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Milburn "Rich Uncle" Pennybags (also known as Mr. Monopoly or The Chinchilla Don) is a high-powered real estate financier and leader of the Monopliano crime family. First emerging onto the scene in 1936, Pennybags quickly gained mass notoriety for his flashy style and expensive tastes, as well as his allegedly ruthless treatment of those who dare defy him.
Milburn Pennybags was born Amil Penbaglio to Furio and Silva Penbaglio in 1918. As Italian immigrants, neither Furio nor Silva spoke English. In addition (and despite their Sicilian origins), neither knew anything about cooking, truck driving, dry cleaning, or trapeze artistry. As such, Furio worked odd jobs, and Silva was, out of necessity, a rodeo clown. Amil, an only child, exhibited an early interest in calligraphy. Later in life, Milburn commented "I learned two very important lessons as a young man. The first was that you can go farther in this world with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. The other was calligraphy." As an adolescent, Amil befriended cousins Harold and Carmine Risko, a pair of allegedly low-level muscle men for the Monoplianos. The boys became a tactical team for the family, providing their morally questionable services with zero regard for the law or human decency. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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Did you know...
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- ...that Santa has somehow delivered presents to all the people in the world every christmas, even though the laws of physics dictate that he would be an incinerated and crushed pile of ashes by now, along with all his reindeer?
- ...that Santa, when his name is scrambled, is Satan?
- ...even though he's a magical and kindhearted person?
- ...and that the elves are revolting against Santa?
- ...that Santa doesn't care about you? In fact, nobody cares?
- ...and that Santa does care about and love everyone else in the world?
- ...that reindeer are never magical?
- ...that even though he has a whole bunch of elves working for him, Santa does shopping for presents all the time?
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In the news
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- Santa has gone crazy. Even more than before. (Pictured)
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On this day...
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October 3: National Day of Retrofitting Your Hamster with a Metal Ass (Japan)
- -1195 AD - The King of Persia launches a surprise attack on Rome with their new and improved rugs. Cesar Chavez's army crushes the attacks with a combined Pirate and Ninja fleet.
- 1423 - First recorded joke of a man making a pun on the word 'come'.
- 1915 - Steel prices skyrocket due to the large number of pet hamsters owned in Japan.
- 1952 - Due to shortages of metal after World War II, hamsters are forced to wear discarded cutlery.
- 1978 - Aluminium asses are proved to give greater power to weight ratio for the hamster.
- 1982 - Discovered that uranium hamster ass was "probably not a very good idea".
- 2004 - PETA activists blockade McDonalds fast-food outlets to protest against the cruel, barbaric process of retrofitting hamsters with metal asses.
- 2015 - Apple creates iLife, therefore having a lifespan of 6 months before something newer and better than you is released.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Today's featured picture
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As you enjoy this Christmas holiday safe at home with your family, please remember the brave men and women who gave their lives in the name of Christmas spirit.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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- Santa's newest creation, the Elveatron 5000, has written many works of art full of creativity and cunning, and so has earned the title of Writer of the Month.
- Now, how can a robot generate such wonderful writing? Well, Santa programs the robot to generate random strings of letters, numbers, and other characters at insanely fast speeds (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 per second, in fact) and Santa then picks out the strings that look the best and puts them on Uncyclopedia as presents to all Uncyclopedia users.
- Isn't Santa wonderful?
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Rudolph has recently gone crazy and made really noobish and bad edits recently. So, we've given him the honorary title of Noob of the month. Yes, Rudolph may have guided Santa and his sleigh on those foggy Christmas Eves, but he was taking his medicine then. He yesterday refused to take his medicine and now he is throwing chairs at people and mauling them, and he is making bad edits on Uncyclopedia. OH GOD THERE HE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
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Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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