User talk:Guildensternenstein/archive3

Defoliation

Will make the forest look better in the long run. ~ 17:38, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes.... And then, we burn it down! Huzzah! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:43, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Der Unwehr

Ok, I read your reply. Look on my userspace to see the major contribs that I have put in, and tell me if I can get any points for them. - - - Silly Angel Speak Contribs 19:56, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

I got your message, thanks for the encouragement. I will see about submitting something for Pee Review. Is there something that I already should have? --Clemens177 00:18, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Okay, I'll spruce that up a bit and submit it. Thanks. --Clemens177 00:42, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Why does everybody always name the subtopics "Thanks" or "Thank You." How about something original? Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:55,27May,2009

Great!

• Good to have you on Portals.
• I have a few collaboration ideas more if you want to have a look. Topmost in my mind is this. Type "smole wopen" in Google and see what this gets you, Guide to Victorian something. The forced rhyming in the poem where those words appear is what I'm planning to use in the lyrics samples of the article. Let me know if you're interested. The bit about saliva is just Mitch's comment when I introduced the idea in chat, it's there for reminder. The initial idea was to say Jenkyns "made an impact (...) difficulty of finding glasses, sore fingertips after a long jam session, and the futility of lying back on the bed and spitting at the ceiling". I decided this was too straightforward and that it would have to be dressed in fancy clothes and let the reader strip out the truth. -- Style  Guide 08:09, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks thank tank!!!

I have to thank you all again Because you voted for my page about my Nursery to get featured on the front page of the internet and that’s really awesome because Mummy got me a new toy! Although she did tell me never to pee in the sandpit again.

Also i'm tottaly trying to finish an article for Der Unwehr, I like the idea behind this usergroup and hope to get it working. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:42 27 May 2009

Awesomeness. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:53, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Spaced out

Space rewritten, but I cannot say it's yet good. I swept out all the obvious randomness and also jokes that seemed to be clear quotes (Adams bit mainly). I added little of my own except for punctuation, word order, stuff like that. A few jokes maybe. The next time I do a rewrite I will do it like this:

• look at the title - if it's to my taste, not a glance at the article!
• write my own version in my userspace
• see if any of the jokes from the old one can be fit in, and join if they do

Now my imagination got so tainted with the Adams-type jokes my "brain" almost stopped working. Anyway, done and done. -- Style  Guide 12:38, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Portals stuff

Literature is well worth a portal - the only thing is, where to put it unless Cabal arranges space for it on main space somewhere? It could be subportal to Art portal (since the category now is subcat to Art), but it doesn't look convincing - the way I put it in the forum earlier today I think. Basically too much work if all subcategories are portalised. I suppose one way would be to increase the number of categories displayed on front page, and make Literature a category on its own. Ask the Cabal, I'd say. -- Style  Guide 14:21, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

About the Der Unwehizzere

It seems to me that articles should be worth more points than are currently assigned. I've seen all the "special" points and stuff, and I just don't want people to strive for points so much that instead of writing articles for a few points (which is what the group is about I think) they will go for easier or smaller things, limiting how much gets done article-wise. What do ya think? Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:12,27May,2009 Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:12,27May,2009

Making a portal

Copy the text (formatting stuff and all) for instance from Portal:Science and paste it into your userspace, for instance in an article called User:Guildensternenstein/Portal:Literature. Then copy/paste/make files for the subpages and templates, like for instance Portal:Literature/LitQuoteoftheday or so. I'm not sure if you can make them before the portal (that being the main page of those subpages) is in main space, so you can either make them subpages in your userspace, or make them up under a different name in your userspace and move them when you're otherwise finished. I don't know how long page name strings still work, so you gotta test it. Portal:Science doesn't have all subpages named properly yet, I think the best way it to name them all like Portal:Literature/whatever. Also, I don't know if templates work if they're named like subpages. The name would be something like Portal:Literature/Template:randomquote1 for instance. You'll have to try that one out.

• As long as every file you create is named differently than anything else anywhere in Uncyclopedia, you cannot make a mess, is my firm belief.
• Ask Spang about naming conventions - I just named everything so they wouldn't clash with anything, and Spang seems to have cleaned up some things after me.
• The potato/science logo is a parody of Wikipedia's science logo, it's not meant for each portal (just in case it's too far-fetched a parody to spot). -- Style  Guide 05:40, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

The long name strings do work: testing, testing saatana <----result. It is apparently enough that the last part of a template says template:somethingorother. -- Style  Guide 05:53, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

This here is the template used for anything you feature anywhere. Just change the image name to fit what you have. See usage in Template:FeaturedSci for instance.

I've just realised why I didn't like your latest MGS article

You never mentioned the TIME PARADOX. Good work with the Peyton Manning article. Carry on. IronLung 07:39, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about

Going Portal by UU Under conditions of great secrecy, a select group of talented volunteers has been slaving away at the wiki-coalface, dedicating themselves to the selfless task of bringing Uncyclopedia a dedicated selection of portal pages. And now their tireless efforts are starting to bear fruit, with the first few being linked on the Main Page by noted twirly star of David, Mordillo. He proudly flagged them up as "new!", until Bradaphraser, more accurately understanding the IQ of the average Uncyclopedian, flagged then as "newd!" instead. What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia! by Docile hippopotamus Actually, Nile and Nile related articles are not invading Uncyclopedia - we merely wanted to say that to see if you, the reader, were gullible enough to believe it. And you were. More like, "Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia hoax!" Let's find out what Sir Edward Mahm00shA, professor of Egyptian history and archaeology at Oxford university exclusively had to say about this: "It is a lie. And Ra saw it was no good. And the band is with me. And they hath uttered not a word about invading Uncyclopedia. Verily! Ra hacketh off the phallus of he who lieth". See now? Undeniable proof from Sir Edward Mahm00shA that the band is chilling with him and have not even mentioned invading Uncyclopedia. We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal.

Check out these pages! A true Uncyc legend returns! Promise to make a vote, the whole vote and nothing but the vote Big audio dynamite From our logs: 19:47, 25 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 88.208.208.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yep, you're really trying, I see. Great, keep the laughs coming, Mr. Funny Man.) 09:37, 25 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.146.77.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You meant "make love to me, she dog") 20:43, 24 May 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 41.154.2.5 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Vandalizing articles, smearing dog shit all over Todd Lyons's car, etc.) 10:48, 23 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.211.138.192 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank, I'm running out of insulting ban reasons.) Biopic of the Week Todd Lyons has been on Uncyclopedia forever. No, seriously, he started editing in 2005 - and he's still here! He cut his article writing teeth on Dwight Schultz, and went on to write a further 98 of the buggers, while nailing his first feature with Fecal E.Coli, which started a run of 18.5 front page appearances up to the recent Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters. He's been an admin longer than most of our readership have been users. Put together. And he still has all his own teeth, he tells us! Blatant Filler of the Week This box here, which is blatant padding so the formatting of this issue looks about right. Cajek ban of the Week 22:16, 26 May 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Unacceptable username: ...too few recent bans for my liking....)

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The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:13, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Mein Führer

You have the satirical touch, I have the nonsense touch - referring to this. I admit right here you are a more skillful writer than I am (in most cases), but I'm so sure I would have something to give so that we would manage some fucking fatass killer articles - more so than either of us alone - if you took some time off from your brain and did some co-writing. It would take time but the payoff would be huge - we would both laugh until our teeth fell off. And the rest of them would too. -- Style  Guide 08:44, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Back to the "Suffering Dick" -piece: if we constructed the outline quickly in chat, I wrote the lyrics (I'm probably more unhinged than you are), and we then wrote the actual story around the lyrics excerpts together (that's where you excel over me I'm sure), it could become something neither of us probably could write alone. The lyrics and main text written with different sets of brains would see to that. Or, we could do a similar thing with any of your pieces that can use a similar method. What I'm trying to convince you of: articles written by several people so that everyone has a clear part to play (with overlaps when they happen, of course) have a good chance of succeeding hugely. Note that the Snark bit was only my first or second collaboration and it wasn't organized in any way: I just set my brain to "mess" and followed up where Mhaille had left off. -- Style  Guide 09:15, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Heil! It's right there above Thanks thanks tank, or whatever it was. Now it's here too. The idea is not for such a long article, probably not feature-length - but it might be. I'll have no trouble churning out insane blues lyrics. Joke would be to write a really deadpan article about someone who hasn't done fuck - which is how most wannabe blues people look to me. See you later, I'll be off for a couple of days. Read also the text above Thanks thank tank, there are a few things more on it. -- Style  Guide 13:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Sure it's cool - I'm not in a hurry with any of my projects. Any time that suits you! I suggest we start it in chat some day, like I mentioned earlier. We can compare and invent some fresh ideas, divvy the job, and then finish our own parts any time we wish, then do a recap another time in chat. I can also do stuff for your projects if you like me to. Nonsense and unusual ideas are my strong suite, I think - and satire when I find a subject - but for some reason I'm a bit slow to connect things that way. Anyway, glad you agreed! See you later! -- Style  Guide 13:46, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Another idea came up, use it anywhere you like - seems to be right up your alley. I would like to see a whole article based on it though: Politically correct Third Reich (with any name of course). Not as a slap to Germans but everyone else. Room for really venomous, subtle satire. For instance: Eufrat-Germans to stand for Jews, and so forth. I would veer away from concentration camps and holocaust. -- Style  Guide 14:12, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Sure, let's do that. -- Style  Guide 18:36, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

About the Der Unwehr

What do you do about collab articles? In an effort to not kill each other, Tags and I were planning on writing High School Musical together. How do yo handle those? Don Puttano cHeDDs 18:25,29May,2009

It's like a collaboration for anything else--you both split the credit. You and him will both get 1 Point apeice. Also, tell Tags to actually join Der Unwehr. Tell him he'll get credit for the rewrites he apparently did recently, too, because I've told him twice now and he still hasn't joined. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:15, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Joined!    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   06:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Football

If I were Jim Caldwell, I would probably play last year's 2nd round pick Mike Pollack at guard. That's my thought. --LongLiverh3 22:14, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

About Special Points

This is a comment I made on User talk:Guildensternenstein/Der Unwehr/Tab: "These [special points] are ridiculous. I thought Unwehr was about rewriting articles, not creating templates or fixing grammar. We have other usergroups for that. Guildy, Multi, Orian, myself, and Todd are the only ones who have actually written or rewritten something, but I see that Cheddar, Silly Angel, and Multi again have all given themselves ridiculous amounts of points for trivial things like templates. The portals look nice, and should be worth some points, but not five each. That's too much. I would very much like to see the points reapportioned and more focus placed on rewriting or writing articles, which is why Der Unwehr was started in the first place."

CheddarBBQ then responded and said they didn't give themselves the points; you did. My comment still stands.

I would like a response from you, please. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 23:49, May 29

Since you seem to know a bit about Homestar

Check out my new page for Homestar Runner. I don't have anything written yet, I just want to know if you like the set-up. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:39,31May,2009

Yo Guildy!

Just came by to bitch about other things in your new user-run operation. Well, I will keep it short, and it is more of just a question. How do points work out in the case of collabs?    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   06:10, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Asked and answered in the message About the Der Unwehr just above. --T. (talk) 06:19, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Hmm...how right you are. Thanks sir Lyons!    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   06:20, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Anytime.  :) Any old excuse to hijack other people's talk pages. --T. (talk) 06:22, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:55, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Time zzzzzone

What's your time zone? This is the time you can easily find me in the chatroom, most days. -- Style  Guide 18:06, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Hi, it's Helsinki, Tallinn etc. Which means now it's 10:07 AM here. -- Style  Guide 07:07, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Probably easiest if we use server times when trying to schedule a chat. Make a suggestion, it's probably easier for me to go by your schedules than vice versa. -- Style  Guide 07:10, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Wait...

i recently joined your usergroup, and sonje is the Propagandameister, what does that mean? Because i am working on a rewrite, and was wondering if she could supply pictures, is that in any way related to the rank of Propagandameister? respond on my talk page. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.

Der Unwehr

Is it possible that I join? Staircase CUN^t 05:40, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Guildy till broven innocent

Hamboozoo Lawi Boozoo want to say sank you, ya otta!

You gived your voice to make za interfiew on za front page. So I want to say sank you... Want to see my brobelor? I also take you to za byramids and show you good time, and for you only 10 American dollars. No, wait! Come back! I want money! What do I tell to little Ahmad when he says ya baba, get food?...

Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:46 June 3 '09

Guildy till broven innocent

Hamboozoo Lawi Boozoo want to say sank you, ya otta!

You gived your voice to make za interfiew on za front page. So I want to say sank you... Want to see my brobelor? I also take you to za byramids and show you good time, and for you only 10 American dollars. No, wait! Come back! I want money! What do I tell to little Ahmad when he says ya baba, get food?...

Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:46 June 3 '09

Thankies!

"Feeling any pain yet, Mrs. Davis?" Necropaxx is delighted to thank you for your For vote on his recent rewrite, Antbortion. Remember, kids, this is what happened to your would-be brother Jeffy. Go kick your parents for him, why don't you?

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:27, Jun 4

UnSignpost June 4th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!

Todd not Lionised by all? By UU Uncyclopedia's long-cherished status as the worst was given a massive fillip this week with the discovery that genial admin Todd Lyons has his own Facebook hate group. This considerable accomplishment has to be considered among the highest praise ever bestowed on an admin of this wiki. Kosher kvetcher Mordillo even opined that it makes him the #1 admin on the wiki, as "even Mhaille doesn't have a hate group!" Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings By Gerrycheevers As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism.

Check out these pages! Image spam Another one bites the dust Admin competence? From our logs: 01:08, 3 June 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.8.59.236 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So far you've edited the pages 'your mom' and 'school'. Want me to try and guess your age?) 07:46, 2 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.17.189.150 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bored fuckes should go fuck boards. It's too early in the morning and I can't think of anything smart to say) 20:04, 30 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.117.160.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Cyberbullying: we don't want to hear about people you know and why you want to suck their dick. I know that's not quite what you said, but something about what you said implied it) 20:38, 29 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Da Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (PLEASE MASSUH WHIP ME, OH MAH GOD, I'M GETTIN' SO HOT, I'LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week The very Reverend Zim ulator is the undisputed, acknowledged, and slightly puce master of UnNews. As such, reporting about him in a newspaper may be an act of such metaphysical self-referentialism that it creates a negative feedback loop, destroying the universe, or at least this wiki. But, in the name of bringing Zim's name to our readership, that's a risk we're willing to take. We'd normally link to a bunch of stuff he's done at this point, but just take a look at UnNews - as we mentioned, he's basically the guy who keeps it all tickin'. Rats off to ya, Zim! Old School Featured Article of the Week In a week when Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim community, perhaps it is an apt time to consider how far he is going to have to reach. Will he ever be able to bridge the gap all the way to the readership of American Fundie Magazine? "The magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist", and is just as relevant today as it was way back in 2006. VFD kept article of the week Plan 11 from Outer Space has been referred to as "amusing", "pretty funny" and "hilarious". Go see why people thought it worth having around.

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Delievered by Saberwolf116 03:01, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Do you use Firefox?

If you do, can you go here and tell me how this looks? I use Safari, and I know sometimes things look weird on Firefox with <big> or <small> Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:57,6June,2009

Kurosawa

Hi Guildy ! Now usually I do like your articles but I think you have a problem here which I can understand. To get the joke - you feel you need to fill in biog details of Kurosawa in case uncyclopedia readers don't know who he was and then you have the two young critics who do not know who he was either and wonder why Will Smith isn't in it or where is the CGI (or Godzilla as that is the only movie genre Japan was once known to provide years ago).

Normally from what I see around here - one device is to turn into a first person narrative or write it from an ignorant person's viewpoint. Instead you could do something like a Plot summary (fake details included of course) and then have the children discuss it in italics or something displaying their woeful ignorance. It could be a moronic version of the old American Siskel & Ebert at the Movies. Or you could leave the children out all together and try do it more 'straight' like how he refused to shoot 'Godzilla as Hamlet' or some such nonsense. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 19:26, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Jim Jarmusch

Guildypuppy,

You are the chosen one. Of all folks, I'd hope you would appreciate this. I think it may be too obscure, and I'm a complete nerd. But I don't care. If you know and love Jim Jarmusch, and if anyone does you do, please have a look.

Thanks.

--Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 21:14, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Non-pee Kurosawa

For a non-pee type overview, fantastic. I love it. I laughed and smiled and nodded. When it comes to satire, that's the holy trinity.

I will have to say I strongly disagree with the above sentiment that the concept is weak. I think the concept is not only great, but the execution of it is as well. I would pee this way into the forties I'm sure.

Let me go make some minor proofready changes, K?

Be right back --Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 06:58, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

OK, just fixed a couple little things I noticed along the way.

So for your humor level, what's to improve? The only suggestion I might have is a little less is a little more. I often like overdoing a joke, as you know, but I think maybe in this case, you linked to slut/moron/etc. from the names one or two times too many for me. But that's not that big of a deal. The characters are great, consistent and thorough. The concept is excellent. The images are well-done and compliment the text perfectly. You know, you did ask for non-pee feedback, but, hey, do you want me to actualy pee this instead?

--Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 07:30, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Awesome. Do it up. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:18, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

Time

How long does it take you on average to write an article? --Docile hippopotamus 07:12, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

It takes him about 20 seconds on a slow day. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:54,9June,2009

It depends. Ingmar Bergman I wrote and conceptualized in a day, stuff like IOLT took a lot longer. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:19, 9 June 2009 (UTC)

I know you're booked for a while

But I was looking at the articles you want to make and saw "The Fifties" on the list. This sounds like an incredicle comedy goldmine, and instead of being beaten for stealing the idea I would like to collaborate with you. The current 1950s article is horrendous and just doesn't do justice to the era. Think about it. IronLung 02:03, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Mr. Better Than Everyone Else

Docile Hippo re nominated Leprechaun. Mind helping the cause? Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:59,10June,2009

Thanks, but it was closed, which I expected it would be. Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:16,11June,2009

Just the thigh for you

Old School Satire. I have a few ideas, and this would be a project you can make shine like a diamond made out of a turd. Let me know if you're interested, please. -- Style  Guide 19:45, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Suffering Dick

I have the ideas down as far as I've thought them, except for the lyrics which I aim to write in some kind of irrationality frenzy some evening

Old School Satire

This would be a pretty easy-going article about what satire really is, the way the implied author happens to want to explain it in any given chapter. I don't want to narrow it down to anything. My aim is to appear to please and/or annoy everyone, rather the latter. I'm fairly sure we'd have to come up with a solid and surprising form and structure to keep it coherent and metaphorical (in a religiously satirical way). I don't have a clear idea about where it's going to go but the need to start it has been born out of frustration and the huge load of bullshit that keeps piling up in my excuse for a mind, waiting to burst out. Having read and defended the D&D races article, I cannot imagine not asking you to participate. For obvious reasons. Some practical samples:

• Kolumbus took satire with him as ballast when he left in search for the promised land of slapstick. He had heard the Mongols were brilliant comedians - trampling people to death, sewing their orifices shut and dumping them into a river, kicking them to a pulp as a great honor - and he absolutely wanted the Spanish Empire to get a slice of the fun. (story goes on to tell how he started in the wrong direction for a joke, and had to dump satire at some meridian or other to appease {something}).
  • Classical satirists often run out into the street and shout: "FUCK THE LOT OF YOU!!" but this is not done for satirical purposes. Note that if it is satire, it's not fun - and if it's fun, it's not satire.
  • a vague idea is to use the old technique, the same one Hyperbole used in that joke Pee Review. I think it hasn't been milked dry yet.
  • the article should be medium length to long, with an obviously rambling section after a blast start, the way all bestsellers are written. Could be the ramble section has some totally labyrinthine ideas and some explanations that explain nothing. For starters.

-- Style  Guide 04:47, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

• • • Well - get back to me when you're frustrated enough - unless it just happens you never get frustrated, writing enough good articles to appease almost anyone. I agree the subject seems broad, and that's why it needs to be narrowed down by the structure. How about a structure where we get some extra fun from the structure itself? Imagine an article that has a life of its own. Let's say it's a bit wild and wants to start growing into different directions (but not too obviously). It does have a safeguard, though. There are some evil, growth-hamperig buzzwords that always mark the decline of the growth, like for instance "humour", "satire", "fun", "joke" - or some different set. Or, it could work by strict rules like the series of Sojourn-articles. Then if would become like free-verse poetry or so. Probably this idea is better since most articles - even without a good idea - would be vastly improved by a really tight structure. -- Style  Guide 05:06, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Collabrador

This weekend, if you have time. -- Style  Guide 09:28, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Not a problem - see you in August or so. -- Style  Guide 06:55, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Um - there are a few typos in Kurosawa - I would have corrected them but it was already protected. -- Style  Guide 07:07, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Terry Gilliam

Hay Guildenwocky, I thought of an angle for the Gilliam rewrite we once talked about. Maybe I should join your Nazi party and make that my first act for the fuhrer.

Anyway, after looking over his Wikipedia article, I thought we could write it from the perspective that he never comes in within budget and rarely ever finishes a project because he always makes utterly outlandish fantastic demands. "The script calls for flying ostriches! I don't care how you do it, just make these ostriches fly!" or something. In fact, it got so bad they actually made a movie about one of his outlandish failures. Which came in way over budget itself.

What do you think?

--Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 20:02, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, and also, in his new film, ...Dr. Parnassius, he's paying four big-name actors to play a single character. Talk about going over budget! I think this'll work. --Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 20:05, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!

"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User By Gerrycheevers In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week By: Gerrycheevers This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it.

Check out these pages! Invisible Forum! Happy Birthday Sonic80! Happy Birthday Woody! Happy Birthday Modusoperandi! FREAKING LIAR! From our logs: 15:19, 7 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.192.116.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(How To: Fuck off for 3 months) 17:49, 7 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.1.87.74 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(one two fuck you!) 10:00, 8 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.190.33.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(comedy website. all football clubs get equal treatment here - ie a merciless slagging. mind you, chelsea really do suck.) Biopic of the Week Of all of the writers enshrined in the Uncyclopedia Hall of Shame, Electrified mocha chinchilla has the highest number of featured articles without having ever been profiled in the UnSignpost. Whoops, not anymore. Anyway, his list of works reads like a what's-what of awesomeness. The entity known as e|m|c also organized and ran several Poo Lit Surprise competitions. Worshipful notes and pie can be sent to his talk page. Retraction of the Week In last week's exceedingly humorous edition of the UnSignpost, we referred to Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435 was requiring all returning users to announce themselves in the forums. This is actually Bylaw #453. We apologize for the mistake, and also from the confusion resulting from the real Bylaw #435, which states that every 94 days a user's dog must be sacrificed to the Rancor. Sorry Led, and get well Fluffy! This Week in Uncyc, 1215 The Magna Carta was signed by King John of England, granting certain rights to serfs, peasants, slaves, farmers, and servants. This was immediately parodied in Ye Olde Signeposte, Uncyclopedia's bi-weekly periodical of the time. It was depicted as a document that forced King John to admit he had the power to tax servants, control every aspect of farmer's lives, and shoot serfs in his Royal Preserves for sport.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:38, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Congrats On Another Fucking Feature

And another guy who's name I can't pronounce. Don Puttano cHeDDs 16:47,12June,2009

you're one to talk about unpronounceable names Mr... Cho... Choudry? Fucking forigners.    Orian57    Talk   06:59 14 June 2009

Atlas Shrugged

For the first time I have read the "nomination" page, I hadn't been aware that "Atlas Shrugged" had been nominated. Let alone failed. Oops. So you know, I hadn't blown off your Pee Review, I just wasn't as familiar at that time with how to do things here. I've "polished" it up quite a bit, and added pics. Including one of Ayn Rand...which I made and find to be very amusing, if I do say so myself! Also, the "non sequiter", was not. It was true, and was a good segue back into more humorous comments, after the little "serious note" I jammed in. And it was her boyfriend's penis cursed, not her husband's. So I've left that in, but used your own phrase to try to add more humor to it - I did so meaning no offense.

"Atlas Shrugged" is a book of over a thousand pages, and by one of America's most controversial and talked of philosophers. I believe that the article I wrote does somewhat well trying to condense all that. And of course, I failed, as I have the actual condensed version of the book under "John Galt", where I believe it belongs. I have given thought to merging the two...but wow. That would be a rather drawn out article, and frankly, I think having them seperate is an important aspect of the humor of it.

Now...my humble request. Could you renominate "Atlas Shrugged"? Or suggest to me any additional improvements you think it needs before it is worthy of that? I would appreciate that. --Clemens177 09:07, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey, about Peyton Manning...

Your rewrite keeps at least the tone of the original I wrote all those many moons ago. As a result, may I take half-credit for it? I know you did over half the work on it (and it looks great), but I thought, well, since I came up with the original idea and all, I maybe could pick up some scraps. It's ok if you say no. So, um, can I?--<<>> 11:15, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thanks for the Nom and For! --Clemens177 07:10, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Terry Gilliam

Would you care to take on my Terry Gilliam pee? You are the Unwher fuhrer, or something.

Or not. I have never even heard the word Valkyrie.

--Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 21:37, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Wanna merge with the Goa Tse Clan?

Would you sign our new pact here, stating that you will become allies with us? I am interested in forming an alliance to crush the IC. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 09:23, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Der Unwehr project idea

OK, I was going through the timeline earlier today, and I realized that 2000 AD - 2099 AD is an irredeemable pile of shit. So, I was wondering if you and the other Der Unwehr members might want to organize a mass unfunny genocide of this section of the timeline. What do you say? Saberwolf116 17:00, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

What Was I Going To Ask You?

Cause I can't re--- Oh yeah, about the thing you said on the Pee Review for Leprechaun (the current one). You said there was a change in tone in the article. can you explain that to me, cause I didn't notice it. Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:15,17June,2009

Also, on an un-related note, are you going to re-write Tim Burton? Don Puttano cHeDDs 02:17,17June,2009

Template spam

The Narrator Would like to thank you all... For voting on his rendition of Snow White. "It’s a fine story. Has everything a child needs to learn about the universe and it’s capricious, unfair ways."

Yay! Points mean prizes!    Orian57    Talk   16:18 17 June 2009

It looks like

Someone is copying you in a really sub-par way. Saberwolf116 15:35, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

A review for you

Review here. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 22:49, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

hi

thanks for reviewing my article, I have to admit, I did use the other mgs articles as a basis for my article, considering that this is the first one i've ever did and had no idea how to edit wikis. I appreciate your input and will correct many of the mistakes listed over the next few days.

Hi its me again

I just wanted you to know that I moved the article to Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. I also fixed all of the spelling errors and removed most of the gamecruft. If you have any other suggestions as to how to help gimme a shout. I hope to be updating with another section or two in the next couple of days.

--Yeahright 04:24, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:30, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm back to pester you

Apparently you didn't notice the "vacation" user page at the top of my user page. Oh well, I'M BACK! Don Puttano cHeDDs 21:17,28June,2009

Hurray! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:44, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Question

If you are doing a rewrte for Der Unwehr, do you have to put an template on that article saying your rewriting it?---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 00:14, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

You probably should. And I'm the unofficial question-answerer for when Guildy isn't here, just because I'm always here... Watching... Waiting... Ellipses are cool... Don Puttano cHeDDs 01:39,30June,2009...

I actually never do, although I call "dibs" on whatever I want to rewrite in the "dibs" section of the DU page. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:07, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 02:20, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

You're welcome. Glad to see my pestering is appreciated. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:08,30June,2009

Godzilla

I was waiting to get your stamp of approval for the nom. Hence "if you don"t mind." ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 04:25, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Something weird is going on with the nom. I nom it and they say it already exists. Has it been nommed and failed before? I'll go put (renom) on it and see if that works. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:35, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   15:38 30 June 2009

Ta!

I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably.

Yeah, thanks for creating der unwher, without it I almost certainly wouldn't have written Snow White, Writing or Left 4 Dead (which was shit but never mind) so yeah I really hope it kicks off and becomes a properly established thing. :)

Thanks, Orian. Currently Der Unwehr has more features than IC has total articles, and yet IC's the "official" one with its own spot on the front page and its founder winning UotM, and mine's stuck in namespace. Funny how that works.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:42, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

PCAS

I've added the logo. (Pfft, and some people complain about my speed. HA!). Let me know if it is ok. That article is hilarious btw. I'll nom it the moment it hits mainspace. --^Dame 23:52, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

I Thought You Would Like This

Don't know - maybe you have seen this, but it is appropriate for you on so many levels, not the least of which being your report to me about the album:

--Globaltourniquet - (was TPLN) 07:38, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Haneke

Hello there sir, I've been directed to you for consultation regarding my first project - Michael Haneke. I prematurely put the article up for review, when what I really wanted was some minor criticism/advice. The reviewer said you excel at film-maker articles (indeed I actually started writing Michael Haneke after being impressed by your Tarkovsky, Bergman and Lynch articles, and somebody else's Hitchcock), so I came to you. The article is obviously far from finished, in fact I can only write in short bursts otherwise I go off on lame tangents (which I think I may already have done, I need your advice). Obviously it's not quite the same article-in-the-style-of-article, but I would like to include elements of it, I just feel this approach is a little overdone (and I couldn't achieve to the same standard as you and Hitchcock-guy). So could you possibly have a look over my article and advise? Cheers. Siddhartha Wolf

In fact I just re-read it for the first time in a week, I think it needs a total rehash and could probably do with losing a lot of the false fiction (the allusion to Werner Herzog etc...), basically it just needs a clean. I want it to be self-referential, for Haneke to come across as more robotic than human, but without just being stupid like a lot of articles, and like I believe it is at present. Siddhartha Wolf

Hey Guildy, in response to your post, Funny Games was a good choice, although my main influence in writing it was actually The Seventh Continent. Consistency may prove a little difficult, since the films are all quite different in subject, but the tone is overwhelmingly depressing and anti-modern civilisation throughout, as far as I'm aware (I haven't actually seen all of his movies). The most important point would just be to contain repeated visual images of mundane day-to-day things like taps dripping, toothbrushing, etc... especially in the last Haneke Effect section. But if you can kind of get a handle on the overall tone of the guy in your opinion and feed back, that would be very useful to me. Cheers! --El Sid 17:23, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I'll tell you when it's ready, might be a few weeks yet though. Btw I just realised you wrote the Walden and Tarkovsky articles! The Walden one in particular was awesome. I'm not worthy :( --El Sid 18:12, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Mahm00shA's B-Day

You have yet to get him a present. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:46,5July,2009

More research required

In light of my current happiness, I have decided to take an extended sabbatical in the 1950s, where life is simple and Marty McFly has just barely created rock music. Feel free to go nuts on that collab we discussed. I'll be back in a while. Happy writing and here's to your continued Uncyc success! IronLung 03:12, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

So, wait, you don't want to do that collab. with me, due to your current vacation? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:27, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Just wanna let you know

I was thinking about nomming you for WotY. Going to say this in july, because, well, I know I have a lot of time, but it's the highest honor an Uncyclopedian can get. And I'm bad at keeping secrets. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 00:19, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Wowza. Thanks. There's still, like, half the year to go, but the fact that you're so high on my stuff really means a lot. Thank you. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:48, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, you're welcome, but I really think you deserve it. After all, you started in January, so you were here pretty much the whole time, and you've got what, 12 features? You've been more dominant than any other Uncyc user has been this year in terms of writing. Also, it's kinda cool to know that you are also a Colt fan. :-D ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 03:10, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Yea, you're getting features like a madman. If you keep up the pace, you'll have over twenty features in one year. I'd give you a vote, considering no one else boots in and starts crapping featured articles lie you. Staircase CUN^t 02:42, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

One more thing is, I want to help you make Der Unwehr official. Maybe we could talk to an admin or something? UU, maybe. I don't know why. Just, yeah. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 02:38, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

You're a Colts fan? I just lost 98% of my respect for you. I will, however, gain some back if you say you hate the Steelers. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:13,7July,2009

I'm a Patriots fan. I HATE the Colts. Especially Peyton Manning. Staircase CUN^t 03:30, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

To Cheddar: Who, me? well, the good thing is that I do hate the Steelers, but the bad thing is that you weren't talking to me. Oh, well.

To Staircase: I saw some shirts in a store yesterday that I liked. I thought you might take interest in them to. They were red, and they had the Patriot logo on the front, and then under that they said "18-1." And i got to thinking: If you are gonna lose one game throughout the WHOLE SEASON, including the playoffs, why not make it, say, Game 9 instead of the Super Bowl. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 04:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I get bashed all the time for the 18-1 crap, but look at the birght side: No other team has EVER won 18 games in a season. So suck on that, humanity! Also, losing game nine takes the fun out of it. Staircase CUN^t 04:05, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, why not just give all of New England the satisfaction of losing a Super Bowl to a 10-6 team. Congratufuckinglations. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 04:31, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Shut the fuck up. Plus, the Patriots already have three super bowl wins, so... yeah. Staircase CUN^t 04:34, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

And a quarterback who got fucking MANGLED by a Chief. A fucking Kansas City Chief. I'd pity him, but he's way beyond it. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 12:31, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Guildy's Response

OK, so:

1. Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady. Let's look at this issue from a purely statistical standpoint. Peyton Manning is currently 7th all-time in passig yards with 45628 (another typical Manning season will put him at 4 by the end of the upcoming season). Tom Brady hasn't even cracked the Top 50 yet. Peyton Manning has almost 20000 more passing yards, despite only playing two years longer. Oh, and he never got his ACL fucked up by a scrub on the KC Chiefs. So there. Yes, Brady may have his three SB rings, but winning the SB, last I checked, was a TEAM effort. And, quite frankly, Brady has had a better TEAM around him than Manning for most of his career. Peyton had no defense until 2005, while Brady's has almost always finished in the top 10 year in and year out, so yeah. You know what's not a team effort (comparitively speaking, at least)? Winning the MVP award, and Manning has three of those to Brady's one. At worst, Manning's 3-1 lead in MVP awards cancels out Brady's 3-1 lead in Super Bowls, and then we're left with the fact that Peyton's got 20000 more passing yards, more TDs, and a higher QB rating than Brady.
2. Yes, I do hate the Steelers. And that Patriots. And the Chargers (Jesus Christ, I hate the Chargers!).
3. Super Bowl XLIV will be an all-Manning Super Bowl. Colts 27, Giants 16. Mark my words. Oooo-ooo-oooo...

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:14, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Livey's Response to Guildy

1. Well, I don't think I have anything to say about Manning that you didn't say.
2. I hate the Steelers and Pats, and the Chargers (what the hell is a Charger anyway?), but I especially hate the Jets. I want to see the whole damn team walk through Hell with gasoline suits on.
3. Super Bowl XLIV will be an all-Manning bowl. Colts 63, Giants 0. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 13:35, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I forgot to mention that I hate the Titans

I fucking hate the Titans, too. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:41, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

How about the Jets? Do you hate the Jets? Oh, please tell me you hate the Jets! I hate the Titans too. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE THE FUCKING JETS! ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 13:49, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, the Jets suck, so I can't really say I hate them too much. I also live in Buffalo (Bills are my third favorite team, after the Colts and Rams), so I'm obligated to hate Miami. Seeing as I therefore hate both the Pats and Fins, hating the Jets is kinda hard: you can't hate one division too much. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:02, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Guess what? I recently met Mike Holmgren. At a carnival. He was serving ice cream, so yeah. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 15:10, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

That's awesome. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:12, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I don't think it is possible to hate one division too much. As a Redskins(yeah, it's a crap name. It probably needs to change) fan, I can't stand Philly or The Giants, to go along with my overall loathing of anything Dallas. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Truth be told, I have a sort of love-hate relationship with the NFC East. With the exception of the Giants (and only because of the coach and Eli), and thoroughly dislike all the teams, but they're, as a whole, competative year in and year out, and an their games are always so, so good. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:07, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I don't know... I've seen some stinkers from Washington over the last few years. Being able to gain 50 yards on offense is a stuggle some games. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:25, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I'll tell ya one thing, it's better than watching the Bills play, that's for sure. We haven't had a viable offense since 1996! At least you guys have Clinton friggin' Portis and receivers who aren't either A) bad or B) popcorn-obsessed. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:34, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Speaking of which, I've been wondering what Buffalo fans are feeling about the afformentioned Mr. Owens being on their team. I know when I was hearing that Washington was thinking about signing him, I was threatening to become a Ravens fan. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:38, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Everyone up here either loves him or hates him, with me belonging to the later category. I can't fucking stand that overrated cry-baby. I don't even know what he's doing up here to be honest: he complains when Pro-Bowlers Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Romo throw him the ball, and yet, somehow, no-name Trent Edwards is supposed to keep him happy, even when there's a younger, quicker, better receiver at the other end of the field by the name of Lee Evans? Yeah, OK. Here's to us going 7-9 or worse...again.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:45, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

.....Yup. About what I expected. And I fully agree with you. Cheers to him being your problem instead of mine. Here's a good sports-related question for you: Why is Lee Evans so underrated? Nobody talks about that guy, and he's very very good. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:49, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Because we haven't had a good QB since Jim Kelly, nor a good coach since Marv Levy. Plus, we've been trying to go the "ground game & defense" route since recent memory, except we can't run the ball because we've got no line, and it's hard to play effective defense when said defense is on the field 60% of the time or more every single game. We actually do have a pretty good defense, but the number are always stilted because our O can't get it done. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

No O-Line? But you guys signed Derrick Dockery a few years back to...like a 7-year, $50 million dollar contract! And he was SO good in Washington. He completely, 100%, deserved that contract. All of my other Washington friends and I all agreed that he deserved every penny that he got. What now? He's been released after only two years you say? He's back in Washington now after signing for half that much? Weird.... Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:01, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, weird. And let's not forget Jason Peters, who, after one good season, thought he deserved a contract befitting the best tackle in football. Yeah--he's not here anymore either. God, I hate the Bills' front office. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:04, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I feel you. Daniel Snyder is a terrible Owner. <rant>When Gibbs quit, we had a viable Head Coach in our defensive Coordinater, Gregg Williams, and everyone figured he would be our new coach, especially after the year he had. He had our defense ranked 3rd that year, and none of our players were all that great. INSTEAD, he interviews Williams for the head coaching job 6 times, before FIRING him, you know, the guy who just led our defense to such a great year.... Because that's a normal thing to do. He has never, ever given a good reason for this. And, usually, a head coach, you know... gets to pick their own offensive and defensive coordinators. Well, not with Snyder around. He ended up hiring new coordinators before he even hired a head coach. And by this point in time, all of his favorite candidates saw what was going on, and said no thank you. And, if he had just waited a while, he would have had this great head-coach-in-waiting in his defensive coordinator, but since he had already fired that guy for NO APPARENT REASON he didn't really have anyone else to give the job to. So, he hired a no-name so that he wouldn't be missed when he got fired the next season. Only the no name actually did a good job, so now he's trying to figure out a way to fire his coach while still saving face, so that he can try and hire Bill Cowher when he comes out of retirement. And I won't even go into the time he fired Norv Turner after a win, and with the Redskins in the lead for the last wild card spot. Needless to say, they went 1 and 2 to end that season, and miss the playoffs. </rant> Sorry about that there Guildy. Don't know what happened. Say one thing about a bad front office, and that's what happens to most Redskins fans. Well, yeah. Glad that's over...... GOD DAMN IT, SNYDER! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:25, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Greg fucking Williams used to be our HC before getting the coordinator job with the 'Skins, believe it or not. He didn't do a very good job, which might be the reason Synder fired him. Williams has a great defensive mind, but zero charisma, and, worse, no balls. Anyway, our front office problems are nothing compared to what the folks in Oakland must feel. What's that, Al Davis? Take the fifth-best receiver in the draft with the 7th overall pick, ahead of Michael Fucking Crabtree!? Yeah, that makes sense...right. I don't even like the Raiders, and I still can't fucking believe that shit. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:40, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

The Raiders and The Lions always make me feel better about myself. (And yes I knew he was your coach beforehand, and didn't pan out. Actually I always liked him, but wasn't miffed that he wouldn't be the head coach. It was the fact that he was no longer going to be the DC, and for absolutely no reason, that got my goat. SNYDER!) Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:51, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

As a Bay resident (or "Baydestrian", if you're more like that), I can't say I hate the Raiders, but I do agree with the above claims about them. The Lions, on the other hand, are just funny to watch, because they can't even get 20 yards upfield, let alone win a game. And I hate them so much I couldn't help but giggle every time some no-name Kitna replacement came in and threw a pick on his first pass attempt. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:08, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, the Lions suck pretty hard. But they've got Matt Stafford and Dante Culpepper now, so watch out! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:16, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

OOOOH SCARY ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:35, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Cheddar's Response

I'm almost afraid to say this here but... I like the Eagles. Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:52,7July,2009

Can't say I'm a fan.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:16, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

BOO! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah, yes, boo is correct. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:10, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Staircase's Response

1. Patriots kick everyone's ass - Now, let's not deny the facts here. There is not a single team in the NFL that the Patriots have not one against. The same can be said for Tom Brady. Also, back in the 18-1 year, they were by far the best offensive team. And what I mean by by far is teh fact that no fucking team came close in any statistic.
2. Steelers suck - "Big Ben" (what a sissy name) is way overrated. Also, my least favorite teams go as follows: Colts, Packers, Chargers, and, uh.... the Jets. They can go suck one.
3. I wanted a third reason like everyone else - Read the sentence before this.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Staircase CUN^t 23:20, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Who won the Super Bowl that 18-1 year? Oh, yeah, Eli Manning and the Giants (sorry, I had to). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:21, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Look on the bright side, they're the only team to ever win 18 games in a season. Suck on that, Colts! Staircase CUN^t 23:24, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Hey, our 2005 season was pretty good, what, with 13 consecutive wins and all, and when we had our super humiliating playoff choke to a wildcard team, it came in the divisional round, not the Super Bowl. So there. Actually, that doesn't help my case at all. Fuck... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:27, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

So take that! However, we can agree with some things, right? Like that LT is past his prime and is now just an average player? Staircase CUN^t 23:28, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Hell yeah to that. In Madden '10, he's rated a 94 overall, making him the third best back in the game, ahead of Brian Westbrook, Matt Forte (league's most underrated back, in my opinion), Maurice Jones-Drew, Chris Johnson, and Clinton Portis: only AP and Turner are better. How he managed that I don't know, at absolute best he's maybe a 88-90 tops, based on the end of last season. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:34, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I can tell you why the Colts are better than the Pats. It's actually because of a lack of something- filming skills. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:32, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Spygate. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:35, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah, bullshit. They won and that's enough for me.Staircase CUN^t 23:37, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Yay! Another Big Ben hater! I like the Eagles, then the Patriots and the Packers are about tied at second. The Steelers are dead last of course, with the Colts just barely above them. Don Puttano cHeDDs 23:40,7July,2009

Hey, a patriots fan! *High fives* Staircase CUN^t 23:43, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Cheddar's Italian, so his opinion doesn't count. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:09, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Vinnie, take 'im out. Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:33,8July,2009

Double L's response to Steppy

I am used to cheating when I watch football because I go to tons of Raiders games. They are always dirty and cheap, and I hate it. When you are fine with cheating as long as you win, then something is fucking wrong with you. Football is a great game that deserves to be played cleanly. Cheating is a huge impurity in football and I will not accept it. I am serious here. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:48, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, first off, I think that spygate is a load of crap. Second off, have you ever heard the phrase "If you're not cheating, you're not trying"? Staircase CUN^t 23:51, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

The Raider's used to be okay, I haven't really seen them recently. Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:41,8July,2009

Have you ever heard the phrase "Cheating is for asslickers?" ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 15:01, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Yes, spygate is a load of crap, and their SB loss that year is karmic redemption from the Gods of Football for their cheating. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:02, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Your query

In response to your query about my PR, yes I did listen to the audio, and I also spent 20 minutes trying to decide what I should do with the review, since I was unsure whether anything could be done with them at all, and whether it was worth critiquing the article on most of the categories. Eventually I decided that it was and reviewed as I would have done with any article, apologies I did not make this clear. To amend my main point: While the audio is amusing, and the text is only a transcript (yes I know I refer to 'your text' throughout the review but I kept forgetting to write audio instead of text), I would suggest making the audio slightly more open and easy for satire as these are, while amusing because of the way they are done, not parodying in a way I found massively amusing. I also appreciate that you may not be able to do anything with the recordings, apologies for not making these points clear. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:05, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

No worries, and thanks for the clarification. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Harold Rosenbaum

Hey. I really liked the potential in this article. Are you going to finish it? Pup 08:07, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, it's not really an article, it's the man's bio on his webpage/choral programs that I copied almost exactly and then changed slightly. It's more of a joke to my friends and I than anything else, so.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:28, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Ummm...

Could you do me a favour - after reading your "shellfish" article (Shellfish is a category here by the way) and that link that I posted, I was inspired to put forward my own take on a similar theme. Could you take a quick look at it and let me know what you think. UnNews:McDonalds Should Be Boycotted‎‎ – Preceding unsigned comment added by PuppyOnTheRadio (talk • contribs) - He didn;t sign it because he's a forgetful moron. Someone should smack him upside the head. I'll do it. Ugh! Take that! Hahaha! Ow! Hang on a second, why am I hitting myself upside the head again?

I very much like that--put it up for Pee if you haven't already and see how it does. I'm going to fix up my own article fairly soon, so yeah. Oh, and sign your posts, please. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:31, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

I can't put it up on PEE - I already have two other articles sitting there waiting for review. I have about 15 articles I've either written or re-written, had two of them reviewed that I've now reworked, had another reviewed that I'm about to rework, I have someone waiting for me to do the equivalent of a PEE that isn't a PEE (on an article I didn't write that is in my User Space - long story), have two other articles that are works in progress - this one and this one, have competed 7 PEEreviews in order to loosen the queue up in the hope that mine get done a little sooner, have an article sitting in VFH that I want to take out of VFH so I can rework it (I'm sure you know that feeling) and I'm trying to visualise Thomas the Tank Engine being crucified so I can then try and work out how I would make the image. No wonder I'm so tired I keep forgetting to sign my posts... Pup 07:35, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah, I see. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:05, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:16, Jul 9

Thanks

CHEERS!
 Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.

Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:18, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

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I just realized I have about 100 more edits than you (at least I did when I wrote this). HAHA! Don Puttano cHeDDs 22:41,11July,2009

And I've got nearly twice as much as the both of you put together. Probably. 13,265. Well nearly. If you rounf to the nearest 12000.    Orian57    Talk   22:45 11 July 2009

Well, I had sex with both of your mothers at the same time, so there. Also, edit count doesn't matter, like, at all. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:05, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Says the guy with the lowest edit count... Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:08,12July,2009

A corpse and a fat lass. You really won that one Guildy.    Orian57    Talk   00:33 12 July 2009

My mom's not fat. She's just obesily challenged. Bitch. Don Puttano cHeDDs 00:35,12July,2009

Interesting how you'd rather have a fat mum than a dead one. That probably shows character or something.    Orian57    Talk   00:41 12 July 2009

So, this talkpage topic is entirely pointless. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:49, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

But I got a bigger numberers! Also, you should archive.    Orian57    Talk   00:50 12 July 2009

Yeah, you're probably right. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:54, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Well. /Me taps foot/    Orian57    Talk   00:55 12 July 2009