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KHAN! KHAN! KHAN!

KHAN! KHAN! KHAN!

KHAN! KHAN! KHAN!

Today's featured article (new every day) Sorry, but this preview is available only to Uncyclopedia Gold members Learn more Recently featured: Colin Kaepernick HowTo:Become the President of the United States Rachel Zegler Terraforming Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?	In the news BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured) Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans New Easter Bunny is a fascist Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom On this day... May 10: Step-Mothers-in-Law Day 1497 - Amerigo Vespucci invents the trendy Vespa scooter, rides it across the Atlantic in search of idyllic cobblestone streets to glide across. 1979 - The tiny Federated States of Micronesia is accidentally squashed by a hippo. (Pictured) 1985 - Live Aid Concerts announced, starving Africans rejoice knowing that in twenty years time poverty will be eradicated. 2004 - Cheap Christmas trees on sale spotted in IKEA. 2006 - "National Step-Mothers-in-Law Day in the USA" organised by The Association for Most Ignored Relatives, founders of "National Younger Half-Brother Day", and "National Grandpa's-26-Year-Old-Girlfriend Day." 2006 - Africa on a diet, pop stars have saved the world! 2016 - Pokémon Sun and Moon comes out for the 3DS. Buy that shit nigga. 2037 - Young MC turns 70, the irony threatens Earth's existence.
Today's featured picture The pill for what ails our administrators. Image credit: RadicalX View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Captain and Genetically Engineered Superman of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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