User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 4

Oliphauntes never forget. But I do. If I forgot to answer your post, feel free to engage in a bloody flame war at the bottom of this page.

• What this user has been barking in April and May 2011
• What this user has been meowing in June and July 2011
• What this user has been bleating from August to mid-October 2011

Absolutely important things.....

Your freshly archived talk page really needs a BIG GAUDY TEMPLATE

Ahhhh, much better. --    18:59, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

HAHAHA!!! You're right boss! How did the last quarter go? Awesome! That pie was damn good! Mattsnow 19:02, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

No worries

Ive had a couple melt downs here too Mattsnow. SPIKE pissed me off so much once I thought about leaving here (though I miss his editing and writing advice a lot and how he turned UnNews into the amazing sub page that it once was). And there were a couple more dramatic incidents that resolved themselves and one that still hasn't. Meh. Yours was fairly minor (sorry to downgrade it but I doubt that anyone sees you any differently...seriously).

So anyways...door knobs...we have to submit it for a pee review...if no one nominates it...then we go from there!!! --ShabiDOO 23:58, October 12, 2011 (UTC)

I threw all the furniture out! Now I'm refurbishing the whole thing! :) Haunted Undies told me he would nom it without even me asking, but let's not rush and tweak it a bit to make sure it's excellent. Mattsnow 00:03, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

Indeed! Its not a bad idea to get, even just a paragraph from someone about the article. Ali is good at doing that, though he isn't around much anymore. We should ask haunted undies what he thinks could be cut/improved! --ShabiDOO 00:51, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

About that, I feel bad in how I put my opinion of your PLS article. The truth is, I was expecting much better from you. But it's okay. We all have low points sometimes. We learn from our mistakes. That's what Pee Review is for. I don't want you, one of Uncyclopedia's premier writers, to leave because of several minor issues although it would make a great UnSignpost story. Two of my great Uncyclopedia companions, SPIKE and PuppyOnTheRadio, were lost this way.Just remember that you're a great writer, a great Uncyclopedian, and that not all your articles can be funny. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 13 October 2011, at 03:21

I'm somewhat surprised you bring this up, since it is minor and all is well. I get that Lollipop, but what was weird for me: I had articles like Boston Molasses Disaster and Doping in sports and others which I was SURE would not get much appraisal and I wouldn't have cared if they were disliked. Much to my surprise, they were featured. It's just I liked the snowboard one so much ( I have my ski pass in Quebec City, and I love snowboarding. Of course I had a lot of fun writing it since it is one of my passions) I was so confident that it was a bit of a heartbreaker to see not only you, but all 5 judges "ignore" it. No biggie. You judged it as you saw it. You did your job. Mattsnow 03:29, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

Great. Now the bunny children can entertain you.

-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 13 October 2011, at 03:30 I retouched some things in the text above, you certainly ended up in an edit conflict lol. I have to judge "best illustrated article". Mattsnow 03:42, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

While the bunny children are busy hopping around, I am working on a hockey themed aUnBook. You could read it and help out, if you'd like. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 13 October 2011, at 03:49

Per request, on Your Article!

Okay, I've been mulling it over for quite a while and I've come to a decision on it. The problem with the article isn't really the humor itself as much as the prose. It's disjointed and strange sounding in many places. The other thing is this. It's a very enjoyable article. And I'm okay with it being very enjoyable in lieu of gut-wrenchingly hilarious, if you are. Some article just are more suited to be amusing than incredibly funny, but sometimes that's just what works for that particular idea or article, and that's the best way to use it, and it can be enjoyed for that, and that's how I see this article. It makes me feel strangely happy, despite the fact that this guy is getting pummeled. That's a unique way about it. So I'm left to conclude that the reason I didn't find it capable of earning PLS points compared to the others is simply that the prose and grammar are very spotty. There are lots of words used in the wrong context or wrong conjugation, a few sentences that don't make sense, occasional tense shift if I recall, and so forth. I'd be happy to help you out with shaping that bit up if you'd like. Other than that, like most of the other articles I judged, I'd say it would be feature-worthy, but the prose just needs to be fixed. I hope that helps you out. Let me know if you'd like to know anything more specific or anything like that. -RAHB 06:01, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks RAHB! Much appreciated. Mattsnow 07:03, October 13, 2011 (UTC)

Sparta?

THIS IS NOT SPARTA!!!

Thanks for your vote. ; ) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:15, 14 October 2011

Occupy

Hellllo fellow traveler. I must sign off soon, and won't be on for a few days, so if you feel like it please add some funny bits into UnNews:Occupy Uncyclopedia, enlarge it, and make it into an article that the gods would salivate over. I've asked Socky too, so add on any user you think would do the page justice. Occupy it well! Aleister 18:25 14-10-'11

I drink my own cum

Oh yes, it is a common activity I partake in. I frequently can be found playing with penis whilst looking at nude pix. And then I will jizz in a cup and drink it. I did this for many many years, I however discontinued it for health reasons as my semen gave me a nasty throat rash.

This article is deticated to my friend Pete who died giving head to a pedophile. The pedophile violated his throat too hard. I LOVE YOU PETE ): --62.141.53.224 04:59, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Was his name Pedofile pete? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 15 October 2011, at 05:03

What an inspiring, emotional message. It's great that you raise awareness on these often overlooked topics. You have my highest regards. Mattsnow 05:23, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Its so warm and gooey. Its a great drink on a cold autumn day. --ShabiDOO 14:09, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

654-26345-YY-234-RET-357897

I think that should do for now. Its all the information I could get. There was also this password I found: Scrabs. I'm not sure what that means...but I'm just sure we will crack it soon. In the mean time...why don't you have your people contact my people and then our people can talk to each other about it. Or...you could contact me via the secret underground passage underneath uncyclopedia. I am not usually there but I might be. And keep it on the down low. There is no use to putting us both in Jeopardy. And putting your people in Jeopardy. I really don't want my people put in Jeopardy. Okay? Peace out. --ShabiDOO 20:30, October 17, 2011 (UTC)

request

Would it be possible for you to pee review Extraterrestrial life, normally I wouldn't ask, but the article is substantially changed on before. You appear to be the last winner of that award for good reviews. --Nikau 07:07, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

Page moving

You do realize, that if you copypaste your work straight from your userspace to the mainspace, it doesn't include the history of the page which basically shows the amount of time spent on your article amongst other things.

You should try using the move button a bit more man, it moves the history and keeping a copy in your userspace isn't exactly necessary. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:37, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

Hi, Matt

WTC 7 was not hit by a plane. The 47 story skyscraper fell at the rate of gravity 5 hours after the towers did, out of sympathy for them.

Woke up this morning with a story in my head. I figured I'd ask you first, before I posted it on {{RecentUnNews}}. (I'll be adding a pic shortly.) Cheers.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Oct 21 '11 1:47 (UTC)

Whoops, forgot the link: User:Bizzeebeever/Articles/UnNews:Tournament of Hell to be played again for first time in six years

Hahaha, that's awesome bro! As a conspiracy guy, I think however that Saddam and Bin Ladin are still among the living: they were, after all, allies to the US for a long period of time. What proof of their death do we have? Nothing for Bin Ladin and a sloppy cell phone vid for Saddam. Also, why did they kill Bin Ladin if he was protected by 4 or five unarmed folks? Wouldn't it have been more glorious to get him alive? But that would have been really a really hazardous move. Especially if it wasn't him at all. And I haven't heard one bit about their inheritance being fought over, like when any good rich dictator meets his demise...

Anyway, that was my waking up (just slid out of bed) rant. I'm always critical of what they serve us as truth, especially when they have sloppy evidence. I'm not saying I have the truth 100%, but those death seem really fishy to me. Coming back to your article, it is just great bro! Get a funny pic in there and put it on the frontpage. Mattsnow 07:58, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not gonna agree with you 100% that those folks are still alive, but, yeah. Where the fuck are bin Laden's death pics? "Woo, they will inflame anti-American rhetoric!" Pfft.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Oct 21 '11 8:47 (UTC)

I'm not 100% sure of what I'm saying either. Just food for thought. Please don't institutionalize me! Mattsnow 09:18, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

“OM NOM NOM!”

~ Bizzeebeever's brain on food

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Oct 21 '11 10:08 (UTC)

Matt, Hi

How many fingers and toes do you have? --ShabiDOO 02:11, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Pee

Good to hear it was funny, I've just changed some parts, the intro needs to be clearer though. The idea behind it is to mostly deliver a humorous take on the reality of extraterrestrial life, bacteria etc, with jokes about alien stereotypes at the edges. I went for more eloquent prose because the article is trying to sell the idea of living not on earth to the reader. But I agree a few sections could do with being clearer. Also, final whore, my article Indiana Jones and the Typical University-level Dig is on vfh... feel free to repay the whore with one of your articles when needed. -Nikau 12:49, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ok man, I think I'll have some whoring to do pretty soon, although I am too lazy to tweak my articles at the moment. :D Mattsnow 12:51, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews puppy watchdog

That's the best formulation of the title of the leading UnNews caretaker I've ever come across. You're doing a good job at that, by the way. ; ) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:18, 21 October 2011

Well thanks, I certainly don't intend on being a kind of dictator, an UnNews really has to be shite for me to userspasce it, and nobody is abusing the fp template so far, but I always check. It's not very demanding at all, even if I don't have time to get online much one day, 5 minutes is enough to foresee everything. Mattsnow 14:21, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

If Stalin had called himself "puppy watchdog" I'm sure he'd be remembered as a loveable scamp. --Black Flamingo 13:02, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

And last this morning, but not least...

Allah/God/Yahweh (pick one) wishes to thank you for both the nomination and the vote on that UnNews piece I did. Rock on, Québécois!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Oct 22 '11 12:37 (UTC)

Door nobs is ready

I dont think theres anything more to do. Lets see how it works out on the vote. In the mean time...could you do me a favour. Take a look at Nothing is permanent if you have a moment and tell me if you think its ready :) --ShabiDOO 19:08, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey oh! I just read it and corrected some typos. I slept 2 hours last night, I'm like a zombie. Anyway, Hauntedundies will nom door handle when there's a little less articles on VFH. I found Nothing is permanent very funny, but all along, I could not quite get the grasp of the concept, certainly because I am tired. LOL at the threesome on the table and some other jokes. However, I think the shortish sentences are overused, is it intended? That works great sometimes, but other times, it feels like reading morse code lol. And how is your Fox News piece doing? Amazing topic! ;) Mattsnow 20:29, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks man...I really appreciate your input...and made some changes with the sentence structure and what not. Take a look at the last section again if you don't mind...I've tried to make the message far clearer. Do you think its ready...more or less? --ShabiDOO 20:53, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

I'd rather relook at it tomorrow man, I'm really a zombie and would want to give advice with a fresh mind. Mattsnow 21:25, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

sleep!!!!! --ShabiDOO 21:44, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

I just tried. Can't! Wanna go on IRC? It would be cool to talk, I think Lollipop is there also. Mattsnow 21:57, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

I just read this message now...I went out and had a life during the weekend. I did enough partying for the two of us...so you can pretend you are on rue Sainte-Catherine ;) Just imagine...drinking at a buddies house...dancing and flirting till super late...and having a smoked meat sandwhich or poutine at six in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 01:59, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha, you are quite knowledgeable, Amazing you know Ste Catherines street, although it is in Montreal and I HATE MONTREAL!!!! TOO MUCH ENGLISH PEOPLE!!!! Search for "Grande Allée" and you will see we are much classier in Quebec City! Which is the capital and the stronghold of French culture here. We built fortified walls. I'll check your article tomorrow, but I got a glimpse of your tweakings on RC. Since when is somebody listening to my sage advice? Mattsnow 02:12, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Hey...no worries...do it when you can. What is RC where you saw my tweakings...i dont know what RC is. --ShabiDOO 02:19, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Oh...recent changes i suppose. --ShabiDOO 02:20, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Great guess! You are a winrar! Mattsnow 02:28, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Adoption request

Hey, will you please adopt me Mr Snow, I've got a basic understanding of uncyclopedia.--Mok2k11 13:36, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

Where?

Where? --ShabiDOO 21:11, October 25, 2011 (UTC)

How do I get a signature?

Yo Matt! I read your message. I actually wanted to ask you 2 questions. Firstly how do I get my own signature like your snowflake one, and secondly how to I put a frame around an image? Thanks Matt!!--Mok2k11 13:46, October 26, 2011 (UTC)

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October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

Regular Servicing By Chief Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide By Mattsnow As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet.

Check out these pages! Is he trying to tell us something? Whore your pointless, worthless scribbles here And you can't even name three of them A wholly unimportant forum topic, totally! Because all those books, plays and verses aren't doing that at all From our logs: 16:46, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.176.202.139 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.202.230.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.241.118.255 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:44, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.48.48.50 (Talk) with an expiry time of 4 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 13:17, October 18, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (It's because I'm a filthy Jew right?) 01:05, October 19, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 129.44.83.21 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Congratulations. Even though my web browser is a massive pile of slow right now, I have still managed to ban you. Doesn't that make you feel special?) Biopic of the Week Is this a pair of pants I see before me? It certainly is because this week the UnSignpost has shaped up, pulled it's finger out and gotten down to it in order to give HauntedUndies a thorough licking. But not in that way. For those of you who do not know HauntedUndies has been knocking about Uncyclopedia since May and in that time has proved himself a worthy UnNews reporter. Now we here at the UnSignpost are far too professional to get bogged down complaining about the lazy tossers who work over at UnNews and will simply say that if HauntedUndies enjoys bathing, not being racist and sleeping with ladies then he won't find very many friends over there. You've probably read some of his stuff if you are the sort of foul-mouthed bigot who enjoys UnNews. No disrespect to you HauntedUndies but it's like you're best friends with Hitler. Now get out there and bring us more featured articles or you'll be very sorry indeed. Also we don't really hate the folks over at UnNews, so feel free to hang out there as much as you like, but don't come crying to us when you end up with some sort of infection. Confessions from Recent Changes "I'm a huge Tarantino fan. There, I said it." - Magic man "This wiki has turned into shit. Please delete this account as I shall never be coming back here" - IsileK "DURRR I JSUT DICSOVERED UNCYECLIPOEDIA OSCAR WILDE SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!111" - Roman Dog Bird Newsroom UnTune of the week Hey There, Delilah

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Door handle

Is nommed and kicking some serious sphincter (which I knew it would). On a side note, what do think of this piece of shit I wrote? I've been thinking about changing the protagonist from "You" to "I". What do you think? I understand and I wish to continue. . 10:31, October 27, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks Undies! Your article is just awesome, want me to nom it after martial law is lifted? Mattsnow 02:06, October 29, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry man, haven't been on in a few days. It doesn't seem like anyone does pee's anymore so I'll move it into mainspace. Nom it if you think it's good enough. I read you felt like quiting too. Although that feeling's probably lone gone, my only advice would be to use the site in moderation. You've been taking on more and more responsibilities round here and you've been pumping out a shitload of good articles. I'd hate to see you burn out and give up like funnybony. So I guess what I'm saying is go play outside every now and again. Drink moderate amounts of booze and stay the fuck out of my front garden. I found my gnomes curled up and shaking in the foetal position after what you did with them. They'll never be the same again. I understand and I wish to continue. . 23:51, October 31, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, it's been a while! I had a sinking feeling that lasted one evening! I have Funnybony e-mail and yeah, he'll take some time away. Don't worry about me taking time outside though: I spend at least 2 hours a day cycling or jogging. I often get ideas for articles while going up hills! And I know you have a machinegun turret installed for intruders, so I'll keep out! I'll nom the article right away! I hope it works out. Mattsnow 00:12, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

boarding

Nice nice, I voted for. Now I don't want a vote on this because the whole nomination was a clusterfuck, but, I rewrote RoboCop. The problem is it exists like four articles. The read me is a parody of what RoboCop was programmed to do. The second gives the characters. The third is a synopsis of the heros journey, and the faq is just a mild analysis or interpretation of the film. --Nikau 01:51, October 29, 2011 (UTC)

The issue is that by their very nature the sections are disjointed. And I was dumb and got it nommed before it was complete. --Nikau 01:53, October 29, 2011 (UTC)

LOL, I could see that the 3 other sections were incomplete and you were like "racing" on RC to finish them, but I am sure the article is gonna be awesome, since it's already good! I went on a big hike today and I am as beaten as an egg in an omelet.

The four page thing is too Damn annoying now imo. I just stuck it all on one page and made the article more genre savvy. I think it is as good as complete now. -Nikau 01:32, October 31, 2011 (UTC)

Happy Halloween!

-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:06

Hey thanks Lollipop! Don't poison too much candies for the kids! :D Mattsnow 01:08, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Bad things have happened recently

Hey Matt...would you mind nominating Bad things have happened recently? Your pee review was very good! Thanks again. --ShabiDOO 16:54, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

I sure will throw it to the lions in a couple of days, let's wait until the number of noms to go down a bit. I corrected some small stuff on Nothing is permanent. The additions you made are great, and I think it's worthy of a feature! The only passage that was confusing to me is where the guy walks in circle near the end of the article. Don't thank me, just trying to help! BTW, I really hope you don't get caught for the needles and chainsaws you've hidden in those Halloween candies... Mattsnow 17:04, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

The truth is...I snuck cancer into the candies...that way they can't link it to me...cause as we all know...it is mother nature who causes most cancer...right? Thanks a million for the good edits on both articles. Hope you had some kind of fun halloween night. --ShabiDOO 17:10, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

WotM

You Nominated Me for Writer of the Month! Good job!

Thank you very, very much. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:25, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

Colab

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo matty...a colabydabydoo! We could do an article on "curling" or about "baroque opera" or an article on the "japanese neuvlear meltdown" do any of those interest you? --ShabiDOO 02:33, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah! Curling sounds awesome! :P I hope there isn't one already. I kind of wonder, what would be the concept? i already made fun of mini-golf, as if it was the most serious game in the world... How could we approach it for funniness? Mattsnow 02:38, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

I was thinking of some kind of stand off between Canada and America (or maybe England) over free trade or something...where they cannot reach an agreement and so the canadian prime minister challenges the other to a curling match to decide what to do. In the end...the fight is about something petty and rediculous like who owns a tiny island between greenland and canada, or which country is considered the official sponsor of oreo cookies. what do you think? --ShabiDOO 02:47, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

Pfffff.... Those concepts are really too abstract for me.... Do you have time to get on IRC? It would make it easier to discuss it. Mattsnow 02:59, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

okay...im on. --ShabiDOO 03:05, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

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Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!

Fundraising By Chief Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well. The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards By Him yet again The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head.

Check out these pages! Useless Awards Botting What's INS? Because the UnSignpost needs more me From our logs: 00:14, October 29, 2011 Haydrahlienne (Talk | contribs) blocked A filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite 04:03, October 29, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sorry, old chap... but you're proving quite the caterpillar in our buttermilk) 23:03, October 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS is a filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (He's also a fantastic swimmer, and if you play your cards right then he just might coooome round for dinner!) 00:05, November 2, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 144.124.29.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (your resemblance to tom jones does not intrigue me) 10:20, November 1, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Jizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You're disgusting.) 19:37, November 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 38.100.105.130 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 weeks ‎ (Somebody needs a nap and some juice) Biopic of the Week Now we here at the UnSignpost don't often do requests; if we did, the editorial staff would have had to commit seppuku on no less than four occasions or would presently be suffering a lifetime of slavery on Cuban sugar plantations. However this week we will be addressing a complex and dynamic issue at the behest of Sycamore and Orian57. Namely, why aren't they in the UnSignpost more often and could we maybe consider putting them in the UnSignpost more often? For the few of you who are unfamiliar with Sycamore he's the most newsworthy Uncyclopedian around. At least, that's what he told us. He's even more newsworthy than that guy over there, who seems to make it into the UnSignpost just about every other week. His past successes include being fae bonnie Scotland, being the writer of several featured articles and the adopter of several noobs. He hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he has been editing a little bit less and because when he is around he has generally been getting on with writing, voting and reverting, all things which will never get you into the UnSignpost. Ever. Orian57 hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he's gay. He did have features on three consecutive days once, but that was so long ago all this was just fields. Words This edition of the UnSignpost has an awful lot of them. Well done us. Also, bone is not a dirty word. Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Confessions from Recent Changes "This page was shit and I should feel like shit" - HELPME "Facepalm" - Lollipop "Calendars are a wonderful thing, aren't they?" - Oliphaunte

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:54, 3 November 2011

Re:Ōkami

Done. Left message here. Wants a pee review. No damn cat. Good cat. Remember it on the future. Or I'll eat you. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 15:10 3 November 2011 OK! I'll do it soon! Mattsnow 00:55, November 4, 2011 (UTC)

Moons

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS!!! --ShabiDOO 02:41, November 4, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for your vote on the Foolizter Prize

You now have a burning urge to send Bizzeebeever all of your money, a tasteful 8"x10" glossy nude print of yourself, and the keys to your apartment.
 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Nov 4 '11 23:22 (UTC)

0.0

I see you have a passion for cycling. My passion is motorsport. This explains the latest hunk of junk I shat out, 1969 24 Hours of Le Mans. I tried to make it outsider humour rather than an esoteric jerkoff, but I'm wondering if it is actually funny in that form. Also, your Ron paul article was funny, but I'm not sure how those news articles would do on VFH, the last one I nommed saw pretty mixed responses. --Nikau 03:17, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, don't nom it on VFH, I'm beginning to think that UnNews shouldn't get featured unless they are very awesome or good and long like an article. I'll read your article shortly and leave my impressions. Mattsnow 03:36, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha!!!Man this is great! I am not a fan of motorsports at all and I loved it! Is it true so many people died in a year? It's great because it shows that a lot of the things in the article are true, like the German car and such. I'll nom it for VFH when you tell me you want to, it's just hilarious! Mattsnow 04:10, November 8, 2011 (UTC)

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga,

I'm 100% nigga.

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga, I'm 200% nigga.

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga, why do police hate niggas?

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga, they hate us 'cause our dicks are bigga'.

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga, why do you call yourself a nigga?

Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga, 'cause I'm a mother fucking nigga! -- 04:24, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

That's racist, nigga! Mattsnow 04:28, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Don't tell me you've neva' heard that song, my nigga! -- 04:30, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

No, nigga... Link? Mattsnow 04:32, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Here it is, my nigga:

-- 04:36, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

These guys had, like, inspiration, nigga. Their next song is gonna be "sandnigga"! Mattsnow 04:43, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Hey! There's an idea. Can I get a 'what what' in the mother fuckin' house, nigga? -- 05:05, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Hey niggas,

Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga

--ShabiDOO 05:30, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

When I showed my recently featured article to my good friend Vasco da Gama, he had this to say:

“ Eu não falo Inglês, estúpido. ”

Thanks for your vote, though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:33, 9 November 2011

Maintenance table

When listing new reviews, please add them to the top, man. And it would also help if you check if any others have been done and not added since the last ones were added, and add those as well, since otherwise there's a good chance folks'll think everything up to the top one has been added regardless of whether or not it has. Thanks. 1234 ~ 18:48, 9 November 2011

That's better. Would help to make sure it's the right name in the future, but that's less of an issue. 1234 ~ 19:00, 9 November 2011

Whoops... Errrr, aren't they sockpuppets? I see a similarity in writing style. Mattsnow 19:02, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Generic UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?

Hard-Hitting Journalism By Chief There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC By Magic man There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is starting to get dire. We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting my your cool back.

Check out these pages! It's coming... possibly Run this up your flagpole Up Sog! Whatever this is Lots of sexy people... and Dexter111344 From our logs: 23:59, November 7, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.128.203.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("small dick in his pants that is purple with green.") 12:59, November 5, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank moar pages (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (What's this button do? Whoops!) 01:01, November 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.97.248.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK) 04:51, November 5, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.211.110.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (i'll lemony you right in the snicket) 18:19, November 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.120.12.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Claims to be a tor exit node) 01:40, November 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.255.253.169 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's meant to be BS, numbnuts; it's a comedy site. lrn2read.) Biopic of the Week His name is Iwritewhatiwant. Possibly. We aren't sure and neither is he/she/it. Naturally the UnSignpost completed all the necessary research to write a biopic and certainly didn't have to keep refering back to his userpage while writing. He of the strange username joined us at the start of September and now as he enters his third month one thing has become clear to all of us. He doesn't want to write anything all that often. Oh the raptures we slip into when he touches his quill to the parchment and makes words appear, the prose, the paragraphs, the lack of vowels... it's something to behold. His achievements have included beating Rcmurphy to Noob of the Month, scooping the Best Noob Article in the PLS and molesting anybody who comes within 6 feet of him. We went through about 17 correspondents to get this biopic, the rest of them are probably locked in a warehouse somewhere being forced to writewhathewants. In which case the joke is on him since most of them can barely speak, let alone write. So congratulations Iwritewhatiwant you are officially an evil, slave-driving freak of nature and that's why we love you. Old School FA The Earth. Majestically spinning on its axis for thousands of years on end, in a constant state of evolution, progress, and overall forward movement. The millions of innovations in technology that the human race has brought to this planet in its tenure here is beyond the scope of typical brain capacity, and has for the most part been beneficial, to the human race at least, if nothing else. This begs the question: With all of these innovations to make life here on Earth so luxurious, why the FUCK have we not invented WIDER FUCKING HALLWAYS?! The ongoing battle with the narrow hallway continues to be fought by us hard-working civilians, day after day, and doesn't look to have an end in sight. This fight is not only against the severe crampedness of such passages, but against the barrage of personages we are forced to encounter walking through them every day. Read the full report here. Newsroom UnTune of the week (Anniversary Special!)* Stalker *Yes anniversary special means the same UnTune we used this time last year, who knows, maybe next year can just be one big anniversary special!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:49, 10 November 2011

Everest

I feel everything is fine except for the part in Preparation before the "...We visited the Dalai Llama". I think it would be better to leave it up in the air why he joined, the article is mostly about the disaster rather than the back-story of the narrator. The Dalai Llama section could be expanded too, if you want me to try. --Nikau 02:16, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

MMMMM AAAHHHHH MMMMM AHHHHHHH lol. I was rather looking for a suggestion for the ending, not a massive tweaking, although I really appreciate the effort! I'll go through it tomorrow, but it can't suck since it's you! Do you go on IRC sometimes? We could talk freely. Mattsnow 02:28, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

It isn't all that massive, I just changed the introduction so it built up to the event in the title. The meat of the article is funny. I'll try to figure an ending. --Nikau 02:51, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

Maybe I will too tomorrow, when I am sober! Mattsnow 02:55, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

Did you know...

That Titan (saturns largest moon) is bigger than the planet Mercury? ...Or that two of Saturn's moons have a trojan orbit (whatever that means) ...That Saturn is also the name of an over priced car company? ...that Saturn has not just plenty of moons but also planetoid sized objects rotating around it amongst the other small particles that make up its brilliant and shiny rings? No...well now you do! --ShabiDOO 03:20, November 11, 2011 (UTC)

VFS voats

Hold your horses! They start tomorrow, today and yesterday are reserved for nominating users and such. Refer to the VFS template for easy reference, the red highlighted point is the stage we're at and we're nearing the end of the nomination stage.

Also you are entitled to a maximum of 3 votes in case you didn't know that. vote for me or I'll kill you ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:24, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

VFS

Hey Matt, how are you? It's a real shame you've withdrawn from VFS you know, so long as Al isn't around you're easily my first choice (although all the candidates would certainly do a great job, myself excluded of course). I'm actually thinking of just voting for you anyway. --Black Flamingo 10:16, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I'm good, but you'd be wasting your vote mate! As for me, I'm definitely voting for you and maybe another one, not sure. Mattsnow 10:21, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Matt...please don't become an admin. Please please please!!! super mega extra please. Your writing is too good, you are too fun to joke around with and you are too nice to get involved in drama, side ntaking and baning. :) :) :) please. --ShabiDOO 19:59, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

I don't wanna, don't worry! I said on VFS to people not to vote for me. BTW, if it keeps going like this, Door handle will be featured tomorrow! I'm very happy, 100 times more happy that if I wrote it myself! I'm more happy for you than for myself! (tears running down my eyes) (hugs Shabidoo) We made it!!! Bawwww :D Mattsnow 20:05, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Its like (sniff sniff) sharing this moment with you (deep breath) has ... has (a long pause) changed something in me and I ... I ... I (long pause with hundreds of tears interspersed with nervous laughs) I ... I ... I just ... (runs to his mommy and cries in her shoulders). --ShabiDOO 20:52, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Be an admin so you can ban Lyrithya in fact just saying thats what you'll do will make everyone vote for you worked for me ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 20:56, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Banning Lyrithya has become a bit of a meme on this website. Let's turn that into Banning Mattsnow...that would be more of a satirical parody :) --ShabiDOO 21:38, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Hey you!

I'm not paying you to edit Bangladesh. You know what you have to do. No work! Work, I said! --Mimo&maxus 18:26, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

LOL Mattsnow 18:27, November 12, 2011 (UTC)

Hey,

Not really sure why you only placed the ICU/short sub template on Canvironment week‎, but it's probably better if you place the full template on articles, not just the sub templates. Anyway, if you need a reference for placing ICUs see here. -- 21:41, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not sure why I did that either. :) Mattsnow 21:48, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

Cool. Just wanted to make sure. Ya know, my job as a poopsmith, or some shit like that. Anyway, would you like to collaborate on an article, like, right now? -- 21:56, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

Not really, I have a bunch of half-finished articles and I promised Mimo to help him. I am sure that Lawn Mowers will do great. The pop-up picture is a lot funnier right now than it was with the fucked up foot, that must have hurt like hell. (Well, the guy on the X-Ray certainly suffered too, but you know) Mattsnow 22:17, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

*Snif* I thought you loved me! I'll go find someone else to collaborate with! -- 22:22, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

Magic Man! Magic Man! PICK ME! PICK ME! --Mimo&maxus 13:08, November 14, 2011 (UTC)

Rocka rocka rocka

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is pretty awsome. I checked out the worst 100 list...very funny. Its awsome that we got featured. Now...if you didn't get any of my 5,000 hits...lets start writing the bloody moon article already :) As for the hall of shame...I totally forgot about its existance. I'll put myself up there some time. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 23:04, November 13, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews

Hey I added a pic to the Skyrim article. Forgot I was logged out when I wrote it. Glad you liked it!-- Phlegm Leoispotter * (garble! jank!) 12:59, November 14, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 17 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!

VFS and Turkey Balls By Chief Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he. The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Ringmaster Host of the competition for this year is Mhaille, who has started a forum asking for judges. Judging is fun and improves your sex life in 94% of cases, so why not get involved? Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY! By Chief Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns". The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier.

Check out these pages! We really do! Ethine reckons deleting 15,000 articles would work too From our logs Under user bans the other admins special!): 08:16, August 22, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (in my country, it is a tradition that on the penultimate monday of august, we ban someone with an allcaps name. a bit obscure, but there you go.) 11:15, August 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 138 minutes ‎ (I recently lost a sock in the wash. was it one of your relatives?) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:17, April 6, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (why hello there, handsome) 07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 10:33, December 15, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Chronarion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 119 seconds ‎ (A man, a plan, a canal, and then you filled in the canal with silly-putty.) 09:31, December 1, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 weeks 4 days 5 hours 6 seconds ‎ (*looks through ban log* - dear god, I've never banned Zombiebaron, he must feel so left out! I must rectify this at once.) Memorial of the Week By now you have probably heard the terrible news, or at least seen the huge black manhole cover hats he made us all wear. Under user has left the fold and ventured onward to pastures new. Under user came into this world on the fifth of July 2007 and since then he has written articles, pee reviewed more articles than you have ever read , edited the UnSignpost for months on end and chopped more potatoes than the Irish ever did. The esteemed Under user requested that his administrator status be removed earlier this week and Thekillerfroggy generously excused him from the farewell de-bagging in the canteen. He has stated his intention to continue reading the featured articles which, to be honest, makes him more active than most of the active users. Confusion also reigns over the fate of the annual mince pie race, which, without its founder and annual winner, may not take place, much to the disappointment of all three of the competitors. Perhaps someday UU will return and change our lives once again, perhaps not; regardless the UnSignpost wishes him all the best in whatever it is he does in real life and reminds him that he still owes us £4.70 in tea and biscuit money. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Will Possess Your Log

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:29, 17 November 2011

Fox News

Hey Mattsnow, would you mind doing a quick editing for grammar and prose and stuff on Fox News? It's pretty close to ready! Anything would be appreciated! I would imagine its rather cold in Canada these days. Wear your tooque! ShabiDOO 01:22, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Haha, I'll do it for sure! That's one hell of an exploitable subject! :) I'll send you a message when I'm through! On the other hand, what do you think about this paint throwing extravaganza? Any ideas? I'm not stuck in the mud at all, but the wheels are starting to veer under, although it's almost completed. Mattsnow 01:39, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

So thanks again. That was a ton of work...it is very appreciated Mattsnow! I only cut two of your additions and I modified a few more to keep it in the same flow and style that I started with...but ultimately your changes and additions helped make it more coherent and readable. THANKS AGAIN! Feel free to nominate it! --ShabiDOO 03:48, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Will do just now! Mattsnow 04:03, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

ICU

Please learn how to apply them here. I got banned for fucking it up too many times, do not obtain the same fate! Thankyou. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:33, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Well, I am quite confused about ICUs, thanks for the link, but if I ever get banned for improper use, I'll just tell them to tag their ICUs themselves! Mattsnow 07:38, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Well by and large its being done correctly. But you need to include a reason for the tagging to the author knows how to improve. These are specific examples on how to use.

Alternatively you can copy this code into User:Mattsnow/uncyclopedia.js

document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src"'
  + 'http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:Lyrithya/tags.js'
  + '&action=raw&ctype=text/javascript&dontcountme=s"></script>');

Its a cool script Lyrithya made that makes tagging maintenance tags a million times easier and faster! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:43, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

Matt...

...thankyee from the review. I'm going to work on it. Maybe next year. But I will. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 14:17 17 November 2011

Hahaha! If you need help, don't hesitate to ask, cat! Mattsnow 22:16, November 17, 2011 (UTC)

MWHAHAHHAHAHHAA

I've been a while for a while and recently returned after testing and I must say, I love your welcoming picture. Just so you know. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   03:58, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

I hope you laugh as much while reading Don King my friend! Mattsnow 04:08, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

Been so long since I've looked at VFH articles. And yes I did, voting for it now. Also, do you know of a picture on google I can use to represent you? Just out of curiosity. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   04:12, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

This is a pic of my "teddy elephant", I took it on my couch! Straight from my living room. That is a reminder from my childhood. He seems to be very inquisitive, isn't he? LOL Mattsnow

Hmmmm, I like it, and it does give me an idea....--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   05:41, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

Go ahead, and I am open for a collab. :) Mattsnow 05:49, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, check it now. ANd speaking of which, I might be interested in a collab. You have any ideas? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   05:51, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

I have some, check my userpage, some are listed there. I like to go after a known subject, like Vince McMahon but I am open to any ridiculous subject, see UnRecipe:Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning, so anything really, I think our styles will mesh well. Let's come up with a list. See the ones on my userpage under "Ideas" and if you have another, list them here. It's gonna go fast since I work for only 2 days a week until February. Mattsnow 06:06, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

I'll just run some ideas by you now and the ones you like I'll put up. 1. Banana wars (US protecting world from banana attack. Sort of an attempt by the US government to tell people the 'correct' side of history and to detract from their actions in South America). 2. B.O.X. (Already started it, check it at User:Oliphaunte/B.O.X.. I'm stuck though) 3. Uhhh don't have a three. Sorry, thought I did. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   06:22, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

Let's make a list:

• Banana Republic
• Georgia (it's a red link, I'm willing to learn about it)
• Contras
• The Mexican Drug War (that could be INCREDIBLE, as long as we don't get beheaded) I'm not signing add to the list if you have another idea! Also:
• The Mexican Drug War and how about
• The Mexican Drug War and add anything interesting here Oliphaunte!

I like it all, especially the 2nd one, don't know why.

Little confused by your last three though. Are you suggesting we have the Mexican Drug War plus something else or?... --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   07:16, November 20, 2011 (UTC)

Upon further reflexion, maybe the Mexican Drug War is gonna be hard to make fun of, do you have ideas??? Mattsnow 00:23, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

No good ones yet. Let me know when you get on IRC and we'll talk about it. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   18:41, November 25, 2011 (UTC)

Don King

Now that was funny. I managed to finish Australian electoral system somehow. Boring name, but hopefully good article. I'm thinking about a try at Thomas Jefferson as a collaboration if you like. --Nikau 08:10, November 19, 2011 (UTC)

I'll read it soon Nikau, don't worry! Mattsnow 00:23, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

hahahahahahaha

ROLLBACK CONFLICT >__< ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:39, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

It goes to say that vandalism is really pointless! Mattsnow 06:40, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

He seems upset with you and Xamralco (and probably me and Lollipop) but our pages have the semi-protect so he can't vandalise them. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:41, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

Moons or moon

Hey Matt...jsut because there is an article on saturns moon doesnt' stop us. We could call the article "The gods of saturn's moon" or we could do it on the Moons of Neptune...of which there are many as well...and neptune is named after one of the gods. If you want to do the other side of the moon...we will have to think up a really good idea first...cause that could get way out of control if we don't have a clear idea. Just tell me which you prefer and we can start working :) My pleasure for the review. I look forward to seeing the final product! rah rah rah! --ShabiDOO 21:50, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

Pffft I am not very decided... And what about that ET idea? (My fingers are frozen, it's damn cold here! Mattsnow 22:15, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

i only just now noticed that part. There were so many posts on my talk page I lost track. You know that's not a bad idea with the whole ET thing. I have an idea for a concept...we can talk about it on IRC or one a user page. As you like! --ShabiDOO 22:20, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

I started it! I should be on IRC in like 20 minutes, if you want. We can also use the article's talk page. User:Mattsnow/Krypton (planet) Mattsnow 22:40, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ill go online in about 20 min --ShabiDOO 22:55, November 21, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 24 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!

VFS and Turkey Ball By Chief Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back! By Puppy Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy! By Chief Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two fun festive traditions additions to Uncyclopedia. Normally Under user is the benevolent king of Uncyclopedia's Christmas time and he presides over the jollities like a strange old man presides over a children's playground, however this year Under user failed his annual admin re-qualification tests (apparently he took more than 10 seconds to punch out the baby) and thus cannot host ANYTHING any more. True story. Because of this, the annual mince pie scoffing competition will be relocated to the user page of ChiefjusticeDS. If you have a taste for those delightful Christmas treats then feel free to join in. The competition will begin on the 1st of December and it must be stressed that pies scoffed before that date are so-called "Training Pies" and will not count towards your total. The ban patrol-ho-ho may or may not return depending on the financial climate. Remember: PIES!!!

Check out these pages! That's Racist! Have camera, will sing Drunk editing Who? From our logs: 06:01, November 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.116.44.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wank wank wank. Boy I sure do love to wank. Can I wank on you? I think I will. I don't require your permission. WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK...) 19:30, November 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.180.115.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Panic at the dildo! It's funny because dildo sounds a bit like disco, is a funny word and it's a sex thing!) 12:33, November 19, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked JAF1999 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wow, you're either really stupid or you're a really lame troll. Probably both, coming to think of it.) 21:17, November 22, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.104.226.185 (Talk) with an expiry time of 12 hours ‎ (You're doing undictionary wrong, I didn't think that was possible) 02:51, November 16, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Wearetheworld (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cool story, bro) 12:53, November 23, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I seem to be under-represented in this week's UnSignpost. You should remedy this.) Biopic of the Week In the biopic this week is HELPME, and we'll begin with this quote from his userpage: "I used to be full of shit, humorless, stupid, uptight, and annoying. Now I am slightly less of those things." What a nice man, a liar, but a lovely man nonetheless. Arriving on Uncyclopedia at the start of 2010, HELPME became well-known for his hyperactive page editing, article reviewing, outrageous gaying and recent changes patrolling. All this earned himself a whole stack of shiny goodies, several death threats and the acclaim of all. This was all splendid and lovely. BUT THEN CAME THE DARKNESS. It corrupted his soul and made him simultaneously world-wise and world-weary, now happiness is "Fucking square, man" and hyperactive page editing "Shits for the birds, man". However this hasn't rendered him incapable of doing the thankless busywork we know he used to love so much. Welcome back, HELPME, now get to work; the drainage ditch under Olipro's desk won't drink itself. Make haste, my jacuzzi water grows tepid. ATTENTION! At ease soldier. Newsroom UnTune of the week Home on a Friday Night Confessions from Recent Changes "The politicians are demented people that take orders from demented monkeys" - 86.178.71.123 "created article -- finally figured out how images work" - JacKow "This is a satirical website, you know for satire." - Zarbag

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:11, 24 November 2011

psst

Guess what? Now I'm on IRC. Also, I have something for you.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 24 '11 7:18 (UTC)

Well, you're not there, so I guess you hit the bricks. Anyway, here it is. I didn't upload it to the wiki because I wasn't sure if it would work for you or not.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 24 '11 7:34 (UTC)

BWAAAAAHAHA!!!!!! Even better than I envisionned! I guess you should upload it or should I so nobody else does my requested pic? Mattsnow 08:52, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

I'll upload it, don't worry, do you think it's good enough for VFP? Mattsnow 08:58, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

Uhhh...gosh, already uploaded. But I dunno about VFP. Maybe. My last attempt in that arena got a resounding "Meh."  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 24 '11 9:01 (UTC)

It's better a "meh" than nothing, but sometimes, pics are really suited for a particular topic, though I guess the caption "Relaxing on the beach in Mexico" could garner some votes. ypur call. Mattsnow 09:05, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

Sure, nom it if you like. The caption should be..."Pepe's last stand." See? Dick joke. XD

Sorry, it took me 1/2 an hour to come up with that.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 24 '11 9:29 (UTC)

Extraterrestrial life‎‎

I added a section. I feel it is ready for VFH if you think so. --Nikau 08:02, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

It certainly is sir! Mattsnow 08:52, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

Polar bears?

C'mon, dude, polar bears and Qgkhaddaffphieyeh are so last month.

Also, I told you they'd hate the dead/sleeping Mexican bloke. Maybe your punchline woulda been better.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Nov 28 '11 14:58 (UTC)

rtgh

febcrf--Mimo&maxus 15:15, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

What the?? Mattsnow 23:10, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

what have you done with the sleep deprivation thing while i was missing? --Mimo&maxus 17:03, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Nothing LOL Sorry, I've been busy :) Mattsnow 17:31, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

OK I forgive you but now work! WORK I SAID! --Mimo&maxus 18:27, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Re: Your message

Dear Mattsnow, I saw the message you sent me; and I didn't intend on having my article on George Carlin being featured by the way.

Here was the point of the article: If you read the original article on George Carlin, you'd see that whoever wrote it revered him as a hero or perhaps even a god. The point of my article was to sort of write an editorial, explaining George Carlin and his comedic style from the other side of the spectrum. An opposition, if you may, so basically the real purpose of my article on George Carlin was NOT to get it featured, but to show the perspective of George Carlin from a different side of the extreme.

But thank you for your message, I really appreciated it. And FYI, perhaps you can help me on writing this article I'm planning to write sometime in the future: An article on Leon Uris written in the style of Leon Uris. If you could help me with that plan, I'd really appreciate it; and if you can't, then that's all right.

Thank you for your thoughts, my friend. --Matthlock 22:56, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, no problem, btw, it was me who wrote the George Carlin article! But if you can come up with another title, that'd be good! I can't really help right now because I have 2 collabs going on at the same time and I don't even know who Leon Uris is! But thanks for the kind words! :P Mattsnow 22:59, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Mattsnow, I got your message, and FYI, Leon Uris was an American writer who wrote many notable novels that centered round the theme of Zionism and other Middle Eastern affairs, most famous of which being a novel called Exodus, which follows the independence of Israeli state. Check him out, he's probably in your nearest bookstore. ---Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 01:14, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah and one other thing: I'd appreciate if you'd leave your messages and/or responses to me on my talk page. It's not a requirement, but I'd like it if you did that. ---Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 01:23, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!

Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS By Chief As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before the annual Cabal broadcast absolutely nothing happens. The reflections must be completed or the world might end. If there were a cabal watching, Socky and Roman Dog Bird adding reflections about their strange depraved fantasies and bowel movements in the early hours of the 3rd of January would upset it no end. The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing work scoff rate. Oliphaunte has also come up with a brand new feature for the UnSignpost to further the relentless search for filler material. He proposes a Question and Answer section where you, the users, ask the UnSignpost a question and then we put it in the right hand column with a scathing and witty reply. Obviously such a plan requires questions, and therefore, if this sounds like your sort of thing, ask some questions. It's for a good cause. VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares By Bizzeebeever This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner. Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'."

Check out these pages! Mediate Babel table? This is just weird Arson From our logs: 14:17, November 29, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.65.34.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Monumental Wang, and not in a good way) 23:20, November 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.241.59.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (go back to whatever foreign place you probably come from) 22:04, November 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lingling513 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If all pony fans were like you, I would have never watched it. Thank God shitheads like you only make up a small part of the fan base. The new episode blew, but it was funnier than your shit article.) 22:02, November 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.89.220.165 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (WE COULD JUST DELETE EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR A TEMPLATE AND IT WOULD BE BETTER! I'M QUITE LIVID AT MYSELF FOR HAVING NOT THOUGHT OF IT!) 03:45, November 27, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.164.108.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours ‎ (You're right, I'm so much better than you because I'm an admin. Also, try to familiarize yourself with apostrophes.) Biopic of the Week Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's Xamralco! It has taken us five whole months to biopic him, and now we're going to do it without insulting him once! KIDDING! Xamralco slimed his way onto Uncyclopedia, as slime creatures will, through a carelessly open downstairs window in late June of this year. Having slimed his way in, Xamralco thought to himself, "What could a useless slime beast such as I contribute here?" While he was deciding, he wrote four featured articles and won writer of the month and the Best Rewrite category of the most recent Poo Lit Surprise. Naturally, what the people want to know is: When exactly is Xamralco going to do something useful? When will he stop resting on his laurels and actually get down to work? Strangely, for a slime beast, his talk page is full of him being thanked, making witty banter and generally taking part. What a slimy bastard. I shall smite him, and his slime. Well done Xamralco, now get to work or get out. Old School FA Long walks on the beach There’s nothing I enjoy more than long walks on the beach. Some of my other hobbies include watching the sunset from a picturesque grassy knoll, indulging in fine wine with a scrumptious foie gras dinner, and candlelight conversations on French film. But I think you'll agree that nothing is quite as sexy as me taking a long walk on the beach. Me with my salon-fresh sandy blonde hair flowing in the breeze (courtesy of Tina; you're a miracle worker, honey!) and a sporty J.Crew sweater tied casually around my waist, lobbing a stray Frisbee back at some snot nosed little urchin. You'll see me on the coast looking pensively out at the sea, reflecting back on all of the endearing little things I did that week. New Admin Celebratory UnTune! The Uncyclopedian's Song Confessions from Recent Changes "THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!! (+ Expansion tag)" - Wilytank "Added some categories, WITHOUT using HotCat." - 66.105.218.19 "Reverting edit, as it was so good, it would intimidate other users." - Matt lobster "Torture instruments and a ducking stool" - Jonny appleseed

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:16, 1 December 2011

My hovercraft is full of eels

	Uncyclopedian of the Month November 2011

--ChiefjusticePSX 10:33, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Congratulations and things

I'm sorry I totally forgot to join the runaway bandwagon of votes (what was it, 132 "for" Mattsnow at the final count?) which launched you into your current award. Bad me! Bad! *smack* *smack* *smack* (Hey...that feels good...)

Anyhoo, do you think a better caption on that picture you VFP'ed would make folks warm up to it? Something like "When visiting the beaches in Mexico, always remember to bring protection!", perhaps? Or do you think your original idea would have been better? They really hate my caption.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 1 '11 14:09 (UTC)

And since when can't somebody win Writer of the Month twice, you humble bastard!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 1 '11 14:13 (UTC)

Hey, I think the caption you just thought of just now is awesome! People are really weird on VFP just now, so the fact that the pic has a positive score is a sign that it is ultra fabulous extraordinary and stuff. Mattsnow 14:30, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm sorry too. --Mimo&maxus 14:34, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Git on irc

I'm bored and lonely... Its a cold cold place. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:16, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, there's snow outside here lol, I'll go and carve you! :D Mattsnow 09:29, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Mexico eats the dick

Hey Matt, what's news? I was reading your Mexico article and it reminded me of a funny story a friend of mine told me once. A friend of his was travelling through Mexico, (Yes, it's a friend of a friend story, sorry) and he was speeding through a rural area. A Mexican patrol officer saw him and decided to chase him down and pull him over. According to the story, the speed this guy was doing required the officer to haul him back to the nearest police station which was further than he cared to drive at the time. The officer then prompted this guy for a little something in return for not dragging his arse to jail which he was too lazy to do anyway. This dude (an impoverished theatre grad) opened up his wallet as the officer looked on eagerly but he was flat broke. Realizing his situation, he stared to panic, anxiously scanning his car to find whatever he could to bribe the officer with. On the dashboard, he spotted a chocolate bar. He picked it up and gingerly said to the copper, "Sorry mate, this is all I've got". The officer, dissapointingly knowing he was telling the truth decided to accept this gift as a gesture of goodwill. I don't think I need to tell what what happens to a chocolate bar sitting on a dashboard in the Mexican sun. Anyways, lets play! I'll give you one point if you tell me who said this quote in front of thirty thousand people, "I am one with the Cosmos... all that shit is one with the Cosmos." Toodles I understand and I wish to continue. . 10:02, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

There's a couple of amazing documentaries about this on Youtube, one done by Laura Ling and another one by Chris Hansen (yes, he does other things than catch pedos!) It's quite mind boggling what's going on down there. I have a childhood friend who stays there in Guadalajarra, it's a relatively very safe place, but he is considering coming back if the situation gets worse. He's trying his best to hide the fact he has a great job and is a foreigner. This subject fascinates me, really. I mean, look at this short news clip What do you think of the article? I don't plan on adding much more really, maybe a little paragraph. Mattsnow 10:25, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sometimes we forget how lucky we are, sitting in our ivory tower mansions made of gold… and ivory, to live in relative peace. I don’t want to get overtly political, but I think the problem lies within poverty and the desperate attempts to escape it. People see their families living in shit and other people living in luxury and think “Why?”. I watched a documentary about two towns, both “full of dirty smelly Mexicans”. One based within the boundaries of Arizona and the other, whatever Mexican state (I’m ignorant). The discrepancies in the two towns’ way of life were disgusting and shameful. Last time I heard, the Iraq war has cost the US almost a trillion dollars. Imagine how many schools, hospitals and pro republican propaganda that money could have bought in Mexico. Maybe I’m being naïve but I think the biggest deterrent to war and crime is living well without it. But i digress... Football!!! I understand and I wish to continue. . 10:57, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

I tend to easily get into political rants myself. The powerful of the world want people to be poor and in debt, so we keep showing at these jobs. Also, legalization would cut the cartels legs, but they won't do that since the government is implicated in the trade. And don't tell me you'd run to the grocery store to buy heroin if it was legal lol, Alcohol is more dangerous than most of illegal drugs. And did you think the article is funny? Mattsnow 11:10, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry man, the article is fucking great. It pretty much summs up the situation over there. Your drug related post made me interested in a "fact" I was once told told about the opium trade in nineteenth century China. All I found on the Internet was typical bullshit essays by Harvard Arseholes and Right wing nutters going out of thier way to prove thier own point of view. The way I see it... Everything good in life has a price to pay (drugs or otherwise), whether it be finacial, social, or religious... or drugs. It's called equilibrium. Yin and Yang. Life and Death. Cheese and Bacon. Take celebrities for example, you think they have a great life but they trade these so called positives for something else (you can probably guess what. Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain are a couple of examples I can think of)Tread the middle path my friend. You can't take without giving something in return. I'm not a Buddist or an Athiest just in case you're wondering, just a guy trying to get by. What do you believe? RANT RANT RANT RANT CRICKETI understand and I wish to continue. . 12:46, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Truer words were never spoken! Pablo Escobar was rich as hell, but he didn't bring the money with him when they finally shot him. I read somewhere he was paranoid as hell for most of his life. Better have a calm, average life. In the end we're all bound for the grave anyway. But I sure would like to be reincarnated in a blue whale! Mattsnow 13:11, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

• true story: US states with medical marijuana laws have lower traffic fatality rates than states without. Gee, imagine if Mary Jane were legal everywhere.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Dec 2 '11 15:42 (UTC)

True, I don't smoke pot anymore, but I never heard about anyone "highdriving" lol here in quebec in the summer, when you go near cornfields it smells like pot, the thing is tolerated. I never heard of anyone trialed for pot trafficking lol Mattsnow 15:49, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Another true story: We've got a medical marijuana law in Colorado. A guy was growing the stuff in his basement (it was a medium-sized commercial operation), and gave an interview to a local news station about it. Shortly afterwards, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency crashed through his door and took him and his wife away in handcuffs to federal prison...while his kids were at school. Good times.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Dec 2 '11 16:01 (UTC)

D: Man one of my friend is in the police, it's been 10 years, and she never arrested anybody for it, even when she catches a driver who is reeking of pot. She just gives the speeding ticket or whatever she stopped the guy for and goodbye. Mattsnow 16:11, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, no, if you've got a medical marijuana license here, you can basically smoke a joint in front of a cop, and blow smoke in his face, and all he can do is ask to see your license. I'm not sure if you're allowed to call him a "pig", or even make a joke about how you "smell bacon", though. It's just the large operations that can get in trouble with the Federalis.

By-the-bye, check out this new thing I did. Maybe you'd like it better?  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Dec 3 '11 2:24 (UTC)

Five year old interviews god

I read it again, and it did feel kind of half assed, so I reworked, if it still seems sub par, then you can have it and edit it or just dump it. I'll do better next time. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Shatonamime (talk • contribs)

UnSignpost - 8 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.

VFS ends... or does it? By Chief The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years. In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it. Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy! By Chief Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists! MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly.

Check out these pages! There is no need to panic Lolwut? UnNews Articles 40 minutes of outrage and panic It's nowhere near over 9000! From our logs (New Admin and Mordillo Special!): 11:00, December 1, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Figure out how to unblock yourself! QUICK! THIS PITCH MEANS THE GAME! SLIDE DIMAGGIO! SLIDE!!) 20:04, December 1, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I think he has learned his lesson) 13:57, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: One month ban wasn't enough. Try three this time. ) 18:16, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Ok three days. It's Christmas) 15:58, December 6, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.240.56.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't care who fancy. This isn't a dating website (yet)) 15:24, December 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.221.171.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Your future reads:"no trip to the moon anytime in the near future".) Biopic of the Week Because we have to get the UnSignpost Dog into this issue somehow. UnSignpost Q&A I'm in a homosexual relationship with my cousin and I'm worried that my family and friends will find out. That's half the problem as I've a anger problem at my girlfriend who I blame for making me apparently impotent and some violence has taken place between us. Thankfully it's nothing too serious, just some good hearted vicarious punishment for my frustrated sexuality. The truth is I don't enjoy sex with her and I'm racked with terrible feelings of guilt for the casual sex with my cousin. Now I'm eyeing up quite few animals on the farm (sexually) and I'm wondering whether to let them both down gently, or continue with my covert sexual operations. Also I have a child with my sister which I keep in a shed. It's not really like a human being as I have never let it see the outside world and keep it company with my dogs. Do you have any ideas on how to get me out of this mess? - Anonymous Have you considered beating them all to death with a Polo mallet and then throwing them into the canal? Obviously this would be after slicing them up into small easily manageable pieces. That's what I did. - USP Do you like cows? - Lyrithya Moo - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,824 The constant unreasonable demands of this periodical.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:22, 8 December 2011

You want articles about Gaddafi and polar bears?

I got yer G-d damned article about Gaddafi and polar bears, right here. This crap writes itself, man.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 8 '11 2:45 (UTC)

Alright

Ahoy there matey. I have written an UnNews. Since you are taking care of UnNews right now I leave it to you to decide what should happen to it. I know, I never stop giving. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:40, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha! Great concept, great inside joke and very well written. I think it is a little too inside jokish for VFH though, as the "I get out of nowhere" reader won't get a lot of the jokes, but your call if you want to nom it since we can now self-nom (which is a good thing btw, no need to wait for a Pee or whore around) Anyway, very deserving of the UnNews frontpage! Mattsnow 22:51, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

My stuff is all either too in-jokish or too cynical for the front page, might nominate it for featuring at some point will ask a couple of people what they think first. Cheers mate. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:02, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

You are so awesome

How can I be as awesome as you are? Give me some ideas about articles, images or something. I need you! I suffer from lack of imagination. --Mimo&maxus 13:32, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

I know I'm awesome! If I was you, you know what I'd write about? The problems in Greece right now, the protests, etc. A bit like the Mexico tourism brochure, a funny article about something dead serious is bound to be hilarious! Or maybe an article about the differences between living in Greece and wherever you lived before (If I remember well, you weren't born there?) Even if you are born there, just pretend you know the US and make it look like you're living like the ancient greeks and that you spit on your former american lifestyle from the top of Mount Olympus! I'm sure people would like that shit. Mattsnow 13:41, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

I caaaan't!!! If you were yourself(lol) what kind of article would you make? --Mimo&maxus 14:46, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Waddya mean, you can't? Mattsnow 14:49, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

I can't! I really suffer from lack of imagination. I feel like I'm not greek and I want so badly to make an article. P.S. review Neptune please. --Mimo&maxus 14:53, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

I just booked a review bro :S. I think an article saying that greeks are living like in Ancient times would be awesome! An article about the city you're in, maybe? Or browse UN:REQ, I'm sure that'll spark ideas! :) Mattsnow 14:57, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

What about an article called "HowTo:Be Greek"? --Mimo&maxus 15:04, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Sounds awesome man! Mattsnow 16:47, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

IRC

Go on IRC if you are still there so we can work out msn --ShabiDOO 01:49, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for all the help!

I loved getting feedback on my article User:Hankjones/UnNews:Studies reveal that weight-loss can be achieved with this one simple trick, it certainly didn't deter me. I'm not exactly sure how else to send you a message so I'm writing this on your talk page...but I think I'm pretty much done with the article, its ready to post. I have no idea how to take it out of sandbox, haha. Hankjones 13:39, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Review checking list

Either don't add any or add all of them, don't just add your own as it confuses the hell out of me! How's the jogging going? --Black Flamingo 00:34, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, sorry, I forgot that. Mattsnow 18:10, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Please

Make an archive! --Mimo&maxus 11:43, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'm trying to make it last until the end of the year. :) Mattsnow 18:11, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Archiving

When I had my smart phone it used to take forever to downoad some talk pages and I used up my month limit very fast. Now that I lost it...I have a life and dont check my emails every 5 minutes. It also means these long pages are not annoying. So...don't archive it! Cause now I can enjoy all very long pages without sufering! Yeay for not suffering! --ShabiDOO 18:30, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Remember how I was rewriting Italy?

Could you please just glance over it quickly and tell me if you think its ready or if it needs more content? Thanks. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:31, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'd say it's ready, but maybe could use a little more funnies. Not necessarily a lot longer, but just more jokes. But as it is right now, I'd vote for anyway, it's good! Mattsnow 22:22, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Not enough jokes? Well, that's what I get for writing a parody of something I know nothing about. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:57, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Maybe it's because I'm tired, I'l reread it tomorrow! Mattsnow 01:28, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 15 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction

Weekly news round-up By Chief This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!! By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm. Accept our reality. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys By Pup Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room.

Check out these pages! TAW! Modusoperandi Roman Dog Bird There is still no reason to panic Working on it From our logs: 14:08, December 13, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Babablacksheep (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Baaahhhnnnn) 22:52, December 10, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BAN BAN BAN BAN BAN) 14:18, December 10, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.151.40.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Judging from your actions, I would've never guessed a Frenchman invented IQ tests.) 16:50, December 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sog1970 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (Shouldn't retired users be playing golf or something?) 21:23, December 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ARTWORK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cease and desist, I am featuring and should not be disturbed) 19:46, December 8, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.143.173.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He likes to poop in his pants and look at girls ) Biopic Mince Pie Update of the Week It's the all important coverage of the all important Mince Pie eating competition which you are all interested in! The competition kicked off on ChiefjusticeDS's userpage on November 29th after one of the competitors decided that greed could carry him through an extra two days of competition. The competitors are: last year's champion and general all-rounder Under user whose rate of consumption is unfortunately not matched by his rate of editing as he consistently falls behind and then leaps into the lead when he remembers he owns a computer. ChiefjusticeDS last year's big loser is engaged in a duel with Under user, one that he appears destined to lose due to severe indigestion and heart disease. The current leader is Roman Dog Bird who has eaten an awful lot of Mince Pies. We aren't sure how many but we're pretty sure it's a lot. Anyone who wants to win a free Mince Pie or an out of date Lion Bar is welcome to go over and count them. Just drop the actual numbers into the press room. Keep your eyes glued to the competition, it literally can't get any more exciting. UnSignpost Q&A Are you a pedo? - GEORGIEGIBBONS Answer: We here at the Unsignpost Q&A Department pride ourselves in extensive background checks to prevent the hiring of any pedophiles. At the same time however, most of our security staff think pedophiles are people with unusual sexual infatuation of feet, so pretty much, just keep your distance from our office. Why do you think I work from home? - USP How do I ask a question here? - Magic man Consult one of our helpful staff at the office. If you want help quick, dress up like a 12 year old child and talk with a higher pitched voice. It may result in unexpected outcomes but hey, you'll get your answer. - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week General Hill's March The Lobsterbacks are coming Yes - the Imperial Colonisational experts are back, and now taking on missionary positions under the lead of a new head priest. Experience the wonder and excitement of working on a colonised article. Yes, You too could be part of the brave new world. Puns like the above are also welcome. Sadly.

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--ChiefjusticePSX 10:29, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

yo yo yo

Remember the time when you helped me with Sleep deprivation? Well, I need you again. This time it is for Neptune. If you help me you will be awarded with something very special --Mimo&maxus 14:06, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Italy

Mamma mia! You voted for Italy on VFH and it was featured!

Thanka youa! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:33, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Damn you Mattsnow.

I'm sitting here writing an article on the passing of Kim Jong Il, and I look on Recent Changes and I see this?!? And it's basically the same article as mine, verbatim et literatim? Curse you, you thought-stealing turnip!  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Dec 19 '11 13:23 (UTC)

OH NOES! I just finished it lol. Where's yours? Mattsnow 13:33, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

On my computer. I hadn't uploaded it yet. Oh, well. You got yours in first. bows, removes hat  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Dec 19 '11 13:42 (UTC)

Feel free to add to it, man! I'm done with it! Mattsnow 13:44, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

If I add anything, it will ruin it. XD  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Dec 19 '11 13:49 (UTC)

A LITTLE LATE, BUT MEH

	World's Best Friend November 2011

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:35, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks!

Owh. Thanks! :D Uhm I didn't have to leave a reply I know, but I'm still a noob. Just testing things out. Thanks again. J.D. Soufi 20:21, December 22, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 22 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!

The Footlitzer Prize is a thing! By UPjcm So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the very prestigious Foolitzer Prize. For years, the Foolitzer distinguished the good fools from the bad fools, and it's in such a pitiful state that there's only been five votes this month. Five votes! We need to do better than this, people. Not just for me, but for Uncyclopedia America. "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH By PopGoesTheWeasel & Chief Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little letters words. VFH is running low on votes and we need your help. I mean, VFH's aim is to get 20 votes per article, but it can only manage around 9. This makes me having a vagina more realistic and I don't even have a vagina. Incidentally vagina is a very funny word. "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda? Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the Pandas Dolphins! I MUST KILL ALL OF THEM! Why? WHY? BECAUSE IF I DON'T THE WORLD MIGHT END</big?> You wouldn't try and trick me would you? They watch us, they watch us all! THE END IS COMING! The truth will find you! It found me and I'm really quite passionate about it so please, vote on VFH. If you can find the time feel free to kill the Dolphins as well. KILL THE DOLPHINS!

Check out these pages! LOL Huff and Puff Come on, own up Colin Still going From our logs: 19:44, December 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (That's how long I was in the cell, beeeeyatch!) 18:49, December 20, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Ashishsunnywalia (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (You seem like a really lame guy. It's nothing personal.) 02:47, December 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.71.111.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (YOU'RE A LOSER! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU! A WORTHLESS LOSER! AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!) 01:24, December 17, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.117.180.147 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Pics or it didn't happen) 16:06, December 21, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Bucknut (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Vanity Van is departing now. ) 21:14, December 16, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.173.113.106 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Drama reverter. Stuff a turkey for a week. ) THIS BOX HAS BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK Except for this notice, stating the box has been left blank, of course. That was put there deliberately. Of course, by putting these notices in this box, it no longer remains blank. THE BLANK BITS IN THIS BOX HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK. THE NON-BLANK BITS HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY NOT LEFT BLANK, BUT THERE IS NOTHING OF WORTH IN THEM ANYWAY Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song This is Important In the spirit of laziness/the season the columns this week are of unequal lengths. Bah Humbug.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:49, 22 December 2011

What's a good idea for a new section?

You're right, quality is better than quantity, that's why we need a good idea for a new section on the FF8 article. I really get a feeling it's too short to be it's own article right now. Do you have any main idea or anything? J.D. Soufi 15:05, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

I just retouched the intro a bit,WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PIC?????????????????????????? wILL YOU ANSWER OR DO I HAVE TO WATERBOARD YOU? Mattsnow 15:08, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

Oh my gawd! :o I totally answered that on my talk page. Wait a minute, let me copypasta. Okay: "Well to be honest, I don't understand it? But that's just me being the slowpoke I am, I don't know what a usual reader would think of it." I'm pretty stupid though so you shouldn't take only my opinion. And the intro of the article is better now, you switched my reference of Kuja to Sephiroth now, a bit of a Sephy fanboy, are we? J.D. Soufi 15:28, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

Vacation Timeeeee

I've realized I haven't been around that much, which also means I haven't exactly had the time to work on our article. Sorry about that, but now that school is off for a while I'll be trying to put some more time into it over the next month or so. I also am in a rush right now so excuse me if I sound befuddled. Now if you'll pardon me, I have to find the door out of here. They seem to have moved it again.... --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   16:32, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

Also, Merry Christmas! --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   16:36, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

Tripped face first into a bar

Hello Matt - let in Snow, let it Snow, let it Snow. This is a note to lots of people, asking them to join into a Walk into a bar collab (and if Iz missed you, you are more than welcome to "Walk into a bar" too!). If you want to join in, make up your best "Walk into a bar" jokes and we will have the bestest "Walk into a bar" page on the innernests! Aleister 16:00 28-12-'11

Speaking of the innernests, here's that link you were asking for. If you have any ideas for the page, that'd be great. ~jcm 17:50, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 29 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!

Goddamn Chief! By Magic man Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC: “ There is no UnSignpost, at least not from me, this week. This is for various reasons, most of them beginning with "I am very busy with...". The UnSignpost will return again next week when I'm on rest days and have ample time to think up blocks of tortured prose. ” I know, what a jerk! Everyone should stop by Chief's talkpage and tell him what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is. But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news By I bet you can't guess who! Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week. Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.

Check out these pages! I told you I would This is a serious problem This has been going on far to long not to put up here Unimportant NOOOOOOOOOOOO! From our logs (me edition): 17:09, August 21, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 16:55, February 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Don't cross stuff out on BP, you can't see a user's deleted contributions) 02:09, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (DON'T SHOUT IN EDIT SUMMARIES IT'S SUPER DISTRACTING) 02:26, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (stop) 01:56, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Attempting to award self UN:REQ award (DO NOT UNBAN)) 01:59, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Magic man (Talk | contribs) ‎ (nah im just playin with ya) 01:41, September 29, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Okay, that's it, stop. Stop now. You're really slow and you're spamming up recentchanges and if you'd have asked I could have just used my bot as a backup... but don't keep doing that. Please stop.) 05:52, October 27, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 hours ‎ (The people have spoken.) Apparently I'm supposed to do this. Newsroom UnTune of the Week (in honor of Christmas) Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's Cunt (Christian Edition) Yep That's right, no biopic this week. I can't be bothered.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:53, 29 December 2011

Adopt a Noob

Can you please adopt me as a noob? My previous mentor, Woodyburninator, is no longer active and I need a new mentor. -Sarbriel

Adobt a boob

Would you be interested in adopting my left boob? --ShabiDOO 05:09, January 2, 2012 (UTC)

Only if it's big and proportinate with your right boob! Mattsnow 05:23, January 2, 2012 (UTC)