User:HELPME/Undead
The undead are people who shouldn't be alive, but are still living through the use of excessive amounts of plastic surgery. The term undead literally means "not not alive," which would seem to include all of us, except that none of us are currently living. Not how we want to, at least.
Undead people are constantly fighting for their rights to be accepted as normal members of society. It should be noted that the politically correct term for addressing a member of this race is "Living-impaired", "Cardially-impaired" or "John McCain". Unfortunately, the undead and the living have had a rocky past, what with legions of the undead raiding the living's villages, sacrificing and/or eating virgins and stoat molesting them. In like manner, the people have been offending the undead by burning witches, attacking necromancers, and the creation of veal. Many non-undeads, which are known in many circles of undead society as the living, or "God's moist Playdough" view undeads as the lucky ones, having to never bathe, deal with Dragondragons, or raise the scourge of humanity: teenagers.
It has been said that one day the dead shall get bored of being dead and decide to become undead. In this scenario, Ben Ness and several other people who have dedicated their lives to stopping the undead will retaliate by making the undead more...dead. The only way to make the dead "re-dead" is to kill them in a dance off, which was popularized by the hentai comic book Hellsing, which ends with an undead Nazi fat guy, an undead Paladin, and an undead skunk resolving their conflicts with a dance-off, and destroying most of a random country with their stylish moves. It must be noted that initiating a dance-off with any undead is hazardous; Undead are notoriously fly dancers. Without hesitation, a victorious undead will drink the blood of their challenger from a bendy straw.
- NOTE* Don't forget that the undead have no penis or vagina, so they can't be necrophiliacs.
The logic behind the name undead[edit | edit source]
According to logic an Undead creature is “not not alive” or “not dead” by the mathematical-linguistic:
• “not + alive = dead” and then “not + dead = alive” so “undead=alive”
• or simply by "not + not = yes" then “yes alive” or “alive”
Regardless of the formula used, an undead creature refers to a living creature the mathematical opposite of dead.
However, some 30 year old virgins that still play Dungeons and Dragons and live with their parents call some dead creatures undead. This is absolute bullshit, as a zombie creature is supposed to be called un-living, dead, living-dead, reanimated, zombie, semi dead, half-dead, half living, or Half Life.
However, this article is pointless because there are no Dungeons and Dragons players on Uncyclopedia or the internet in general.(Who plays a stupid board and dice game in the age of computers,the Internet , and World of Warcraft?) Most of the Dungeons and Dragons maniacs are too fascinated with learning all the Dungeons and Dragons rules and "casting the magic missile" to care about the outside world, however.
Undead or Robots?[edit | edit source]
The confusion between undead and robots has escalated to the point where some find them indiscernible. Like most undead, robots are not alive, have no feelings, and live for a single purpose: to destroy humans/be our slave. Most people believe that zombies, as the undead are commonly called, do not make any intelligent choice regarding who they kill/feast upon/eat/devour/gang rape, but are actually used to dispose of people with whom the public has lost interest or are just plain annoying. Robots follow along the same lines. Finally, to get back to the point of this topic, robots are metal and zombies are fleshy... kind of. If you can't tell the difference, please see your eye doctor. Such examples of robots include the Japanese race,Optimus Prime, and Herbie the Love Bug. Examples of zombies include zombies, zombies, and Dick Clark.
Famous Undead People[edit | edit source]
- Madonna
- Larry King
- Note that contrary to popular belief, Captain Scarlet is not undead but rather simply dead. The thing in the series is an alien double which was convinced to defect and help humans after sixteen pints of beer.