User:Savethemooses/HorridColbertRoughDraft

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Today's REAL, HONEST TRUTH Harvard Einstein (known professionally as Harvey Weinstein) is an American filmmaker, feminist, philanthropist, political activist, and ladies' man who has produced many breathtaking films. Weinstein is perhaps best known for producing the intellectually deep and dramatic romantic comedy Shakespeare in Love (1998), for which he won an Academy Award. As a member of New York's high society, Weinstein has also won seven Tony Awards. Weinstein has been active on social issues such as women's rights, mainly helping victims of workplace sexual harassment. Weinstein has also been a longtime supporter and donor to the Democratic Party, including the campaigns of Barack Obama, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, and especially John Edwards. (Full article...) Recently featured: Harvey Weinstein Gouverneur Morris China UnNews:NASA bamboozled as North Star disappears Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite ORIGINAL articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit God-fearing American anniversaries November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day 1622 - The toasted sandwich is invented in a joint venture by the Earl of Sandwich and the Duke of Toast. 1901 - Ernst Schrödinger, inventor of the Uncertainty Principle, was born on this day. Or was he? 1997 - Princess Diana dies in car crash after driver is distracted by the 'I love Charlie' on her right buttock. 2006 - Europeans give thanks for the farsighted move of kicking Ayn Rand off their continent. 2006 - Rush Limbaugh suffers great embarrassment after an assistant leaks information about his secret tattoo depicting two men engaging in immoral acts. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Today's TRUE Wørd Jesii Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. Stealing is sin. edit Unbiased News for the American Patriot YANKEES SUCK! The New York Yankees now fucking suck (Pictured) Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race US government shitdown ends after over 1000 flights inundated with shit Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed More Current Events at UnNews News edit Hey, America, did you know... ... that Iran is all set to invade itself? Say, Patriot, do you care... ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink? Read More
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Heroes of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners You only have 5 (five!) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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