Adam Ant

"I think, sir, that you are keen to give me your bulging purse and a pearl necklace."

Adam Ant (born Stuart Leslie Goddard; 3 November 1954), also known as The Dandy Highwayman or Prince Charming, was an English highwayman, dandy, gentleman thief and notorious rake who terrorised the perfumed aristocrats of Thatcher's Britain in the 1980s. He is best known for his tight white pantaloons, his dashing good looks, his astonishing warcry of "Aye Diddled Yer Qua Qua!" and having a white strip across his nose.

Accompanied by his band of reasonably happy men, Marco, Merrick, Terry Lee, Gary Tibbs and Adam Ant rode a wave of suburban popularity not seen since the glam rock heyday of Marc Bolan and David Bowie.

Early years

Adam, born Stuart Goddard in 1954, was the son of simple peasant folk. He grew up with his stern, humourless and disciplinarian Calvinist father determined that he should work in the fields or as a minister and enjoy no fun, sex or violence. But Adam was having none of that. He had always wanted to be a dashing anti-hero. He joined the notorious "punk" sect and dressed in their absurd black rags and sang their silly songs including his first ever pop hit "Plastic Sir Gerry".

Terror of the M25

Soon private limousines carrying important political and business figures were finding themselves flagged-down on the M25 by a dashing young man astride a Suzuki motorbike and having it demanded of them that they hand over their valuables and suitcases of money along with that nice watch Alan Sugar bought for them that time in Soho. Yes, Adam Ant had arrived in full flurry and the highways of Britain would never be the same again. For a bit. During this period, Ant was said to have looted over £10,000,000 in cash from various high-profile victims such as Donald Trump, Prince Charles and the Duke of Earl. When he robbed the ladies, they didn't mind as they were too busy giggling at his good looks, causing their spouses to become even more enraged.

Ant supplemented his criminal enterprise by releasing more pop hits such as "Prince Charming", "Goody Two Shoes" and the innuendo-ridden "Stand And Deliver!" (a duet with Kenneth Williams). He soon became the most wanted man in Britain with Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher (who was immune to his charms, being not of this Earth) setting up a special taskforce to bring him to justice. However, what ended up finishing Ant's criminal career was his performance at Live Aid in 1985 when he performed "Vive la Rock". Ant then left the music scene and then became an actor.

Now?

He tried to re-establish himself in the public conscience in 1990 with a single, "Room at the Top". Then he started looking like a mixture of Ernest Hemmingway and The Man With No Name. In 2000 he chucked an engine through the window of a pub which lead to a renewal of media interest and a TV programme: The Madness of Prince Charming. This lead to "copycat" incidents by similar '80s has-beens including Toyah defecating in Trafalgar Square and Howard Jones cockslapping an elderly neighbour. He is currently planning a big comeback with a new album. The new material has sparked a bidding war between major record labels.