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As you may know, Soviet, the land of Uncyclopedia has never been sunrises and rainbows. It has been conflict after conflict after conflict, with no end in sight. Thus, we've neglected the most important parts of our website: Maintanence. Crappy templates, pages that have grammatical errors to the point that a dog could've wrote it better... oh, I think Elon said that about USAID. That is why I am inviting you to AGENDA 2026.
Agenda 2026 is a project that I've made to try to fix these areas of the website. This website has enough crap on it to sink a very shitty battleship! So say it with me folks! We gotta clean up this website.
WHAT TO DO?
You may clean up any of the articles/templates in these categories. Our goal is to get these categories empty (or as low as possible) by February 28th.
YOU MAY ALSO POST THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE'S TALK PAGE! The revolution must spread.
WHAT DO I GET?
As of right now, all you'll get if you join is a cookie. BUT, if this gets large enough, then I'll make a userbox, and maybe an entire userspace page for it. If you do indeed join, all I have to say is thank you, brah. From, A Random Guy Miles Away From You
Hi soviet, I wanted to ask, what exactly does the bot do? Like how does it work and such? it's not super clear what it does from it's page and I am quite interested in that kind of stuff.Deemox (talk) 15:58, 26 January 2026 (UTC)
@Deemox: I'm currently working on a script for the bot to do various tasks like fixing broken templates, fixing links and fixing grammar. Right now its just doing super tedious tasks like editing An article being made one character edit at a time and removing categories from hunderds of pages. Soviet☭(Ask for free votes) 20:28, 26 January 2026 (UTC)
Forgot to mention its using Pywikibot to actually work. Soviet☭(Ask for free votes) 20:29, 26 January 2026 (UTC)
ah yes, thank you. very interesting. make it automatically bold any instance of moccasins on the whole site. or is that joke not funny anymore? Deemox (talk) 13:18, 27 January 2026 (UTC)
You've been squished by a whale!
Don't take this too seriously. DaniPine3 just wants to let you know that you did something really silly, which may or may not include making your bot do weird stuff 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 00:33, 28 January 2026 (UTC)
Gergdown has unleashed an "Agenda 2026" that aims to make Uncyclopedia great again, one edit at a time. This plan has quite a few people onboard already, probably because people will join anything advertised in a big fancy box.
"Newcomer" and Wikipedia sock puppeteer has finally gotten unbanned after socking and vandalism. Three months ago, Teh Epik Duck consistently vandalised talk pages, forums and encyclopedic articles before being banned by Alula for being a dick.
In an attempt to bypass his ban, Teh Epik Duck told Alula
“Unblock me now you retard.”
– Teh Epik Duck
clearly showing this was his masterstroke. He resorted to socking but was quickly banned for an extended period of three months.
However, Duck requested his userpage and subpages be deleted as he has retired. Miss him, miss him.
Time's running out to vote for the xOTY awards and the top 10 articles of 2025! So what are you waiting for? Get your LaziBum to the polls and be opinionated!
01:52, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 40 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (suggesting that I, an ADMIN, should get banned. this is clearly conspiracy against the [totally non-existent] cabal!!!)
02:18, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 41 seconds (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (idea of Turb0-Sunrise (plus, you edit conflicted on my own talkpage!!!!))
00:32, 28 January 2026 DaniPine3 huffed page Your Article Name(wtf is this: content was: " == The Bee Movie Script == {{", and the only contributor was "Soviet's Bot")
@soviet: No, for the sole purpose is that shortly after I mentioned it, my CPU decided to kill itself and I had to wait on a new one, and I've been busy since then, just know it is coming soon PurplexedINSULT ME!!! 17:52, 3 February 2026 (UTC)
At the end of January, the server of en.uncyclopedia.co went down. This led a bunch of people (Alula, Fish on skates, Gergdown, Turb0-Sunrise, Soviet, and RealDonaldTrump), to join the spoon and discover that Spike is a sockpuppet of OPOSSUM. The spoon's LPTEW also received a spike in activity as everybody from the fork scrambled to figure out what the heck was going on. Fish tried reaching out to Alula through wplace about what would happen to the Top 10 voting, which was extended a day to account for the server outage. The construction tag deadlines on multiple articles were also extended by a few days too.
It all started when our resident potatochopper and weeb MK hid the edit buttons on her userpage so no one could edit it. I, thinking I'm so clever, found an actual use for the visual editor and used it to prove I could still edit. This escalated into a vandalism contest much like the one OPOSSUM held, and even spread to pages like her editnotice and her signature. This is what the userpage looked like at the end of the silliness.
What do you think of saying "archibe" instead of "archive"? — Soviet
archibe
From The Logs
(spoon) 16:39, 31 January 2026 Spike blocked RealDonaldTrump with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You can't do that)
00:28, 2 February 2026 RealDonaldTrump blocked SPIKE with an expiration time of 4 millennia, 9 centuries, 9 decades, 9 years, 364 days, 17 hours, 49 minutes and 12 seconds (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You're not allowed to do that)
08:31, 2 February 2026 L10nM4st3r changed block settings for L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 21:58, 1 February 9025 (account creation disabled) (Not banned enough yet)
So, the Users on Uncyclopedia template has a bit of a problem. Basically, because you don't have a userpage, the thing puts you in the front automatically. First off, congratulations on breaking that. Second, it kinda means something has to happen. Maybe redirecting your userpage to your talkpage? TURB0-SUNRISE DE LA RED SOX 23:36, 10 February 2026 (UTC)
I figured it out, it's actually because it linked here. It links to your userpage for now, until somebody figures something out. TURB0-SUNRISE DE LA RED SOX 00:13, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
I don't want Ryan Phillippe to be protected I'm just doing an extended bit because the Wikipedia page for Ryan Phillippe is protected to prevent people from adding the Pencil Award and someone was like "we should do 500/30 protection to prevent this". I hope the article isn't too injoke-y and sorry for not being more earnest in the talk page. DpEpsilon (talk) 02:57, 4 February 2026 (UTC)
This isn't a joke. We actually VFD'd an FA! Taylor Swift's "psy-op", an article[duh] created by alleged AI-writer Tranvit, has been fuckedbaleeted tossed down that super deep hole in Russia or wherever it is on VFD. MrX briefly lost his shit over it, before everybody seemingly forgot about it all. What were we talking about?
On LPTEW, Fish on skates started complaining about Turb0-Sunrise's constant edit conflicts. Both of them complained like 5-year-olds to DaniPine3, when ColonelKurtz decided to hold a fair trial, hearing both sides. Upon hearing both sides, Kurtz decided Turb0's description of the events wasn't detailed enough, at which point Fish threatened him. Hockey salmon was there too, for some reason. As with all court cases, it eventually came down to more angry five-year-old arguing. Aside from arguing, highlights include God making an appearance, confirming his secret gay relationship with Satan.
So. Uhh. Yeah. You probably know what a sitenotice is. Those things nobody looks at and dismisses as soon as they pop up. Well MrX had the bright idea to parody Wikipedia's 25 year anniversary. I made the editnotice, MrX made some tweaks, and long story short, my work is on every page of this website.[note 1]
Dani's revision of the original drawing. The horrors... nice tits on it though...
Fish's reply. Not to be confused with GlitchyZorua, the topic of the biopic, even though the damn wrapper puts it in the biopic section and i don't feel like adding more whitespace to this fucking thing to make it not in the biopic, even though this ridiculous rant is causing way more whitespace than should be allowed in an average UnSignpost issue
Demon spawning ground and local dumbassery[note 2] LPTEW has spawned yet another monstrosity, this time in the form of a moe personality of LPTEW itself. Fish on skates began the horrors, mentioning it in a completely unrelated thing, only for DaniPine3 to create an eldritch abomination beyond the wildest dreams of Satan himself.
These creations were met with mixed reactions, with GlitchyZorua calling for them to be killed with fire, ColonelKurtz having a stroke, Turb0-Sunrise forcing Fish to give hers red socks, and somebody masturbating. I heard it. It was in the broom closet.
If you see these creatures, seek medical attention immediately. You will likely die if exposed to these creatures for long periods of time. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
The week is upon us. Forest Fire Week. BURN THE SHIT! BURN IT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Biopic
There's a place in France or somewhere. They say there's nude dancing. Sounds like fun. This has nothing to do with GlitchyZorua, who is honestly great. They don't do much actual writing, but they're around. Mostly on VFD, but if you hide in the dark corners of MrX's talk page, Zorua'll be there.
10:57, 7 February 2026 Alula blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 7 minutes and 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (Felt like it)
11:02, 7 February 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Alula with an expiration time of 1 hour and 8 minutes (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Payback >:[)
11:10, 7 February 2026 Alula unblocked Alula(it's not very effective...)
11:12, 7 February 2026 Alula blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 3 seconds (account creation disabled) (DaniPi3)
14:08, 9 February 2026 Alula blocked 50.206.73.246 with an expiration time of 1 day (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (pay attention in class you idiot)
If your talkpage doesn't have some weird CSS on it,*cough* MKyou may be noticing that the good[citation needed] ol' USP looks a bit different. We've revamped[note 3] some stuff in the back.
First off, if you look at the super fucking old issuses, you'll see a little thing next to the issue number. We brought that back. Then we split the heading thingy in half. It doesn't do much, but it looks nicer. Then we put the heading in a box. Looks so fucking nice. Now we put the WHOLE THING in a bo- excuse me...
oh, oh,OH!
Where were we?
Quote(s) of the Week
“usiong hHE POWER OF NTO CORERCTINT WORDS I WILL UNCYCLEOPEDIA A MAJROR STROEK AND THEN TO STOP THE STOPKE THEY WWKKWKKWWKWKWKWKWJWWJ”
– ColonelKurtz
“I'd rather be Spamton, because back then he had a giant TV sugar daddy.”
Huge update to the code behind the scenes, allowing me to do more in less effort if it wasn't for the stupid es5 restrictions to post it as a gadget!
This update will not roll out automatically, you will need to "opt in" manually. To do so you need to first remove the line of code in your common.js file where you import wTools, then you need to enable it in prefrences, in the gadgets tab, under "Maintenance gadgets".
You can go back to the old version at any time if the update has bugs, and please be sure to report bugs, since a very large quantity of code has been changed.
Temporarily removed features in 2.0:
Custom editor screen.
"Rollback all" and "rollback selected" on contribution pages.
If you are still using these, the upgrade might not be for you right now. (Special:Nuke exists for admins for the second one).
You can see the full list changes made by clicking the blue dot at the bottom right of your screen. Though to sum it up:
Should have a few less bugs.
New button to add to VFD.
Hope you enjoy the update, and yes the internet went out again 5 minutes before I finished writing this announcement. Yay! — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 02:54, 13 February 2026 (UTC)
OK it is now working for me atm. Not sure how long it will work for so enjoy while the wiki decides whether or not it should work. — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 19:30, 13 February 2026 (UTC)
Holy shit. They actually did it. ColonelKurtz got banned by Alula for "repeated creation of garbage pages, spamming discussions with gibberish/irrelevant messages, generally just being a dick, etc." Following a brief change of the blocking time to 2 hours by DaniPine3, Turb0-Sunrise put that one template on his page, with Soviet moving the old contents to a new page. People started taking his subpages in a process known as "article-trenching".
Aside from that, one of his last acts was voting against on my article on VFH. Soo... you could say it's mixed reactions from ol' Turb0.
For whatever reason, newcomer OrdinaryJoe1234 has been nominated a ton of articles like ChatGPT and Rickrolling. Despite being warned by Shabidoo, he has still continued nominating articles. Because of this, he has earned the nickname "The 2011th Fenris" from Fish on skates just now.
After the purging of the AI articles helped by Gergdown's revolution thingy, people want to do something about AI images. However, everyone has a different opinion. MrX, OPOSSUM, and Noopnurf want to leave the AI images alone, but Gergdown, Turb0-Sunrise, DaniPine3, MK, and I would like to do something. After a lengthy off-topic conversation on the user talk page of recently banned ColonelKurtz, a forum was created with the title of The Noopstein Files.
15:22 Alula blocked ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (ugh)
20:31, 13 February 2026 DaniPine3 changed block settings for ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of 2 hours (account creation disabled) (hold on, why infinite? the guy hasn't done anything really bad now)
20:33, 13 February 2026 Alula changed block settings for ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (dani don't bother, this is for his general behavior)
Because this only happens once in a whenever, we here at the USP would like to welcome Deemoxagoard aboard. Fuck. Shit. You STUPID DUMBASSARY USER! How do you not know the proper way to speak the English language, Turb0? As we all know, the correct way of spelling aboard is aboard!!! Obviously not agoard!!! In fact, since you said that, not only have you offended me, but the entire history of the Anglo-Saxon language chain, Turb0.
Anyways, welcome Deemox. There's cake here somewhere. Depending on if Bill ate it all. Fuck you, Bill.
So i've noticed that you've been nominating lots of short articles for VFD (which is great, those definitely need to be cleaned up), but in doing so you've on several occasions went past the maximum allowed number of nominations, something that you're not supposed to do in pretty much any context ever. So uhm, please don't go past that limit. Thanks. 16:27, 24 February 2026 (UTC)
Don't take this too seriously. DaniPine3 just wants to let you know that you did something silly, which may or may not include nominating the same article on VFD twice 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 00:50, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
@DaniPine3: Sorry about that! I was copying the names of the articles off of a list so I'm not really sure how that happened. Soviet☭(Ask for free votes) 02:49, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
why are you going in a qvfd stampede? specially with articles that are already too old for qvfd? shouldn't you be using vfd for this instead? 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 22:52, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
@DaniPine3: Sorry, MK kept saying the articles I was nominating for VFD were "QVFD Fuel" and VFD was taking forever. Soviet☭(Ask for free votes) 22:59, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
MK might have said that, but I don't think they're what QVFD is for, considering that QVFD is for much newer articles- specially those that pop up randomly by unregistered users. 🎄🎄🎄DaniPine3 (talk)🎄🎄🎄 23:01, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
VFD is a democratic process, so it will take longer than we would sometimes like. Just a fact of life that we have to deal with. Feel free to create a list of articles you want to vfd in your sandbox. Cheers. MrXblow me 23:02, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
Older articles can be put on QVFD, but they have to be really bad and obviously unnoticed, meaning nobody ever saw them and thought they were good enough to continue existing, even if really short. MrXblow me 23:39, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
A story that was built, a retrospective on the wildly popular ASBOxAAT series, listed February 22nd, 2026 as the date that L10nM4st3r would make a page called "A story built one advertisement at a time". After some pushing by Fish on skates and Gergdown, the page was made 5 days later. L10n, the geek he is, actually found a way to redirect the main page (yes, THAT main page) to editing the article. MrX and even I found that to be a bit too far, so after some mild craziness, the main page is back to how it is, and MrX may or may not be able to edit it. Don't mind the site notice.
Deemox, the noob that was covered here a few months(?) ago, has now become an extended confirmed user. He has now written around six articles, all of which are very good and you should read them. none of them will crash your computer I promise[citation needed]. they are all very high quality.
what is your opinion about the fact that I am in your floorboards? — Gammakid999
no you're not. i checked.
Does it ever hail in Boston? Because believe it or not, it does in Ventura (Wait, never mind, that was graupel, or maybe sleet.) — OPOSSUM
the last time it did was maybe, 4 years ago?
Does the sun ever set on the Bostonian Empire? — alula
no
Did you know that you're really bad at checking if someone is in your floorboards? — Gammakid999
yes
What do did you do with your life before you joined Uncyclopedia? — Soviet
fuck if i remember
What will you do with your life now that you've joined uncyclopedia? — Gammakid999
fuck if i know
From The Logs
02:35, 20 February 2026 Alula changed group membership for DaniPine3 from abuse filter helper, autopatroller, extended confirmed user, rollbacker and administrator to abuse filter helper, autopatroller, extended confirmed user, rollbacker, administrator and flood (the dutch will not be happy about this)
01:51, 21 February 2026 Alula changed group membership for DaniPine3 from abuse filter helper, autopatroller, extended confirmed user, flood, rollbacker and administrator to abuse filter helper, autopatroller, extended confirmed user, rollbacker and administrator (dani why did you ask for flood when you very clearly weren't gonna use it for something spammy)
22:30, 1 March 2026 Alula blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 14 hours, 18 minutes and 31 seconds (account creation disabled) (the cabal (LPTEW) wishes it)
22:31, 1 March 2026 Alula blocked Soviet with an expiration time of 32 minutes and 2 seconds (account creation disabled) (the cabal (LPTEW) wishes it)
00:19, 2 March 2026 Alula unblocked Fish on skates (right, this block is 14 hours long...)
We appreciate your enthusiasm, but why are you adding these filler comments to pages with more than 1kb? No admin is going to randomly delete pages from Special:ShortPages without first checking the source or edit history (at least, they're not supposed to). The filler comments were historically added by users so that extremely short pages weren't confused for drive-by IP page creations, adding it to stylesheets and other pages more than 1kb is overkill, and it adds an empty <p>, which looks a little ugly when its a subpage being transcluded, like Portal:Technology/Intro. MUGA Intern Sandeep (talk) 12:03, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
Thanks for rvoting for my article, which means I have now graduated to real writer. yay. does this mean I'm technically a published author? Guess i'll keep writing. I did just write the article for the tuatara if you wanna check that out. they are very cute. Deemox (talk) 13:19, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
