a little less like the moron my mother raised. OK, go back to cutting into the corpse with the fingernail of another corpse and shoving dead raccoons into the hole and then sticking the entire pile of corpses into a mailbox, videotaping the mailman opening it up the next morning, and putting the tape on YouTube (or YouPorn). Carry on. Al sans chains 00:01 19 4 MMX

I was going to make a comment about how you suck at spelling, but I felt that everyone knew that already.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:14, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

Eye ewes are spell chequer. Eat cheques spelling four me, sew eye have know e shoes. Nominally Humane! some time Monday, 00:52, Apr 19 2010 UTC

You're awfully good at spelling, for a dog....and a pervert...--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 00:57, April 19, 2010 (UTC)

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Do yo wanna?    Orian57    Talk   02:15 20 April 2010

Orian69? Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 02:35, Apr 20 2010 UTC

No, no. It's a sexual position. I wouldn't expect an old timer like you to understand.    Orian57    Talk   03:26 20 April 2010

Well, with all that laughter it's obviously a bit of a mouthful. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 04:06, Apr 20 2010 UTC

That's what she (he) said. ~ 08:55, Apr 20, 2010

That's what who said? And 69 a sexual position? I don't understand. Oh, maybe the words, sixty nine. Oh, I get it, thank you Orian. It's a pedaphile guy 60 years old with a nine year old. Did I get it right? Aleister in Chains 11:12 4 20!!! MMX

Michael Jackson was the king of pop - how dare you besmirch his name like that! Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 11:33, Apr 20 2010 UTC

King of Pop? I still don't get it. Was it because he'd pop his young friends' anal cherries? Or because he burned his hair off making a Pepsi commercial? Or because he always wore a crown while making his young suitors call him 'Pop'? Michael was a great singer and dancer, so you should also stop dragging his good name through the mud with this outrageous nickname "King of Pop". Aleister in Chains 12:31 4 20!!! MMX

I just knew Orian would do this section. Yes, I wanna.--Sir ~HELPME~ ^{Count! Awards! Pee! Help!} 18:54, April 20, 2010 (UTC)