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From today's featured article

Many eons ago, homosexuals were unilaterally banished from mathematics faculties all over the Christian world as their sensitivity, hygiene and fabulous fashion sense showed up the serious failings in these areas by heterosexual mathematicians. This left gay scientists pondering how to find and hook up with other gay mathematicians who shared their passion for opera, rodeos and solving quadrilaterals in tight fitting shorts.

The urge to square root a whole bunch of logical chuckle buddies has been the driving force behind the majority of all scientific advances since the renaissance:

Galileo Galilei's invention of the telescope
Leonardo Da Vinci's invention of the bouncy castle
The invention of male figure-skating auditions

Yet these all led to embarrassing situations that served no purpose other than providing the plots of Shakespeare's most famous farces ("All's Well That Bends Well", "Much Ado About Muffin", "Romeo & Julio", "Twelfth Knight" and "What Can We Do With A Problem Like Aksapada Gautama?". (Full article...)

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In the news

SIX SEVEN!

Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" (Pictured)
The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
The UK to ban the resale of tickets
Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed

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Did you know

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?

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On this day

November 29: The Serious and Respected Professional Art of Magic Day

1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Christian Pop singer Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do The Welsh Know It's Christmas?.
1984 - Chocolate rations are increased from thirty to twenty grams.
1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by vanishing the Statue of Liberty, reappears three hours later in New Jersey.
1993 - The NYPD start investigation against Copperfield after the mysterious disappearance of Queens.
2003 - Donald Rumsfeld attempts to find WMDs with divining rod, finds three cursed talismans and a forest dryad instead.
2006 - Someone throws a sick party this year, sadly, you wouldn't know anything about that wouldn't you.

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Today's featured picture

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all, step right up and see the Amazing Seizure Lad! Behold in amazement his contracting tonic muscles! Gasp in awe at his prolonged clonic phase! Feel your heart race at the very sight of his convulsions! His eyes will roll backwards, but we guarantee that yours will be glued to this 4-year-old prodigy! Tonight only at the Palace Theatre!"

Image credit: TheLedBalloon
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