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Today's REAL, HONEST TRUTH Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s. Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change. Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...) Recently featured: Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite ORIGINAL articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit God-fearing American anniversaries March 31: Condom Appreciation Day 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries. 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received. 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression. 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In. 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City. 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Today's TRUE Wørd Jesii Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. Stealing is sin. edit Unbiased News for the American Patriot Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too More Current Events at UnNews News edit Hey, America, did you know... ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured) ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS? ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color? ... that women get periods, but men get commas? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin? Say, Patriot, do you care... ... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured) ... that your fly is unzipped? ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal? ... that nobody asked? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you? ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special? ... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'! Read More
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Heroes of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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