User:Savethemooses/HorridColbertRoughDraft
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Today's REAL, HONEST TRUTH She was one hundred sixteen years old and different from other girls. She wasn't notably pretty and was socially awkward. She was the only alien in her school, which didn't help her feelings of exclusion. But the tolerant people of her town for the most part saw past her glowing blue skin. Despite this all, she was in with the popular girls. Guys were cordial with her but nothing more. Drunken jocks at parties often dared each other to score with the alien chick. "Fifty bucks for the bro who scores some Pluto pussy" they said. They always failed. At parties she was so socially awkward that any guy coming near her would set off blue LED like lights in her cheeks. It is a biological trait Plutonian females have. It instantly freaks out any guy who gets near her. (Full article...) Recently featured: You can vote for your favorite ORIGINAL articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop God-fearing American anniversaries April 16: 42nd Josef Stalin Appreciation Day (World)
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Today's TRUE Wørd[edit | edit source]Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. Stealing is sin. Unbiased News for the American Patriot
 The face of HATE!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • Americans scrambling last-minute to pay their taxes Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The playoff bids of all New York State NHL teams Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff chances • Gawr Gura
Hey, America, did you know...
Say, Patriot, do you care...[edit | edit source]
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New acts of bravery
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Heroes of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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