User:Savethemooses/HorridColbertRoughDraft
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Today's REAL, HONEST TRUTH Ah, yes, hamsters. Known for absolutely nothing except for dying in the weirdest ways possible. Be honest, how many hamsters have you seen die peacefully? That's right, none. And if you answered something other than that, you're living in the Matrix. Known for stuffing their fat faces with anything remotely edible, eating their babies, living in your walls, escaping through the smallest holes in their cages possible, eating their babies, being fat, dying in the most ridiculous ways possible, eating their babies, and eating their babies. Did I mention eating their babies? That's pretty important. (Full article...) Recently featured: You can vote for your favorite ORIGINAL articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop God-fearing American anniversaries
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Today's TRUE Wørd[edit | edit source]Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. Stealing is sin. Unbiased News for the American Patriot
 "It's for the children's own good!"
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates
Hey, America, did you know...
Say, Patriot, do you care...[edit | edit source] | |||||||
New acts of bravery
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Heroes of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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