Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tom Brady (rewrite)
Tom Brady [edit source]
I rewrote my first article ever! Hurray! Although it was hardly my own; IPs had butchered the already-shitty shit that was there when I was through with it. Anyway, this is sort of a companion piece to Peyton Manning (in the same vein as Godzilla vs. Vaginus and Godzilla vs. Urethra, or HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle and Nursery), as it features the same framing "character", and refers back to the previous article several times. So yeah. Review away. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:49, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- I might get this, but keep in mind your score may be boosted due to bias. It helps that Tommy boy is actually fuckin' bullshit. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 00:06, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8.5 | Well, all bias aside, this article was very funny. There are just a few things you need to do before this is perfect.
First, tune down the linking to bullshit. It gets very tiresome near the end, and I don't see how it is necessary to make your article hilarious. Also, in HTBFANJS, there is a section about consitency. If you don't already know this, you should spread the "bullshit" links out (about 5-10 in each section) so it doesn't seem so balanced in one way. Also, I would have liked to see more references back to the Manning article and not just having it in the same viewpoint of the same person. Finally, I would like to see 1 or 2 more "Darlene" references, those were very funny. |
| Concept: | 9.5 | The rewritten sequel to your brilliant Peyton Manning article. Well I can't say I have any arguments with the concept, I just gave you a 9.5 because 10's are very hard to come by. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8.5 | Well, I have to say for an article that may have a lot of intentionally bad formatting, you did pretty well here. Nice use of bolds to emphasize, also I don't see much use for italics so I guess you're good there. One specific thing I would like to point out, though, is in the Tuck Rule section where it says ONEBULLSHITFUCKINGCALL, it would be easier to read if it were ONE BULLSHIT FUCKING CALL. Other than that, just a bit of spit and polish and you can rest easy. |
| Images: | 9 | You know when I said your score might be boosted cause of bias? Well, this is it. THANKS SOOOOOOOO MUCH for using the shirtless draft photo. Pretty much sums Brady's career up, I might say. I think in the tuck rule section the pictures could be a bit further apart, but meh. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8.9 | pee template. |
| Final Score: | 44.4 | Wow. This is great. Plus it is the truth. To be honest, I enjoyed it more than I enjoyed Peyton Manning. I always get so mad when I hear people say that Brady is better than Manning. Plus, your article has suffered a bit more IP vandalism, sorry. I think this is VFH as it is, make those changes I specified and it would be absolutely perfect. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 22:46, 18 June 2009 (UTC) | |