Control-Alt-Delete

This article is about the keyboard combination. For other uses, see Control-Alt-Delete (BDSM).

A British transvestite demonstrates the correct technique.

Control-Alt-Delete (often abbreviated to Ctrl+Alt+Del, also known as the "three-finger salute") is a key function of the Windows operating system, not to be confused with the webcomic of the same name. It was also used in the making of Babe-Ruth Bars, incandescent light bulbs, and other useless crap.

In Windows[edit | edit source]

This command was used to fix Windows, as it is like a rabid dog, and always has to be put down. Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL twice in rapid succession will result in Windows format your hard drive. Pressing it three times will cause the continents to sink beneath the sea. Press it four times and gravity will become fifty times more powerful, causing the entire universe to collapse into an infinitely small blue spot. This is the fabled BSoD, or Blue Spot of Death. All of the former is if you are lucky, as CTRL-ALT-DEL usually has no effect.

In Babe-Ruth Bars[edit | edit source]

Buy now!

Little known to man, CTRL-ALT-DEL microchips are in every Babe-Ruth Bars.

This is part of Microsoft's attempt to take over the world.

Via the usage of the chips to brainwash people into playing sports which lowers their IQ enough to allow them to be manipulated by computer programmers...

In Useless Crap[edit | edit source]

Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL right now will cause your computer to enter combat mode, if you are running Windows XP (Xtra Powaz).
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while playing games on a Nintendo DS will display the message, "All your Money are belong to beavers" and will take all the money of a person in North Korea, say that you stole it, and put it into a blender.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL on a Mac will cause your hands to hurt. Macs speak a different language. Try Apple+Ctrl+Eject+Squeeze-Mighty-Mouse+Glowing-Power-Button+Flick-Webcam instead.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while browsing YTMND may cause unprecidented effects.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while running any version will enter this game.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while listening to music on a 5.1 surround sound system may cause your head to implode.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while talking to animals especially katz will cause them to spontaneously say all your base are belong to us.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while using Linux will change your OS to Windows Vista.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while holding down SHIFT negates the effect, solving all world hunger problems.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL with one hand tends to hurt. It's quite a stretch.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while viewing CTRL-ALT-DEL will make the webcomic
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while watching the lazer collection will make your computer explode.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while watching "Alien" will cause Bill Gates to randomly explode from your stomach.
Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL while playing Ghostbusters for the NES while eating nacho cheese flavored Doritos will cause you suddenly think the words, "Congratulation! You have completed a great game!"

CTRL-ALT-DEL. What more do you NEED?[edit | edit source]

Windows keyboard: Now THAT'S ergonomic!™

To all Windows users eventually comes the knowledge of three magical objects, the powers of which can only be limited by unforeseen and unfortunately often occurring events. The power of the Keys of Termination, as these objects are known, combines the individual powers of Control, Alteration and Deletion. 3 keys that have saved the world on numerous occasions.

However, the powers can prove to be unpredictable at best, and absolutely devastating at worst. Many a user has felt the adrenaline coursing through their body, as they try to gain Control of their computer, knowing that the Alteration of which software is running could unfreeze Windows, whereas the overuse of the buttons will cause the computer to reboot, deleting all unsaved information.

In a vain attempt to gain dominion over these strange powers, some Dark Masters of Technology have adapted their computers so that none but those powers are accessible in attempt to eradicate all possible information contamination. The dangers of these immense powers have still to be fully documented, but for many the lure of the legendary Halcyon Plains of Smooth Operation that are believed to be accessible. These powers can also be used to delete Rubber Chickens for no raisins.

CTRL-ALT-DEL in Modern Times[edit | edit source]

Sometime during the Linux revolution, the ancient scriptures of the Dark Masters of Technology were lost to Dihydrogen monoxide contamination and a few unnamed penguins. Those who still know the secret key combination of these wise men hide away in wait for the Day of Pwnage during which, they will wipe your C:\ drives with various bugs and reboots.

Go make your day jollier and give the three finger salute to Microsoft!

Note[edit | edit source]

Pressing CTRL-ALT-DEL twice RIGHT NOW will rape your computer to Windows Vista. Basic edition. Seriously.

See also[edit | edit source]

	Your Uncyclopedia Guide to Really Modern Computing
	Assembler • CTRL-ALT-DEL • Floppy disk • MS-UNO • MS-DOS • FORTRAN

The best technology of Zork. Only from Microsoft.

• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation

Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been ~~easier~~ easy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.

Related technology: