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@Soviet: It's when you blank out text with white paint and call it a dayNoopnurf,NoopiestofNurfs 21:36, 11 June 2026 (UTC)
Oh, are you saying I should have done that to my talk page instead of archiving it? [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 21:38, 11 June 2026 (UTC)
Nevermind, I didn't see what you did to Turb0's message. Thanks. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 21:40, 11 June 2026 (UTC)
So, yesterday, I joined the Spoon. And after joining the Spoon, I realized that one of your signatures is a rip-off of Spike’s signature. Why??? PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 09:05, 12 June 2026 (UTC)
Okay, so for the funnies. Don’t worry, but I really didn’t laugh at that signature design. Great you changed it. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 13:50, 12 June 2026 (UTC)
1. It’s unrelated to 7-Eleven. 2. The word in the cover from a YouTuber I really don’t want to talk about. Stop!!! PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:39, 14 June 2026 (UTC)
@Fish on skates: The XP 3 one indicates that this is the third one that I’m using. I don’t have the skill to edit professional videos. Most importantly, the 2.0 indicates that this is my second channel. It’s a butterfly effect, stop making me at high risk. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 09:16, 15 June 2026 (UTC)
Don't take this too seriously. Squaw Dee just wants to let you know that you did something silly, which may or may not include blanking DaniPine3's talk page
On June 3rd, Alula reverted Soviet's Bot, who has categorized every UnGames subpage with Category:Uncyclopedia Games Subpages (which they weren't supposed to have). She gave herself flood to do this, but the user right is bugged so edits tagged as rollback don't get hidden, filling up recent changes completely and causing massive lag on the server in the process. Although all of the edits were reverted, Alula restored a few of the categorised versions.
Uncyclopedia is no stranger to Deltarot (that is, Deltarune brainrot). It's in the forums, it was on the main page that one time, and it even comes up in our belovedUnSignpost. And on June 24th, 2026, chapter 5 of Deltarune will come out. DaniPine3, Alula, Turb0-Sunrise, and I made a bingo card in LPTEW predicting, well, "predicting" what would happen in the new chapter. OPOSSUM however expressed dislike of Deltarune fans, or "Deltagoons", from beyond the grave.
So, as a lot of you might know, Soviet had a signature that used Spike's signature design, and I found out when I joined the Spoon. I asked him about this design in his talkpage, and he said it was for the laughs. Then, Fish on skates responded with the signature design, and Soviet responded with Fish on skates' typical signature design, and then Fish on skates responded to it with my signature design. I actually cringed because the logo was preserved. Update: As of writing this, I am currently at high risk because I am having a discussion relating to the front page of my YouTube channel. For Fish on skates and Soviet: I have removed my channel trailer from the homepage and updated my description.
What is the difference between a trout and a gay trout? When is the regular trout used and when is the gay trout used? Does it have to do with extremeness? — OfficialWatchOS7
it happens upon gay moments
Are you allowed to put three questions in one bullet point? What would the ramifications of this be? And why would Chara do this? — alula
wait have we just decided to call watch "chara" all of a sudden? ok fine
From The Logs
03:08 6 June, 2026 L10nM4st3r blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (For not being blocked enough times)
03:54 6 June, 2026 Turb0-Sunrise blocked L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 48 seconds (account creation disabled) (blocked dani for not a good reason)
10:49 6 June, 2026 Alula blocked Turb0-Sunrise with an expiration time of 0 seconds (account creation disabled) (interfering with the blocking of the danipines)
09:12, 8 June 2026 Alula blocked Soviet's Bot with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (one block coming up)
15:00, 17 June 2026 Alula blocked Turb0-Sunrise with an expiration time of 2 hours, 5 minutes and 8 seconds (account creation disabled) (so I herd u like joke blockz)
Please help me save Allosaurus from execution. I have no idea what it did to deserve death. How do I make it salvageable. --DrusilasauraDrusilasaura (talk) 15:20, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
Why have you been including this template all over the articles? Don't you realize that's alerady included in most of them as Template:Asia, Template:Africa, Template:Europe, Template:Oceania, Template:North America and Template:South America? last year L10n used his wTools thingy to remove all use of the World Country template since it was redundant with all of these templates, and now you've added it back... why? 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 17:52, 18 June 2026 (UTC)
@DaniPine3: Sorry, I was just adding the template to all the countries because I saw they were included in the navbox and I didn't see the templates you just mentioned. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 21:04, 20 June 2026 (UTC)
friedndlly question about automated edits[edit source]
why not use your bot for those? are you able to log in to the bot account and do the recent-changes-flooding edits there? --Fishonskates 23:09, 20 June 2026 (UTC)
@Fish on skates: I was on my phone and I could only use the JavaWikiBrowser to make automated edits since it's built into Uncyclopedia and I couldn't run bot scripts on my phone. I suppose I could just chill on the automated edits so it doesn't completely flood recent changes. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 00:40, 21 June 2026 (UTC)
wait, i have a idea. you could ask a b-crat for flood before doing them --Fishonskates 02:20, 21 June 2026 (UTC)
@Fish on skates: Flood is bugged, remember when Alula reverted all my bots edits and even though she had flood, her edits still appeared? [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 02:36, 21 June 2026 (UTC)
that was becayse her edits were tagged as roolback. since you're not rollbacking anything, flood shoukd work normally --Fishonskates 02:56, 21 June 2026 (UTC)
The thought just "occured" to me that "dispite" the fact that you've been here for a while, you still don't have a userpage. — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 23:18, 22 June 2026 (UTC)
Don't take this too seriously. DaniPine3 just wants to let you know that you did something really gay, which may or may not include doing weird stuff to the stub article
@DaniPine3: ??? I was trying to make it shorter. I started by removing the original "NOT SHORT FOR SHIT" text to keep the page off of Special:ShortPages and adding a new one to remove some excess bytes. After that, I made some small tweaks to reduce the byte count further. I did this because Turb0-Sunrise was also trying to reduce the byte count. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 21:05, 25 June 2026 (UTC)
why would you want to remove bytes from an article that is already incredibly short? 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 21:08, 25 June 2026 (UTC)
do you feel angry, dispossessed, or pitiful? are you tired of constantly hearing: "<insert name here> is a lame gay nerd"? If this sounds like you, then YOU are FORMALLY INVITED to participate in the RAGE ROOM!!!!! sincerely,
i see you've already found the rage room, but here is your proper invite... 02:13, 26 June 2026 (UTC)
Don't take this too seriously. RealDonaldTrump just wants to let you know that you did something silly, which may or may not include your bot adding the VFH template to a VFH page.
Am I doing this right? Community outreach! MUGA Intern Sandeep (talk) 05:01, 29 June 2026 (UTC)
Just reverted all of your bot's edits to Zork because it kept replacing the Zorkheader template with Template:Z, which is a completely different template and will only display the number 0 on pretty much any page it's on. If you're gonna be running that bot then please check to make sure it doesn't make obvious mistakes like this. 10:42, 30 June 2026 (UTC)
@Alula: Thanks for doing that. I was going to do it myself but I didn't want to flood recent changes so I was going to make a script for that. For some reason, the script worked for a few articles so I let it run. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 16:58, 1 July 2026 (UTC)
Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is the UnSignpost[edit source]
Zeitpyramide, an article that Gergdown adds one word to every day, will be completed soon on July 5th, 2026. Gerg plans to retire from Uncyclopedia after this, presumably to focus on Deltarot. Many editors have said they'll miss him, and OPOSSUM even made a song as a gift.
On June 24th, Deltarune's 5th chapter came out. While people didn't go as nuts as they did last year when chapters 3 and 4 came out, it was still plenty crazy. The "bingoux kaard" made in LPTEW ended up "[missing] the mark quite spectacularly" according to alula. Also, I confessed to not having played the game at all in the Fluxer. Hey, a good newspaper's gotta not leave anything out.
Yankees get fucking swept, Turb0 causes entire site to go insane
OfficialWatchOS7 created Forum:Getting to know you, which was based on the same forum on Illogicopedia. Unfortunately, there were many misinterpretations, some deliberate, some not. Nobody actually shared anything about themselves, but it was proof that Uncyclopedians can't have nice things.
@GlitchyZorua: Oh sorry, I didn't know that was the joke. I just thought the category didn't make any sense. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 14:39, 8 July 2026 (UTC)
...for helping me out with that stupid Kris page I just cooked up because I was bored. Now it doesn't look like a mess with citation errors, it just looks like a mess without citation errors. :] 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 22:28, 8 July 2026 (UTC)
You STUPID DUMBASSARY USER! How do you not know the proper way to speak the English language, Soviet? As we all know, the correct way of spelling watchOS 7 is watchOS 7!!! Obviously not watchOS7!!! In fact, since you said that, not only have you offended me, but the entire history of the Anglo-Saxon language chain, Soviet. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 07:32, 9 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: watchOS 7 is actually my primary username; I use OfficialWatchOS7 in websites where spaces aren’t allowed in names and Wikipedia, originally, because I thought you weren’t allowed to use spaces in usernames! Also, you’ve seen my YouTube channel, right? PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 12:57, 9 July 2026 (UTC)
Hello, I have informed my parents you are the only Uncyclopedian friend I have made and I thank you for that. 3 orders of business: would you recommend going through any kind of arbitration to publish this article I worked on (like through UN:PEE) or is it acceptable for me to just publish it as a new page? I forgot the other 2 things. Thank you. --Dell-en (talk) 07:01, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
@Dell-en: Sorry to hear that, but since your article is in your user space, you don't need someone to review it; just publish it when you think it's ready. Also, I read through it, and I think it's pretty good, and you could definitely move it to the main space. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 13:20, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
@OfficialWatchOS7: It didn't look like it was a typo, I though you attempted to fix it and the image still didn't appear. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 16:24, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: I used RedWarn (an anti-vandalism gadget) to rollback your edit, but it reverted to the wrong edit. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:28, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
@OfficialWatchOS7: I assume that RedWarn reverted all my edits so if you just want to revert one edit, use the undo button or use RedWarn's restore function. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 16:31, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: Here’s what happened: I tried to revert your edit by using RedWarn’s rollback tool because you said in UN:PORTRAIT that an image I used doesn’t exist, while I accidentally typo’ed the name of Penumbra.jpg as Pendumbra.jpg. You still rollbacked it not knowing that I had typo’ed the image name. Self-trout(Note: This may be a misinterpretation.)PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:35, 12 July 2026 (UTC)
And also, I accidentally mixed up the file extension as .png instead of .gif. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 05:19, 13 July 2026 (UTC)
i am near finishing one of my biggest articles.[edit source]
I am making a article about SML, and i want to know if you think that's a good idea --Mr saturn (talk) 01:29, 13 July 2026 (UTC)Mr Saturn
@Mr Saturn: I assume you're talking about SuperMarioLogan and I think it's a good idea. If you tell me a bit about the article, I can confirm if it's a good idea or not. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 01:56, 13 July 2026 (UTC)
heres a image of the SML article im working on[edit source]
--Mr saturn (talk) 17:47, 13 July 2026 (UTC)Mr Saturn
(i will show a lil) Here it isː
THE JUMBO WHALE RISES! Then falls to smash you.[edit source]
MEGA SMASHA!
You've been squished by a jimbo whale!
Please take this very seriously: Turb0-Sunrise wants to let you know that you did something jimbo silly, which may or may not include creating Wikipedia oops sorry, wrong person. Your reasoning for being smashed by a whale is: reverted MY edits on MY userpage... nah i get that the rollback button is stupid like that Turb0-Sunrisede laBoston 00:09, 15 July 2026 (UTC).
@Turb0-Sunrise: LOL. I went to the revision history of your user page out of curiosity, and I was really wondering what that button did. @Fish on skates: That sounds like a 'you' problem. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 00:24, 15 July 2026 (UTC)
The UnSignpost - Now comes with fries![edit source]
Zeitpyramide, the article where Gergdown has added one word every day has been finished and Gergdown has officially announced his retirement stating, "I'm dead. Moving to bigger and better things." on his user page. Gergdown has also put the retired template on his user page confirming his retirement. However, Turb0-Sunrise still wants Gergdown to revamp 16-Bit Night, a song that Turb0 made for the game Bust into Boston and that Gerg said he would revamp when he had the time.
You’ve seen people on this wiki make their own private encyclopedia, right? Well, I decided to create my own! It's called 7wiki, where I will make truly encyclopedic articles in which I would usually make it on my sandbox or userspace. There was an issue displaying the official logo in place of the Uncyclopedia logo for users of the default Vector legacy skin, MonoBook, and Timeless, but Soviet fixed it. The encyclopedia is on my userspace. Anyone can edit it (it has to be factual), but all of the articles have to be made by me; request on my talk page.
Former admin and current admin RealDonaldTrump has changed his name to something. Shit. What the fuck was it?
So I'm getting word that it's now GoulashFan. See? Monkey wrench in the whole system. Do they just expect us not to be lazy bums and change everything we've done? Bullshit.
When do you think you were at your "peak" on Uncyclopedia? — Soviet
i never peaked lol
From The Logs
20:21, 4 July 2026 Gergdown blocked OfficialWatchOS7 talk contribs from the page Penis with an expiration time of 1 second (I'm also blocking you from editing Penis for 1 second due to misinformation)
14:31, 15 July 2026 Alula blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 1 minute and 7 seconds (account creation disabled) (Being a LaziBum)
14:40, 15 July 2026 Turb0-Sunrise blocked Alula with an expiration time of 1 minute and 9 seconds (account creation disabled) (being an a-poo-la)
I’m sure that being on mobile causes problems. Well, if you want to do a desktop-exclusive action, scroll to the bottom and press a button that says “Desktop”. To revert it, press a button also at the button that says “Mobile”. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 15:59, 16 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: But what about that moment when you wrongly rollbacked because you were only able to use JavaWikiBrowser since you were on mobile? PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:19, 16 July 2026 (UTC)
i finished the article i was talking about[edit source]
--Mr saturn (talk) 17:03, 19 July 2026 (UTC)Mr Saturn
Yoǃ Sovietǃ I finished itǃǃǃ
The article is doneǃǃǃ
hereː
SuperMarioLogan
@Mr Saturn: Cool. I think the article is overall pretty good but I think the Joseph Stalin joke is a bit of an overused trope and the formatting and grammar could use some work. [Soviet]»[Ask for free votes] » (Ping for reply.) 18:49, 19 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: I was about to give you a cookie because we won the war, but apparently Noopnurf already did it. Honestly, that’s fine. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 09:25, 22 July 2026 (UTC)
Don't take this too seriously. OfficialWatchOS7 just wants to let you know that you did something silly, which may or may not include MAKING THE TEXT IN LPTEW SMALLER PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 09:57, 23 July 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: I’m sure your signature timestamp onward was small. Sorry if I misunderstood; if true, Self-troutPLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 18:30, 25 July 2026 (UTC)
@OfficialWatchOS7: Oh. Also, you don't haver to ping me on my talk page because I get the notification anyways. S O V I E T 18:44, 25 July 2026 (UTC)
@Sys67654tdcm: I tried to delete my user page by moving it because when you move pages, the page with the original title will get deleted but I didn't do it correctly. S O V I E T 18:04, 27 July 2026 (UTC)
You've heard about Chanada, eh? Well, on AIBOPAAT/Big, Turb0-Sunrise and Gammakid999 made some of the red of the Canada flag in the image orange, and Turb0 and Alula made the white a pink-cyan checkerboard pattern. Gergdown being gone meant that Soviet was on their own turning the flag red and white again. Or were they? Bottle made from Bottles, Noopnurf, and OfficialWatchOS7 were recruited to restore the flag, and eventually it worked, to Turb0's dismay FUCK YOU SOVIET. This series of events also made AIBOPAAT/Big have more edits than the original AIBOPAAT.
13:59, 21 July 2026 Turb0-Sunrise blocked Soviet with an expiry time of 12 seconds (account creation disabled) (admin abuse or something)
17:37, 21 July 2026 Turb0-Sunrise changed protection settings for An image built one pixel at a time/Big [Edit=Allow only administrators] (expires 17:37, 21 July 2026) [Move=Allow only administrators] (expires 17:37, 21 July 2026) (making it illegal to edit)
17:42, 21 July 2026 Alula blocked Turb0-Sunrise with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (admin abuse smh my head)
17:20, 25 July 2026 Gammakid999 created page User:Gammakid999/sig/pearl jam("I really hope nothing gets fucked up with the formatting," he said, naively)
Has to be mentioned, nominees need +5 votes to 'pass muster'. Declaring Alula winner without enough votes is not fair on everyone else.Noopnurf,NoopiestofNurfs 15:30, 1 August 2026 (UTC)
Your bot has managed to decategorize at least a thousand UnNews articles when changing their templates from {{News}} to {{UnNews}}, which by the way, is apparently the reason for why the first one exists in the first place. Could you like, fix that or something? 02:35, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
Actually nevermind, you barely ran that thing so it's only like, 15 pages. But could you please make sure that it forks the date from the news template over into its own category when running it? Because that's what the template is for apparently. 02:43, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
@Alula: Sure, I wasn't aware that {{News}} actually categorises the date, I though that was what {{Date}} was for and didn't notice it uncategorised the pages. I originally replaced {{News}} with {{UnNews}} because it kept showing the date weirdly hovering over the UnNews text. S O V I E T 03:35, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
Yeah, weird template and stuff. I actually missed that when redirecting the template, so now there's well over a thousand categorizes wrongfully tagged as unused because that page only updates at midnight UTC... 03:40, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
@Alula: I'll fix the script soon. S O V I E T 03:41, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
As long as the bot isn't actively running with the old one it's good. 03:46, 2 August 2026 (UTC)
I just learnt that your bot has a signature now. I’m sure you used it to make a question on Forum:Ask Turb0 using your bot’s account. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:06, 3 August 2026 (UTC)
@OfficialWatchOS7: Okay but I'm not sure why you felt the need to tell me about it. How you rate it on a scale of 1-10? S O V I E T 16:08, 3 August 2026 (UTC)
@Soviet: 7/10. I have a neutral opinion on the sig, but you reflected the fact that it’s automated in a cool way by making references to artificial intelligence. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 16:12, 3 August 2026 (UTC)
Thanks for the rating. S O V I E T 16:13, 3 August 2026 (UTC)
Maybe one of the... Least productive and meaningful uses of a bot. You REALLLLY want that highest edit count don't you. — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 01:03, 5 August 2026 (UTC)
@L10nM4st3r: My bot's original task was actually to replace {{News}} with {{UnNews}} because a recent change was made that broke some articles and I just added some general fixes along with the replacements. The thing about the highest edit count is partially true, I'm trying to beat MadMax XD. S O V I E T 01:23, 5 August 2026 (UTC)
why not edit ASBOWAATs in a way that doesn't make it less fun for others? got me more active than alula at some point --Fishonskates 04:01, 5 August 2026 (UTC)
What do you mean by editing in a way that doesn't make it less fun for others? S O V I E T 14:30, 5 August 2026 (UTC)
i guess, if someone other than Big Moccasin Billy tells you to stop doing whatever you're doing, then consider not doing it. i know you don't revert every AIBOPAAT edit anymore, but just something to keep in mind --Fishonskates 20:11, 5 August 2026 (UTC)
@Fish on skates: I thought you meant for my bot to edit ASBOxAAT. Speaking of reverting, can I have rollbacker back? I need it for not testing. S O V I E T 02:39, 6 August 2026 (UTC)
@alula: what do you think? --Fishonskates 18:44, 6 August 2026 (UTC)
Sure. Just make sure to use it responsibly this time. 23:00, 6 August 2026 (UTC)
I'll be sure to rollback responsibly. S O V I E T 00:21, 7 August 2026 (UTC)
You STUPID DUMBASSARY USER! How do you not know the proper way to speak the English language, Soviet? As we all know, the correct way of spelling : is :!!! Obviously not ::!!! In fact, since you said that, not only have you offended me, but the entire history of the Anglo-Saxon language chain, Soviet. PLEBwatchOS 7@OfficialWatchOS7 10:09, 8 August 2026 (UTC)